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When a treasure chest seems to be guarded by one unarmed man, be on guard for possible shapeshifters (Alan Hunter cover for White Dwarf 3, Oct/Nov 1977)

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Spin this wheel first and then this wheel second to generate the title of a YA fantasy novel!

(If the second wheel lands on an option ending with a plus sign, spin it again)

Share what you got!

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A Long Road Home - Page 113 Author's Notes

Page 113

(This is a fun page for the Where’s Pâté fans.)

Rearranging the chapter so the worst part of Laudna's backstory happens at the end gave some extra foreshadowing to this page as well. Delilah is alluding in the sixth panel to the forging of her warlock pact, which has not yet been seen onscreen. (As well as, you know, Laudna's general reaction of horror to a voice that has so far been presented as a loving or at worst protective but just kind of mean presence.)

This is one of my favorite script pages and I’m happy that it’s finally here! I really enjoy writing Delilah and I love some of her lines here. (Laudna’s, too — this page is why as I mentioned in the notes for page 96 that Laudna didn’t fully lose the ability to speak after being raised from the dead.) Delilah describing her as “hollow” and “a husk,” to emphasize that she is, at this point, a nameless Hollow One. The double meaning of “not you” as both an answer to “Who are you?” and a reaction of horror upon recognizing her voice. The careless cruelty of Delilah asking “Hasn’t anyone been taking care of you?” when she was the person who murdered everyone who was taking care of Matilda and then turned into a monster, preventing her from being cared for by anyone else.

I mentioned a long time ago on SG Discord that this was the scene I was most afraid of being drastically contradicted by What Doesn’t Break, because Delilah’s arrival such a specific incident in Laudna’s life that I was sure there’d be a conflicting version of the same event. As it happened, it was and it wasn’t. There actually isn’t a dramatic moment of Delilah’s entrance like there is here, Laudna just becomes gradually that one of the voices in her head isn’t actually hers. (Although appropriately in both versions her reaction to the wrongness of Delilah’s presence is instinctive nausea.)

The biggest difference is that in my comic, Laudna recognizes her voice right away, and conversely, Delilah doesn’t know who she is at first. (A very “For me, it was Tuesday” situation.) During the campaign it was never really clear whether or not Delilah had had a plan for her all along and had singled her out as a vessel because of her magical potential, or whether she just ended up in her body unintentionally and didn’t know she was a sorceress until she took up residence. (The campaign itself gives conflicting information; during the white-out after Imogen’s psychic overload Laudna has a dream/memory of being chosen as a vessel:

But later in Darkstone Delilah claims she didn’t know about her magic when she used her as the effigy of Vex:

And much later in the campaign Laudna expresses doubt about Imogen’s repeated assertion that she was chosen by Delilah for a reason:

Not to mention the whole thing about Delilah’s evil science lab was never explained or mentioned again!!)

I can easily forgive some discontinuity arising from a yearslong improv campaign with several characters’ worth of intricate backstory simmering behind the scenes at all times though. Personally, I like the idea of Delilah never having given any further thought to her as something other than a convenient Dead Vex doll until she ended up in her body. (How she got there was never revealed either, but my working assumption has always been that Laudna retained an imprint of Delilah’s magic, and after Vox Machina burned through her supply of personal clones, her spirit was drawn to the closest viable corpse bearing her necromantic signature. Or maybe she was trying to get back to Whitestone and missed. Delilah’s actual goal for Laudna was tragically never explained but if she was aiming for lichdom, it seems unlikely that she, a level 17 wizard, would intentionally choose a very killable peasant girl as a phylactery when options like “a warded box on another plane guarded by an undead dragon” were available to her! Especially if she already had plans to use her body for something else.)

“Oh, you poor, pale, pretty thing!” was something exclaimed by a friend of mine upon witnessing Christine (played by Teri Polo) in the 1990 Charles Dance version of The Phantom of the Opera and it is just a line of dialogue that has been rattling around my head waiting for a character to attach itself to ever since. Also so far Delilah is the only person apart from Matilda’s dad who has acknowledged her giant eyes.

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@ludinusdaleth wrote this post about Ludinus and Orym Fans and to be honest, I thought about Orym and Ludinus a lot too. I had very quickly pinned them down as extremly similar to each other. If not the most similar characters in the entirety of CR. Hurt but refusing to work through it, creating a lot of existential hate. Self-righteous and a bit more. But it can be pretty boiled down to: whatever shit Ludinus has going on with the Gods, is pretty much the same shit Orym is doing concerning Ludinus. Something Ludinus I think has acknowledged and maybe admires even in Orym (“Brave little one”), while Orym only spews hate in Ludinus direction, refusing to acknowledge the similarities. And for anyone saying the Orym is morally better: Orym didn’t have much time to let his hate fester compared to Ludinus, didn’t have to live in a world that celebrates Ludinus as a savior, and is generally capable and willing to make terrible sacrifices (thinking about how he told everyone he had plans on how to kill them). So where is the difference between those two, that so different people are drawn to them? I get the feeling that Orym wants to be forgiven but doesn’t want to be understood. (How many people were actually told about his husband?) Meanwhile, Ludinus knows he can’t be forgiven, but he wants to be understood. And this difference of priorities draws fundamentally different people.

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anyone else wish they would get roped into a freaky friday body swap situation just for the hope that the other person will go "oh jesus fuck how do you live like this" and instantly validate your feelings of being Strange and Built Wrong.

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I often think fondly of the nurse who took my blood for the first time at the donation centre when I was 17. I wasn't interested in drinking or driving or gambling etc so this was the big milestone I was looking forward to marking in some official way. Anyway:

When I was done, after being complimented on my 'good veins', after I looked at the wall rather than the needle going into my arm - worried my animal instinct would make me jerk away if I watched - she turned to me, filled blood bag in hand and said, like it was an illicit secret, "do you want to hold it?" she leaned and smiled "It's still warm."

And I did. And it was still warm.

It was fucking awesome.

I have to live the rest of my life knowing no one will ever see me, ever recognise and indulge my whole gruesome deal the way that nurse did. My freak, never to be matched again.

I still trade my blood for biscuits and juice boxes though.

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my first thoughts with swapped kataang yuri au

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Hakoda the Grief Pirate it's time for Hakoda the Grief Pirateeee

Kya is killed, as in canon. Unlike canon, Bato is killed too. This means that rather than join the war, Hakoda goes mad with grief and gathers a few ships' worth of men - desperate, brutal men who want to repay the cruelty of the Fire Nation in kind. Not soldiers, not sailors, killers.

And he takes Katara.

The first place he goes is the Northern Water Tribe. He gets an audience. He goes to Chief Arnook and the elders and says: either I leave here today with a master for my daughter, or none of us leave this room alive.

Katara gets a master.

As in canon, Katara is a prodigy. With a year to focus on her waterbending and drilled by a man wearing her father's face who tells her "we're all going to die doing this" and "but we'll bleed them a thousand times over for every one of us" and most importantly he says "we're going to avenge your mother" - growing up under that man, Katara becomes terrifying.

Sokka is left alone. The last bit of love in his father's heart was spent on him, though he doesn't know it. It was spent on leaving him. It was spent on sparing him from seeing what his father would become.

Sokka goes out often, looking for traders and sailors and ships. He finds no news and too little fish. Until one day, an iceberg cracks open.

The boy is young and Sokka hasn't been a big brother for a while now, but it turns out that it's like riding a penguin - you never really forget. So when Aang gets kidnapped by some ponytailed jerk, of course he goes after him.

That he only manages to ruin Aang's escape and get them both captured is beside the point, okay? The Fire Jerk cheated.

(Appa follows them, if you're wondering. Aang doesn't seem to be in any real danger. Zuko isn't an especially merciless captor, no matter how he tries.)

Sokka finally gets some news. The Frost Wolf is believed to be a Northern raider (to protect his tribe from reprisals) and he is feared. He leaves only one survivor in each of his raids. He tasks them to deliver a simple message: the seas are no longer safe for the Fire Nation. He replenishes his crew with convicts and pirates. They say he has a crazy mechanist working for him. They say that an icy fog follows where he goes, blocking out the sun and chilling Firebenders to the core. They say he can't be killed.

-

"So, these guys of yours -" Sokka began and paused to let the answering "they're not my guys!" wash over him, "do they say anything about a girl?"

The Prince's ears reddened. "I don't listen to that kind of filth."

Which means you have listened, Sokka might have said if he felt like teasing. He didn't.

"Not like that! A girl, a little younger than me. Have you heard anything about that?"

Sokka held his breath. This was it. Of course, it didn't mean anything if Zuko hadn't heard...

"No." The Prince's voice was unusually quiet. Zuko's good eye glinted in the orange light of the torches.

Sokka couldn't help that his exhale caught in his throat on the way out, it wasn't - it was just a shock, he reasoned, it didn't mean anything that Zuko hadn't heard...

Zuko stood up and made to walk out. He stopped at the door.

"I'm sorry," the Prince said. "I have a sister, too."

The door closed and Sokka was left alone and with questions. Questions like:

How did he know?

-

The trip to the Fire Nation is long. Any experienced commander could have told Zuko to limit his interactions with the prisoners. To rotate out their guards and never have their meals brought by the same person if he could avoid it. Any experienced military commander would have seen the risk of two child prisoners, one of who is particularly genial and charming while the other is funny and sarcastic.

Iroh, one of the most experienced military commanders alive, encourages Zuko to learn all he can about his enemy. It's an advantage, you see.

(And if the watch lists are edited to put crewmembers with children into frequent and close contact with the prisoners - well, that's Iroh's prerogative. He is a General. And if there are a few minor navigational errors that lenghten their journey, well, that he knows nothing about. He's a General, not an Admiral.)

Meanwhile, Princess Azula is tasked with putting an end to the Frost Wolf's provocations. It would be terribly inconvenient if she were to have frequent encounters with another bending prodigy, about her age and wearing blue robes and a mask. They should make out about it.

Eventually, they'll all have to reckon with their monstrous fathers and murderous siblings.

[thebeedleboat]

"Bells Hells team up with the Mighty Nein to kill Ludinus in the hopes of getting back into the public's good graces" is a very ridiculous premise but a very funny metanarrative

[thebeedleboat]

Hakoda the Grief Pirate it's time for Hakoda the Grief Pirateeee

Kya is killed, as in canon. Unlike canon, Bato is killed too. This means that rather than join the war, Hakoda goes mad with grief and gathers a few ships' worth of men - desperate, brutal men who want to repay the cruelty of the Fire Nation in kind. Not soldiers, not sailors, killers.

And he takes Katara.

The first place he goes is the Northern Water Tribe. He gets an audience. He goes to Chief Arnook and the elders and says: either I leave here today with a master for my daughter, or none of us leave this room alive.

Katara gets a master.

As in canon, Katara is a prodigy. With a year to focus on her waterbending and drilled by a man wearing her father's face who tells her "we're all going to die doing this" and "but we'll bleed them a thousand times over for every one of us" and most importantly he says "we're going to avenge your mother" - growing up under that man, Katara becomes terrifying.

Sokka is left alone. The last bit of love in his father's heart was spent on him, though he doesn't know it. It was spent on leaving him. It was spent on sparing him from seeing what his father would become.

Sokka goes out often, looking for traders and sailors and ships. He finds no news and too little fish. Until one day, an iceberg cracks open.

The boy is young and Sokka hasn't been a big brother for a while now, but it turns out that it's like riding a penguin - you never really forget. So when Aang gets kidnapped by some ponytailed jerk, of course he goes after him.

That he only manages to ruin Aang's escape and get them both captured is beside the point, okay? The Fire Jerk cheated.

(Appa follows them, if you're wondering. Aang doesn't seem to be in any real danger. Zuko isn't an especially merciless captor, no matter how he tries.)

Sokka finally gets some news. The Frost Wolf is believed to be a Northern raider (to protect his tribe from reprisals) and he is feared. He leaves only one survivor in each of his raids. He tasks them to deliver a simple message: the seas are no longer safe for the Fire Nation. He replenishes his crew with convicts and pirates. They say he has a crazy mechanist working for him. They say that an icy fog follows where he goes, blocking out the sun and chilling Firebenders to the core. They say he can't be killed.

-

"So, these guys of yours -" Sokka began and paused to let the answering "they're not my guys!" wash over him, "do they say anything about a girl?"

The Prince's ears reddened. "I don't listen to that kind of filth."

Which means you have listened, Sokka might have said if he felt like teasing. He didn't.

"Not like that! A girl, a little younger than me. Have you heard anything about that?"

Sokka held his breath. This was it. Of course, it didn't mean anything if Zuko hadn't heard...

"No." The Prince's voice was unusually quiet. Zuko's good eye glinted in the orange light of the torches.

Sokka couldn't help that his exhale caught in his throat on the way out, it wasn't - it was just a shock, he reasoned, it didn't mean anything that Zuko hadn't heard...

Zuko stood up and made to walk out. He stopped at the door.

"I'm sorry," the Prince said. "I have a sister, too."

The door closed and Sokka was left alone and with questions. Questions like:

How did he know?

-

The trip to the Fire Nation is long. Any experienced commander could have told Zuko to limit his interactions with the prisoners. To rotate out their guards and never have their meals brought by the same person if he could avoid it. Any experienced military commander would have seen the risk of two child prisoners, one of who is particularly genial and charming while the other is funny and sarcastic.

Iroh, one of the most experienced military commanders alive, encourages Zuko to learn all he can about his enemy. It's an advantage, you see.

(And if the watch lists are edited to put crewmembers with children into frequent and close contact with the prisoners - well, that's Iroh's prerogative. He is a General. And if there are a few minor navigational errors that lenghten their journey, well, that he knows nothing about. He's a General, not an Admiral.)

Meanwhile, Princess Azula is tasked with putting an end to the Frost Wolf's provocations. It would be terribly inconvenient if she were to have frequent encounters with another bending prodigy, about her age and wearing blue robes and a mask. They should make out about it.

Eventually, they'll all have to reckon with their monstrous fathers and murderous siblings.

[thebeedleboat]

The Weltengeist Campaign

Fans of maps and manga, I wanted to alert you to this Kickstarter by Joel Jaegers and team! Just take a look at some of their world map for starters...

→ Check out the Weltengeist campaign!

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Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

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out of context transphobic ganon

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if imogen and laudna adopted a little reiloran they would have the same smile :D

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there are a lot of reasons i don't vibe with evil water tribe/good fire nation atla aus but i think one of the main ones is that people try to swap zuko & sokka and azula & katara and that just doesn't work bc the emotionally driven one standing up for what they believe in is katara and the high-strung strategist trying to make their dad proud is sokka

[thebeedleboat]

The funniest bit about Spock running off to join Starfleet as a "fuck you dad" moment is that there's no way Starfleet was happy about it either. Spock's family is extremely important, T'Pau wields massive influence, Sarek is the Ambassador, ect.

So Starfleet is in this horrible position where they can't say no to this extremely competent and well-connected Vulcan joining up, but it also causes a massive diplomatic headache because his whole family resents it. And then if anything were to happen to him? Major diplomatic incident.

Good thing he's level headed and never throws himself headlong into needless danger---what's that? He's completely unhinged? Oh, well, nevertheless