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Will: Can you keep a secret?

Robin : Well, I'm good until I see Steve.

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Jonathan: How does that even work?

Will, mocking them: hOw dO yOu UsE a cOmPUteR aNd KnOw wHaTS GoiNg oN iT DoEsNt mAke SeNSe?!

Jonathan: Your face doesnt make sense.

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Max: Why do you look like that?

Will, laying face-first on the floor: Like what?

Max: Like you’re dead.

Will: It’s because I’m dying. Leave me here to perish.

Nancy: Will accidentally called Gareth “babe” in front of everyone today.

Will: *sobs into the floor*

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Lucas: I think this might be a bad idea...

Mike: Don't start thinking on me now!

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Dustin: *venting endlessly to Max about his week*

Max, every once in a while: *in a monotone* Wow, that is so wild.

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Mike: *closes a cabinet*

*a crash is heard behind the cabinet door*

Max: What was that?

Mike: The sound of someone else's problem.

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Mike: It was difficult, so you’ve just given up. You might fail, so why bother trying?

Steve: Exactly.

Steve, to Nancy: I told you they’d understand.

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Eddie, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!

Steve: Eddie, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Gareth, would you get Eddie some water?

Gareth: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”?

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Max: We either die free, or die trying!

Dustin: Are those the only choices?

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Mike: Seriously, all you do is bitch.

Steve: I happen to bitch the perfect amount for someone in my situation.

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people talk about their writer friends stealing their weird habits or borrowing backstories but what you don't know is that we will steal your house. layout location garden colour scheme décor the whole lot. i have childhood friends with entire abodes immortalised in my stories. i have people i met once who would be able to recognise ancient six-month lease domiciles from a decade and a half ago. i'm in your house i'm in your blueprints and i am taking the lot.

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Eddie: I am the most responsible person in the group.

Dustin: …You just set the kitchen on fire.

Eddie: Yes, and I take full responsibility for that.

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Mike: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.

Max: Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?

Mike: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

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Steve : Who hiding in the laundry room trying to listen to Will and Gareth convo?

Eddie joking : Me. I was the laundry basket.

Robin also jokingly : I was the washing machine.

Mike dead serious : I was in the closet.

Eddie: We accept you Mike.

Mike: No literally was in the closet.

Eddie: Love is love.

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Eddie : What the hell was that?

Steve: *picks up a flashlight* Only one way to find out!

Robin: Wait a minute! You don’t go TOWARDS the spooky scary banging!

Johnathan : Yes we do, Robin. We always do.

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Mike: Are you having another depressive episode?

Will: A depressive episode?

Will: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.

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Steve: I told Eddie to grab snacks for everyone.

Mike, looking through the options: Why did you grab fruit snacks? Are you five? Who even likes Fruit Snacks?

*Steve, Eddie, and Robin raise their hands*