the-hittite

[the-hittite]

REMEMBER:

if you don't understand the post at a glance it's because op wrote it wrong and needs your help

if the post doesn't contain all the contextualising information you need to understand it, op is gaslighting you

if you haven't experienced the phenomenon the post describes, op is making it up for clout

if you haven't encountered the type of person the post describes, they're a strawman that doesn't exist

if the post doesn't address a topic you'd prefer to talk about, it's a distraction, missing the point, and talking over you

if the post makes a good point, it is your duty to contribute to human enlightenment by nitpicking it to be more correct

and most importantly:

every online conversation is a competition and you must win

[the-hittite]

I don't think there's a way for Granny to beat Bugs on her own. She's a prideful, bullying witch and there's really no way to twist the narrative to make him not the underdog in that matchup. But there is a chance that she'll get some genre savvy and realize that while she's far too serious to deal with him, she knows someone who's already experienced in slapstick combat. From there she just needs to engineer a way to get Verence caught in the crossfire. After all, a king may be nothing to a trickster, but what's a trickster to a Fool?

Alternatively, Bugs does something to annoy You the kitten and is never heard from again.

I've been thinking of the "Can Granny Weatherwax beat Bugs Bunny" question and this is my full take for Discworld characters:

Vimes - Cares too much, too easy to piss off. Has the innate chase instinct that makes characters run into walls with realistic tunnels painted on them. Might get to arrest Bugs Bunny but the beast will just slip out of the handcuffs to help him lock them, then walk out of the jail cell to have a union mandated coffee break.

Ridcully - Classic hunting season scenario, but has enough charisma to probably still get a few good shots off before the inevitable.

Rest of the wizards - No survivors, only Bugs.

Carrot - The intense near-magical narrative aura of well meaning innocence should make him immune, Bugs will likely be forced to be the villain of the episode.

Lord Vetinari - Flattened by a comically large anvil in the first few minutes of the episode, unclear if it was all a part of his long term strategy or not.

Moist - Has the 'lovable trickster getting away with it' energy, but nowhere near Bugs level. Already fell for the "old lady who swallowed a fly" scenario with the stamp slugs once, won't fare any better here.

Death - Definitely one of those "character is trying to avoid death" episodes, would go back and forth. Might actually get to end Bugs but his spirit will reappear in Death's domain and ruin his garden.

Nanny Ogg - The ultimate in anti-Bugs technology, a gleefully annoying old lady who doesn't give a fuck and definitely won't be the first to instigate the plot bearing conflict. This is a full sweep, he's the episode antagonist.

Granny Weatherwax - Too win-motivated to not lose. Would have to break the story to have any chance. Might do it.

Magrat - Will have sappy ideas about helping the poor animal which honestly has the 50:50 chance of either getting slapsticked or Bugs ending in a ye olde stroller&pacifier gag.

Colon&Nobby - Designed in a lab to be totaled by Bugs Bunny.

Tiffany Aching - A child that also has a large pan that is the perfect thing to hit someone over the head with and make a BOIOIOINGGG sound, so great odds.

[the-hittite]

Shout out to mentally ill people who dropped out of school

- shout out to the kids who were “so bright” and ‘heading somewhere” and had to drop out because school was too much to handle along with mental illness

- shout out to the kids who struggled to get where they got before they dropped out

- shout out to the kids who tried and tried and tried and still couldn’t finish

you aren’t unintelligent because you dropped out of school, you aren’t a delinquent or a bad person because you dropped out of school, just because you did what you had to doesn’t make you a bad person

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Do any of u have decent recipes that are like 5 ingredients (not including spices) and take 45 mins or less to prepare i gotta stop eating sandwiches for dinner

[the-hittite]

The ruins of Lindy Boggs Medical Center (formerly Old Mercy Hospital) at night, March 2025.

The hospital was in operation from the 1920s to 2005, when Hurricane Katrina flooded the lower floors and knocked out the generators, which were located in the basement. While details of the story are often conflated with oral history surrounding similar events which occurred uptown at Oschner Baptist Hospital, possibly as many as 45 patients at Lindy Boggs lost their lives due to heat, thirst, and a lack of critical medical services. The survivors were fortunately rescued by airlift, except for one man who stayed behind to look after the neighborhood pets who had taken refuge on the dry upper levels.

The hospital was abandoned soon after and is today a conspicuous ruin towering over Bayou St. John and the Mid-City neighborhood. A popular destination for urbex explorers and graffiti artists, the floors and walls of the basement and sub-basement are still damp with moisture from the storm twenty years ago.

[the-hittite]

Concept art by Ben Wickey for The Vampires of New Orleans, the upcoming docudrama from Atun-Shei Films.

[the-hittite]

Continuing my recent trend of throwing household objects at fruit…

I think you’ll really Dig my patreon page

[the-hittite]

If I knew how to mod, I'd retexture every man-made tool, clothing piece, and food item in The Long Dark to be bright yellow with its name written on it in bold arial font.

[the-hittite]

Eternally fascinated with the concept of robotic necromancy. Some army rolls out new spinal implants and exoskeletons for their troops to make them punch above their weight. On their first deployment they all get massacred, absolutely shredded by machine gun fire. Then there’s a whir of servos and the scrape and crunch of grinding bone and they all get back up. They stagger on broken legs or crawl on all fours like predatory beasts, cameras and optics glowing inside the hollows of half exposed skulls. They aim weapons with jerky robotic movements, dependent on automated target recognition and calculated firing. The armor casing of their mechanical spines and brain stem puppets them across the battlefield to complete the programmed objective post-mortem, the service of their viscera extracted long after each individual’s death. Would be very creepy n cool is all i’m sayin.

[the-hittite]

*Dr Doofenshmietz gestures at an empty area*

“BEHOLD THE PROCRASTINATOR!”

*empty area*

“I haven’t built it yet”

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GO GET THE POPCORN READY, FRIENDS! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!

[the-hittite]

Maybe it's just because they both feature endless monster-filled dungeons where the influence of an extradimensional power bleeds through into our reality and said entity isn't necessarily malevolent but whose designs are incompatible with the continued existence of human civilization as we know it, but I finished reading Dungeon Meshi and immediately thought "wow I wonder how these characters would fare in Bloodborne." And then it took me a few months to actually write it down.

Unmarked spoilers under the cut BTW.

Laios is suspiciously well suited to the life of a Hunter. He has the physical training of a soldier but he's not willing to blindly follow orders so he deserted and turned to mercenary work instead. In the dungeons he quickly learned how to read the environment and that death can be only a temporary setback. He carefully studies his opponents' behavior and exploits any vulnerability he can find. He usually has a pretty good initial plan against the monsters he faces but when that inevitably fails his go-to plan B is to throw himself at it in the hope that it'll die before he does (and haven't we all been there before in a Soulsborne) and somehow that actually works more often than it doesn't. In an alternate universe what if scenario where he went after Falin on his own, he got pretty darn far without any help. And in the course of the actual story, he slew a dragon mostly singlehandedly, faced an army of dragons and lived, strangled his own sister to save her, and ate a god. Give him any sort of motivation at all and he's unstoppable.

As a Hunter, he'd probably start out as a pretty typical Strength build. Maining the Kirkhammer or Holy Blade and relying far more than is healthy on rally over dodging or parrying to stay in the fight. As soon as the Beast Claws or Amygdalan Arm became available he'd switch to them wholeheartedly even when the learning curve keeps getting him killed. He'd obviously be fascinated by the scourge beasts right from the start and he'd secretly hope that he'd turn himself, but ironically that very hyperfixation would keep him anchored to his humanity. I don't really know whether he'd eat the umbilical cords or not, but the thought amuses me of him fighting all the way to the end, killing the Moon Presence, and finally having his deepest wish come true to become something inhuman, and instead of a big intimidating beast it's a tiny squid. He'd be so mad.

Marcille is fully capable of easily dispatching man, beast, or being from the beyond, especially once she gets some arcane tools. The problem is her hubris. She's absolutely convinced that she personally is uniquely capable of using dangerous forbidden knowledge for good and is easily manipulated by demons and other otherworldly powers. Without a gaggle of fitness obsessed knuckleheads to snap her out of it, it's only a matter of time before she's sprinting through nightmare hallways with a birdcage on her head.

Senshi is poorly suited to the hunt. He can fight well enough with an axe, but he won't weather the mental strain well. Two major pillars of his personality are killing only what he needs to support himself while using every part of what he kills, and being deeply traumatized by the possibility of cannibalism. So being forced to slaughter his way through droves of monsters that were once human would be uniquely awful for him. He also seems to care little for the bigger picture or really the fate of the world. There's really no way he's going to get to the end, or even very far into the main storyline. But once he reaches the chalice dungeons, that's where he comes into his own. He's been there before, finding his niche in the unique ecology and learning how to live in harmony with what others consider monsters fit only to be slain. He'd become something of a dungeon cryptid, with Hunters catching glimpses of a short but bulky figure tending tomb mold patches, herding scorpions and rats, or simply haggling with the bath messengers. Whether it would corrupt or change him remains to be seen.

Chilchuck is also unsuited to hunting. He doesn't seem to have any real moral objections to killing, but he's just not physically suited to it and he absolutely didn't sign up for it. Like Senshi, if he could make it to the dungeons he'd probably find his feet, just in a different way. Make sure you bring some coin for the ticket booth next time you visit cummmfpk.

Izutsumi is the most skilled fighter of the party by a long shot and would make short work of anything that got in her way. She's also the one with the best reason to actually be in Yharnam. The Healing Church can cure any ill so maybe the Paleblood can separate her beast half. Worth a shot. But then she'd learn very quickly that the locals are only getting more beastly and she'd just be like

From there on she basically speedruns the game. No sidequests, no distractions, daybreak ending, and moving on.

Falin succumbs to beasthood after a long struggle. Very tragic. Unnecessarily furry bait monster design.

Toshiro is a warrior on a level few can match and is tenacious to a degree that rivals Laios. Unfortunately he's also a snobbish noble who has a distressing tendency to instantly fall for women who have little to no interest in him so he's on a fast track to becoming a blood drunk Vileblood.

An entire city overrun by humans turned to monsters is Kabru's worst nightmare. If he can work through his panic attack, his training to deal with human opponents and disdain for those who use dungeons and disasters for their own selfish gain would make him an ideal hunter of hunters. Assuming he can manage to not get bodied by every single beast along the way, that is.

The canaries are ostensibly trained for this sort of thing, but their main purpose to both the narrative and the elven queen is to die over and over again. That's even their usual go-to cure for mental ills, but the warping influence of the Great Ones isn't so easily mended. As such it's only a matter of time before their numbers get whittled down from beasthood, blood drunkenness, or other malign metamorphosis. Mithrun is almost certainly going to be the last man standing due to simply not being interested in anything but killing demons. He'd even make it all the way to the end and defeat Gehrman. Eventually. The game's a lot harder with the HUD off. Unfortunately he has no interest in finding or consuming umbilical cords, so he ends up once again the puppet of an otherworldly power.

[the-hittite]

[the-hittite]

helen “trans people are perpetuating gender steriotypes” joyce is now upset that the scientific american is writing about how women were hunters too back in the day, not just mothers and caretakers. feminist win!

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Met what was either the most tenacious or most suicidal wolf on Great Bear last night. Thought I scared him away with a flare because the snarling and chase music stopped and I didn't have any injuries or scent meter so I thought I was free to check a nearby cave for loot. But as soon as I started walking out, I met him walking in and he walked right up to me, still holding a lit flare, and lunged. Somehow other than some minor sprains I got out unscathed which is more than I can say for him and his multiple knife wounds.

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Has this one been done yet?