theatricalgladiator

[theatricalgladiator]

D couldn't stop himself from quirking a small smile. "Well, they closed the gardens all day, so... I guess as long as you want?" he knew that was the answer Dirk was looking for, but still took great joy in watching his eyes light up.  "Actually," he said as he followed the kid's lead, "There's this super fancy sushi dish that they like... slice up the fish while it's still alive. That's the fancy part, it fucking staring at you as you take the first bite." He frowned. "I think that's fucking nasty, but you know. Delicacy."

It was not at all lost on him how Dirk was actually walking so close to his side - he had no reason to at all. Even if he wanted to stick close to D because of nerves, he didn't have to be this close.

It wasn’t often that Dirk got out, obviously, so his curiosity was pretty new and genuine. He’d seen plenty before his whole aversion to the outdoors and people in general, but it’d been a while since then (and even since coming here - living in Michigan, he hadn’t done a lot of exciting things out of the house) and this was almost like re-learning.

"Can’t see you eating a live fish anyway. I think that’d be pretty weird." Like a live squid or something. It kinda gave him the willies just thinking about it, so he instead decided to focus on the building they were in.

"I don’t plan on fucking anything up. Look at this place, though. It looks like they use it for re-enacting ceremonies or something like that." Maybe tea ceremonies; there was a really low table and cushions and a few other things that gave him that idea. He kept moving though, and exited a door in the back; entering another part of the gardens.

He hung back though, choosing to walk in step with his brother, slowing his gait to do so. Remarkably close, too. “How long do we have here…?” Dirk could honestly stay all day if he was allowed.

[theatricalgladiator]

It was cute, like really cute, that Dirk was so curious. D told himself it wasn't weird to think that. This was his kid, right? He'd been cute when he was little and learning to walk and he could still be cute now. Yeah. That wasn't weird.

"I like my seafood already dead, honestly," he shrugged. He knew Dirk was totally aware that he was a huge baby, so who gave a shit? He trailed after his brother like he had back when the kid was a lot smaller and he'd taken him to the park. D was a lot less scruffy now than he had been back then, but then again, Dirk was about three times taller.

"Don't know why anyone would mind, long as we don't fuck anything up, yeah?" he followed him in, looking around with mild interest. It was a pretty cool place, really, even if it was Dirk's thing more than his.

Dirk snickered a little, shaking his head and pulling his hand back, wiping it off on his pants before he stood again. “Yeah, you’re lucky no one else is here as much as I am. Wonder what the press would say about you being afraid of fish.” He started off towards the actual gardens, hands in his pockets. “Something about sushi not agreeing with you, no doubt. Which would suck, because sushi is delicious.”

They reached the first building and Dirk let out a low whistle, admiring the architecture and urging his brother into it with him. “Can we even go in here? Actually, I don’t care. I’m going in anyway.” If there was anything behind glass he’d obviously leave it alone, but he saw no signs or locked gates, so he basically helped himself. Courage grew without limits, hot damn.

[theatricalgladiator]

D followed him, already feeling some warm fuzzies at seeing Dirk touch something so readily even though it was only cold fish. They felt pretty lifeless, so it wasn't surprising that he touched them without hesitation.

Kneeling down beside his brother, D reached out to touch the writhing mess of fish. They felt kinda gross to him, but he did it to make Dirk happy. He yelped when one suddenly mouthed his finger, then snorted at his own patheticness.

"Yeah."

He followed his brother, catching up with him a moment later and crossing into the park. This would be okay. It would be fun, Dirk would see a lot of neat things, and he could (hopefully) spend time with D that wasn’t composed entirely of a stupid panic attack.

"Oh shit, look at this." He picked up the pace a little, kneeling down next to a large pool filled with giant koi. They swam up to the edge, almost fighting one another to try and get closer to him. It made Dirk laugh a little, reaching out to brush his fingers over their backs. "I don’t have anything for you, I don’t know why you’re so excited to see me." He looked up at his brother. "They’re friendly. For fish, I mean. Come look."

[theatricalgladiator]

Dirk seemed even more secure now that he'd seen there really was no one around, and that settled D's nerves a little. It looked like he actually was going to have a good time after all - or, whatever qualified as a good time for Dirk, at least. "Let's go then." Together, they walked through the deserted gates. For the first time, D didn't feel the need to keep a very slow pace and stand at his little brother's elbow. Dirk could handle this; was already handling this. D could see him looking around with interest, and could also see the fact that for being out of his bedroom, he really wasn't even that tense. 

This had been such a great idea. Congratulations on a great idea, D.

"I think I remember you doing stuff like that." It just seemed a little… extreme? Maybe not. "I guess it’s not too hard to believe they’d clear the whole park out for you." As long as it was actually empty. No surprises. No kids sneaking in. No assholes grabbing the back of his jacket. Just him. And his brother.

As the car parked he shuffled himself up again in the seat, looking around and seeing that - yeah. The place was empty. “Yeah… it’s empty.” He could see the topiary from the parking lot, and admittedly was already a little excited about it. He let himself out of the car and rubbed his arms. Definitely a little chilly. “I’m ready to go.” He could do this. There was no one around. Piece of cake.

[theatricalgladiator]

"Yeah," D sounded a little surprised that Dirk thought that strange or unexpected at all. "I've done more for way less important shit. Dumb commercials, you know. Media garbage." He snorted, driving casually with one hand on the wheel. Dirk looked small and insecure curled up like that, and it made the strong protective urge rear again. He told himself Dirk would be fine. There would be no one there, no way something could happen to him. He'd be safe and protected.  Soon enough, he was pulling up outside the gardens, parking the car with ease in the deserted parking lot. "See? Not a soul around to disturb us."

Dirk smiled a little, turning back to grab a jacket to throw over his hoodie. and double-checking to make sure he had all this things with him. Inhaler, phone (who did he even talk to?) and a spare house key, just in case. Pulling the jacket on, he held up his arms. “This good enough?”

Getting the go-ahead, he followed D down to the car and fidgeted a little as he waited for it to be unlocked, sliding into the passenger’s seat and buckling himself in.

Cars were nice. Dirk could do cars. Hell, he could probably teach Saw how to drive and have the robot take him places. More than likely he could drive himself, but he didn’t want to risk something like having any sort-of attack behind the wheel of a large hunk of metal that had the potential to kill him and any number of people that happened to be in the way.

Shrinking in the seat and putting his feet up on the dashboard, he sighed. After a quiet moment: “You really cleared out the whole park?”

[theatricalgladiator]

"Two of us it is," he tried to bite back his grin. He'd hoped desperately that was what Dirk would say. "Dress kind of warm? Supposed to be windy today." He didn't want to be the fretting adult, but he couldn't help it. Dirk was still sick - and still pretty fucking scared of everything. He didn't want another overload like happened last time. He waited patiently for Dirk to get ready, then stuck by his side and led him down to the car. At least this shouldn't be as bad as having to walk out the front of the building?

"Yeah. Gotta do something." He was a little excited. Er, well. Excited was a bit of an overstatement, but he was looking forward to going outside again, not having the impending danger of strangers trying to touch him constantly, and… Well. 

Looking up again, he shook his head. “No.” Ah. “…no. They can stay here. They can go out whenever they want.” Dirk kinda wanted to. Spend time with his brother. Maybe make up for the last time. Which is what he told himself. “It’ll be nice to spend time together outside. Just… the two of us.” It really did sound nice. Company notwithstanding, the gardens themselves were supposed to be gorgeous.

[theatricalgladiator]

D fought back a smile. Dirk seemed almost kind of excited about the opportunity, which is what he hadn't dared to hope would happen. "I thought it might help, yeah. Of course I did it for you. Gotta go something to help, right?" He gave a small, awkward shrug. "It'll be totally safe, just you and me. Unless you wanna bring the rats or any of the plethora of robots we have hanging around."

He really hoped Dirk wouldn't, and wanted it to be just the two of them.

He raised a brow and opened his door a little more, leaning against the knob and watching him as he spoke. Japanese Gardens? Oh, yeah - he’d read a few things on them when he was allowed on a computer again after first coming here, having looked up things to do in LA after foolishly thinking he’d be able to handle it by himself. As such all it was to him was an article on the internet. But now…?

What D said sort-of belatedly sunk in and he watched the ground, rubbing the back of his hair for a second before looking up again. “…you did that for me?” Even in his disbelief he stepped away from the door, rubbing his face and going through his clothes to throw on some generic, clean clothing. Hoodie, inhaler. “I mean. Yeah. I wanna go. I should probably try and… you know. Get out of the house again anyway.” He pulled his hoodie on and went back towards the door, slipping on his shades. “It’ll help more, right?” He bit his lip a little. “Being outside and… safe?”

[theatricalgladiator]

As soon as Dirk opened the door, D felt suddenly awkward. "Uh, well, thought you might wanna go to the Japanese gardens that they've got in town. I..." wow, suddenly he was thinking he should've asked beforehand if Dirk would be okay with this. "I kind of called ahead to make sure they'd close them for the day. So, you know. No people around. Just us."

He couldn't protest to that, could he? Nice and safe, no people around...

He’d honestly been trying not to think of what had happened ‘last time’; truly that’d been uh. One of the worse episodes he’d ever had. Embarrassing. But today was actually going pretty well and while he hadn’t done much involving the outdoors, he was doing… better. Fond of the rats and more willing to pay attention to them, that was progress, right?

He looked up at his door at the knock, brows knitting a little. Somewhere to take him? He slid off the bed and shuffled to the door, opening it a little to peek at him. An odd little chill raced through him. Weird. Felt like it’d been forever since they’d done anything, though. “Where do you want to take me?” It wasn’t like. A doctor or anything right. No, D wouldn’t do that to him. But where in the hell…?

[theatricalgladiator]

After what happened last time, D couldn't help but think this was a good idea. Well, maybe it was a bad idea to try and get Dirk out of the house at all; but it wasn't like he could just hide there forever, right? He needed to keep working on this stuff, and this should be a nice, safe way to do that. No one would be able to come anywhere near them

Honestly, he was a little excited about the brilliance of his own plan. He could be plenty inventive and problem solving on set, but he was notoriously bad at applying the skill in real life.

He knocked on Dirk's door, wondering how best to word the whole thing so as to not stress him out. "Hey, kid. I've got somewhere to take you."

[theatricalgladiator]

"Showering is a really good idea," D said in a soft voice, trying to keep Dirk calm. "Just, relax. You know?" He sighed, slowly and gently leading his brother back towards their apartment.

"You're not making a scene," he glanced around the park quickly to confirm. "No one's even really looking at us. We don't have far to go, either." He let Dirk cling tightly and needily to his hand as he led him on the shortest possible route to the apartment building, regardless of where the paths were.

He carefully tucked his inhaler back in his pocket, running his free hand up and over his forehead, wiping away the very thin layer of sweat up into his hair. Eugh. Nodding, he stood with D, catching his breath a little more and gripping his hand again until the ground stopped being so wobbly under him.

"I’m s…sorry I. Made a s-scene." God, he was an embarrassment. He was more grateful for the fact that no one recognized his brother so he didn’t have to deal with a shitload of awful slanders about his ‘questionably stable’ younger brother. 

Hand rest over his face again, rubbing his temples as he swayed very slightly on his feet. “I j-just want to. Go home a-and. Shower.” For a year, maybe more. Before he started thinking too much about this and started crying again or something.

[theatricalgladiator]

"Good job," D said firmly, wanting to make sure he gave Dirk proper encouragement and this seemed like the time. He did a short squeeze back; just enough for reassurance, not wanting to make his brother feel trapped. "Can you stand? I've got you, it's okay. We're really close to home."

He was so, so happy that he hadn't decided to wander further away on Dirk's first outing. He slowly pushed himself to his feet, hoping the kid would follow him up.

As odd as it was (as hard as it was for him to swallow) he actually didn’t. Want to feel alone. Especially after his brother had saved him, now that he could breathe and see and was finally not threatening to vibrate himself apart from his tremors, he… Hm.

He closed his eyes as he saw the hand lift towards his face, nodding a little to let him know it was okay. There was an initial wince as the fabric touched him at first, but it was just fabric, and he let out a shaky sigh. This was… pathetic. The height of pathetic. It really didn’t get much more embarrassing than this, did it?

Opening his eyes again, he found the strength to unclench his fingers from D’s knee, forcing himself to grab his hand. It sent a chill down his spine and he swallowed a soft sound, gripping the fingers he held so, so tightly. 

[theatricalgladiator]

At first D was shocked when Dirk grabbed him, but then it made his chest tingle with warmth. Was his brother actually actively reaching out for him while he was freaking the fuck out? Holy shit.

"That's okay." D said, keeping calm for Dirk's benefit. "You're okay, you don't have to." He pulled his hoodie over his hand, slowly reaching out to dry Dirk's face. He only actually brushed the fabric against his cheek when he was sure he was alright with it.

"If you wanna try and grab my hand instead I'll get you home, okay?"

It took him a full minute to realize his brother was crouched in front of him, finally able to open his hands and let go of the grass. His palms were wet from sweat and the grass; bits and blades sticking to his hands as he grabbed for his inhaler. Shaking it almost violently, he reached out; putting his hand on his brother’s knee to stabilize himself as he calmed himself down enough to let out his breath, then inhale on the device.

And again.

Eyes closed as he held the last of the medication in his lungs, letting it out with a heavy sigh. He wished he could stop shaking. His insides, his arms, his - He felt his grip on D’s knee tighten; wet cheeks colouring darker. He shook his head.

"I c-cant let g-go." His fingers were locked in place, like they had been on the grass. At least he could breathe.

[theatricalgladiator]

"Dirk..." D turned around, his voice still holding an edge of danger. "Hey, kid. You're okay. He's gone." He kneeled next to Dirk, knowing he'd have to get the inhaler out for him but loathe to scare him more. He slowly reached forwards and slid his hand into the pocket of Dirk's hoodie, careful not to brush his skin even through the fabric. 

He took the cap off and set it on the ground in front of his brother so he could easily take it. He'd give him a cigarette, but right now he was just going to choke on it.

"You're gonna be okay. Just take the puffer, aight? I'll take you home soon as you calm down a little..."

Feeling the tension instantly snap out of his hoodie, he knew he was released and wow the world was spinning as he fell to his knees, sitting back on his calves and. 

Breathe. He couldn’t. There wasn’t any air going into his lungs and he felt grass in between his fingers. Cold. It was really cold. His fingernails scraped the dirt, violently shaking hands gripping the grass and inadvertently pulling it out at the roots. 

His skin was absolutely crawling. It felt like a million ants were marching over every part of his body; a million little limbs and a million little touches. When he could finally breathe again, it came in deep, short gasps; Dirk’s arms jerking (he couldn’t. fucking. let go of. the grass.) to try and fumble for his inhaler.

What he heard behind him was a muffle of barely-understood words, but everything else was so fucking clear, it was bizarre. The rustle of fabric, the scrape of shoes on the pavement of the sidewalk leading out of the bathroom. His own heart racing. 

This had been such a stupid fucking idea. Why had he wanted to go outside so badly. He could have stood on the balcony, safely away from anyone that wanted to touch him. Holed up with his robots and AR and his brother - his brother, who stood in harm’s way for him (harm that, realistically, was nothing more than a curious dude looking for conversation) and was… 

He was so, so dizzy. And crying. And making a spectacle of himself in general in the middle of a fucking park. Incredible.

"Jus’ wanted to say hey, thought I recognized him. Hey, let me the fuck go." The man wrenched his wrist free, rubbing it and taking a step back. "Whatever, man. Sorry." He backed off another step, and then took off. 

[theatricalgladiator]

Okay, so maybe he worried too much. That was something D had accepted about himself a long time ago. Going to stand outside of the bathroom couldn't be too weird, could it? It wasn't too weird to be this protective of him, not when this was his first time outside in so long... 

At least, that was what D told himself as he approached the little building. He was just really hesitant to let the kid out of his sight.

As he rounded the corner, he saw a man standing pretty close to Dirk and his heart jumped. Fuck, maybe it was a good thing he'd come over, because that was probably going to be enough to make his little brother anxious.

At first he couldn't believe his eyes when the man's hand shot out and grabbed Dirk's sweater, but faster even than the shock had come anger slammed into him like a truck; anger like he hadn't really felt since he'd been clean.

He stepped out from behind the corner, for once looking every inch and more of his over six feet. He stepped past Dirk, grabbed the man's wrist, and yanked it off of his brother's back. Then it was easy to forcibly insert himself between them.  "Don't you dare fucking touch my baby brother."

Whatever. Whatever. Yeah. Huff. No contradictions here. So maybe he was a little worried about the dog jumping on him. But maybe it was because he didn’t want the guy running over and. Being friendly. Maybe he wanted to shake his hand. Or would want to. Nn.

"I would absolutely take a horse for a walk." That would be a lot of fun. Right through the damn city.

Ah, hell.

"I’ll be right back." He stood, momentarily looking around for the bathroom. A lone building was a short jog away, and he headed over to it to do his business. The bathroom smelled like a bathroom at a park typically would, Dirk wrinkling his nose as he did what he came to do. He certainly didn’t miss that about outside. Finishing, he turned around - and froze. A man had come into the restroom without him hearing, and decided to use the urinal right. Next to him. Dirk took a deep breath and did his best to give a normal-looking nod, quickly sidestepping to the sink and hastily washing his hands. The man finished and did the same and Dirk felt a little trapped. The bathroom was small and the man was blocking the exit.

"Hey." Dirk froze again, feeling a chill run down his spine, watching the man as he dried his hands. Dirk’s were hovering in front of him, shaking and dripping onto the floor. He opened his mouth but no sound came out, shaking his head and bracing himself to rush past him and back outside. No good, he could hear the man following him, trying to initiate some sort-of after-bathroom conversation, Why. Why this. The tug he felt to the back of his hoodie made him freeze again and the blonde made a quiet, terrified sound - barely louder than the sound of his heart racing. Oh god, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. He was going to die outside in the middle of a fucking park and. Ffffffffffffffuck.

[theatricalgladiator]

D just smiled a little to himself, Maybe he was biased because he raised the kid, but he was pretty fucking adorable when he contradicted himself like that. Apparently the genius brain left convenient blanks when it was called into question. Shit, "Not like you need to walk 'em. Just dogs that need that. And horses," he added with a touch of good humor. He was really glad Dirk actually liked his little pets, though.

He frowned a little in a defensive way, chewing on the inside of his lip. “I wasn’t afraid of that.” Which directly contradicted what he just said. Good job, Dirk. He watched the man and the dog until they were out of sight, nodding absently to what his brother said. “Not a care in the world.” Dogs sure had it made for them.

Looking over at his brother, he raised an eyebrow. “I knew they made harnesses for ferrets and stuff. But I didn’t think they made rat ones.” He snorted a little. “How novel. I dunno though. I wouldn’t want them to get hurt or anything. I kinda like them.” With a roll of his eyes he shook his head. “AR seems to like them enough. Maybe he’d like to do that. Or something.” Dirk was still a little uneasy that AR had gone off and. Done that whole body business. But he was doing his best to get over it. He could understand the frustration of being trapped. Kinda. Evident in his apparent cabin fever.

[theatricalgladiator]

"Wasn't gonna let him jump on you." D said calmly. "Dogs are great. He was just being friendly," he'd noticed the little smile Dirk had. "Happiest fucking things on the planet, aren't they?" He'd even given the dog a little scritch. Wow, today was going well. 

And unless Dirk decided to do any running, he probably wasn't going to need his puffer seeing as the air was nice and cool and clear, especially for this deep in L.A. 

"I think you can get little harnesses for rats, if you wanna take one outside some time." He doubted Dirk would, but seeing as he was staring off longingly after that dog might as well offer.

He was shaking a little, petting the dog, on the edge of his seat not wanting the thing to dart towards him or draw the attention of children or anyone else that might think it was theirs. He went from just barely brushing his fingertips over the coat, to eventually really digging in and scratching behind the dog’s ear. This was pretty okay. The dog was really soft, softer than his rats anyways, and seemed really excited. It was a little infections, and he smiled.

The dog suddenly jumping away startled him a bit, Dirk pulling his hand back and watching the owner dote upon the canine as it leapt at him and jumped around excitedly. Eyes went to his brother at the praise, the fragile little smile remaining. “He… Was nice.” Pulling the petting hand towards himself, he rubbed his thumb over his palm and took a deep breath. “And he didn’t jump on me. So it was okay.”