theconfessionsofanambivert-blog - Tumblr blog

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

boys

Lately its just seemed like girls give too much. We pour our hearts out to boys who just don't deserve it from us. I've always said there are 20 amazing girls for every one boy. And it sucks. You start to question your own worth and if YOU'RE the problem. You wonder what it is that you're doing wrong. It’s even worse when the boy you poured your heart out to accepts you and makes you feel like the queen of the world only to say “never mind” and make you feel like your vulnerability was the issue and was all in vein. All a teenage girl wants is verification and validity. We seek acceptance in love in anyone, and the moment they show the slightest bit of interest, we fall completely head over heels for them. In a world where we constantly compare ourselves to other girls, we can't help but need to find that one person to make us feel special. to make us feel like we’re worth something. and when someone tells you “you’re gonna be mine no matter what” and goes back on it, it's hard to convince yourself that the next boy won't do the same. But what we forget is this is high school. All we know is the sixteen years worth of pain, heartbreak, hopelessness, and desire for validity from young, immature, boys. That's all they are: boys. As much as we can tell ourselves “this one’s different”, girls biologically just mature faster and better than boys. It's the hard truth. This truth can cause boys to be selfish and make a girl feel so wonderful for their own selfish reasons. And when they realize something’s in the way, they will refuse to admit to their wrongdoings and make YOU feel like the problem. But these boys my dear are the fraction of people you are going to find and fall in love with and want to spend every minute of every day with. there are so many people in this beautiful world you haven’t even met yet who are going to love you so so much that are going to make your feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness in high school feel like nothing. please remember that. your experiences with boys or a lack thereof in high school are going to mean nothing when u find the one person who makes everything click for you. right now all you need is yourself. although it can be tempting to go after that verification, teaching yourself how to find validation in your own beauty, inside and out, is going to make those future loves even more amazing. so just hold on right now and I promise you, it’ll all make sense.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

feels

its been a hot minute since ive posted here and im literally dying laughing at my previous posts bc like what was i doing lol i was lit 12. anyways im writing here bc im honestly j tired of venting to my friends. i love them all n stuff but i j hate that theres always something going on with be and im j constantly annoying them idk. ok anyways so in early september my best friend in the entire world told me he liked me and asked me out. he was like. in LOVE love w me. i went out w him bc i was afraid if i didnt id lose him but anyways to make a long story short we had the worst break up in the entire world like two months later and it was j so bad and i lost my best friend and everyone was mad at me for playing him and i basically felt like the worst person in the entire world. one ofthe biggest reasons why i was judged is bc i immediately started liking one of my other friends, lets call him s. i fell HARD for this mf. i honestly dont know whats wrong w me lol like my ex was the perfect bf but i j had no feelings for him whatsoever. meanwhile s has NO experience w girls lol. but this boy put me in a mf trance lemme tell u. things were rlly weird between us. like middle school shit. it was kinda cute ig. hes so fuckin cute lemme tell u omg. over winter break my girl friend group and his guy friend group hung out at his house, and at one point he asked me to go downstairs tog get some snacks and he asked me to come to his room to show me his trophies and it was so. cute like omg and i knew he was tryna find the courage to kiss me so i took it upon myself and kissed him and then we j made out in his room for like 30 mins andOMFG every now and then id pull away to like fix my hair and he had the biggest smile on his face and like when we were done and we got up off his bed he kissed me again and when i pulled away he PULLED ME BACK IN LIKE FUCKING FUCK anyways this is when i kneww i was in love w this boy haha. faast forward to new years eve. im with my friends and we’re drunk asf and im texting him and long story short i told him i loved him and HE SAID “yea well i love u more” and proceeded to tell me the nicest things i think ive ever heard in my life like i j kept falling more and more into him. my friends give me sm shit for saying i love him but like honestly when u know u love someone theres no way u can explain it but whatever. anyways after new years he would text me the sweetest things all the time and make the nicest gestures like he fucking brought me CHOCOLATE WHEN I WAS ON MY PERIOD ugh and he called me his princess and hesaid no matter how weird i got w him id always be his and he j made me feel like the bestever and i was j waiting for the day for him toask me out. FAST FORWARD TO AFEW  DAYS AGO THIS MOTHERFUCKER TELLS ME HES NOT READY TO DATE ME. which is fine but THEN he said he knows he said a lot of things to me but that he only said those things bc he thought thats what i wanted to hear and he was panicking like WHAT THE FUCK DUDE I LOVE U U CANT J SAY THAT and now im rlly sad and he said right now he j needs time to himself but he sees us together in the future and i kNOW i shouldnt give him that chance bc he rlly played me but like i knw im gonna give it to him bc this boy j makes me melt i cant even explain it ugh i j want to hug and kiss him and laugh w him and have things not be weird. ALSO none of my friends seeem to realize how much this is affecting me and they continue to talk about him like nothingever happened so thats great but once again im so sick of complaining to my friends. literally why do boys exist. how could u tell someone u love them and they made ur year good and youll always be for them and theyre the most beautiful girl youve ever seen j to be like JK. anyways i was out to dinner w m y friends tn and he texted me and we texted like everything was fine and i j got rlly sad like i love him omg UGH i hate myself lol. HAHHAHA im realizingthis post doesnt make sense but like im j writing what im thinking. i j want him again and i wanna be his princess again like idc if he didnt mean that . idk why i can give my friends the most logical relationship advice but then when it comes to me im like LOL SCREW RATIONALITIES smh well this is all imbeing an angsty teen and listening to billie eillish bc im in my #feels. that is all haha will update later 

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

day 2: something i was told that i'll never forget

so i don't want to write anything negative, and the only positive thing i can think of is something that happened yesterday. i was with two of my friends yesterday and we were talking about our first impressions of each other. we all met in sixth grade, and they both told me they hated me bc they thought i was perfect and pretty. this obviously made me uncomfortable and made me blush, but i thought back to my seventh grade self who never thought she was pretty. the girl who never really found her place in a friend group ( i have an amazing friend group now), and even the girl today who constantly researches how to get bigger hips and boobs, and i'm shocked. i'm not the type of person who constantly needs validation on my appearance to make myself happy, but when i do get compliments, it really boosts my self esteem and makes me feel loved. i want to clarify that i am the complete opposite of a narcissist, but my amazing friends told me something that made me feel really good.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

ten things that make me happy

1. my bffs/ fam 2. fandoms 3. vanilla bean noel 4. makeup 5. music 6. laughing till you can't breathe 7. getting to really know my friends 8. love 9. books 10.life

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

i think im gonna do this too

bc i’ve been neglecting tumblr and i miss it.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

15

so today i turned 15! 15 is weird to me because I feel like when you're 14 and 13 people see you as a child but when you turn 15 theyre like oh youre teenager you're in high school you're almost an adult and that is so terrifying to me like i do not feel 15.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

i'm ur best friend i have to stick with u even when ur a bitch!1!1!1!1!

am i a bad person?

am i a bad person if i sometimes would rather watch netflix or go on my phone than interact with people who wholeheartedly care about me?

am i a bad person if i preach girl love and roll my eyes at girls who cause drama but gossip like it’s my second job?

am i a bad person if i can see that a person is trying hard to have a conversation with me on snapchat or go to a game with me but i respond in one word answers and make myself seem unavailable or uninterested simply because i don’t like them that much?

am i a bad person if i struggle to show my affection and say the words “i love you” to some family members but say and show my love freely and endlessly to my friends?

am i a bad person if know that some people are trying to help me, but they’re doing it in a negative way so i ignore the fact that their intentions are good and distance myself from them?

am i a bad person if i doubt everything i do and usually talk myself out of things that would help others?

am i a bad person if i don’t fix the problems i find within myself?

am i a bad person if i don’t want to share some things but expect other people to do so with me?

am i a bad person if i know my parents have a point but i don’t listen to them to show that i don’t need to take their advice?

am i a bad person if i can’t wait till i move out of my house or i can finally drive and not be at home all the time?

am i a bad person if i ridicule others for certain activities but if i grew up in their community/family i would probably do the same (dating at a young age, acting hoe-y, etc.)

am i a bad person?

please don’t tell me i’m a bad person.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone boi bye @ hoehan

comfort zones

so i’m really introverted at times and i get so scared to talk to people and i feel really awkward but whenever i’m with mira or sanjana i automatically become more social and go talk to people i don’t know and get way more extroverted and it’s so great so if ur best friend doesn’t make you come out of ur comfort zone then hunty check yoself

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone AW WE'RE BESTIE GOALS

comfort zones

so i’m really introverted at times and i get so scared to talk to people and i feel really awkward but whenever i’m with mira or sanjana i automatically become more social and go talk to people i don’t know and get way more extroverted and it’s so great so if ur best friend doesn’t make you come out of ur comfort zone then hunty check yoself

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone IK SHES SO FUN TO HANG WITH BUT YEA LIME WHENEVER IM WITH U I JUST GET MORE SOCIAL

comfort zones

so i’m really introverted at times and i get so scared to talk to people and i feel really awkward but whenever i’m with mira or sanjana i automatically become more social and go talk to people i don’t know and get way more extroverted and it’s so great so if ur best friend doesn’t make you come out of ur comfort zone then hunty check yoself

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

comfort zones

so i'm really introverted at times and i get so scared to talk to people and i feel really awkward but whenever i'm with mira or sanjana i automatically become more social and go talk to people i don't know and get way more extroverted and it's so great so if ur best friend doesn't make you come out of ur comfort zone then hunty check yoself

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone *jarred 😏. and yea like i didn't like him as much as i liked jackson but it's getting there and it's annoying like mhm i think not sweaty!11)!1

feels

idk why i lose feels for someone just to gain feels for another person :/

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

feels

idk why i lose feels for someone just to gain feels for another person :/

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone aw coot but then idk who u talking about

frands

do u have a friend where u love them so so much but u don’t get to see them at school much and u don’t act as close as u were but when u do meet u instantly become best friends again and u talk about everything bc that’s my friend raina and i think that’s a cool friendship.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone z?

frands

do u have a friend where u love them so so much but u don’t get to see them at school much and u don’t act as close as u were but when u do meet u instantly become best friends again and u talk about everything bc that’s my friend raina and i think that’s a cool friendship.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

frands

do u have a friend where u love them so so much but u don’t get to see them at school much and u don’t act as close as u were but when u do meet u instantly become best friends again and u talk about everything bc that's my friend raina and i think that’s a cool friendship.

[theconfessionsofanambivert-blog]

@imjustyouraveragenoone we have to be careful when we text her so she doesn't get in trouble

don't assume things

so i made a friend in cross country and she is so wonderful and i love her. we have the same taste in music and humor and are also totally different which works wonderfully. i thought i knew enough about her, but i didn’t. two days ago she told me that she was actually diagnosed with a few types of anxiety and most of it has to do with her household. it’s not that her parents are physically or verbally abusive. they just ruin anything that’s she likes. they are very christian and don’t like the music she listens to. so they threw away her panic cds and any merch she had. they bought an app that is $15 a month to spy on her every move on her phone. she can’t say “frick” or “heck” without being yelled at. they called her “a narcissistic emo kid” and her friends “lesbian dog kin”. they yell at her if she doesn’t finish chores or get a’s in every single assignment. she once had an anxiety attack bc it was almost time to go home. they claim they love her and are only strict with her bc they love her. really? do u really think giving your daughter panic attacks is helpful? what the actual fuck. a parent like that shouldn’t be a parent at all. this girl is the most caring girl. you can tell she isn’t always happy, but she pretends she is and genuinely cares about everyone. it literally makes my day when i make her laugh. how can anyone treat their child with such disrespect and distrust? anyways. the moral of the story is don’t assume you know how people’s lives are bc u don’t. oh and also don’t be a bitch bc u don’t know how that’s going to affect a person.