thedudewho

[thedudewho]

I’m just waiting for that one person to sit me down, look me in the eyes, and say,

“I’m not giving up on you. You’re worth it. I’m going to learn how to love you right, and I’m not going anywhere”,

and for once,

just once,

actually mean it…

[thedudewho]

I don’t write poems much these days…

I just yearn in silence

I beg

in silence

for the love that am told must exist

I don’t want to stay the same

I don’t want to change

I want

To

Be

Better…

I guess I have been writing small poems, in my head

Like little pills

That’ll fix me

And one day

It’ll all be enough…

[thedudewho]

Today I had a moment of weakness

For the first time in a long time

Your face flashed across my feed

And only one thought crossed my mind…

“You’re just as beautiful as the day I lost you”

[thedudewho]

Hosier once said

“I’m too busy being yours to fall for someone new”

But god

do I wish I could fall for someone new…

[thedudewho]

Someone is always the flame and someone is always the moth

Which one are you?

I’m always the moth…

[thedudewho]

Dear the only person who’s ever truly seen the real me…

I don’t need your apology

But

One day…

I hope you feel guilty for the way you treated me

And for the way you betrayed me

For the way you took my heart and shattered it into a million pieces

I hope one day you realise what you did to me…

[thedudewho]

They talk about new beginnings all the time

The books, the movies, the tv shows, it’s everywhere

But no one can prepare you for the moment you need to ask yourself

“Should you give them another chance?…”

How do you answer such a question…

[thedudewho]

tumblr is for putting your stuff somewhere that's not secret but also not for anyone particular to see so it's true neutral in a really nice way

[thedudewho]

you want them to text back but that's anxious attachment isn't it. it's just that you can feel on the wind when you're not wanted anymore. when they've fallen out of love in any small part of their marrow. you have a hawk's eye for disharmony. you can tell when she has begun packing her things.

don't be annoying. you want to write: i have never experienced unconditional love as an explanation but isn't that pathetic. in adulthood all love is conditional and it should be. you've been to too much therapy. touch grass. how sappy can you be.

but they don't reach for your hand while they're driving. they forget to ask you how you're doing. the call times no longer read 12:34:19. they're 30 minutes and perfunctory before she says baby please, i'm tired. i need to go to sleep. where in her life do you fit. why is it that you never fit into anyone's life very long. oblong creature with so many needs, spilling up and out and over everything. it's a fucking shame the first time she said she loved you it was for your independence. and now look at you.

hollow pit in your stomach, body shaking. fuck, not again. you're not going to ruin another relationship like this, codependent and toxic, spiraling. and in the other half of your brain: if that's your wife, wouldn't she want to hear it? wouldn't it be fine? wouldn't she just comfort you and you can both move on and nobody dies?

but you're crowding her! read another instagram Positive Vibes Only type of post that talks about calming your heart and your brain and your body. try to sit in silence. the thing is that you do have a life outside of her, remember? go back to it.

great news, your parents fucked you up and now you have no idea how to deal with love. you just keep wanting to be chosen. to be real to someone, all the way through. real and kept. held closely. seen as precious to somebody. why even is that? didn't you always swear that people can and should complete themselves? why are you so constantly driven to beg for love, doglike and barking?

it's just the tiny things. it's just that you have to weigh every silence and sentence like bricks on an exposed belly. you have no idea how to shut it off. every alarm bell in your body saying: this isn't safe. start scrambling. she's already going.

[thedudewho]

Maybe…

Just maybe…

Love is the most selfless thing you can do

Maybe

Soulmates do exist

Maybe

True love is like a puzzle

Maybe

We need to take time and the end everything works out just right

Maybe…

[thedudewho]

The age old phrases of,

I would die for you.

I would kill for you.

That’s nice…

Would you live for me?

How bout that.

Would you wake up at a decent time and get out of bed?

Would you eat breakfast?

Would you try to drink water?

Would you take care of yourself?

I don’t wanna hear no more of these, “I would die for you”

I want you to live for you

In this day and age that’s the greatest sacrifice anyone can make…

[thedudewho]

“If it is destroying you then it is not love my dear.”

— Unknown

[thedudewho]

We spend our entire lives searching

Searching for happiness

And then when we find it we say…

“I can die now”

But that’s not the point

Is it…

The point of chasing that elusive feeling

Is not to die

But to live…

[thedudewho]

But the thing I’ll never admit to anyone who’s met me is how desperately I want to be loved

I could never say it out loud

Because I fear that they’ll never understand

I just want to be wanted

I don’t want to be seen

I want to hold her in my arms until my arms can hold no more

I want feel her tender body collapse because she knows I’ll be there to hold her

I want to see her to smile forever more

I want her

to want me…

[thedudewho]

I’ve always wondered what it’s like to be yearned for…

What does it feel like?

To have someone ache the way that I do

That burning sensation

That longing

That eternal pain within me

Within you…

Or does it?

[thedudewho]

There’s a feeling

Or a lack of feeling

When you know you can let go

When the rejection that once would have devastated you no longer stings

You can admit that you tried

You can admit that you cared

Even if it doesn’t work out

You can still walk away knowing you did your best

That feeling…

[thedudewho]

In English we say, “I can’t wait to see you again”

In poetry we say,

I can feel it

Today is the first day our the rest of our lives…