thedailyjoyfulstruggle

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

The last few days, I've sat in an incredibly uncomfortable space watching the fallout of the Roe decision. I see some people rejoicing and others genuinely terrified. And I just feel so incredibly sad. Sad because no matter what you believe, we still live in a country that treats a woman's fertility as a politician's chess piece.   In the last two days, I’ve been berated for being clueless about the plight of mothers in Texas by a liberal and simultaneously angered a pro-life activist for asking her to review laws in Texas when she said with certainty that women “will not be investigated for miscarriage" in any state. Over the last few years, I have also had a few acquaintances tell me that I am not pro-life anymore. Maybe I’m not “Pro-Life” in the proper sense because I don’t believe in the organization and no longer wish to associate with them. But I care more about the lives of women and children more than I have before. I grew up in the Pro-Life movement and the Church. I absorbed the Pro-Life messaging and believed it with all my heart until I was 26. I openly “defended life” at every turn. (Just ask any of my friends who knew me in high school or college. God bless them for not giving up on me.)  I believed it without question until I became someone’s mother. You might be surprised to find that I don’t believe abortion is the solution to the world’s problems. I don’t believe that punishing a woman for her fertility is real liberation. I don’t believe that the world we live in is ready for what a world without abortion would look like.   As things are now though, America is not ready to live in a world that makes abortion unnecessary because at the end of the day, the idol of “production” and “worth” and “hustle” and capitalism would have to be toppled in favor of simply raising children to be whole. We would have to live in a world that didn't see raising children as a woman wasting her time and talent. Overturning Roe while voting against social programs that provide aid to mothers and children seems equal parts ignorant and purposely cruel to me. For the past 50 years the PLM has worked tirelessly to overturn Roe, it was their main priority. (Yes, I know about the Gabriel Project, and other organizations, and the work activists do to help mothers.) However, in the ballots, the only issue they looked at was abortion litigation. I heard, “Well this guy is against abortion so he gets my vote” while the presidents sat in the oval office not ending abortion or doing anything to stem the demand for abortion. Saying that women have actual choices in this county is just simply untrue. Women aren’t making choices with time or space to consider what they really want. They calculating risk under duress: they’ll lose their jobs if they miss too many days, they can’t afford childcare, they make too much money to qualify for aid but not enough money to pay for medical bills for prenatal visits, delivery, and then the endless pediatrician visits after. Saying that women have actual choices in this county is just simply untrue. Women aren’t making choices with time or space to consider what they really want. They calculating risk under duress: they’ll lose their jobs if they miss too many days, they can’t afford childcare, they make too much money to qualify for aid but not enough money to pay for medical bills for prenatal visits, delivery, and then the endless pediatrician visits after. I am well aware of the privilege it is to have a large family. This privilege exists because we operate in a system that says that we are the kind of people who should be having kids (though not too many; because why would you want to overdo it?)--we’re white passing, educated, young (ish), home owners, and we pay taxes. But we were not always in "ideal" circumstances to have children. When I found out I was pregnant with Abraham, Ruben and I were newyweds and full time students. I was in my last semester of grad school and Ruben was a second year medical student. We were living on student loans and my scholarship funds. I had just turned 26 and been removed from my parents’ insurance. Despite all of this, we were excited and didn’t have the good sense to be terrified (yet). The luxury to have babies as students came primarily from the immense support of our families. My sister spent the year helping me by finding a crib and a carseat second hand, a stroller, passing down all my nephews’ clothes, a free breast pump, and tons of advice. My mom helped me navigate the system and apply for aid. We had a baby shower and all our friends and family gave us with gifts that saw us through Abe’s first year. Abe’s delivery and my prenatal care cost us $0 because we qualified for Medicaid (we did not qualify for WIC because I got a job right after Abe was born). It was the only way we could have Abe. I took six weeks of maternity leave after an unscheduled C-section but did not qualify for FMLA because I went into labor after my first day of teaching. I ended up owing my job money to cover the insurance plan we were on. We afforded childcare because a good friend knew an amazing in home babysitter (Amber Hampton Borrego) who was affordable and took incredible care of Abe from the time he was 6 weeks old until he was almost 2 years old. Looking back, I see the hidden costs that our babysitter never mentioned-Abe’s snacks and milk for starters. Abe’s birth and early life was made possible by government programs and family support. This isn’t that case for so many other women. I know so many couples who who want more kids but literally can’t afford to send another child to daycare and their family relies on two incomes. These are couples with good jobs (sometimes multiple jobs per person) who work really hard and still can’t afford to have more kids, even though they want them. To even consider overturning Roe, we need to create a world in which women have real options. Specifically:-purity culture would have to go, because purity culture is what feeds the shame of any young girl who finds herself in an unwanted pregnancy. -Businesses would have to completely restructure family leave and work-life balance expectations of employees.-The government needs to establish robust social programs: childcare funding, universal healthcare, -Men would have to share the responsibility of the babies they are so willingly creating. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

More Roe

I grew up in the Pro-Life movement and the Church. I absorbed the Pro-Life messaging and believed it with all my heart until I was 26. I openly “defended life” at every turn. (Just ask any of my friends who knew me in high school or college. God bless them for not giving up on me.)  I believed it without question until I became someone’s mother. 

I laugh at my young self, talking about motherhood and childbirth like I knew something. 

Before I became someone’s mother, the issue of abortion was black and white. Pregnant: have the baby and it will be fine. Abortion: bad. only evil, selfish people do this. 

I didn’t understand the way politicians on both sides were using the unborn as a part of their platform to garner votes. I didn’t know a thing about the ties the PLM had to white supremacist organizations. I didn’t know that Roe didn’t just cover abortion but effected privacy laws and other medical conditions for women. But most of all, I had no idea what the demands of motherhood were. 

I’ve been told by a few friends that they don’t think I’m pro life anymore. Maybe I’m not “Pro-Life” in the proper sense because I don’t believe in the organization and no longer wish to associate with it. But I care more about the lives of women and children more than I have before. 

Overturning Roe while voting against social programs that provide aid to mothers and children seems equal parts ignorant and purposely cruel to me. Saying that women have actual choices in this county is just simply untrue. Women aren’t making choices with time or space to consider what they really want. They calculating risk under duress: they’ll lose their jobs if they miss too many days, they can’t afford childcare, they make too much money to qualify for aid but not enough money to pay for medical bills for prenatal visits, delivery, and then the endless pediatrician visits after. Shame that comes from the Christians toward unwed mothers is also a huge driving force behind abortions. 

Crisis pregnancies don’t just happen to unwed mothers, but they happen to intact families who are doing everything they can do stay afloat amidst tough financial times and mental health problems. 

For the past 50 years the PLM has worked tirelessly to overturn Roe, it was their main priority. Yes, I know about the Gabriel Project and the work activists do to help mothers. However, in the ballots, they voted against their own interests. I heard, “Well this guy is against abortion so he gets my vote” while these men sat in the oval office not ending abortion or doing anything to stem the demand for abortion by helping families by putting funding toward social programs. 

If women really had choices, there would be huge centers o

Rasising children is a joy. Children are a gift. But the realities that come with children cannot be ignored. 

I think I’ve heard just as many stories about women who chose to keep their babies and ended up being okay as I’ve heard women tell about the abortions they had because they had no options. I know I had friends who were in crisis when we were young and they never told me. I was not a safe person to tell. I didn’t understand. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

more life stuff

because in so many ways, people who have never given birth or raised a child, have no real idea of what they’re asking women to do. 

I was staunchly and “black and white” pro-life UNTIL I HAD KIDS. 

We are asking women to do the hardest thing in the world. It’s the most difficult undertaking even when it’s planned and you have a partner and you WANT TO BE A MOM MORE THAN ANYTHING. It’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. 

So to say that it’s as simple as simply carrying a baby to term and then “just” raising the child--regardless of the circumstances. 

That’s huge. It’s overwhelming. 

So when faced with the “choices” we have in this country, I hope people would try to understand why abortion is appealing. 

Knowing all this, you might be surprised to find that I don’t believe abortion is the solution to the world’s problems. I don’t believe that punishing a woman for her fertility is liberation. I don’t believe that the world we live in is ready for what a world without abortion would look like.  

The whole world would have to be so pro woman that there would be no space left for misogyny or shaming a woman for sex. 

other things that would have to go:

purity culture would have to go, because purity culture is what feeds the shame of any young girl who finds herself in an unwanted pregnancy. 

Businesses and family leave would have to completely restructure. 

the government would have to be responsible for families. 

Men would have to share the responsibility of the babies they are creating instead of leaving the weigh on the shoulders of the women they so willingly impregnate. 

I don’t think America is ready to live in a world that makes abortion unnecessary because at the end of the day, the idol of “production” and “worth” and “hustle” and capitalism would have to be toppled in favor of simply raising children to be whole, raising children in a world that does not view them or treat them as the world’s biggest inconvenience. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

The Details

So much of the Roe decision and the fear surrounding the potential criminalization of abortions comes down to the details. 

Men who have never been with a partner through a pregnancy (or who weren’t involved) have no idea the hundreds of decisions and changes and needs that come during a pregnancy and the years after delivery. I’ve also found that folks who are past child rearing years have sort of a fog that makes the early years of parenting sort of rosy and blurry. 

These are generally the people litigating abortion and government programs for families. 

It’s the details for me: the need to buy nausea medication to get through the day, a random change in your diet because everything in your house is suddenly disgusting to you, those late night cravings and store runs, that one pair of comfortable maternity sweatpants. 

Rationing diapers, trying to eek out the last bit of diaper cream, staring at the bottom of another can of formula, how can such a tiny person grow so quickly out of clothes?

these details are so 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

I’m not Pro-Life

I grew up in the cult of the pro-life movement. In fact, I believed it well into my twenties and openly shared my opinions--God love all my old friends who gave me grace when I was ignorant and are still in my life to this day. My life experience, was limited. While I saw a great deal of different cities and states in my youth, I wasn’t exposed to very many world-views outside of the conservative Catholic (or even the Texas Bible Belt Evangelicalism) paradigm of thought my parents held. I went from my parents home to state school, where I made very little effort to engage in social issues, I was there to have a good time. And then ended up back in the Catholic bubble of Franciscan University. 

While I viewed myself to be an outlier in many ways at college, I still fell into the simplistic thinking around abortion that was and still is common in Christian circles. 

Frankly, my opinion on abortion didn’t change very much until I had my own children. I didn’t understand the impact pregnancy and childbirth alone had on a woman’s body. I didn’t understand the demands of being a parent.  

Despite not calling myself pro-life, I care more about people than I ever did when I was “pro-life.” 

I hope I live to see a the day when we build a world that supports families. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Roe

When I found out I was pregnant with Abraham, Ruben and I were newyweds and full time students. I was in my last semester of grad school and Ruben was a second year medical student. We were living on student loans and my scholarship funds. I had just turned 26 and been removed from my parents’ insurance. Despite all of this, we were excited and didn’t have the good sense to be terrified (yet). The luxury to have babies as students came primarily from the immense support of our families. My sister spent the year helping me by   finding a crib and a carseat second hand, a stroller, passing down all my nephews’ clothes, a free breast pump, and tons of advice. My mom helped me navigate the system and apply for aid. We had a baby shower and all our friends and family gave us with gifts that saw us through Abe’s first year. 

Abe’s delivery and my prenatal care cost us $0 because we qualified for Medicaid (we did not qualify for WIC). It was the only way we could have Abe. I took six weeks of maternity leave after a C section but did not qualify for FMLA because I literally went into labor after my first day of teaching. I ended up owing my job money to cover the insurance plan we were on. 

We made it through because a good friend knew an amazing in home babysitter who was affordable and took incredible care of Abe from the time he was 6 weeks old until he was almost 2 years old. Looking back, I see the hidden costs that our babysitter never mentioned-Abe’s snacks and milk. 

Abe’s birth and early life was made possible by government programs and family support. This isn’t that case for so many other women. I know so many couples who who want more kids but literally can’t afford to send another child to daycare and their family relies on two incomes. These are couples with good jobs (sometimes multiple jobs per person) who work really hard and still can’t afford to have more kids, even though they want them. 

I am well aware of the privilege it is to have a large family. This privilege exists because we operate in a system that says that we are the kind of people who should be having kids (though not too many; because why would you want to overdo it?)--we’re white passing, educated, young (ish), home owners, and we pay taxes. 

Roe v Wade isn’t actually about the babies and the Republicans aren’t pro-life.  Pro-life politicians have spent the last 5 decades striking down policies that help families--child tax credit, 

Babies aren’t political pawns. They’re people. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

the poetry is in the streets ✊🏻✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Momming and Fashion

I’m in a serious rut when it comes to fashion. I’ve seen some moms who are cute af (like unbelievably so). But I AM SO FLUMMOXED BY THIS WINTER FASHION. Idk how to wear boots anymore or style myself warmly. I literally want to get rid of everything I own and start over. 

PLUS, I’m pregnant (which could explain why I’m so emotional about this rn) with my third child in three years. If that’s not enough to throw someone off their (already shaky) fashion game, idk what is. 

If I could hire a stylist a freaking would. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

a version of macbeth where it opens in the middle of the final fight between macbeth and macduff, all intense and shit, and just as macduff is about to chop of macbeth’s head,

*record scratch* *freeze frame*

yup. that’s me. you’re probably wondering how i got in this situation. well, it all started when i ran into these three witches and i told my wife i was gonna be king…

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Teachers: “standardized tests don’t work!”

Students: “standardized tests don’t teach us anything!”

Parents: “get rid of standardized tests!”

Pearson: “hey Governor, here’s $700,000.00”

Governor: “These tests remain the only way to truly ensure the proper education of our children!”

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Criminals and Humans

“How can you work with those criminals? Aren’t you afraid? How can you stand to be around them and teach them? Don’t you want to just punish them? Aren’t they terrible people? Have you been robbed? Can they even read?”

I teach my students and I love them because they are me and I am them. My students don’t want to be “criminals.” They didn’t wake up one day and say, “Man, I want to fuck up my life, be angry, sell drugs and be a general disrespectful human being.” I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, 

“I want to be good but it’s so hard.” 

This is the human condition. This is the struggle we all face daily. 

Have my students made poor decisions? Absolutely. Am I going to rehabilitate them into model citizens by letting them write in their notebook for 30 days? No. 

I’m working against 16 years of conditioning that tells them that violence is the answer, that “respect” is worth killing for, that they belong in the projects, prison or the NFL; that self-medicating is okay as long as you don’t get arrested, that it’s normal to have been arrested at least once, that all cops and all white people are out to get them, that being nice to people means you’re weak...the list goes on.

I get 50 minutes a day, 5 days a week. Then they go home and resume life. Some days, it feels futile and I just want to cry. Most days, knowing that they have a place in the world to be a student, a child, a human being (rather than a gang member or a “bad kid” or the head of the house) brings me hope. Sometimes all people need is a glimmer. No, I can’t change the world. I can’t change the entire course of their lives but I can change 50 minutes of their day. I can transport them with literature. I can ask more of them. I can see their humanity. I can show them kindness and compassion. I can hold them accountable for their choices in my room. I can ask them to work and think deeply, daily.

These are the things I can do. They seem small but when the tide is overwhelming, just a little bit of air can make all the difference.

For the first two weeks of school, this one kid was stone cold. He didn’t speak to anyone. He sat alone with his arms crossed and listened. He never shared during discussion. Then he started reading a book that spoke to him, a book in which he saw himself and the ice began to melt. He started to smile, to greet his classmates and myself. He changed before my very eyes from this hard drug dealer into the kindest young man I’ve ever known. I learned that he liked the song “Oceans” by Hillsong. He liked soft music and not loud rap. We learned all kinds of stuff about this guy.

On his last day, he came into my classroom before school with the tiniest gift bag I’d ever seen. He held it out, “This is for you, miss. I got you this for your baby.” I took the bag and found that he’d smashed a set of onesies and some baby shoes inside. “I was going to get you roses, too, but I didn’t know if they would let me bring those through the metal detector.” This had never happened to me before and I was completely overcome. “Go to class before I start crying. Thank you so much,” was all I could muster. He walked away smiling. 

He was halfway through his book and was disappointed that he wasn’t going to be able to finish it. So, I wrote his name inside and told him he could have it. “You give this to me? Wow, miss. You gonna make me cry.” Pure gift.

The best part came when he said goodbye to our class (on their last day, students are always given a chance to address the class, say goodbye and give advice and encouragement). Rogelio wasn’t a talker but he told his peers this, 

“Thank you for teaching me to be myself. I didn’t know that was okay before.”

Sometimes my students find their dignity in their class community. Sometimes they see themselves, they behold their beauty as they’ve written it on the page. Sometimes they see themselves being seen by someone they thought was their enemy, and that makes all the difference.

Am I saving lives? No. I can’t save anyone’s life but I can encourage them to save their minds. Am I rescuing them from their destitution? No. I’m just walking with them a little bit of the way. Will they remember me when they leave? Maybe. Right now, I’m the crazy pregnant lady who makes them write too much and won’t let them sleep in class. I’m okay with that because I think they know that this crazy, pregnant lady loves them.

But more than ever, the world feels heavy, divided and scary. We’re so busy looking around for an enemy that we forget that the enemy is within each of us. The enemy is all of the hate, jealousy, intolerance, indifference, presumption, pride, violence, rage and ignorance that lives in each one of us. It is precisely this that makes us feel the need to box people up and ship them away.

Those fighting for social justice can forget that taking the rights of any human being is a the very form of oppression against which they are fighting; stereotyping and making blanket statements about people who have pissed them off is the very form of oppression against which they are fighting; committing acts of violence to gain power is the very form of oppression against which they are fighting.

“In order for this struggle to have meaning, the oppressed must not, in seeking to regain their humanity (which is a way to create it), become in turn oppressors of the oppressors, but rather restorers of the humanity of both. This then, is the great humanistic and historical task of the oppressed: to liberate themselves and their oppressors as well.”  -Paolo Freire

Nobody gets free by enslaving others. Nobody changes by silencing others. Unity doesn’t come by demonizing others, nor does it come by allowing injustices to occur. If we all really wanted peace, we’d talk to each other, we’d fight for each other, we’d see each other, really see each other as humans with equal dignity and humanity. Love (and love is tough, not fluffy) is the fight. Compassion, the realest of the real kind, is the fight. Anything else just makes things worse.

One of our former students is facing charges of capital murder (along with his two older brothers and an older accomplice). This student is white and the boy that was murdered was a black boy. The narrative, as told by the public, is one we’ve seen before, “If it was a white boy who was killed, everyone would be in uproar! The black boy would already be charged!” “These white boys are going to get away with it because of white privilege!” The fact is, people should be in uproar, not just because yet another black boy is dead or because a white boy has thrown his life down the drain. No, the reality is that a life, an irreplaceable life, was taken. Someone is dead, a human being no longer breathes. The real tragedy is that the circumstances they found themselves in brought on the greatest form of destruction of the human race.

The facts are simple: The Garrison boys are broken and have done terrible things. X’s life situation wasn’t perfect, he was in a bad situation that ultimately caused him to lose his life. All these young men had already faced some of the ugliest realities of the world because of the circumstances into which they were born. In this case, there is no such thing as one person having more privilege or dignity than the other--unless you consider being in jail, being a convicted felon, or being killed a privilege or a source of dignity.

Kyle threw a desk and cussed out the entire room in the first, and only, 30 seconds he was in my room. My other students cussed him out and yelled back. Nobody changed. Kyle didn’t change at all until someone was kind to him. The last thing he said to me was, “I want to do good now.” Unfortunately, his intentions weren’t enough. He reverted back to his old ways because he reentered the world that made him and continued to make choices he’d made before.

It would be easier to make sense of this kind of violence if we could make statements like, “All white people are rich and don’t face the problems black people do,” or “All black kids commit crimes because they think they can get away with it,” be true. Maybe that’s why we try so hard to make people fit into blanket statements; it’s easier to pick an enemy that way. But, this isn’t the way it is. In fact, looking at the facts is far worse than anything those statements carry. The fact is the three brothers experienced horrors that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. X faced turmoil I can’t imagine. The fact is, both boys were victims of the same problem: the system as a whole.

People think I’m crazy when I express compassion for the culprits of the murder. Like having compassion for them makes me blind to the fact that they have committed horrible acts or callous to the pain they caused an entire family, but doing bad things doesn’t strip them of their humanity, nor does it put them outside of the bounds of compassion. Acknowledging their goodness actually makes what they did worse. They weren’t made for that and yet, here we are. Compassion at its best knows no bounds and it certainly doesn’t create the latest crazy white man monster on the front page news or the black criminal who has met his demise.

I’ve been guilty of reading a horrible news story (there are plenty to go around), seeing the oppressor and thinking, “Man, another white guy killing folks because he can.” Then I have to check myself. Is this making me whole? Is this making me more compassionate? Is this kind of thinking closing the gaping divide that brings about hate and violence?

We need to teach each other how to make suffering--which is inevitable for all of us--beautiful, fruitful and a source of compassion rather than a wound that festers and turns a whole generation bitter.

Preaching the gospel of justice is only radical if you refuse to make anyone your scapegoat. Waving the flag of equality only works if you really mean that every person, even one who doesn’t see you, is worthy of dignity and respect.

We become the oppressors the second we become blind to anyone outside of our cause. This kind of thinking doesn’t make anyone free and it certainly doesn’t make us whole.

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

An Open Letter

“Dear Mr. Walsh, 

I never agree with you, however, I can usually ignore you. This time, I can’t. 

To be clear, I am not opposed to homeschooling. It is a wonderful option for some families. I would even consider for my own children.

Here are a few critiques of your article on public schooling:

1. “Some teachers have selfless motivations in pursuing a career in education, but some are more motivated by the discount on their college loans, and the exorbitant number of vacation days, and perhaps by the fact that they can’t think of anything else to do. Every job has perks, and in every job you have people who are more interested in the perks than the job.”

If anyone gets into teaching for “the perks” they are in the wrong field. Most jobs get a few weeks paid vacation a year that you can take at ay time, others allow their workers to make overtime pay, and still others offer stellar maternity/paternity leave packages. Teachers get a few months of summer but when the first day of teacher training starts, everything must be ready. If a teacher leaves their work for the entire summer, it’s highly unlikely they will be prepared for the following year. As a secondary ELA teacher, I must have the following tasks completed by August 14: have a whole year plan for 4 sections, have the first 6 weeks planned in detail for 4 sections, read (or re-read) any and all texts I will be using during the year, write/edit syllabi, review field notes to make adjustments and improvements to my courses, decorate my classroom, take care of my infant son, maintain my home, teach summer school and hopefully spend some time with my family. So, the idea that I receive an “exorbitant number of vacation days” is ludicrous. For the second time in two years, I will take no less than 4-10 weeks of unpaid time because my “exorbitant number of vacation days” are only applicable to my maternity leave if I deliver my baby in the summer months. Teachers in my school district receive 5 sick days and 5 personal days. If you have a child, those are the only days you can be paid for maternity leave; which means that before and after maternity leave, I have no paid days off until June. I could go on about the “perks” of teaching but I’ll spare you, lest you begin to sin with envy. 

2. “The Objective is not served by teaching kids about literature, so they don’t teach literature anymore. It isn’t served by teaching kids how to write well, so they don’t teach them how to write well anymore. It isn’t served by teaching grammar or geography or history or civics, so they don’t really teach any of that anymore.”  While I agree that public schooling has lost much of the space for creativity, deep thinking and valuing the beauty of literature in favor of high stakes testing and the overall standardization of education, I don’t agree with your blanket statements. I know for a fact that I am not the only teacher in the US who works to teach students the craft of writing, exposes them to literature of all types and gives them time to practice their craft by hand. I can’t speak for geography or history or civics. I can say this, teaching grammar to secondary students who weren’t read to outside of school as children, is really difficult, but I teach. 

3. “Writing has declined to such an extent that now the average American communicates in abbreviations and pictures. Incapable of expressing his emotions through the written word, he is reduced to conveying his happiness with smiley faces, like a primitive tribesman attempting to communicate with an explorer from the first world. Tweets and text messages look like slightly advanced hieroglyphics. It seems we have come full circle, from the cave wall to the Facebook wall.”

It seems that your ideas about literacy and language are mostly informed by the idea that Standard American English of the current day is the best and only way to use language. Sadly, your use of the English language would be horrifying to our forefathers. English, like all language, has evolved into what it is today with people like you resisting all the way. Yes, there is a time and place for using what we call “proper English” but language changes with the times. Using emojis in a casual texting conversation is a current form of literacy, not a regression into caveman times. 

4. “Well, that’s not entirely fair. They do learn how to masturbate. And they learn about sodomy. And they learn about transvestites. And they learn a bunch of other things that may or may not have been included in an actual curriculum. The curriculum is, after all, only a part of the problem. Not even the biggest part.”

To blame public schools for a kid who uses porn, which is prohibited in public schools (I know this because I work at a disciplinary campus where we have had students punished for months for this offense) is like blaming the restaurant you ate at one time for your obesity. Obviously, the student's parents aren't doing anything about it at home, nor are they aware of their child's internet viewing habits.  Again, with 10 hours of video games/Netflix: A student only spends 8 hours a day at school, so, even if they spent every minute at school playing video games, there are still two hours of screen time that parents are responsible for. What's more likely happening, is that student goes to school and then spends all his/her time at home playing video games and watching TV. This also explains the decline in literacy; increased screen time means less time exploring outdoors and reading books. If a student enters a situation with strong morals and ethics from home, they are more likely to be able to make judgements calls. Also, exposure to things like pornography is not limited to public schools, it happens in Catholic schools when young people have cellphones with unlimited internet access. It’s up to parents to teach their children what’s right, to show their kids the truth about who Jesus is and to bring them up in good faith so they can enter the world and know who they are. Public schools can’t and won’t do that. Nobody and nothing can be a substitute for a child’s family. 

5. “The first and most crucial thing preventing it from being saved is that it has molded a nation of people who do not think it needs saving. Saving the system would mean a complete restructuring from the ground up, and such an effort would require the cooperation of a great many people. But only a small number of people see any real problem with any of the things I’ve outlined. It is difficult to confront the errors in the system that made you, and most people are not interested in trying.”

Spend 1 hour at a teachers convention, a PTA meeting, a group of parents, or people who have been to school at all.  You will see that your assumption is painfully inaccurate. 

Also, aren’t YOU a product of the public school system? There is no way you are that great an exception. 

6. “Until such a system is in place, all we can do is make other arrangements for our children. We cannot save the system by ourselves. I’m not convinced that the system can or will be saved at all. At this point, all we can do is save our children.”

You write on the premise that every child who comes to school, comes from a home where they are fed, given attention and taught morality. Unfortunately, this is far from the truth. For students who come from low socio-economic backgrounds, school is a blessed relief. School is the only place they get attention and food. School is the only place they have access to books because mom and dad can't/won't take them to the library. School is also a place where they are taught values, often for the first time. So, to say that public school system is "the root of all evil" and that “we need to deliver your precious children from it” is an ideology that completely ignores the poor. Many children are blessed beyond belief with one or both attentive parents and a semi-stable home life. These children and their parents have the option to scrap the system and stay home to learn. For other children and their families, this is simply not the reality. Both parents might work multiple jobs and can’t stay home to teach the kids (school often serves as free child care), one or both parents do not speak English well enough to teach curriculum in English, one or both parents have not received proper education, one or both parents have addictions and are not present (either in mind or they are in and out of jail), etc.  So, when you make arguments like this, it really comes across as, "Save my kids but screw all these poor people." 

If that’s your opinion, fine, but you had better turn in your pro-life card. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Because Motherhood is a Photo Op

This morning, my 10 month old woke up in his vintage crib, snuggled in his organic, vegan bedsheets and quilt. He said, “Mother, I have risen.”--because yes, he speaks in full sentences due to all the high level reading we do. 

I had kale based oatmeal and harvested blueberries from the backyard for breakfast at our repurposed, barnwood dining room table while simultaneously breastfeeding. Baby lays perfectly still while he drinks milk in abundance. 

My husband--who is home all the time with nothing to do--washed the dishes and made me a cup of decaf tea. My baby read me a book--because he’s already learned to read--built a lego castle and we baked a gluten free cake. 

At about 10, baby says, “Mother, I am so tired.”

He crawls to his room, changes his own diaper. My sweet baby smiles as he drifts off to sleep. 

In the 3 hours he naps, I, energetic woman that I am, mop the floors, bake fresh bread for dinner and get in a workout in my home gym. 

For the remainder of the day, we make arts and crafts and cook dinner (all low fat, free range, dye free, sugar free, vegetable based, kale infused).

At the end of the day, Abe takes a bubble bath, says his prayers (a full decade of the rosary in Latin) and sleeps for 12 hours. 

How it really goes:

For the last three nights, we’ve woken up at least 3 times in the night to find Abe covered in poop–diarrhea is a living, breathing beast in our house. The world smells like shit and there is lots of yelling (on Abe’s part). Fast forward to the morning–Ruben slips away to prep for boards in the middle of more poop and a morning bottle of formula (I found out the hard way that returning to work after only 6 weeks of maternity leave (don’t get me started on America’s maternity laws) isn’t enough time to build up your milk supply for the long haul. I made it 8 months before formula saved the day.).

I might get some dishes done while washing poop out of sheets and jammies and random things my thrashing infant touched. Odds are though, that my pregnant mind says, “You know what, those dishes will still be there later and so will that poop. Take a load off, sister.” Breakfast is a bagel or leftover pizza or a (not organic) banana. Nap time is signaled by Abe’s sudden need to be simultaneously in my lap and not in my lap and rubbing of his eyes.

Like this blog post, it can feel monotonous. Days feel sort of long but also dinner–or lack thereof–is upon you before you know it. How is there no food and why is everything a wreck? You’ve literally been home all day? Why did you think teaching was hard, there was no poop involved, right? I wonder these things, and my husband is too much a saint (or perhaps attached to his life) to say them, ever. So, we eat whatever I can materialize with a baby crawling around the kitchen–getting his finger stuck in his magnetic letter “G” or almost crawling into the dryer or holding onto my leg for dear life. Some days, I’m successful at procuring sustenance. Other days, Ruben picks food up on the way home.

Life–working and staying home–is chronicled via social media. My Instagram says that life is glowy and rosy. Facebook says that summer vacation is the best thing ever and that this is the walk in the park I’ve been waiting for. We don’t talk about needing more sleep than there are hours or the toll medical school takes on a family or how sometimes you end up in bed with a bowl of M&M’s because that’s the power you have. We don’t talk about how going to Mass is a new mountain to climb with brujas giving your yelling baby ojo. We also don’t talk about pregnancy rage or going to the gym just to lay on the mat (thanks for the idea, big sis).

Mostly, we don’t talk about the fact that none of us really know what we’re doing. We are all just guessing (or calling our mom and older sister) and googling weird things like “10 month old persistent diarrhea” or “baby rash” or “why won’t my 9 month old sleep?”

We don’t talk about it because it sounds like complaining and nobody likes a complainer. Plus, how many likes would a sink full of dirty dishes and a dirty diaper get?

What’s true, for me, is that it’s a weird mixture of the rosy and difficult. One second Abe is snuggling giving kisses and the next he’s blasting toxic waste out his back end. But I’ll take it because it’s real.

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Parenting: Part 1

you come in with a snack and a glass of water

you come in with an, “I got this, baby, go take a shower”

and you save me

from the both of us.

because he is the both of us

your nose, hands, feet, dimples, skin and good nature

my resting bitch face, curiosity, will of iron and forehead

my knight in shining basketball shorts,

clutching a pacifier and a book to read.

ready to sit out the beast.

my “you’re doing great” when I feel like I’m not mom-ing hard enough,

making enough milk,

thinking too much,

not holding baby enough,

will my baby be properly adjusted?

but guilting enough for 9 Mexican Catholic women

guilting because I work

to pay bills

I work

while small sweet beast sits with a sitter

guilting because I am not just mom all day

I am “hey miss can you help me?”

“Hey miss, I don’t want to do this”

“Hey miss, do you have a snack?”

So yes,

you save me

from the angst of too much to do

the difficulty of too little to do—

sitting for an hour waiting for

the angel-beast to sleep

writing lesson plans in my mind.

you save me

the last cookie

the last beer

the last few hours of sleep.

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

Reflections on the Journey

I started this blog two years ago, at the very beginning of graduate school, and have returned to it periodically (though much less frequently than I anticipated). Now here I am, at the end--less than two weeks from graduating and in a radically different place than I’ve ever been.

When I started this journey, I was dating (my now husband), living in a one bedroom apartment alone and working full-time as a youth minister. Now, I am married, pregnant, in search of work that will agree with motherhood and completely at peace. 

I’ve been asked a few times HOW and WHY I did everything all at once, school, an engagement, a wedding, a new marriage and now a baby. Well, I guess the “why” is more important than the how (because, I actually couldn’t tell you how). I guess the reason is because being a graduate student didn’t make me want to get married or fall in love or become a mother any less than I did before. Being a graduate student wasn’t enough reason not to do life. I thought it did, at first. But when you look at things a little differently, you realize you have lots of time and no time all at once. So, I said yes and went to work planning the wedding. I can’t say that my semester as a student teacher and bride to be was any more stressful than what my cohort members endured. In fact, I think getting married at the end of the semester gave me something really exciting to look forward to and gave me a great deal of purpose. Yeah, my wedding wasn’t a 20 thousand dollar production and I didn’t hand make a craft for every guest, but it was beautiful, joyful and everything I ever wanted a wedding to be. 

If you would have told me on the first day of graduate school that I would be 23 weeks pregnant, married and living in a different city by graduation, I wouldn’t have believed you. But this is where I am right now. So, i guess the rest of this blog will take the form of a mommy + baby+ daddy+family blog. 

But I just want to remember this, right now. The way things are ending and the way the rest of life is about to begin. 

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]

The kind of teacher you will become is directly related to the kind of teachers you associate with. Teaching is a profession where misery loves company- it recruits, seduces, and romances it. Avoid people who are unhappy and disgruntled about the possibilities for transforming education. They are the enemy of the spirit of the teacher.

Christopher Emdin “For White Folks Who Teach in the Hood… and the Rest of Y'all Too: Reality Pedagogy and Urban Education”

Required reading…

(via artedish)

That’s why I’m always trying to surround myself with great teachers irl and here.

There’s so much to learn, so much to profit from, so much space to grow!

(via theycallme-misssunshine)

[thedailyjoyfulstruggle]