the-laughing-lie

[the-laughing-lie]

any kind of burger counts if you consider it a burger

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 38

Well. I think that was very rude of you. You got my magic all mixed up with Shyka’s magic! And caused a retcon. The nerve of some people. BUT I suppose the task of narrator still falls to me. Be grateful for my boundless generosity.

Circling back to before the end of last time we spoke, Ella and Irena preformed a ritual in some old shrine of Shyka’s that Irena and Tristian may have spent time reconsecrating. Both saw flashes of the past—past lives or merely forgotten. It’s not fair, The Many cheated! You weren’t supposed to get those memories back yet. A weasel indeed!

Anyways, yada yada, Irena’s part devil dragon and Mustella’s a fae again, albeit not entirely her old self. Good. For. You.

Now that the little time blip is out of the way, let’s get back to the proper flow of events. The party hurried out to Tatzlford to learn about the message they’d received about an incoming army from Drelev. They spoke with a young lady by the name of Kisandra Numesti, daughter of a local lord and knight. She claimed that Baron Drelev had betrayed his contract with the Swordlords and had sent an army of mercenaries and trolls to attack Opuleska. She came for help, as her father had been imprisoned a traitor and her sister taken by those Tiger Lords we’ve been hearing whispers about since day one.

Our dear protagonists took action, returning to Belt’s Beacon to get their little kobold army and to grab Amiri and Nok-Nok for the fight ahead. Then they returned to Tatzlford with just enough time to help bolster their defenses. The plan was for the party to swing around behind enemy lines to take care of their cowardly commander, while the Midnight Marauders and those gathered by Mayor Resbin would fight the army proper.

And what a smashing success you had! The mercenaries were cut down, while the trolls were cowed enough to scatter—probably going to lick their wounds somewhere. I’m sure even they’re smart enough not to try that again. Nor will the commander. Alllthough, that has more to do with him being dead than any brains in his head.

Afterwards, Kisandra requested of the party that they save her father and sister, and put a knife between Baron Drelev’s ribs. Ozzy agreed with the first part, but decided a more fitting punishment for the traitorous Baron would be to send him back to Restov, all tied up with a bow on top, for Lady Aldori to handle. Kisandra agreed, and gave the party a ring to show to one Satinder Morne, proprietor of The Velvet Corner and local Calistrian cleric.

Our dear protagonists then sent Amiri and Nok-Nok back home with the Midnight Marauders, telling them to send Octavia and Regongar to Tatzlford to be picked up the next day. And then they teleported straight to Fort Drelev.

Security seemed to have been raised since last time, with four mercenary guards at the front entrance. But there was still a big gaping hole in the wall, so the party used some tricks to make themselves invisible and then made their way inside. With Irena and Ella in significantly changed forms from what their enemies would be expecting, and with Ozzy assuming the form of Mark Striker: Hero in Training, they made their way to the Velvet Corner to meet their contact.

Satinder was serving a group of rowdy mercenaries when the party arrived. Ozzy made a little show of fooling one’s senses, causing him to think his ale was actually a swarm of ants. It would be a prank after my own heart, if I had one.

Satinder brought the party upstairs under the pretext that they were new hires, and then laid out what information she’d gathered over the last few weeks. This included a secret passage beneath the Keep, and the fact that the Tiger Lord’s leader, Armag, had left with the hostages and it was unknown where they were.

Our dear protagonists split up to do some investigating of their own. Irena gathered information in the town square, and managed to evade the suspicion of the guards with her quick Surtovan tongue. Ella flew around the keep to scout through the windows, and found the Baroness’ brother, a wizard with the unfortunate name of Imeckus Stroon. He was looking into a scrying bowl, and Ella snuck up behind him to watch over his shoulder. The scrying eye was watching a man who appeared to be one of the Tiger Lords talking to a woman dressed in black, who wore a holy symbol depicting a single bloodshot eye. As the scrying ended, the Tiger Lord raised his sword in triumph, and entered what appeared to be a tomb of some kind.

Ella’s invisibility had worn off while watching, and as Stroon came out of his scrying trance he heard he behind him, and turned to confront the intruder in his chambers. The conversation was initially tense, with Stroon summoning his dust mephit familiar and Ella warning that he would lose said familiar if he had them fight. Stroon didn’t want to fight any more than Ella did, however, and they eventually came to an understanding. He and his sister were not happy with the current state of things in Fort Drelev, and were no allies to the Baron despite being bound by marriage. He agreed to meet with the party that night, under the condition that he could leave his familiar in the Keep to alert people if Ella ended up betraying his trust. Then a dragon fell out of the sky into the Keep’s courtyard. We’ll get to that.

As this was happening, Ozzy snuck into the Keep through the secret entrance. He got the rusty old gate open just in time to put it between him and some oozes that had made the brackish water in the tunnel their home. He tricked a guard into opening a locked door for him, then charmed him into thinking they were great friends and promising not to tell the Baron he’d been there if asked.

He then slipped up the stairs, following the directions Ella had laid out the last time she scouted. Then he knocked on Lady Quintessa’s door. She bid him enter, and Ozzy confronted her with the fact he knew she was a Daggermark spy. They discussed what she knew about the current situation in Drelev, and she posited that Baron Drelev was not the mastermind behind this—nor did she think it was Armag. She theorized that King Irovetti of Pitax was the most likely candidate for the puppet master behind Drelev’s traitorous little dance, although she lacked the evidence necessary to act on such a belief. After she declined an offer for help being extracted should she find herself in a difficult place with Drelev’s current situation, Ozzy went to the window and leapt out.

Not in a ‘I’m killing myself’ kind of way. More in a dramatically turn into a dragon and cause a scene kind of way. See, I told you we’d get back to it. Love the theatrics, and I’m sure Dahak is absolutely seething about having his name invoked by a lowly human. That’s the cherry on top, really.

And now we return, as the clock ticks towards curfew and a clandestine meeting, and once again the curtain rises, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 37

Well, well, we’ve found something very interesting haven’t we? A pool imbued with some of Shyka’s power. The power to pluck out little bits of the past and impose them on the now. Ah, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Our dear protagonists triumphed over the bodaks and cultists, although not without some bruises. And a teeeeeeny bit of their life force drained. Still, they pushed ahead. Three demons summoned by the First Faithful proved a less harrowing challenge. But the man himself…can I call him a man? He was a bit…wormy. Ugh. Demon Lords. They have no taste.

Anyways. The worm-man himself proved to be a far more challenging encounter. Mostly because of the demonic works he kept throwing around. I’m giving the Demon Lord of worms a B minus for creativity. But quite frankly, he isn’t important anyways.

When the party finally stood triumphant, Tristian felt compelled to examine the pool of water the cultists had been chanting over. One touch of the waters was enough to show our sunshine boy enough of the celestial planes that he’ll probably never fully wrap his head around it. And it uncovered the truth of his history with some fancy new wings to boot—he was an aasimar the whole time, empowered by Sarenrae’s return from the dead at the same time as his birth in her old temple. How sweet. Sarenrae’s always got some special goodie-two-shoes she’s looking out for.

Our dear protagonists returned home afterwards, ready to sleep for a week after the draining adventure. It was so bad Irena slept through tax day. Tax day! I’m surprised they didn’t prepare a funeral, she must have been on her death bed.

The rest came to an end, however, when Akiros delivered a letter to Irena, from the mayor of Tatzelford. A woman had come into town claiming there was an army of Tiger Lords brewing, and Baron Drelev had his army join their forces and was marching on Opuleska. With this ominous threat of war on the horizon, we join our adventurers, as the curtain rises and the players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 36

Cults. Why is it always cults with you mortals? You see some big old Demon Lord of misogyny or swarms and think ‘Yeah, that’s the guy I can to throw my lot in with!’ Well maybe not those specific ones. Because they’re dead. Which I think backs up my point, really.

Anyways, our dear protagonists were informed that one such cult had sprung up in Opuleska. The Kingdom of the Cleansed. Tristian had been hearing rumors that people thought the rulers of Opuleska were cursed to wither away, and that anyone who didn’t denounce them and the rule of law would soon follow.

Irena spoke to the winter wolf Caecius and hired him to be their spy, since he wasn’t someone known to work with Opuleska’s rulers. Then, while he was out doing that, the party wrapped up some loose ends. Namely, Ozzy and Linzi took some blue wolfberries to the hill giant Munguk and partied with him and his potent moonshine, while Irena, Ella, and Tristian cleared Hooktongue Slough of bog mummies, and confirmed that unlike Ozzy, dear Mustella is not immune to curses.

When the party reconvened and checked in with Caecius, he confirmed he’d convinced a local cultist to take him to be initiated the next evening. Ozzy took Caecius doing the infiltrating as an insult to his pride, and before the next evening he had magically persuaded a different cultist to lead ‘Flint Briskin, alligator teeth salesman’ to their sanctum.

Within the sanctum, Caecius and Ozzy had a nasty surprise when one of the high ranking cultists tried to stick a worm in Ozzy’s brain. This kicked off a fight, with Ella throwing down an experimental explosive stone Jubilost had sent with her to signal to Irena and Tristian outside.

Now we return, in medias res, as the party fights back a small horde of bodaks that had lurked in the outer chambers of the sanctum. As once again the curtain rises, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 35

And here we are again, in lovely Opuleska. I missed this place—you all do some of your best work here!

Of course, before returning, our dear protagonists paid a neighborly little visit to Fort Drevel. They were not received with the warm welcome they got back in Varnhold, being told at the gate that the Baron was out on a diplomatic mission and would not be back for at least another week. Attempts to get any more information out of the guard failed, and the party instead left a message for Baron Drelev that he was welcome to come visit Opuleska.

After leaving the gate, Ozzy cooked up a fun little illusion of the serpent Hooktongue to distract the guards, and Ella slipped by completely invisible. She made a beeline for the Keep, and scoured it from top to bottom. She saw a handful of people of varying importance, and nabbed some documents which revealed that a spy from Daggermark had made her way into the baron’s confidence (and bed). After a few mishaps with the locks in the Keep’s basement, and a return trip in which Ella freed a petty thief from the Keep’s prison, the party was satisfied with the information they’d gathered and returned home.

Back in Opuleska, Ozzy maneuvered Irena into shooting her shot with Jaethel. Aaaand, fade to black.

The party did some kingdom stuff, yadda yadda yadda, you know the drill. At the end of the week Jaethel told Irena that she had spotted a young elven man in the town square. This was notable because he had a unique dagger—one which she had once given to her daughter. Irena got Ozzy and Ella on the job, then completely failed to do much investigating of her own.

Ozzy, however, used his wits (and a magic wand) to learn that he could track down the young man by going to the graveyard on the outskirts of town. Disguised as an Urgathoan, he tried to intimidate an answer out of the local gravekeeper. And when that didn’t work, he instead magicked his way into being friends and got the old man to lead him right to the elf.

You know, that’s how most of my friendships start, too.

Ozzy confronted him and learned that he was a Pharasman named Nessious and he was bitter towards Jaethel for leaving him behind in Kyonin when she was banished. Ozzy decided to set up a meeting between them, and took Nessious along back to the castle. Irena and Ella met up with them along the way.

Back in Jaethel’s basement hideaway, the two elves spoke. And it turned out that Nessious was her child, he’d just had a few minor little changes since childhood. They had a heated discussion before Nessious stormed off. Irena remained with Jaethel, and the undead elf confided in her that she had left Nessious behind because she didn’t know what she would choose to do if Urgathoa demanded him as another sacrifice. At the same time, Ella took Nessious to one of Opuleska’s pubs and had a talk about what he wanted to do now that he was here.

But enough of that family drama. We return once more to our dear protagonists as the curtain rises, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 34

You all had quite the productive few days. Killing a manipulative naga, beginning to plant the seeds of diplomatic relations with the M’batuu boggard tribe, and nearly slaying the infamous orm Hooktongue. What more is there for me to say? Ah, yes. Drelev. The boggard chief informed the party that their people often war with humans, and in particular were displaced by the people of Fort Drelev. And our dear protagonists didn’t like that. So now they venture to the fort, crossing Lake Hooktongue to meet Baron Drelev on his home turf. Good luck! I’m rooting for you. As once again, our curtain rises, and the players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 33

And so we return, as our dear protagonists took some time to travel their realm and discover what secrets the Stolen Lands still hold.

When last we left off, dear Mustella was staring down a massive flame drake. The creature seemed curious at first, and allowed Mustella to call her companions into the cave. Irena conversed with the large drake, who questioned why he should let the party leave instead of having a meal. Our dear rulers decided that this drake was a clear danger to their people, and decided to slay the dragon-in-miniature.

With that done, the party ventured into the Narlmarches. In the southernmost reaches, Irena and Ella narrowly avoided falling into yet another pit. They looked within, and found two verdurous (ver-jur-us) oozes clambering to escape the pit and turn the party into a meal. They were no problem to cut down, despite their habit of splitting when cut or stabbed or shot.

Afterwards, Ella ventured into the pit to scout. There was a tunnel leading into caverns, and at the end of the line a small underground kobold village. Ella returned with the others, and they met the kobolds on friendly terms. Their chief, Rett’ka, explained to the party that the ooze cavern collapsing hadn’t been a trap, but just some poor luck as the oozes’ acid had been melting away the cavern roof. Irena struck up a rapport with the kobolds, suggesting trade for their knowledge of herding oozes for waste disposal and their spider silk. The kobolds were amenable to this plan, and pointed the party in the direction of the actual entrance, where an underground river flowed.

With the seeds of diplomatic relations strewn, our dear protagonists continued their surveying of the Stolen Lands. And this brought them, for the first time, to the swampy Hooktongue Slough. Here the party faced three undead who lurked in the muddy waters of the bog, and who tried to grab dear Mustella and drown her. The undead were destroyed, but their origins and type were unknown. Ozzy used his magic to learn where he could get more information on these beings, and it pointed him back to Opuleska, where they have a certain champion of Urgathoa in their council.

When the party rested for the night, they were accosted by a giant territorial swamp beast—a Catoblepas. The party managed to slay the moose-like monster, and continued on their way.

And so, we join our dear protagonists once again, as they venture deeper into the Stolen Lands, seeking to uncover its secrets. As once more the curtain rises, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 32

And so the echoes of the past were felled by our dear protagonists. It was quite the fight, what with Ozzy being cursed into an unnatural slumber. Sleeping curses are sooo passe. The target doesn’t even get to know what you did! Where’s the fun in that?

After the echoes were scattered to the winds and Ozzy awoke from his curse, the party finally looked around The Last Laugh. They found the treasure hoard Ignasio had secreted away. And, perhaps more importantly, they found the real reason The Last Laugh was the grandest ship in the world. Because it’s a First World ship. And ships in the First World don’t merely sail on water. Oh, no no no. They sail upon the winds as easily as they cut through the waves.

Unfortunately, The Last Laugh had long since fallen into disrepair. Its power source had burned itself out, and the ship itself was in dire need of maintenance. But that hardly stopped our dear rulers. Octavia and Regongar used the expertise they’d gained from their time as pets for the Technic League, determining just what it would take to fix the mesh of magic and technology.

And with that, the party decided to trade with Numeria for a power source. Be careful with those green stones of theirs. I’ve heard radiation poisoning is a hell of a thing.

With time to kill while the Last Laugh was being repaired, the party decided it was time to map out more of their lands. Which brought them to the lower Sellen Hills. Their days were mostly uneventful, crossing empty hills and plains. When at last they met another living thing, it was a drunken hill giant named Munguk. The poor dull thing was looking for berries to make moonshine—berries which do not grow at this time of the year, with a chill in the air and the frost coming on quite soon. Ozzy consulted his magic and got a jaunty little rhyme that came down to ‘you can buy the berries somewhere’. Our dear protagonists told Munguk that they would return with berries if they came across any, and then they ventured on their way.

At the edge of the Sellen Hills the party came across a cave, littered with blackened bones and charred chunks of meat. Dear Mustella snuck inside, and found in the back of the cave the huge form of an unusually large flame drake. And when last we left her, the drake had opened one large golden eye, fixing it upon her.

And now we return, to see if our dear little weasel will be snapped up as a snack, or if she will slip from the dragon’s jaws. As once again the curtain rises, and the players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 31

And here we are again, as our dear protagonists uncovered shocking revelations from the past and went on a long awaited treasure hunt.

But first, there were the bandits.

Our dear rulers of Opuleska did some investigating, and learned from Kressel’s expertise the location this new gang was likely holed up in. And she was proven right, when the party found a group of women camped out in the ruins that were once frequented by a boggard. Ella and Irena approached them, and tried to have a civil conversation before resorting to blows.

The bandits’ leader, Missy, was suspicious of authority figures and not quick to trust our dear rulers. She questioned how she could trust the intentions of people in power, or that those intentions wouldn’t someday shift on a dime. Missy didn’t take well to Irena’s logic, but she was eventually convinced by dear Mustella’s bare honesty.

As the party escorted the soon-to-be former bandits back to Belt’s Beacon, Ozzy and Irena puzzled over the crystal and the cyclopian ring that had been taken off Vordakai’s corpse.

And suddenly something clicked for Irena. The ring wasn’t just any magical artifact—it was a lich’s soul cage. The conduit by which Vordakai would be virtually immortal.

The party discussed what to do with this revelation. Was there a way to turn this to their favor? A way to control Vordakai when he inevitably returns? Or would it be better to find a way to destroy it, and end the cyclops lich’s life permanently? When they arrived back to Belt’s Beacon, Irena decided to seek advice from Jaethel on the subject.

Jaethel called upon her necromancer friend, L’thellan, who was in town as he’d been invited to serve as a necromancy teacher in the magic academy. He gave the party an idea of how long it would likely take for Vordakai to be fully revitalized by his soul cage, as well as warning that it was probable that Vordakai had not been at his full power when they faced him, and that being revitalized by the soul cage would return him to full strength.

L'thallan offered a ritual that could be used to speak to the soul trapped within the ring, and question Vordakai. Ozzy gathered the necessary materials, while Irena assisted with the ritual, adding a divine touch to the occult magics. And with the ritual cast, Vordakai’s soul was drawn out.

Ozzy first asked the undead cyclops about the crystal that had served as Vordakai’s eye. Vordakai explained that it was the Occulus of Abbadon, a relic of power—and a poison to the mind of anyone who used it. Ozzy asked if his actions had been influenced by the Occulus, which Vordakai confirmed. While his desire to bring his people’s civilization back was genuine—and he was willing to go so far as to take the test of the Starstone to make this a reality—he claimed he wouldn’t have taken the more grotesque actions he’d taken against the people of Varnhold. He also confirmed that he became a lich after he’d uncovered the Occulus, at the time listening to the Occulus’ whispers that killing the cyclops queen as a sacrifice for his ascension would be killing two birds with one stone.

Ozzy told Vordakai that he would be free to pursue his goals—but that if they ever heard of an undead cyclops in their lands, harming their people, they would destroy the lich’s soul cage and Vordakai with it.

Before closing the ritual, Irena had one last question for the ancient cyclops. What part of his civilization was he so proud of, that he would go to great lengths to try to bring it back after so many thousands of years. Vordakai answered that his people had been masters of magic and built great structures that survived to this day, despite earthfall and despite the annihilation of the people who built them. With the question answered, Vordakai’s soul was once more allowed to rest and revitalize.

Afterwards, the party decided their next goal should be finding Ignasoi Surtovasio’s treasures, that he’d hidden away on the very island that had started everything with him and Nyrissa. A few teleports later, and our dear protagonists found themselves on a little island in the middle of the Lake of Mists and Veils.

The explored the jungle, scaring off a nasty snake and conversing with the court of a Naiad Queen who had once known Nyrissa, in the days before her fall. She struggled to remember Mustella when asked, of course. I can assure you, it won’t be that easy, my dear.

She was, however, able to direct our dear protagonists to the grand ship I’d once gifted Ignasio—the Last Laugh. The party made their way past a quartet of Kelpies that wanted to drown our dear rulers—unaware that they had a water breathing spell already protecting them. Then they cut short the lives of four twisted nuckelavee that were wandering the shore near the grand vessel.

And when the party stepped foot upon her beautiful ancient deck, echoes from the past formed. A crew of nightmares, led by phantoms of Nyrissa and Ignasio themselves. And now we see how this great drama will play out, as the curtain rises, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 30

At long last, our dear protagonists had a bit of a break from ancient evils and threats to their kingdom. Enjoy it while it lasts, my dears.

After a well-deserved rest, the party returned to searching Vordakai’s Tomb for the missing townsfolk of Varnhold. While sorting through Vordakai’s treasures, they found a strange jar stoppered with black wax, which had a glowing smoky substance within. Ozzy called it…ghost milk, I believe? Dear Mustella countered with the even more horrendous phantom pus. Personally, if I had to give it a new name, I’d go with ‘spirit sap’.

Ozzy investigated the strange jar and determined that the ‘ghost milk’ was a human soul, and that it would be possible to converse telepathically with the jar’s contents. He tried, and learned that this was none other than Maeger Varn. Ozzy shattered the jar, releasing Maeger.

Afterwards, the party found the other surviving citizens of Varnhold, held in a sort of library of souls in the next room. The party decided their best chance at getting everyone out safely would be to gather the soul jars in one of their bags of holding, then have Ozzy teleport with Maeger, Tristian, and Xamanthe back to Varnhold. Irena, Ella, and Kalikke (who was actually Kanerah) would, in the meantime, trek back to Varnhold with their horses.

While waiting for his sister and friends, Ozzy went about freeing the remaining tapped souls. Amongst them, he came upon his bardic mentor, Vatio Vestalis. They decided they would catch up over drinks later, when Ozzy’s official business was complete.

Maeger had Ozzy join him for a more serious conversation. He felt he had failed his people as a leader and that both factions in Brevoy had failed to come to his people’s aid. The only people he knew were reliable and strong leaders were the rulers of Opuleska. So he proposed that Varnhold swear fealty to Opuleska, believing that with Ozzy and the others as leaders his people would be in better hands.

And what did Ozzy do, when handed everything he’d wanted when he first set out to create a kingdom? He turned it down! He showed Maeger the big picture, and made him realize that no one could have been prepared for someone as monstrous as Vordakai had been. He told Maeger to take some time to think about it. He did, and decided to continue working for the good of his people.

Just when you think you know him, Ozzy never fails to surprise.

When the party was back together, they set out back to Belt’s Beacon. Irena conversed with Tristian about how they both found themselves following their respective gods, while Ozzy talked with Kalikke to apologize for leaving her to fend for herself while they ventured into the tomb, and Ella got some insight into Ozzy and Irena’s childhood from Vatio.

Once they arrived back to Belt’s Beacon, they worked on managing their kingdom, only to hear about a gang of local bandits that were causing trouble on the roads. And so we return to our dear protagonists, prepared for a nice little bandit clean up, just like the old days. As once again the curtain rises, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 29

Another chapter closed, and another page closer to our grand finale. Despite all odds, our dear protagonists triumphed against the ancient darkness from a long forgotten civilization. It was a riveting battle. I brought popcorn.

There really is little else to say. Opuleska’s rulers faced Vordakai’s undead minions, slaying a restless wraith, a handful of long undead cyclops, and a malevolent elemental. Then they stood face-to-face with Vordakai himself. The clash really was a near thing, with Ella’s mind being ensnared by Vordakai’s magics, and his paralyzing touch felling both Irena and Tristian. But in the end, good triumphed, yada yada, applause.

Now it is up to our dear protagonists what they do with the artifact resting in their bag, wretched from Vordakai’s empty eye socket. *cringes* You know, I stand by what I said about Abbadon being a mood killer. Why can’t evil artifacts be fun sometimes? No, it’s always ‘rip out your own eyeball’ and ‘give the world unto Abbadon’…blech.

Anyways. This is where we rejoin our dear protagonists, as once more the curtain rises and the players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 28

And here we are again, halfway to confronting Vordakai himself. Our dear protagonists’ first hurdle in getting there was finding a way across the canyon his island was in the middle of. After much brainstorming, they determined that the best—and perhaps only—way to cross would be to summon a drake and have it fly half the party while Ozzy flew across with Ella. Kalikke was left to guard the road leading there, incase there were any more undead monstrosities lurking in the Valley of the Dead.

As the party flew across the gap, they spotted two potential entrances to the stone tower. They also spotted a clutch of wyverns, swooping out of their cave to confront these trespassers in their territory. The party made it to the island just in time to prepare for the lesser wyrms to descend upon them. They held their own, and came out victorious, albeit a bit battered.

After healing and absconding with the wyverns’ treasures, the party decided which entrance to examine. Ella took her rope and climbed down to a hidden entrance halfway up the pillar. Then into the unknown they went.

Our dear protagonists found themselves in a foul smelling tar pit, with only a few outcroppings to get out of the boiling ooze. On one of these outcroppings, guarding one of the doorways out, was the undead form of Varnhold’s emissary. That makes two places with an undead emissary now. Well, it would have, if the former wizard hadn’t been overwhelmed by the party the moment they entered the room. With the biggest hazard out of the way, Ozzy took up ooze form and began breaking off stalactites to create stepping stones across the boiling pit. The party then decided to backtrack through the opposite door, to make sure nothing came up behind them. And for no other reason.

The first room they found had four Soul Eaters, which were drawn to Ozzy, as he was the only one who had given Vordakai his name. Despite this, they had to dogpile Ella to try to get to him. Still, one scrappy fiend got to him and clouded Ozzy’s mind with its mind-numbing touch. This forced Irena to burn their only restoration spell once the fight was over, or risk Ozzy not being able to spellcast when they needed it most.

Ella uncovered a chain of secret rooms, and within one mysterious room there were pictures of eyes on all the walls, all looking at one large eye with an indent in the pupil. They party determined it was magic, but currently had no idea how to activate it or what it would do.

The party also found a room with a number of frescos depicting different scenes of cyclops life, centered around a cyclops with a red orb for an eye, whom Ozzy suspects is Vordakai himself.

Further back, the party entered a room with two alters, and imagery of Charon, the Horseman of Death. Not even I have something fun to say about the Horsemen. Absolute mood killers.

Unfortunately, our dear protagonists did not notice that the door between these alters was trapped, set to flood the room with stygian fires should it be opened without a blood offering. The party bundled out of the room, dragging along Tristian who had gotten the worst of it.

Their troubles were far from over, however. They only got a small respite before they confronted the guard of these rooms, a Piscodaemon who demanded to know in whose name they entered this room. Ozzy tried to talk them into a better position, but upon refusing to speak a name the Piscodaemon attacked the intruders.

After recuperating from the encounter, the party entered the jail, and found the dreadfully still form of a centaur laid out in one corner. Thankfully, Irena identified her death-like state as a particularly bad paralysis. With a song of freedom, Ozzy was able to break the magical paralysis, returning Xamanthe to her senses. The young centaur thanked the party for their help, and told them what she could about the tomb and its inhabitants. The party left her to recover with a weapon in hand incase any of the tombs’ inhabitants find her.

The party then returned the way they’d come—triggering the stygian flames yet again, so Tristian returned the favor for Irena helping him last time. He also disabled the unholy magics powering the trap, rendering it safe for when they return to get Xamanthe.

And with nowhere else to go without backtracking all the way to the other entrance, the party crossed the tar pit once more and passed through the hall the undead wizard had been guarding. Down, down, down a long hall, to horrors unknown.

And now we join them once again, as the curtain opens, and the players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 27

My, my, you all have quite the theories you’re throwing around. I will not deign to confirm nor deny them. I will only say, I find this search for answers quite amusing. I’m sure you’ll find the answers you seek in time.

But for now, my little recap of your adventures is in order.

The party explored the rest of Varnhold after their fateful meeting with Horagnamon. They cleared out a number of pests and beasts that had moved into the abandoned town before moving on, following Maeger Varn’s map to the Nomen Heights, where the centaurs of the same name awaited.

In the morning, after a difficult night in less-than-pleasant conditions, our dear protagonists were met by a scouting party from the Nomen camp. The lead scout, Ashae, questioned the party on their reasoning for being in Nomen lands. She was initially mistrustful and borderline hostile, but Ozzy reasoned with her that stopping Vordakai would be not just in the “two-legs” favor, but the centaurs’ as well. Ozzy’s eloquence and determination swayed Ashae, and she agreed to bring the party to speak to the tribe’s war priestess.

The priestess, Aecora Silverfire, met with the party. Our dear protagonists presented to her the scared bow Skybolt, which had been stolen from the centaurs by the spriggans the party had cleared from Varnhold. Aecora gladly accepted this olive branch, and agreed that with this show of friendship perhaps her people could give the two-legs another chance. She told the party about an area in the Tors of Levanies that was forbidden to her people, Olah-Kakanket: the Valley of the Dead. It was within this valley that a path led to a forbidden tomb holding a great evil, which the centaurs believed a two-legs had intruded upon and awoken. The centaurs were not willing to lead the party the entire way, as walking that ground was taboo to them. They also could not answer what the nature of this great evil was, as much of their history was lost when their people were once driven from these lands by the Taldans. Taldans, always ruining everything.

The party stayed in the centaur camp for the night, then set out for the Valley of the Dead. They arrived, and made their way through, an oppressive feeling pressing down upon them and the sounds of nature growing more and more muffled as they went deeper into the valley. They found ancient cyclops’ tombstones. And ancient cyclops skeletons. Which were moving quite a bit more than you usually want for skeletons without the fleshy bits. But with the clever use of a pit of snakes, the party overpowered these ancient sentries and continued up the path through the mountains. Just after nightfall, they arrived in a valley with a river running through it, where Vordakai’s Tomb awaited.

But first, they needed to rest from the harrowing journey. And Vordakai did not remain idle while they did. Horagnamon appeared before Irena in the early hours of the morning. He spoke to her of civilization, and claimed to actually hold quite a bit of respect for Abadar, and in turn for her as a cleric of the god of civilization. He told her about how his ancient civilization turned to dust. About how a figure had appeared in the queen’s dreams, and manipulated her. Vordakai claims that he tried to warn the queen not to listen to his false goddess, but that she did not listen. He asked Irena if she believed Ozzy would listen to her if that time comes.

After the raven took to the sky, Irena went to wake Ella. They discussed what Vordakai had told her, and floated the idea that the figure in the cyclops queen’s dreams had been Nyrissa. Or myself. A little advice to Irena. Don’t get cheeky when you know an Eldest is listening. I respect dear Shyka, of course, but they are certainly not better than yours truly.

And here we are. With new theories and a shaky oath to not deceive one another, it is time for our dear protagonists to venture into Vordakai’s Tomb. As here the curtain opens, and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 26

Vordakai, Vordakai, Vordakai. Now that is a name I haven’t heard in a long time. But, ah, there is much to cover before we speak of him.

After returning to Belt’s Beacon from their venture with Valorie, Irena spoke with Jaethel. She gave her the scythe taken from the false prophetess in return for a story. The story of an elven woman, who sacrificed her own blood kin in exchange for all the pleasures of life that Urgathoa could give. But such things do not go unnoticed for long, even amongst the long-lived elves. Jaethel was eventually tried for their murder and was banished from Kyonin forever.

Not long after, someone tracked Jaethel down and killed her—likely not knowing that her patron would raise her again in unlife. Jaethel felt she had been brought back for a purpose—but what, exactly, eludes her.

While Irena spoke to the undead champion, Ozzy visited Kalikke to work out some specifics about the magic academy. Kalikke expressed an interest in learning about souls, and ways to transfer a soul from one vessel to another. She lacked the words in common to express what she was trying to, and ended up telling Ozzy her sad story to try to explain her goals.

Once upon a time, there were twin tieflings in Qadira. Those with infernal blood are not viewed favorably by the lands that were once home to the Cult of the Dawnflower. The fiery Kanerah could not accept this lot in life, and disguised herself as an aasimar, using her control of fire to pass herself off as Peri-blooded. However, such lies can be a net, and Kanerah was trapped in what she wove. Her secret was discovered, and her patron summoned a Soul Eater to hunt her and eventually slay her.

Such deaths are normally beyond the power of mortals to reverse. But Kalikke could not accept her sister’s death. And so she turned to a being of higher power, a devil who calls himself the Forefather. This being agreed to a deal that would be paid in the sisters’ souls at death, and in return he gave Kanerah back her life. But not in the way that Kalikke had imagined. She and her sister were cursed to live a life sharing one body. When one awakens the other sleeps. Never would they see one, and they had to begin living a dual life in which they might swap places at any moment, leaving them unable to really live any sort of decent life.

Gotta admit, I like this Forefather’s style. Devils are so good at pulling one over on people. It’s a shame they get so grumpy when you call what they do a prank. It’s all “this was an air-tight contract” and “stop being flippant” and “no please don’t pull me apart atom-by-atom”. Really, no fun at all.

Where was I? Ah, right.

While the Surtovas were having important deep conversations with their respective side characters—sorry, friends right? With their respective “friends”, Ella found Linzi to have her begin shadowing her. Linzi, however, had a little crisis of her own. She’d been in contact with and old teacher of hers, who was leaving Pitax for greener pastures. She convinced this Eobold to come settle in Opuleska, where a school of magic was just being built, and where he might set up his printing press. The problem was, he was meant to have arrived days ago, and there was no sign of him. She knew that the last place he’d been was the western Narlmarches. So the party agreed to help find Eobald and his printing press.

The party ventured deeper into the Narlmarches than ever before, and learned of Eobald’s location from a couple of pixies who Ella got drunk. They told her that he was being kept as a pet by a local Hesperid named Luxita.

The party found Luxita with Eobald, trapped in a birdcage of light. Luxita was having him sing with her, believing his voice enhanced the beauty of her picturesque little cliff. Ozzy approached her as a fellow art lover, and sang with her while Ella, Irena, and Linzi tried to find a way to free Eobald. The trio began attempting to dig a hole beneath the cage to free him.

While they did this, Ozzy talked philosophy with the nymph, asking her if beauty would not wilt if it was trapped instead of being allowed to remain free. Luxita realized as she spoke to Ozzy that in reality, she was just lonely, and more than something to enhance the beauty of her surroundings she wanted a person to share them with. Ozzy offered that he would visit her monthly, if she would be so kind as to release her songbird. Luxita agreed, dispelling the cage from around the exhausted bard.

The party returned him to his wagon while Ozzy spent the hour leading up to sunset talking with the lonely nymph.

Our little bard contains multitudes. Nyrissa may say what she will, but certainly Ignasio was not so well-rounded a player.

Afterwards, the party returned home and worked on the continued development of their kingdom, including welcoming Olegston into the fold.

At the end of their well-deserved downtime, Akiros came to Irena with troubling news. Jolia Aldori had arrived and asked to meet with the rulers of Opuleska for an urgent matter.

Jolia told them a disturbing tale: when she had recently returned to Varnhold, the town was entirely abandoned. Having found no sign of where they went, she first went to her cousin for help. But with tensions between Brevoy’s north and south nearing a boiling point, Lady Jamandi could not risk sending her own men out to investigate. As such, Jolia turned to the only other people she felt she could trust to help the vanished kingdom. And as she had hoped, the party agreed.

The party had Valerie gather their troops so they could set up a parameter around Varnhold, and they requested the arcane expertise of Kalikke and the divine experience of Tristian. Then the party set out, reaching Varnhold ahead of their troops by a number of days.

Our dear protagonists decided to do some investigating in the meantime. They cleared out two chuuls that had begun using the river as a hunting ground with no guards around to chase them off. And they found evidence of spriggans in the area—mostly their corpses.

Also, Ozzy fell in a hole trying to prove there was no hole. Perfect comedic timing. Shame about the spikes.

While he recovered, Irena and Ella did a little more investigating. Irena found that the nearby farmhouses seemed to have been left in the middle of daily tasks, with the remains of a dinner still on the table. She also found the evidence of the murder of a number of centaurs—the horse halves being hung out to begin tanning into leather.

While Irena made these observations, Ella noticed a strange raven following them, watching with an unusual intensity. When she openly looked back at the bird, it took off, flying to the southwest.

Our dear protagonists then went to investigate the Varnhold blockhouse. They found helmets propped on sticks to imitate guards, and finally found an actual live spriggan. Ella intimidated the little gnomish creature into letting them into the blockhouse and pointing them in the direction of a guy named Agai, which is not confusing in the slightest.

The party searched through the blockhouse, finding a map in Maeger Varn’s room with some local information, including the location of the Nomen Centaurs’ camp. They also found a half finished letter to them—the invitation to help with an expedition into a local ruin that Maeger had recently promised.

Where the letter stopped, midsentence, the word “Vordokai” was repeated, filling what was left of the page. Ozzy identified this name as being from a centaur legend, about a great evil sealed somewhere in the Tors of Levanies.

The party then confronted Agai, intimidating him with threats of their draconic army. I suspect he wasn’t picturing kobolds when he backed down and angrily led his people out of Varnhold and back to their cavernous home.

The party discovered a bow sacred to the Nomen centaurs amongst the treasures Agai left behind. And Irena discovered a raven, watching them through the window. She stared the raven down, and spoke a threat, at which point the bird once again took flight.

Not for long, however, as when the party left the blockhouse, a voice from on high addressed them. The bird asked if they were more thieves, scrambling for scraps. Ozzy offered to play a game with the strange eloquent bird. He would roll a dice. On evens, he would have to answer a question. On odds, the bird would instead.

The being they spoke with got a number of answers out of the party, but Ozzy was able to get an answer from him as well. He introduced the bird as Horagnamon, and himself as Vordakai.

Vordakai asked questions about the world. What countries are strongest, what the ‘Starstone’ was, and what intentions Ozzy had as ruler of the lands Vordakai claimed he’d stolen. In the process, Vordakai revealed that he was from before Earthfall, although he knew of its coming from the whispers of distant Runelords. He did not seem to believe it was this catastrophe that destroyed the empires of the Stolen Lands, although he did not speak to what he believed the cause to be instead.

Frustrated with Desna’s domain for not having the dice fall as he would have liked, Ozzy tried to cheat a roll. The ancient being saw through his trick, and said that he was not surprised to find Ozzy was a liar and cheat, before the raven flew off and left the party with more questions than answers.

And so, with an ancient darkness on the horizon and a map to the Nomen clan who once stood in its way, the curtain rises, and the players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 25

Hello again, I hope you didn’t miss me too much. That’s a lie. I hope you were devastated by my absence. But I am here once more to grace you with my insight into events past.

Our dear protagonists made their way to Varnhold to have an official visit with the Lord Mayor, Maeger Varn. They were welcomed with open arms and shown around the lovely little town. As they had their tour, Maeger told them about a strange artifact local treasure hunter Willas Gunderson had unearthed in some distant ruins. He welcomed the party to examine the object to see if they had any insights into its function and origins. Ozzy, in his infinite knowledge, identified the object as a ring of Cyclopian origins. What magic it may hide is still presently unknown, but Varn offered to send the party a missive inviting them along once he’d gotten together a team to explore the ruins further.

Afterwards, a grand feast was held in their honor, and then a restful night in the finest of rooms. Restful for most—after all Ozzy and Maeger “discussed politics” well into the night.

Upon their return to Opuleska, Irena found Valerie looking rather upset over a letter she’d received. She handed it over, allowing our dear treasurer to read the rather meanspirited missive. It was from a former teacher from Sheylin’s Order of the Prismatic Rose, who challenged Valerie to a duel, with her freedom on the line. He was bitter at a woman of her beauty forsaking Sheylin’s path, believing she owed the goddess fealty for her gifts. Valerie, of course, felt otherwise. Who would ever wish to serve in a temple they’d been offered to on a silver plate?

Valerie asked that the others come along, to witness her victory over this strutting peacock who fancied himself a paladin. And so they made for a temple of Sheylin, hidden deep in the Narlmarches.

They arrived, and few words were shared between Sir Fredero and Valerie before they crossed blades. A fierce duel was had, but ultimately Valerie reigned victorious and Sheylin’s champion was brought low. After being woken with a healing potion, Fredero begrudgingly admitted that, if nothing else, Valerie had a strong sword arm. He asked that she follow him into the temple proper, so that he may apologize to her properly before the temple’s prophetess, and officially swear to never enter her life again.

The rest of the party were asked to wait in the antechamber. As they waited they looked about the place, and began to feel something was wrong. The once beautifully painted murals and carvings were weathered and chipped. When Irena asked one of the priestesses about it, the woman was cagey, claiming they were early in the process of restoring the old temple. Ozzy caught her in a lie about why there were no supplies for the restoration in the room, and the priestess shrieked ‘for the Mother’ and attacked.

This ‘mother’ was neither Lamashtu nor Gyronna, but one of my fellows known as The Green Mother. Someday I will have to tell you about the prank I pulled on her with a donkey and a bag of flour. Ha ha! Ah, good times.

Our dear protagonists easily bested the false priestesses, and Irena had her summoned flame drake—O’zrug the Chosen—burst open the door. Just in time, as Sir Fredero swung his sword around in an attempt to slay Valerie while she was off guard. The so-called prophetess cursed the party for interrupting and ruining the months she’d spent manipulating the paladin to ultimately fall from his own religious fervor. Then she revealed her true form, a green hag. One of the least fun beings from the First World. Really, their stealing babies and replacing them with changelings was only funny the first dozen times. And don’t even get me started about Alazhra.

With some clever spell work from Ozzy and a well-placed bolt from Irena, the false prophet fell. But not before she cut the disgraced paladin’s life short, dragging him down with her after all.

Valerie will not mourn the loss of the overzealous paladin, but she would have preferred if things had ended differently. The party buried him, and took his shield to send back to the Order of the Prismatic Rose, to tell them what had happened and the location of the shrine should they wish to restore it. And now the party shall return to Belt’s Beacon, and to whatever the next chapter of their story holds, as once more our curtain rises and our players take the stage.

[the-laughing-lie]

Session 24

*As Shyka* Hello and welcome. We have…borrowed…the King’s position for today. Not to worry, he will be back. He is too amused by your antics not to be. But, seeing as this was our Inconsequence Debates, we felt it was only right that we finish what we started.

The heroes of our story did some exploring of their realm as they awaited our games. Some mudwretches were destroyed, and a mountain pass directly to Varnhold was found. Then they made their way across the Kamelands to a little clearing where the First World rubs close against the mortal realm. And when they arrived, a curse took hold, turning each into an animal. Except for Ella, who is already burdened with a curse from the King, so we felt having the others walk in her metaphorical shoes would be the most fitting curse for this event.

Our heroes met their competition: Krikket the kobold who dreamed of being a dragon, Sir Alfrey who was cursed to speak of tentacles for the duration of the debate, and the bleached Nyrd and her temporarily-froggy siblings.

With introductions made, it was time for us to make our appearance, and with our word as Host the games began. First, the competitors had to play a game of words. After all, what is a debate without something to answer? All participants gave us delightful answers. Some better than others. We quite liked when the kobold answered with ‘dragons’.

Once questions had been answered, we went into the true highlight of the Debates. A Debate with reality itself, in the form of tests and challenges. First, the competitors had to collect frogs. Did you know that some societies believe all of reality is contained within a vast galactic frog who sees both the beginning of time and its inevitable end? But, then, some societies believe the world balances upon four elephants on a turtle’s shell, so who is to say?

The teams would gain 1 Point for normal frogs, 5 points for golden frogs, and an impressive 20 points for anyone who could non-lethally capture my pet, Hoppit. Our heroes, of course, took the lead in this as well. We were quite pleased with them returning Hoppit alive, predictable or not.

The second task was a game of trust, although none in the game knew it as such. Each of the competitors were given a secret task that no others could know about. Of the four, three were prompted to betray their fellows for double points—but only if they could sabotage every member of the group. If even one succeeded, all would fail.

Jubilost was given the actual task of slaying two minotaurs in the lovely little maze we made for them.

As expected, our heroes tried valiantly to sabotage each other. Irena had the clever idea to summon a fire drake and try to remove them all from the maze. Unfortunately for her, Ella was as slippery as ever and she leapt from the drake to land back within the bounds of the maze. Ozzy went after her, but she downed an invisibility potion and took off.

Irena told Ozzy to keep an eye out for any beetles, which prompted Ozzy to kill a beetle and Ella to snatch one up into her inventory. Jubilost asked to be set down, and Irena used the opportunity to swoop her draconic ally over the maze to scout.

Ozzy, unable to find Ella on his own, summoned his own minion. A sanguine blood cloud, which tracked Ella by the pull of her beating heart.

As Irena took the opportunity to smash another beetle, Jubilost darted down one of the halls of the maze, seeking the minotaurs for his own task.

Irena caught up to him just as a Minotaur swung and missed trying to chop a few more inches off the gnome who was currently a rat. Irena convinced Jubilost to trust her, and he left the minotaur be while returning to the drake. Irena and Jubilost returned to Ozzy atop the drake.

There, Ozzy and Irena discussed that Ozzy was looking for Ella, and that Irena had kept Jubilost from fighting the minotaur. The twins had figured out that they were both working to sabotage the others.

And Ella had the realization that the things the others seemed to be trying to do were contradictory, which would make her own task impossible. And with a little more thought she realized something else: if she sabotaged the party, she would have succeeded at her task, which automatically meant one person would be successful and cause them all to lose. There was only one way to win and to get those double points: by revealing her task to the others and causing them all to immediately fail—which was itself a success.

We can see why the King has taken a shine to these heroes. They are both clever and unpredictable. Two things the King values. We also find these traits as to our liking.

With that, we unveiled the final task. A fey feast of sorts. Not the kind that traps one within the First World, we have more class than that. Instead, each team had to eat as many basilisk eggs as possible in the one minute allotted.

Ozzy took advantage of his current avian form, and earned his team a healthy head start. Although none managed to make it through the entire minute, in any of the teams. The hallucinogenic effects of the eggs might have had something to do with that.

The tasks complete, our heroes had won the day. A bit predictable, but well earned. We dismissed the rest of the competition, and allowed each member of the team to ask a question of me.

Jubilost went first, with the question we knew had been on his mind since long before he begam seeking to enter our games. And we answered with the honesty and insight that such a question deserved.

Ozzy asked after the hidden treasures of Ignasio Surtovasio, the man who cursed Nyrissa and his own bloodline in one fell swoop. We imparted the knowledge of the island where the pirate lord had once walked from the mortal realms into our First World. How to reach it will be our heroes’ own task, but they have proven adept at overcoming such challenges.

Ella asked what would happen if she told Nyrissa who she really was. We imparted the unfortunate truth, that such a revelation would only cause pain, and the chances that Nyrissa would believe her through the smoke of a smoldering past were more in Desna’s domain than my own.

Finally, Irena’s question. She asked what important facet they had yet to notice. Clever, clever girl. We have been impressed with her since our first meeting, although she does not know it yet as this was her first meeting of us. We told her of the cyclical nature of the Stolen Lands, and how noticing the pattern could help to piece together just what poor Nyrissa is doing.

The Debate was done, not to repeat until one of us gets the whim to run it again. We parted ways with these interesting young heroes with one final boon. Protection, from one future catastrophe each member of the group will inevitably face.

And thus we took our leave. While they will be meeting us again someday, I suspect this was the last we will see of them. They will have far more pressing matters soon. The cyclops, the barbarian, the darkness below, and the king and The King. Yes…their future is merely a bud, waiting to blossom. Whether the plant will become a beautiful rose or a deadly Briar…history will tell.

And now…what is that the King always says? It is time for the curtain to open, and for the players to take the stage.