the-resident-alpaca

[the-resident-alpaca]

[the-resident-alpaca]

[the-resident-alpaca]

Captain America and Hercules are basically the same movie

[the-resident-alpaca]

Jeopardy GOAT—a summary

[the-resident-alpaca]

If ur still in the need for found family asks, what's ur take on found family traditions? do u think the Revengers get together to celebrate asgardian / sakaarian holidays? do they spend earth holidays together?

(I am still in need thank you Bec I love you–) The Revengers totally celebrate holidays together. I imagine there’s some Earth holidays because of Bruce (and Thor because let’s face it, he loves Earth and their holidays kind of fascinate him). Val humors them and takes part, and then goes all out with Asgardian holidays because they can get pretty wild if you have the right people to celebrate it with. Bruce loves to see the different culture, so he’s always on board to try something that doesn’t involve extreme commercialization. 

I also think that Val jokes about Sakaarian holidays but none of them ever celebrate them because they’re absolutely terrible (i.e. Grandmaster Day, Grandmaster Birthday Day, Grandmaster Week-Long-Orgy-And-Feast, etc.). 

And, of course, Loki always acts all dramatic and whiny about going and complains about how much he’d rather be alone but then he always shows up fashionably late for each gathering because he’s like That. 

[the-resident-alpaca]

THIS. I wish I could be as eloquent as this person. Because this is how you make a difference.

[the-resident-alpaca]

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

[the-resident-alpaca]

[the-resident-alpaca]

10 REASONS TO ADOPT A PET

You save a life.

The cost of adoption is less than buying a pet.

Most shelter animals have had medical treatment and are spayed/neutered, microchipped, and up to date with vaccines.

There are more unique pets to choose from in shelters. Age, breeds, mixed breeds, and personality choices are greater.

Many are already trained.

Your bed is pre-warmed on cold winter nights.

Animals are just ready to love you, no matter what.

Adopting from a shelter opens a cage for another pet who needs a new forever home.

An adult pet takes the guess work out of determining size, thickness of coat, and energy level.

Mixed breeds are unique compared to purebreeds and may have less genetically inherited health problems.

Take this quiz to find out which dog is right for you!

[the-resident-alpaca]

it's never too late to start your day

insomnia got you sleeping in until 2 pm?

that's okay. get yourself some coffee and go thrift shopping, no one will know

anxiety got you staring at walls until 8 pm?

it's going to get better. start a load of laundry and take a hot shower, so you go to sleep clean

depression keep you locked in your room until 11 pm?

it'll be alright. drive to walmart and buy some nice candles for your night, you'll wake up with something new

you don't have to start your day in the morning. i start at 5 pm sometimes and let me tell you, doing something almost always feels better than doing nothing. it doesn't have to be big or important. it doesn't have to be too much to handle. it's enough to wash your face, or comb out your hair. if you feel tired, it's enough to make a list of things you want to do tomorrow. don't let the clock hold you back. it's a piece of glass and plastic. you get to decide what a day is.

[the-resident-alpaca]

One of my favourite geology facts is this: These diagrams are a lie.

The mantle isn’t yellow. Nor is it orange, or red, or brown, or gray, or black.

The earth’s mantle is made up largely of peridotite.

The earth’s mantle is lime green.

[the-resident-alpaca]

The Phantom Menace is the best movie ever because the entire premise is essentially “Amazon has obtained its own private army and now two future samurai have to stop it from forcing Natalie Portman’s planet to use its services by cutting through Jeff Bezos’s army of robots and attempting to convince Congress to do something about it SPOILER WARNING Congress doesn’t do anything so Natalie Portman has to take matters into her own hands also the day is saved by a redneck kid the samurai picked up when the car broke down”.

[the-resident-alpaca]

warming up

[the-resident-alpaca]

On LGBTQ+ Representation in Blockbusters   Or: An Open Letter to the Straights in Charge of Disney

Minor spoilers for The Rise of Skywalker I guess

When I saw this headline, it made my blood boil. I got genuinely angry that the tiny snippet of a kiss between two women in Star Wars is being call historic. None of this is historic, it’s just frustrating. In this so-called historic moment, two women are seen kissing for a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it instant in the middle of a crowd before the camera quickly pans away to something else. It’s barely a breadcrumb. As a community, LQBTQ+ people cannot be sustained on breadcrumbs. And not only that, we’re no longer satisfied by your breadcrumbs. In fact, we never were.

It felt like the director was just saying “here, I’ll throw you a bone. Let me do this one little favor for you.” But seeing representation in the media should feel good, not disappointing and frustrating. When I see queer people in films I want to feel elated, not think “oh, that’s it?” And I certainly don’t want to get to a point where I’m not even optimistic enough to allow myself to hope for more than a tiny morsel of representation, which is how I felt going into Star Wars.

When headlines came out before Avengers: Endgame’s release saying that it would have the MCU’s first openly gay character that’s exactly what I was expecting. A character. I knew it wasn’t going to be any of the main characters, but I thought it would at least be someone who moved the story forward. Instead we got a scene that could have easily been cut from the movie without hurting the plot at all. If your “characters” or, in the case of Star Wars, their queerness, can be cut from a film without a second thought, then it’s not representation.

We are not background actors in straight people’s stories. We are people with stories of our own that deserve to be told. And by relegating us to the sidelines and the background, you’re telling us the opposite. You’re telling us that we don’t deserve for our stories to be told. You’re telling us that we aren’t worthy of the spotlight. You’re not doing us a favor, you’re making it worse. And it makes you just as bad as the people who stand outside pride with signs telling us to go to hell.

When J.J. Abrams said Finn and Poe’s relationship is “far deeper than a romantic one,” he was just making excuses and trying to justify the fact that he has let a huge group of people down. Sure, love between friends can run very deep, I’m not saying it can’t. But what we have is two characters with very clear chemistry having their relationship sidelined, once again, for the sake of heteronormativity. The studio execs are clearly more concerned with making sure the Conservative People of AmericaTM feel comfortable, than representing and standing up for a community that has long been oppressed.

When I sat down to write this I thought to myself “what can I say that hasn’t already been said before.” Because we’ve been begging you for so long. Articles and letters and essays like this come out every time something like this happens. And it still keeps happening. Over and over again. And we’re all tired. We are all exhausted by this repetitive cycle. So please just stop, and give us some actual representation. 

Please and Thanks, 

A Frustrated Queer Person

[the-resident-alpaca]

The fact that Debra Jo Rupp never won an Emmy for this role is a travesty

[the-resident-alpaca]

it would be so funny to me if thor didn’t know the guardians of the galaxy were criminals

[the-resident-alpaca]

Between Jango Fett demanding a son as payment for being cloned and the mandalorian immediately adopting baby yoda I’ve come to a conclusion