the-heavens-satan

[the-heavens-satan]

me, unloading a fitted sheet from the dryer: *squinting* what's that you've got in your mouth

fitted sheet: nothing :)))))))

me, prying open its twisted jaws: na-ah!!! give it to me RIGHT now!!

fitted sheet: *resentfully spits out a wad of 3 very damp dishtowels, a pillowcase, and a pathetically sodden washcloth*

[the-heavens-satan]

huge shout out to this little kid for writing my favorite poem

[the-heavens-satan]

love books. because it’s like what if something happened

[the-heavens-satan]

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes only to turn around and to your horror: the pot.

[the-heavens-satan]

pervert chekhov's gun: if a firearm or other weapon features in the first act, then it should be used in an erotic fantasy or act by the third

[the-heavens-satan]

[the-heavens-satan]

coming out of my cage and i been doing just bad. going back in my cage because i like my cage

[the-heavens-satan]

but your honour thats my emotional support word i overuse

[the-heavens-satan]

My other car is a rainbow trout

Prints

[the-heavens-satan]

wish the human body had like a crash log or something so I could pin shit down. Why am I having a sudden spike of anxiety when I’m just sitting here? Well it looks like there’s a conflict here between my medication and the better foliage mod

[the-heavens-satan]

Bro I just nearly fucking died

[the-heavens-satan]

I deman you to do it ?

[the-heavens-satan]

I just know that the dudes who make those "girls get 500 compliments a day vs. guy gets one compliment once and cherishes it for the rest of his life" memes put zero effort into their appearance. Like what exactly do you expect people to say? Wow nice plain ill-fitting hoodie, goes great with your basic-ass blue jeans and nondescript haircut. Got some real cool Grey Man vibes going on, you could seamlessly blend into any crowd ever without being seen at all.

Like nobody has any obligation to look any certain way, but you can't expect to be praised for doing something you're not even trying to do. I dress like I got tarred and feathered in a Tim Burton film costume department discard scrap pile, and someone saying they like my style is a biweekly occurrence.

[the-heavens-satan]

Internet vernacular has completely altered what some words and expressions mean to me. Forevermore, I will hear the words "hear me out" will only and exclusively as "before you cast your judgements prematurely, please pause and allow me to explain how and why I should be allowed to fuck this thing".

[the-heavens-satan]

university is like a video game. you can pick up sidequests. Youre gonna neglect the main storyline. youre gonna end up in a guild of sorts. i just looted a bush on campus and found a sticker

[the-heavens-satan]

people will design soap dispensers and dish racks and go like it's okay if this is capable of getting rusty, right. that's an acceptable weak point for an item whose sole immutable destiny is to get wet every time it's used, right