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I thought I would feel better after a hiatus, but I don’t. Nothing is getting better, everything is getting worse and my mental state can’t take it. I haven’t had a day that I haven’t cried at least once, I’m trying not to fall back on old addictions and vices. I fear I’m going to fail.

I’m just stopping here to post this message, and to drop my contact information if anyone wants to talk to me. s k y p e ;; moriartypls || k i k ;; madasahattcr

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HIATUS NOTICE.

I’m not sure when I’ll be back, I’m beyond myself with.. just.. everything I’m feeling lately & I love Ray to death. But if this is the kind of stress that comes with playing him, I can’t fucking do it.

My  s k y p e  is moriartypls & my  k i k  is madasahattcr if anyone wants to add me. Just tell me who you are or I’m not accepting it.

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OH LOOK. WHAT IS THIS? MY ANNOUNCEMENT OF SHIP EXCLUSIVITY.

Not that anyone but me cares; this blogs mainverse is default LoT – and in that verse, stems the relationship I’ve plotted with @captainofcold – I am also ship exclusive with them. ( All this will be put on my blog later. ) A.K.A I will not ship with other Leonard’s – Also because of this, any other relationships will be in the Arrow / Flash timelines or AU’s / other verses of their own.

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@absolutezerro replied to your post: “I thought you were fully exclusive w/ another Len ?? Lmfao”:

That's like a really shitty way to ask that question to? Like what a manipulative passive aggressive Mess

It really was?? Like for a hot minute I was actually feeling really bad about it. But then I just got angry like?? Can you get your salt out of my ask; I have enough of it on my own. & now I’m just all fucking salt about this. So much salt they could use me as a salt shaker at mcdonalds thats how fucking salty I am.

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I thought you were fully exclusive w/ another Len ?? Lmfao

Actually,    I fully remember issuing a statement that I was SHIP EXCLUSIVE.   I do believe,   I could have forgotten my exact wording;   but I’m thinking that was the choice that me & the other mun had come to.   That being said,   their Leonard is my Ray’s main verse & main relationship partner.   If it has seemed at any time like I was going back on that,   or being disrespectful to my ship partner.    It was not my intention.   Ray’s Len is & will ALWAYS be @captainofcold --- For many reasons,   the history we’ve built up for them.   The love they have developed for each other,   but also -- Amy is the best person I know,   & I’m lucky enough to call her my girlfriend.   As I’ve stated numerous times on this blog,   she’s one of the most important people to me in my life.

But either way,   any threads or whatnot with other Len’s are kept purely platonic or unrequited.   Ray crushes easily,   I can’t change that aspect of my muse even if I were to try.   I am not looking for other people to play ColdAtom with;   however I AM always open to talk about it with others.   That doesn’t exactly violate any kind of exclusivity or whatnot.   Nor would pocket-verses or AU’s on kik or skype,   but you know --- whatever,   right?

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@absolutezerro replied to your post: “@absolutezerro replied to your post:The degree to which I need a mick...”:

Oh lmao I already follow your mick blog because I guess I'm stalking you but yeah when ur like "I write both these but I DONT WANNA WRITE WITH MYSELF"

i have a stalker i’ve had you as a friend for like what a year or more & you still feel the need to stalk me. #friendshipgoals no but -- exactly its like OKAY SO I WRITE RAY & MICK but i’m not gonna write _ray & mick_ with myself, ya feel. It’s just like it’s not as fun?? 

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@shirtclad replied to your post: “@absolutezerro replied to your post:The degree to which I need a mick...”:

The word you're looking for is fadoodle. And you can fadoodle yourself. Or so I hear.

... oh my g od.

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@absolutezerro replied to your post:

The degree to which I need a mick is Staggering

I actually have a Mick blog myself --- I just -- y’know.. Kinda can’t roleplay with myself. Might as well just write a fic if that was the case.

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( accessing file ;; SNART. )

len wants to provoke him, wants to cause the other man to react to what he’s saying or doing in a way beyond just saying that it will work but he has no real desire to hurt him. at least not right now. they’re on a team and that means something to len despite what so many people may thing. mick is his priority, true, but they’re all important here. if he’s forced to choose between someone on the team and his partner? well, let’s just hope that no one here tries to force him into a spot like that again. sometimes he though, or maybe he just decided and when he decided something it became fact in his mind, that he thought ray needed someone in his life to play devils advocate for his grander ideas. not because he doesn’t believe they can work, not because he doesn’t want them to work, but because everyone needs a villain, everyone needs someone to prove themselves against. len can be that person for ray. besides it’s fun.

“ you can call me len, raymond, i don’t mind. “ he knows that wasn’t the reason he reverted back to the use of his last name but really he was here to get rich not make friends. though friends seemed to come along no matter he tried to do to keep them at bay. “ len or snart or captain, lenoard if you’re feeling like an old man. “ he smiles at the reaction he gets with his unprovoked attack on ray’s ear. good. something real. “ oh, sorry, did that bother you? i’ll keep it in mind. “

there's a look of annoyance cast towards the man,   no  m a t t e r  if a fondness shows in his eyes or not --- there was no way he was going to allow himself the luxury of calling him something familiar.   something friendly,   they weren't  f r i e n d s,   they were just stuck on the ship --- on this team,   together;   they weren't friends.   even if ray did like spending time with the criminals;   even if some part of him saw them as a  s a f e  haven from judgement.   no matter how 'useless' his current company saw him.

❛ calling you 'len' isn't exactly high on the list of things i'd  l i k e  to do. ❜     mostly because it meant something,    & if he let himself start thinking like that --- it wouldn't be long until he was developing a crush on leonard,    & wouldn't  t h a t  be a horrible thing to experience?   especially if the man found out about it.   so ray was keen to distance himself as  m u c h  as he could,   in the emotional aspect.     ❛ the day i call you len,   is the day you call me  r a y. ❜     he,   honestly,   didn't mind 'raymond' when it was from leonard...    ( fuck. )   ❛ & yes,   you  a s s.   that did bother me;   i have work to focus on. ❜    attention now drifting back to the pieces upon the table;   he's quick to get back to work.   c a r e f u l;   & yet impatient to finish his project.

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@ruinedfaith replied to your post:

I’m about to run to Starbucks but I could do something with you from ccptaincold when I get back, if he’s awake!

yes pls. if he is. i mean u could always just add me on skype or kik bc i might be getting off the computer in a bit to watch doctor who for a little while.

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@absolutezerro replied to your post: “absolutezerro liked your post i see u there”:

*slides in* Hello

yes hello dear friend how are u this fine day

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absolutezerro liked your post

i see u there

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