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[thedarlinglimited]

living with criticism

My whole life I live with criticism

Every action I do every word I say is criticized

For 8 and a half years I dedicated my life to a guy who hates every single thing about me from my goofy smile to my silly clothes

I so want love but I'm so tired and sometimes I feel it will never happen for me

But in the meantime I need to work on building myself up

I may not be blonde or have blue eyes or Freckles or perfect features

But I have a warm smile and soulful eyes

I need to start focusing on my positives

Somehow everything I do ends up being a mess up

I grew up being grew yelled at every moment of my life

I sometimes just want to hide in my shell like a small tortoise as I slowly swim through life

I think I like being near water because the water never criticizes it accepts everyone the same no matter who they are as long as they know how to move their hands they can find the little treasures the water hides beneath its waves

[thedarlinglimited]

The redheaded lady in the music video for Tiny Dancer is in so much pain the first time I saw this music video I didn't think at all about it. But now in the context of all that's been I see her face in some of the scenes and I just think that's me . Maybe I really am an old soul.

[thedarlinglimited]

I feel so bad every every single mama in the universe

I just know their pain

I know what it feels like to hug yourself to sleep not knowing what will be the next morning I know how unknown everything feels

And if they have no child support? And they're the only parent at all I really feel for them

I just feel so bad for all single mothers without child support and a father in the story

I feel so bad for them how do they do it?

Sure when there's child support and another active parent okay that's a little less upsetting they have babysitting they have a big family for the kids

But single mothers like me trailer park stories?

I feel for them

Single mothers need men who have so much love to give that's the truth

[thedarlinglimited]

This is what I should have told myself last summer in the jersey shore

When I was all glowy and tan and happy

I should have said do not knock back on the door of those who don't really want you

The problem is sometimes I just like don't even understand why guys don't want me then I get depressed then I understand oh it's cause they think im nuts

But I also have so much good parts I just don't know isn't everyone a little nuts? Isn't everyone a little nuts and everyone picks and chooses what type of nuts they're okay with.. but maybe I just haven't found my other almond joy bar maybe he's just hiding somewhere

[thedarlinglimited]

Tired of being a rent-a girl

I realized in my life im so unlucky in love

I ran into a marriage with a guy who saw me as a rent a wife he could dispose of me when he got bored

My heart was captured by a boy who saw me as a rent a girl he could toss me when he got bored and I got too annoying

I am a lady I am a lady who has so many good qualities none are valued by men

And I wonder to myself I why I even bother with this era and the whims of this era and I just my only answer is my children.

[thedarlinglimited]

this is a post from when my life wasnt as bad as it is right now

I only thought life was bad but then it got much much worse

Here I was still young and vibrant and I thought I was beautiful and loveable

Now I feel unlovable very unlovable

The things I would say to myself a year ago is protect your heart Malky

If a man fights for your heart then he will protect it too then he's your knight

If your heart is just a fill in the blanks then well your repeating history

Wait for the knight who only wants your heart until then stay a single mama

[thedarlinglimited]

So one day I hope I have my Andy gibb whoever and wherever he is

Right now im very unlucky in love.. and in life we'll it's pretty hard to be lucky in life when you're very unlucky in love

The first step is mascara the second step is to learn how to stay happy

[thedarlinglimited]

I hope there's a disco ball in heaven...

first diary entry of trying to heal through comedy day 1.

So today I realized I'm just barely hanging on. I seem to screw up everything in my life. I feel like the world's biggest loser and sometimes I wonder if I was always like this way. Like as a kid was I this much of a screw up. At least I think im going to heaven. I mean I think I could be mistaken and then you know the jokes on me 🤣 Years of self deprivation and I'm still like in like the motel 6 right off of heaven. Heaven of course is like the Hilton the fancy schmancy palm springs kind of Hilton with chandeliers and im sure a glorious disco ball. I was born to carry a burden. I know I was I was born to carry burdens on my back on my soul. I was born to experience bitterness. Sometimes you just know. Like I'm sure George Carlin went through some really epic bad stuff to get as bitter as he did. I don't even think he liked disco very much. It's a shame because he probably could have uses a little disco in his life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like paranormal and then I think okay im probably Glinda the good witch from the wizard of oz because originally she's a redhead. They made her a blonde for broadway but originally she is a redhead. I know because I had the porcelain doll replica and Judy garland had brunette hair with red highlights and Glinda was for sure a ginger. So maybe I'm like paranormal like that cause I do love glitter very much. But then she wasn't a depressive and she probably did everything right...so these are really the existential questions I grapple with and will publish one day in a book called Not Nietche ....not a book on existential philosophy rather a book about glitter.

I used to think glitter could make everything better. Bad day? Wear glitter! Bad breakup wear glitter and go to a party! And actually it does help. But only a little bit.

But like then there just comes a point where no matter how many times I listen to confidence boosting songs by my favorite singers I will still always feel like the most insecure bumbling screw up that somehow was beamed down from somewhere and just belongs nowhere.

So right now I look forward to heaven I probably will be reunited with my love in heaven whoever he may be it will be like a wheel of fortune of love game and my soul will finally be able to be with the soul meant for my soul my other puzzle piece maybe it will be one of the beegees maybe a former Yankees player maybe a very spiritual man I don't know...I guess I won't know till I'm in heaven.

That brings me to Eric Claptons song would you know my name if I saw you in heaven ...I don't think I'll remember anyone's name in heaven I don't even remember people's names now...🤣

But im hoping in heaven I'm a little more put together like I probably won't talk so much and I'm sure a boy will be holding my hand or heart whoever he may be from whichever era....I'm sure in heaven everything will make sense and if there is a disco ball well I better hope I'm wearing sequins

[thedarlinglimited]

I hope there's a disco ball in heaven...

first diary entry of trying to heal through comedy day 1.

So today I realized I'm just barely hanging on. I seem to screw up everything in my life. I feel like the world's biggest loser and sometimes I wonder if I was always like this way. Like as a kid was I this much of a screw up. At least I think im going to heaven. I mean I think I could be mistaken and then you know the jokes on me 🤣 Years of self deprivation and I'm still like in like the motel 6 right off of heaven. Heaven of course is like the Hilton the fancy schmancy palm springs kind of Hilton with chandeliers and im sure a glorious disco ball. I was born to carry a burden. I know I was I was born to carry burdens on my back on my soul. I was born to experience bitterness. Sometimes you just know. Like I'm sure George Carlin went through some really epic bad stuff to get as bitter as he did. I don't even think he liked disco very much. It's a shame because he probably could have uses a little disco in his life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm like paranormal and then I think okay im probably Glinda the good witch from the wizard of oz because originally she's a redhead. They made her a blonde for broadway but originally she is a redhead. I know because I had the porcelain doll replica and Judy garland had brunette hair with red highlights and Glinda was for sure a ginger. So maybe I'm like paranormal like that cause I do love glitter very much. But then she wasn't a depressive and she probably did everything right...so these are really the existential questions I grapple with and will publish one day in a book called Not Nietche ....not a book on existential philosophy rather a book about glitter.

I used to think glitter could make everything better. Bad day? Wear glitter! Bad breakup wear glitter and go to a party! And actually it does help. But only a little bit.

But like then there just comes a point where no matter how many times I listen to confidence boosting songs by my favorite singers I will still always feel like the most insecure bumbling screw up that somehow was beamed down from somewhere and just belongs nowhere.

So right now I look forward to heaven I probably will be reunited with my love in heaven whoever he may be it will be like a wheel of fortune of love game and my soul will finally be able to be with the soul meant for my soul my other puzzle piece maybe it will be one of the beegees maybe a former Yankees player maybe a very spiritual man I don't know...I guess I won't know till I'm in heaven.

That brings me to Eric Claptons song would you know my name if I saw you in heaven ...I don't think I'll remember anyone's name in heaven I don't even remember people's names now...🤣

But im hoping in heaven I'm a little more put together like I probably won't talk so much and I'm sure a boy will be holding my hand or heart whoever he may be from whichever era....I'm sure in heaven everything will make sense and if there is a disco ball well I better hope I'm wearing sequins

[thedarlinglimited]

The year I turned 33 I channeled my inner Glamma

This is my ode to retail therapy and pastels and vintage views on life

Yes buying anything with being makes the world a bit sparklier even if it's 99 cents yes yes it does...I prefer clothing that isn't designer the cheaper the better...the sparkler the velvetier the shimmeryer the better!

I love lipstick now yes it helps the day feel better

I never had the confidence to wear lipstick and now I do

Dressing glamorous makes life better buying cheap being makes life better

I'm sorry but it is way more satisfying buying jewelry that looks real but cost under twenty bucks then buying the real stuff as a seasoned consigner of pieces that were so covetable I can honestly say French gold that costs as much as tuition is not a happy purchase its an I will regret this minutes later purchase...and then the jewelry is like symbolic of lack of priorities of choosing decadence over responsibility

But a beautiful sparkly glittery gem that costs less than four lattes, well that jewelry makes me feel amazing every time I wear it... that's the power of humor and not taking one's self so seriously and ultimately that's having a youthful heart- a little indulgence in the form of accessory- but not excessively so

A Glamma is the term for a glamorous grandma. Iy"H I hope to be such a fancy schmancy glamorous stylish senior citizen but until then I am working on gratefulness! I am working on kindness to myself and others! I'm working on fitness and humor and taking life with humor- but also with substance, with morals with ethics with grace.

Some people fear getting older I embrace it I feel wisdom and grace sometimes are only qualities that people who have truly lived and experience can possess.

And of course in my 70s and 80s noone and I mean noone will not think I am like absolutely a cutie pie in my sequin jackets and blingy purses...Viva La Sparkle!!!.. like I will be trending

[thedarlinglimited]

Knishes taste better in Kansas

My grandfather opened up a knish store right after he moved to the city from a little town in Topeka Kansas. His parents had fled Eastern Europe to the wide open west and they had a little prairie-style life with alot of yiddishe heart pulsing at its core. Though their challah was baked farm to table, the wheat so fresh that the braided dough smelled like wheat fields. And whatever else they had was procured from the local general store. They were the only Jewish Family in all of Topeka but my grandfather was a gifted farmer and his farm produced enough wheat and fresh vegetables to feed the entire city. Grandpa or as we called him, zeideh, loved John Wayne films when he got older. We owned an old TV set that played grainy western films and they spoke to my very Hungarian zeydeh's spirit for adventure. His devotion to God was unmoving. One winter he said he walked five miles in the Kansas prairie sun to bring bubbie to the nearest hospital. It was shabbes. Zeydeh wore cowboy boots that a local gifted him for all the free grain he gave them. He wore those boots with his skullcap and suit to synagogue when he moved to the big city. Little clues to my zeydeh's inner workings were sewn into his clothing. A plaid scarf that was collegiate even- it was the same colors as the blue,white and black prayer books arranged in perfect symmetry. They stood at attention,their pages crinkly and yellowed with time and tears. Their letters so beautiful; art. The bookcases came from the trees out back from his Kansas home. He tool those bookcases with him to the city. Zeydeh didn't see Judaism as a burden he saw it as a beautiful adventure. He saw it as a creed in much of a cowboy spirit he was also extremely steadfast in his yiddishkeit. That knish store had a little saddle in the front and a sign much similar to one found in a western saloon though this one had the flavors of knish by alphabetical order. Kasha, Potato. I couldn't spell when the store was around so I wouldn't know much more than that. I still have my zeydehs cowboy hat. Now my son wears it. I became a prairie woman in my own right. Raising my son alone on my own made me feel a bit like being on the western plains. I feel a bit like my bubbie. I feel a bit like maybe I need some boots and a hat to weather the winter. But I also have my prayer book...and sometimes when I'm really having a bad day I have a knish.

[thedarlinglimited]

This ship was found at The south street seaport one of my favorite places in the city.... Zissou might approve... different boats and ships dock there each day some retro, some classic and it might just be the most visually appealing part of the city.... if you're into that sorta thing....

[thedarlinglimited]

The Tide is High; A Moon Tale

The Moon controls the tide they say. That glowing orb that symbolizes both night (an end) and exploration (a begining) controls the ocean's wildly unpredictable sway. I love the ocean. For me the Wes Anderson masterpiece "Moonrise Kingdom" was less a love story between two tweens finding romance and belonging and more a cinematic love poem to my favorite type of land; the beach.

I can't describe the feelings I have towards the beach and more importantly towards the ocean. It's sheer beauty, it's magnetism and magnitude are enveloping and calming. If I am feeling particularly troubled in a Suzy Bishop sort of moody French bordering on intensely moody French way then I turn my dreams to the beach. The feeling of sand between bare toes. The excitement of finding shiny seashells sprinkled across the seashore like a game of hide and seek that only nature could pull off. The post-card perfect color palette of soft sunny glow and rich turquoise meeting in perfect harmony. The beach is my oasis, my paradise. Were I braver and stronger I would take my babies on my back and haul a cab to the closest city beach every week and I would ease my anxiety and my dark thoughts. The beach cures whatever ails me. I feel freer and the world feels lighter. Maybe that's why the beach of Penzance plays such a prominent role in the sun-kissed film. Maybe that's why the camera pans onto a super hipster set up of record player, retro satchel [the film takes place im 1965] saddle shoes, and binoculars. Because the sand and the water is the perfect backdrop for distilled perfection. Two deep souls deep as the ocean find levity and silliness near the thing as tempestuous and wild as them.

I want to be healthier so I can spend more summers at the beach. I want to feel as young as Suzy and as adventurous as Sam so I could find haven in sand and seashore till my veins are as visible as the circuitous paths on the adventure maps that our main characters possess. I want to grow old and vibrant basking in sunlight and moonlight on the beach listening to French Music, possibly wearing a beret.

Vintage style takes a main role in this film, as does 1960 French style popularized by Francois Hardy called ye ye style in '60s Paris. It's a style that looks as good on the beach in the moonlight as it does in the sun.

Suzy Plays a Francois Hardy record; a nod to her very coquettish style.

[thedarlinglimited]

The Royal Tenenbaums of Tomorrow.

The Royal Tennenbaums is a cozy, quirky and at times crazy film highlighting a lovably dysfunctional family nestled in a nostalgic nuanced New York City. Cue the shtick of my little four year old who would look adorable in a baby tracksuit, my six year old who's every bit a Margot and me who's I guess Angelica hustons character? But maybe at one time in my youth I was a Margot...though let's not be so literal. This is Wes Anderson after all. To be too literal would be missing half the fun. Tongue-in-cheek messiness abounds.

The Royal Palms shuffleboard club could have been the scene for an epic shuffleboard duel between the Wilsons pair; Owen and Luke. Richie would win of course. He's got the sweatband for success. If you too want to feel like you live in an impeccably stylish comedy of errors then make your way to the Ferry and get yourself a first class seat right up top with the good view. There are flamingos on every inch of the restroom area. They are the type of flamingos that Rembrandt might paint or Rosseau. There are flamingos in front of disco streamers and there are beautifully vintage shuffleboards in retro tones. Vast expanses of shiny smooth playing area that lends itself to the era of the dinner jacket, the aviator sunglasses and the ascot. The corduroy jacket with the patched elbows and the tracksuit might also join in to the sartorial symphony that is this Tenenbaum-specific era of debauched decadence.

To recreate your own Tenenbaums moment

*scour vintage and thrift stores

*visit thrift stores online

*eyeliner lots of it!

*think pins and ribbons, wrist bands and barettes

*think vintage '70s shades especially in sunglasses

*think vintage prints and groovy band aids (yes I am wearing a band-aid as a nod to the character Margot and her unfortunate finger episode...my band aid reads its all good.

And if you view the beauty of the city through a Polaroid lens with character and grit and a whole lot of tennis-ready tenacity...

Well then yeah things might be good.

[thedarlinglimited]

It's The begining of the New Year for Me and my daughter Lily🦄; there are new adventures to embark on and new reasons to smile and new winter adventures await!🐻‍❄️

We wore all pastel vintage to the Jean George's building in the South Street Seaport and we ushered in a sweet new year from candy from the pink and pretty candy shop inside that's reminiscent of a very Wes Anderson style scene, think Mendls in The Grand Budapest Hotel....

My trench is vintage, my sweater is vintage my glasses are Warby Parker and my daughter Lily wore H&M

We love vintage style and well be posting alot of classic cinema inspired looks in future posts all in our favorite nyc spots!

[thedarlinglimited]

It's The begining of the New Year for Me and my daughter Lily🦄; there are new adventures to embark on and new reasons to smile and new winter adventures await!🐻‍❄️

Our style at this moment is inspired by the super vintage, candy-colored ode to winter The Grand Budapest Hotel.

For anyone who isn't familiar with the pink and peculiar film of Wes Anderson then I'll explain in a pastel pink Mendls bakery box tied with a ribbon. The quirky caper of comedic errors and stylish silliness takes place against a beautiful backdrop of a wintry hotel wonderful that's as visually stunning as it is incredibly vintage.

The vibes at the Jean Gorges Tin building at the soul street seaport have the same vibe. Walking distance from Michaeli's bakery ( the sweet apple raisin babka that almost tastes like rustic stollen pastry is incredible) and nestled amongst the most stylish ships is the most incredible ode to vintage visuals that I have ever seen in NYC. Maybe it's the glowing art deco globe lights that dot the golden ceilings almost like golden clusters of grapes or maybe it's the attention to detail that's so Impeccable there isn't a napkin holder that doesn't reference a richly vintage European era of cafe society...but this building is cinema at its best.

To chill in such a lush building one needs to wear something statement making. Lil and I chose candy pink. To match the vintage candy shoppe all pink and gold and white and magical. My pink vintage trench by French brand apostrophe is vintage and a gift from one of my best friends. My light pink sweater, also vintage, and glasses-warby Parker are also a reference to mid-century sophistication that is as polished as it is Parisian. My daughter Lil also wore all pink and to usher in a sweet new year we had candy and coffee and marveled in the magic of the place.

We definitely recommend visiting the south st seaport and if your feeling really grand wear a conversation piece something vintage something and something unexpected.

[thedarlinglimited]

Oy And just like that...I'm a glasses gal🙊

It's almost coat season...COAT SZN!! Fashion lovers rejoice! Wool trenchcoats, smart leather jackets with '80s style slouch and just wool boucle long coats in pastel colors that make people smile!

I needed a pair of glasses and so of course

I found the most beautiful Mollie Ringwald-esque Ombre' pink to clear frames at the hipster spectacle Paradise Warby Parker.

Glasses make me look intelligent and simultaneously hipster, both Qualities I may or may not possess [objectively] thought I wish I did. But in spectacles I feel like I can write a dissertation on the abject meaning of existence in the post-tik-tok era. I feel like I can sip coffee with a really chunky scarf oh so casually slouching around my neck and a new Yorker canvas tote filled with wild flowers from the farmers market next to me and of course a walkman! With the dirty dancing soundtrack on cassette tape [it's classic! And Urban outfitters sells it!] And also a Paul Simon cassette I thrifted from a vintage records store...

It's incredible how just an accessory can change up my whole vibe. With my glasses on I feel warmer, smarter, more approachable and more woke I think?...well wokeish....

Molly Ringwald was right to love glasses they are a style staple. A must. If I'm going to proclaim my old soul to the world through style it would be through these glasss..Warby Parker came through for me...and suddenly I love the word hipster 🙊☕️📖🤓👢🕶👓