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At least and So far,

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It's my 5 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

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"Kasama sa pangarap ko, ang makabawi sa magulang."

For a long time, this was the only time I truly allowed myself to feel. It was late at night when I awoke in bed, and as my eyes fluttered open, a weight pressed against my chest, expanding with the force of unspoken emotions. I rose, gazing down at the floor, and saw it—water, pooling beneath me. My breaths grew heavier, and there it was—I was finally crying. Weeping, sobbing, letting go in the purest state of lamentation, if only for this fleeting moment. No noise, no distractions, not even thoughts—just feelings. These feelings surged from both body and soul, an overwhelming flood of exhaustion, melancholy, euphoria, and relief. In the end, I am still human—limited, vulnerable, fragile. And to embrace that humanity is like tasting the dew from the heavens, for which I am profoundly grateful. My heart is full.

Seeing my parents board their first flight, walking all day without suffering from the heat or the journey, only growing stronger in their determination to savour every moment of their vacation—these are the memories that fill me with gratitude. I thank Heavenly Father for granting me the perfect timing to fulfil this dream. Watching them not just witness, but experience life with vigour, has been one of the most comforting aspects of this trip. I am so thankful I was just in time.

I’ve been racing against time, aware that both of them are showing signs of decline, especially my mother. I’m beginning to understand her more, recognizing the shifts in her behaviour. I see her as she is, and I hope others can show her the grace and patience she deserves as she enters this new stage of life. I’m halfway there now—this is my testament to honouring my parents. My joy for my in-laws is just as deep, even if the dream isn’t the same, I still want them to be part of it. Especially now, as he experiences a new country for the first time.

This is also a testament to my father. I want him to see that success isn’t reserved for returned missionaries alone. I have been blessed through my mission, in both spiritual and temporal ways, and I want him to understand that. The boy who once sacrificed to serve God, following a path that seemed impractical, wasteful, and risky for the future, is the same one who now opens doors for him to step on foreign soil as he always dreamed of as a child. The same goes for my siblings—secular skills alone aren’t enough; you need something more, something divine. You need God.

As I write this, my nose is runny, and my eyes are wet. The floor is starting to have a small puddle. I’ve been crying, and it feels so good. Finally, I can feel my emotions again. I feel so alive.

My dreams for my wife and our child are even grander. But this—this was one of my biggest dreams since I was a missionary. I once vowed that I would take my parents to places without them needing to leave our country because I believed we are in the "promised land." I am grateful for this experience—every single bit of it. My heart is full. Now that this dream is fulfilled, I can turn to the next one, perhaps the final one: taking them to America. Hahaha, I know we don’t see it the same way, but for them, it remains their "favourite country," a place they’ve seen in movies and heard about from missionaries. Their curiosity runs deep, and I promise to make that happen.

I vow to work hard, to place my faith in the heavens, knowing they have my back. My intentions are pure, and I know this is what they deserve. And if it seems impossible, then I will die trying.

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Eye-openers in the Hong Kong Trip ft. Macau 🇭🇰🇲🇴

If I were to describe Hong Kong as a place here in the Philippines, it would definitely be Binondo on steroids (literally). The architecture, the street food, the tight, claustrophobic spaces and especially, the capitalism. It’s a Western Chinatown on a whole different level.

Despite my shallow observation, there are some things that I learned about the place. In terms of culture, rules and how things work. Below are the things that gave me an eye-opener about the place.

Strong Order

One thing I noticed while visiting Hong Kong was that there were no beggars or homeless people. It was the first time I saw a place where nobody was sleeping on the streets or begging. Another notable aspect is the safety. I guess the main factor is the extensive CCTV surveillance. Cameras are everywhere—on the streets, in the trains, and even in housing areas. Surveillance is highly utilized, making it very easy to track someone who has committed a crime.

Of course, the place isn't perfect. You can still see trash here and there and mischievous people doing things they shouldn't (both locals and foreigners). But the sense of order is strong. You don’t see many policemen patrolling, but if they do need to respond, they are quick—usually within 5-10 minutes.

The Cold

One thing is for sure when I came to Hong Kong: just because it's not snowing doesn't mean the cold is bearable. To give you context, I've dealt with cold temperatures before in the Philippines (around 20°C). When I heard and saw that Hong Kong doesn't have any snow and the temperature was only between 14°C-16°C, I thought, "I'll just bring a thick jacket then."

Boy, was I wrong. The first time I went outside the airport, it was freezing cold. Even with my jacket on, I was still cold. It was so cold that I had to turn off the air conditioner in our room because it was too much. It was so cold that I had to turn on the hot shower and wait for the room to steam up while drying myself, just to get warm. I thank the heavens for my wife buying heat tech garments.

Kabayan

If you go to Central Square, you'll find a place where a lot of Filipinos are chilling on the street with their cardboard boxes as floor padding. They sing videoke on their smartphones, play bingo or card games, and even trade goods. These are our "kabayans"—Overseas Filipino Workers (OFWs) spending their time on the weekend. They're very warm and welcoming whenever they meet a fellow Filipino. The first time you see them, you'll definitely feel like you're at home.

To be honest, I wish I had more time to spend with them on those streets, listening to their stories, hearing about their families, and learning about their experiences as OFWs. There was even a time when we met an OFW while walking in the subway station. She shared her story about her experiences and how life has been going for her in the Philippines. The only words I spoke to her were, "Kabayan! Kumusta?" and the conversation just flowed from there until she directed us to the correct station. You can tell they want someone to talk to and listen. I believe that being heard in your own language has a profound impact on making someone feel better and comforted.

Disney Land

The happiest place on earth. This was the second time I went to a theme park, but this one was different for me. It wasn’t just a place for excitement and laughter. This theme park somehow brought us to tears. The inner child in me came alive when I experienced it. It’s just different. The happiness, joy, and imagination of becoming a part of a magical place are so surreal. I wish I could express more of that in words, but it’s just magical.

EA vs SEA

Traveling in Southeast Asia is really different from traveling in East Asia. Although Singapore also has a strong sense of order, extensive surveillance, and beautiful theme parks, Hong Kong and Macau have very distinct environments that differ greatly from Southeast Asia. East Asians tend to be more reserved, with people minding their own business and maintaining a quiet dignity. In contrast, Southeast Asians are warm, welcoming, and interactive.

I could even tell this because most of the noisy ones in the place were either Filipinos or other Southeast Asians. Of course, you also have some East Asians being loud and extroverted, but when I saw that street performance in Central Harbour, the ones who gave the craziest cheers were from SEA.

Macau

If Hong Kong was Binondo, Macau is Intramuros. The place has a strong Spanish/Portuguese vibe, which is evident in its architecture. They have a street that looks like a little Lisbon. The buildings and pavements resemble those in Latin Europe. Of course, the place is dominated by casinos. But they offer free rides, luggage drop-offs, and tours of tourist sites. If given the chance to go back again, I am confident I could tour Macau for less than Php 1000.

Thoughts

Traveling definitely opens your mind. It gives you new perspectives and broadens your thinking about what works for you and for others. I know it can be frustrating when people do things that don't make sense to you. It's easy to conclude that something is definitely wrong with them. But if you visit a place where that kind of thinking works for everyone, and you're the one who's different, you can see how your world changes. This trip was an eye-opener, and I can't wait to see more in the future.

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Remember that you're lucky

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Learning can also involve unlearning, relearning and just reminding yourself.

Josh Ballan, Sunday School Insight, January 1, 2023

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Magnifization and Minimization.

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BALLAN: A New Name on the Rise.

I just learned that Balian is a name in the Philippines. Mainly in the bikol

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Personal Pet Peeve on the Philippine Centavo.

I remember the time when I could still buy a candy called "Dilimon". It was a sugar drop with different colors and flavors that took a while to melt in your mouth. Kids like me used to buy that kind of candy for sharing with our friends like edible marbles. Unfortunately, you don't see that kind of candy anymore here.

But perhaps the thing I missed about that candy was that it was only worth .25 centavos. That's right. A quarter of a piso (PHP 1.00). Things were so cheap back then that the centavo was an actual daily allowance to school. People use it for gambling, transportation fare, and even groceries. Today, centavos still exist. However, they are not viewed as valuable as before. I'll give you an example, how many times do you see a centavo on the ground or road? Ever attempted picking it up? If it was dirty would you still pick it up?

Unfortunately, you might likely say "Hell no Ballan, that thing is dirty. it's not even worth it." Sadly I agree with you. It's not worth it to pick up a piece of metal that costs .25 pesos and gets the risk of getting your hands dirty, especially for something that doesn't have much value. And that's the point. Value. Money represents a unit of value. And if people don't see your money as valuable it is close to (or is) worthless.

This is what always grinds my gears because the government keeps on minting centavos. And not only .25 ones, they even go as far as .5 centavos. I mean who does that! Why would I carry a .5 centavos in my pocket? i can't buy anything with it? Unless I need to collect 20 more, I can make it into PHP 1.00 but it is not really worth it. Like I believe that the time of a Filipino is now worth more than just 5 centavos per second.

What makes Money, Money?

A country's currency relies on 2 things and that is, Economic Value and Confidence. If the economic value is high the currency becomes more valuable. The same thing goes when people are confident with the currency, they will view it as valuable meaning they are likely to save on it. Now, I believe that if we make people more confident in the currency people will tend to use it more and won't waste the currency.

Proposal 1: Remove the cents and high-denominated bills

One solution that I believe should be implied is to cut the pesky centavos including the high-dominated bills. The dilemma in picking up something that is not worth of value is the same as not being in the position to liquidate into small bills for a transaction to be settled. How many times how you ever went to ride on a jeepney in the morning with a bill (Php 50, Php 100, etc..) that becomes a dilemma to give you change?

I believe an economy should be prioritised on the speed of the transaction that is taking place rather than the degree of value of it. When a denominated bill that is acceptable to the majority and can be easily settled with, the circulation of trade will be much faster making the boost in the economic growth.

Of course, this is not a perfect solution. When a commodity’s price causes a dilemma in settling a transaction* it also gives the same problem. Hence I also give the second proposal which is to expand digitalisation.

Proposal 2: Digitalisation

Like it or not, Money is dirty. Like literally, there’s a disease of holding contaminated cash called Staphylococcus aureus. The other suggestion I believe that could help is digitalisation. Using technology in our financial system makes transactions organised and efficient. It gives a better accuracy on how much money is generated and how much excesses are unused. It also helps keep track of where the money is spent. What I like about digitalisation is that even to the smallest centavo, it is stored, counted, and transferred easily. You don’t have to worry about keeping your coins intact and not losing them. With digitalisation, you get to have your money stored in the digital space. You can use your phone or card to do transactions. No need for the hassle of counting and calculating, it’s all automated and direct. You can even do transactions within your own home and have the goods or service delivered to your door step.

Of course, digitalisation still has its downside, especially when living into country with a vulnerable cyber security. The risk of getting scammed, theft and your data getting compromised is higher than being rob. You also get to suffer with those transactions fees also known as “convenience” fees and other charges. Overall, convenience has its cost and over time we as species will evolve on how to adapt to those kinds of unique challenges.

Proposal 3: A New Currency: Piloncitos 2.0 (₿)

And finally, the last resort. Let's make a new currency! But this time, making it different. This not something new but rather an upgrade on the existing currency. In order to make the currency be more successful, or at least have its confidence and economic value last for a longer time, They need to execute 2 important principles.

The new currency must be linked to something that is hard money (e.g. Gold). If they do this, the currency (whether paper or digital) builds a strong basis of value or wealth. This strengthens the confidence and acceptability which expands the opportunity or being used internally and externally (i.e. Dollar). This way, the printing of money, even to the smallest denomination, will be limited to the value of the hard money to be exchanged with.

The second principle is to increase its sense of decentralization. I’m not saying we need to switch to bitcoin, however, there are valuable things we can learn if we use technology to our advantage. Having a more decentralized currency limits people to spend and borrow because keeps track on how much money is left for circulation. There’s limited control on the wealth, and create certain consequences for hording it.** Inflation is there but not as high as the productivity growth that can keep up.

Thoughts

Once again, this is not a perfect solution; however, I believe it is a better alternative to our current currency (fiat). In this day and age, we must learn from the mistakes of history and find ways to innovate and break the cycle of excessive debt and borrowing. We need to value economic growth based on productivity, not on stimulus. When people have limited resources, they tend to work harder and be more patient for growth. They also consider others to maintain existing peace and help lift everyone up, so everyone benefits from prosperity regardless of inequality. This won’t be a utopia, but it will be a world better than the previous one.

**When the distribution of wealth is decentralized hording too much wealth becomes painful as the driver of economic growth is spending. Therefore, the amount of money necessary for savings will be healthy along with the inequality gap. 

*Example: Buying a car with Php 100 bills also causes the transaction to be slow and chaotic because you have to bring in a massive volume of cash.

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Don't be that husband who only contributes money to the family.

I am a big believer in the patriarchy. I believe men must be at the highest standard of their manhood to make their families successful in this imperfect world. They need to be wise, revered and charitable to their wives, children and to all men. I believe that men must be able to provide for and protect their wives and children while maintaining a consecrated vision that moves them to a better position in life.

Today as women have become more assertive and engaged in all aspects of life, I observe that some of the men have been forbearing to the point they have become decadent and focused on the responsibilities that only are convenient for them. I fear that the men will be weakened and unqualified, and the women will not only have to double the responsibility that already have but also remove their life from womanhood.

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The Crown of Ballan

There's a throne that only a few will sit on.

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"And here we are again, doing it alone."

Alpha and Saint

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Tugang

I grew up in a community where tribal loyalties prevailed. Loyalty to family was paramount, and defending one’s kin was a duty, regardless of right or wrong. My father once explicitly instructed me to always stand by my siblings, irrespective of their guilt. This tribal mindset not only offered certain privileges but also brought its challenges.

For instance, during curfews, if I was caught outside late, the village police, familiar with my family, would merely offer me a ride home instead of a reprimand. This leniency was partly because my grandmother had been a respected “Kagawad” for 20 years, and our family was known for being non-violent and generally well-regarded in the village. The mention of the ‘Mendoza’ name carried a reputation for kindness, though we were far from perfect.

However, these privileges did not last forever. As they waned, I felt the impact profoundly. I was often bullied and lacked the skills to defend myself effectively. I wasn’t accustomed to fighting my own battles, as my cousins usually took up fights on my behalf. This dependency became a significant dilemma, especially when it came to defending my siblings, particularly my brother during his conflicts.

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I would stop the world, just to spend more time with you here in mortality.

Woman,

It's been a while since I've written you the things in my head. These past few weeks I have been tired and stressed to the point I was just excited to die. One time you said to me to not leave you made me think. I really don't want to leave you. And you gave me more reason to continue and push harder while being able to take things slow so that I won't kill myself. You help me in my sleepless nights and drowsy days. You made me love mortality more than I loved it before. I appreciated our journey in this life and am still enjoying it with you by my side.

For me, Mortality is a phase where we will live in a world of good or evil and not a world of followers. Where we are free to act on ourselves to do that is ought to be done according to our judgement. And one of those best choices was having you in my life. I have never experienced life so tormenting and yet bearable because it has refined us to be the being we are meant to be. We are not resisting nor fighting the pain but rather enduring it. Carrying all the way, until we can say we're strong enough to ignore it. I have excelled in ways I couldn't imagine. I've suffered ways I couldn't bear. But in the end. I'm happy in ways that I couldn't comprehend.

I like spending mortality with you. In fact, I would stop the world from spinning as Elijah did, to spend a little more time with you.

[thebrethrenpost]

26th ~

Josh and I have this inside joke, that's been going on for years now, where he tells me my birthday is on the 19th June. Idk where he got it from, he doesn't even know where he got it from either. It was just one day during our 2nd year as bf/gf, i think, that he spewed out that date lol. Anywaaaaay,

The News.

It was just this Monday 19th June 2023, he greeted me a "happy birthday" and told me to take a leave on my actual birthday - 22nd. The hubs has a surprise for meee! I was actually thinking of any fun activities around here in Manila, but he just laughed and asked me (non-verbatim) "do you want to do your fun activities or my surprise?". Duh, i want the surprise ofc. And so I filed the leave.

The Surprise.

The day after, he asked me the golden question - "you want to go to Baguio?" Again.... DUH???! Kidding, I hugged him excitingly and fixed our things.

Josh is never the travel planner. He likes it spontaneous, while I like it organized and prepared. The plan was to wake me up in the middle of the night and ask me to go out and ride the car clueless and unprepared. But him knowing me, i might get mad because again... I like things organized. Plus, I'm a woman! I can't leave without my skin care, ootd, etc. So he had to tell me where we're going for the 2-day trip. Haha I win.

Baguio.

We didn't have an itinerary and we have limited time, so we didn't get to go to a lot of places, but we made it fun.

📍 Burnham Park

📍 The Mansion

📍 Wright Park

📍 Night Market - We were busy eating and shopping that we forgot to do a countdown to 12mn! It still counts as birthday salubong, right?

📍 Mines View Park

📍 SM Baguio

In summary of the trip: There was the rainy Baguio, the sleep deprived because of the travel Ballans, the Josh who had to work graveyard shift pa rin (sipag!!), and the fulfilling moments because we get to blend in with the locals for using the Ilocano language again that we missed so much since our missions.

Hubs' Efforts.

2 days for a trip is very quick, yet Josh made it very memorable. What touched me the most is the fact that he was still working during the trip. He said his 1-week salary is the budget/his gift for me huhu cutie, I'm so spoiled. Another sweet thing, he created a private video montage of his candid videos of me from his phone! Ahhhhck my heart is bursting!

Lovey, thank you. We've been together since I was 22. Now that I'm 4 years older, you've now met all 26 personalities of Eunice. Haha. Thank you for loving, hating, and being with all the monsters inside me. Thank you for the surprise. I know I am hard to please, but you did it... again. Just like you surprise my heart with love, laughter and affection each and every single day. I love you and I am very lucky to be called your wife.

Twenty-six.

I mean, I already accepted being old - back pains, adulting probs, etc. Other than that, I'm so grateful for every experience and every learning that I acquired for the last 26 years. I have so much wins and losses to celebrate this year, and I'm glad I got to do it with my little family.

Now, another year. Am I scared? A bit. Am I excited? Of course. Am I ready? I don’t know, maybe and maybe not. But I’ll figure it out. Looking forward to many more Blessings, Trials, Challenges, and Achievements.

Alright! 26th chapter, let’s go!

[thebrethrenpost]

The Future of ASEAN - The Collectivist Dream 🇸🇬

Singapore. The place that brought my childhood back to life. Everything is extremely efficient. From their transportation system to their land use. Things are allocated productively and efficiently. Although it's not perfect, I would say that they earned to have the title of "developed country". Surely, people in Singapore are lucky to have a country like this.

The Day

We started staying at an old humble hotel called South East Asia Hotel. It's an old Chinese hotel with some of the basic parts of what you expect a hotel has. What I like about it is how the room is really like an old house similar to the one in our grandmother's. I also like the idea of how efficient they are in using the aircon by putting a ceiling fan on top to efficiently spread the cold air. This gave the room a temperature that is not too cold which makes my nose and lips dry, but also not too warm that I might sweat as I tuck myself into the thick blanket.

The Elderly - An asset to the economy?

The first thing I noticed in the morning is how a lot of old people working outside. Street Vendors, Service Crew, Train Station Guards and even the front desk of the hotel were old people. This gives me a mixed feeling of amazement and sadness at the same time as I see the joy of them finding themselves useful and productive which gives them meaning in their lives. The other side, however, is I see how they are already tired but they still need to work as they didn't have anything for retirement. This gives me another impression of Singapore. Most of the homeless are old people as well. You can usually see them sleeping somewhere on the side of a street or selling tissue napkins. Although there are a lot of programs on how to help these elderly some of them chose to be homeless rather than joining in the program. Which was kind of interesting to me.

The Real Hustle Street

This of course why explains their culture. You can tell that everyone needs to keep working and moving to sustain the country. When you even go to their train station. I assure you that not a single person walked less than 10 kph. Like literally you need to stand on the left side of the elevator so that the one who is rushing in can get through. And the elevator? You need to be quick on your feet else you might be catapulted. (That's an exaggeration but you get the idea of how things move in Singapore). The environment of innovation, work and productivity is just so strong in Singapore that even you (a piece of crap) will feel you achieved something in life without doing anything yet. I can understand where this kind of culture comes from. Since Singapore doesn't have any resources its best assets are its people and that made them competitive which sparked a survival culture.

And yet the Beauty of it all.

Despite the orderly chaos, the busy people, the fast-paced systems and just everything related to it, there is so much beauty in this place that I just can't believe a country possesses. The creative use of technology, preserving their ecosystem, fascinating architecture, efficient use of landscape and infrastructure and the marvel of its iconic spots; Universal Studios, Merlion, Marina Bay and the Durian (Fly Eyes). You can appreciate almost everything you see, touch, hear and feel and just marvel at how this was created within only over 50 years. Did I also mention that I've never seen a police officer roaming around? Yes, surprisingly, police are only located in public places such as airports, train stations, etc… They do, however, have stations where you can report, and they will respond quicker than ours. They are well-organized, kind and disciplined. They are not perfect, of course. They have their issues, but as far as making things work, I might say, they kinda nailed it.

Mansion or a Home

Singapore is the best place to hustle, leisure and explore. However, in my humble opinion, I would still prefer the Philippines when it comes to settling in. Singapore is a place to visit for fun and excitement, but I doubt that I will stay to settle down. Even some of our friends in Singapore said that the country is too fast for them. That's why they go to Malaysia to chill and relax. With great prosperity comes great productive responsibility. I can understand why other countries admire their qualities and growth*. Even I dreamed that one day we could experience this kind of living standard in my country.

*Although there are debates on how long this will last as they have many resources other than their people. I can say that the ability to make a country prosperous using limited resources is an indicator that they are doing great.

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The Nation of My Race, An Extension of My Home. 🇲🇾

Malaysia, the land of the Malayan people and a name that was supposedly trademarked by the Philippines if it weren't for those pesky Brits. However, this is a land that I could tell that is already my home. Change the demographics of Tsinoy with Indians with a vibe of Mindanao - and tada! You have Malaysia! Different country, but same kind and warm people. But since the Philippines and Malaysia have a controversial history, it's inescapable to have antagonizing feelings when mentioning where we are from. That said, these feelings are driven by politics and national history but on an individual level we have the same respect and tolerance as most ASEANs do. For me, South East Asia is my home and although we have our differences, that shouldn't be something to argue about, but rather to embrace and celebrate it.

We started our day living in Ahyu Hotel, an Indian hotel located in Little India (duh) in Kuala Lumpur. One thing I noticed about Kuala Lumpur is that the roads are tight yet the drivers are extremely fast. People here are driving 140 kph as if it's a norm. Not to mention motorcycles driving in a walking lane. Yes, the Freaking Pedestrian lane! What a very interesting culture indeed (but then again, similar to PH).

Another thing I noticed is the food, I love how they use peanuts in almost every dish. One of my favourites is the mochi - a chewy snack with a lot of nuts on it. They also have this soy milk which is very famous near the Chinese-Indian Street Market. But perhaps the most highlighted of them all is the Chinese Beef Noodles - now this is a must-try. my wife and I are eating in this Chinese Noodle house and boy the attention of the crowd just went onto us. Especially me. You can tell on their face; "Why is this is Indian-Jakartan idiot doing with a White Malaysian?". The eyes from my head all the way to my feet was some sort of fascination (or confusion) of why I was doing there. Even the people in the kitchen are looking at me. Are we celebrities? Aliens? Interracial couples that had a fixed marriage due to parental pressure and poverty? No! We're tourists trying out new things and we ask to eat our noodles and without being judged by people in peace.

And now, the fun parts.

Of course, this vacation blog won't be complete without the funny things I discovered in Malaysia. Again, like I said, it's almost the same as the Philippines but different. First and foremost, People jaywalk but to the next level, (and I really mean jaywalk - like it's still a red light jaywalk) Second, Grocery stores are great but I kinda miss how the baggers are well organized at home - which I kinda owe an apology for not being grateful for. Baggers in Malaysian grocery usually stack everything in the bag without measuring any kind of geometry between the plastic size and the items. So I had to take them out again and reorganize them so that the bag is well balanced and well-shaped (See SM store bag shape when full of groceries so you will know what I'm talking about). Third, is the smell of curry everywhere!! ☺️ My wife doesn't like it, but I don't mind. Fourth, is electric scooters are parked almost everywhere on the street. Like really a random scooter will just appear while you're walking in the street. And Finally, of all the places I have been – pedestrians have been jaywalked, and going over the speed limit on the road, I've only seen 4 police officers in my whole trip. Like seriously, are they that strong in the rule of law? Or are they undermanned? That said, I've never seen anything dangerous in Kuala Lumpur except cheeky salesmanship. I would say it's a great place and a beautiful country.