theemberdays

[theemberdays]

Here is a little snippet from “Valitus” the book. This is written to go alongside “Darling” one of the songs on the record. We will be releasing this song next week!

Darling - Chapter 5

“Darling”

This song just keeps giving. I feel it every time. I wrote this with a huge ache in my gut; the kind of ache that you can’t stop thinking about day after day.  In that month I heard that friends had lost their children. I grieved for them. I couldn’t get over the injustice. I couldn’t get past the unrelenting vacancy and helplessness that must have been in their hearts.

Loss. There’s just nothing to remedy it. It’s one of those things you fall asleep with, only to wake up to the next day. You get through that day just so you can sleep again, if you can sleep. There’s no escaping, no fixing. We live our lives trying to stop feeling the pain of loss. It seems only the impossible can make things right again. We have despair. We carry an emptiness that nothing can fill when we can’t get back what we once had. Where’s justice? Where’s comfort? Nothing can replace what we’ve lost. We cannot stop ache. It doesn’t go away, so we grieve.

How can I find any hope in this place? My joy has been taken from me and my strength to be. What’s the point of living in this condition? Is heaven my only salvation? Is it my only escape? I’m looking for justice. I’m looking for answers. I want there to be reason in my suffering, in our suffering. I want this brokenness to somehow not be in vain. Can it be made right again? Is there redemption?

I realize I am not the only person searching for comfort. I am not alone in my heartache. The world hurts. Everyone loses something or someone. We all know that feeling, whether we’ve grown numb to it or not. I’ve been feeling it. I get it. I grieve. And when the anger has subsided enough for me to see, I see that I am not the only one. We have questions. We feel empty. We only survive. I am not alone in this. I want to reach out to the ones around me. I want to say, “Let’s grieve together. Let’s heal together.”

July 16, 2015

Every morning I wake up and something’s gone. Every night I lay in bed and you’re not there.

I’ve been learning about loss. I’ve been feeling it and harboring it. It’s heavy. I don’t really know how to shake it. I don’t see a way to feel anything without feeling this ache. It’s behind every smile and every stare.

I have become sadness. Sometimes I leave it in my bed, but when I return at night it’s there to meet me and I can’t shake it. I can’t shake the feeling that something is missing and sorrow has replaced it. I can’t laugh without feeling you, Sadness. I can’t handle a compliment or anything resembling love, because I can’t feel joy without remembering. Remembering makes me feel and feeling reminds me of what was, of what’s gone. Feeling hurts too much right now. I prefer being numb. I prefer control.

I look down at the stones and I want to be them. They can’t feel the pain of beauty ripped away, because there is none to take. They are strong. They are safe.

Do not touch me or I’ll crumble;  I won’t feel safe scattered on the ground. In this moment I rather not feel anything. I rather shut it all out. I rather be stone.

[theemberdays]

“Take Me”

You know the groan of vacancy

And wonder what it is that separates me

You sit and hope it will return

When this heart loved You first

Take me back to where I was

When my dreams were made of You

Take me back where I can breathe

Life abundantly

You know the groan of apathy

A locked-up room with no fight to free

You sit and hope to feel again

A beating heart set out to win

Come take my hands, my life

Come take my heart, my mind

[theemberdays]

Check out this post about our NEW RECORD from our singer Janell.

VALITUS

So I set out to write a book to go along with The Ember Days upcoming album. We are naming the album and book “Valitus” which is a finish word that Wiktionary defines as A moan, groan, wailing, lament.When we were trying to decide on a name for the album the title Lament just seemed right because so much of the record came about doing exactly that. The album was written in a season of me coming out of denial and numbness and into a place of recognizing and feeling my pain and the pain of those around me. This book and this record is my Lament.

I was in a process of soul searching when I laid all the expectations of songwriting down and decided to just speak from my heart. I wanted honesty and not just a collection of words and sounds that are expected or comfortable. I wanted truth, my truth also known as my millions of questions. This book is as vulnerable as it comes. It is a mirror of my heart, telling what is and not what should or could be. This book is like a collection of heart self-portraits taken when I was completely undone and still a mess.

You might wonder, why so vulnerable? Why the brutal honesty? To me the best art is something real, something not mustered up. I am most fulfilled in my art when I am being completely honest. It is these songs and writings that move me and make me feel. Even if no one else gets it, it is no waste of time. The therapy of honesty and writing something that moves you is life, it is fulfilling. I do hope my audience can also feel the life and the story. I am an artist and a lover of hearts and I want vulnerable art because it speaks to them. I want to speak to souls. I want to say, I too have pain and I see yours, we are in this together. I want to sing a word that might make you hurt a little less. I want to be a part of the comfort we are all looking for.

June 11, 2015

So here I go. I am coming near the end of this writing process and rather than feeling relief I am feeling scared. My inner dialog goes something like…How about you just publish your journal while you are still alive? How about you just speak about the thoughts you don’t want anyone to know?How about you just start telling your story while you’re still living it? Ok. I’ll do it… Actually nevermind! I’m changing my mind. Now that I can see an end to this. I’m not quite sure I like the finished product. There doesn’t seem to be enough beauty or hope. Where is the happy ending? What if I finish this process and I’m worse off than when I started? What if? How is that going to help anybody? What is that going to prove? People are going to think I am emotionally unstable and a sad, idiot or maybe someone who makes really bad art and sucks at writing. Someone who tried. I don’t know. The only thing I am proving here is this, I’m human. I’m human and I get it. Here’s my way of comforting myself and perhaps comforting a reader who is looking and longing and hurting just as I am. I guess I’m just gonna do it.

Thanks for reading

Janell

[theemberdays]

The Ember Days Update

I thought it might be a good idea to post a little Ember Days update. However, I would like to say more then just where we are and our upcoming plans.

We are currently in the process of changing a lot of things in our band. Since touring last year, and then writing and recording our upcoming full-length album, we have been feeling things shift in our hearts. Our desire for our music to reflect the people that we are has become a reality. We didn’t intend to, but we ended up writing an album that is not the standard “Worship” record we have always aimed towards. In the past, we wrote with the specific purpose of honoring our God, which hasn’t changed. However, this new album is not necessarily the corporate praise and worship that’s always been a part of our records.

It’s scary to put out something that is so different. We have been a band for nine years and have been known for our songs of worship. Our songs have been a very obvious statement of our faith. The purpose of The Ember Days was always to love–to love and serve the God we believe in and to love the people around us by being who we were created to be. That is still who we are. But how we communicate, how we serve our God and how we love the world are looking and sounding a little different, compared to our past.  

This album we have just created is not a worship album. This album is an honest album. It is communication. It is vulnerability. It is letting you in beneath the surface, showing you the fears and uncertainties, the humanity. Maybe you have wondered, “What is in the hearts and minds and lives of these worship leaders?“ Well, here it is, at least some of it. You can call this a worship record if you like. I personally don’t see the need for labels. Just listen and let it speak. We are simply presenting what is. This album is honest.

I’m going to speak for myself now: I’m going to start communicating a bit more. I found out that I have something to say. Maybe it is mostly questions, but I’m never going to get answers until I start asking them. I am finding that there is relief in speaking, in saying what is and accepting that, at least for now, that is my reality. So before I have the world figured out, I’m going to start saying the things that I wonder about—starting with this record.

I have stepped outside the box of “worship” or “Christian” in my lyrics and music to create something that reflects the real me. We all decided as a band that, for the first time, we weren’t going to try and please or appease anyone. We would write music that we loved, a record for ourselves. We wanted a record we could all believe and feel from start to finish.  The honesty, we found, became more impacting than anything we’ve ever done. The doubt in the midst of faith, the hope despite uncertainty, the brutality of loss–it’s all here and real in our lives.

We, too, are human beings on a journey. We are right next to you in the search to find truth, to know God, to know love and give that away. This record is a little mirror of our hearts. I think this is the best thing we have ever created together and I am excited to share it with the world.

Janell

[theemberdays]

[theemberdays]

Why 50k??

FROM CURIOUS FAN -

Curious fan here, Why do you need to spend 50k on something like this? Don't get me wrong, I've loved your music for a long time, and it's still great regardless, but I don't understand why any worship band needs to spend so much on something so trivial. As far as I know, the purpose of worship is to focus on god, not on what's going on on the stage, let alone behind the musicians. Wouldn't it make more sense to spend that much time/money on something that directly benefits the kingdom of god? Something that actually reaches out to people and doesn't make your set look like an advert for Jetstar. I understand your point of view, though. Yeah, god is great and so are all those cool mountains he made, and I get that you want to share that with your fans, but it just doesn't seem anywhere near essential enough to be putting this much of peoples money into, you know? I don't want to come across as rude, and publicly calling you out on your page is just that, that's why I'm messaging you. I genuinely want to know your justification for the project, because to me it seems like maybe it's just something to prove some kind of point that you're a great big worship band, but people already know that, that's why they come to shows, that's why they buy your albums and merch, they're why you've gotten to where you are already. But hey, keep making great music, we all dig it. Don't forget your roots.

The Ember Days Response

Hey Curious Fan,

Great to hear from you. I totally see where you are coming from. The reality of why we are doing what we are doing is we have had the vision to do this since the beginning of our band. There is purpose behind this vision. It's not just creating visuals 'to be a big band' or to do something 'cool'. There is a function behind this. We have been overwhelmed with the brokeness of the world and of people in the church. There is something about seeing creation in all its splendor that declares God's glory. Sometimes when life is really tough (like our friends who just lost their baby at 39 weeks in the womb) seeing something incredibly beautiful is a good reminder that God is capable of creating beauty.

It may seem like a waste of money to you, but the Lord has given me countless visions of what is going to happen as a result of this. Hearts turning from dispair to hope. Hurting hearts finding comfort in the power of God.

We are not trying to be a 'big band'. We are simply trying to do what we feel the Lord is leading us to do. We are inviting the people that believe in this vision (there are many) and see the need for this to pre-order the record on kickstarter.

It is obvious that you take issue with this vision, and you by no means have to contribute to this vision. It is not compulsory. It is a choice. At the end of the day I will stand before the Lord, and I want to have fulfilled what he has called us to, weather people understand it or not. Noah built a boat, that seemed crazy at the time but he was being obedient to the call.

This believe it or not is genuinely going to help people. Ryan Cox our film maker has already spent hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars to make these shots possible. He has done it because he believes in this vision. He hasn't asked for a dime, but we want to pay him for it. The actual budget if we were to use a normal production company would be 60k for the footage alone. We are trying to keep the budget as low as possible.

Over the years we have given 250,000 album downloads away as a gift on Come&Live/Noisetrade. That would have potentially have been 2.5 million dollars if people had bought it. But we have done that because we want to be a blessing. My wife an I have given the last 8 years of our lives for this ministry that we have been called to. We life by faith, we don't have much money, at all but the Lord provides.

We don't have a label, to fund this - they wouldn't. It is too honest and brutal and it wouldn't 'sell'. I just know that people are hurting, the Lord wants to comfort them and meet them in their pain. We are doing what we feel lead to do.

I'm not forgetting my root's. This has been the vision from the beginning and this is the tree that is finally about to blossom from the roots that the Lord has been watering for 8 years.

I hope you get to come to one of the events, I hope you encounter the Lords love for you, the Lord's love for his children and I hope it literally impacts you in such an amazing way. That is our prayer for this. I see thousands of faces in tears touched, but the power and hope found in Jesus in the midst of this broken world.

I hope you understand.

Much love from

Jase & The Ember Days.

[theemberdays]

Presence

When I say Lord I need your presence, What am I actually asking for? Am I asking for a warm feeling to make me feel at rest or a burning fire sensation in my belly? Am I asking for a feeling of boldness or maybe to feel weak at the knees? I guess I just want to feel that the God who has everything in control is here with me whatever that looks like.

I remember growing up in a church always feeling on the outside of it all. Outside of “The Presence”. I tended to be the one on the outskirts of the prayer meetings with no emotion except slight embarrassment for not feeling anything. I was the one who never spoke in tongues and never got the hang of elaborate prayers. I was the one who stood standing while the rest were slain. I would ask God for these things because I wanted to feel this presence that everyone was experiencing but most of the time I felt nothing. I never believed it was my fault but there were definite times when I tried very hard to bring myself to a mental state of feeling what everyone else was feeling.

I guess with age and a exposure to different church cultures I started to feel like I wasn't so different to the rest of the world. I think at the end of the day worship expression and emotion can look completely different to various personalities and cultures and that doesn't mean we aren't experiencing the same God.

There was a conversation I had with my husband several years ago when I was feeling very discouraged about my lack of feeling and expression. I felt like even though I was doing everything within my power to serve God, leading worship and meaning every word I sang I would never feel anything! Yeah I tend to be a pretty stoic individual and I know I'm quite skeptical but its just so strange to me that so many people can feel a change in the atmosphere in so many different ways while I was leading worship and I would never feel anything, EVER, every night.

What I learned from that conversation has changed my thinking and really brought about a lot of freedom with who I am and how I sense the presence of God. My husband spoke to me about the Fruit of the Spirit. The Fruit of the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness and Self Control. He helped me to realize that I have experienced God and his presence in these fruits. I have experienced unexplainable peace and joy. I have felt empowered to love etc. Maybe I wasn't shaking on the ground; maybe I was just overjoyed in my heart. Point is I have experienced God's presence.

I realize now the presence of God can manifest to each of us in completely different ways. To Moses it was a burning bush but just because I haven't seen God speak out of a burning bush doesn't mean I haven't experienced the presence of God.

So now when I ask to feel the presence of God. Basically I'm asking God to make himself known to me in a tangible way remembering that this looks so different to different people and remembering not to put my idea of His tangible presence in a box. Who knows maybe I will see a burning bush or a talking donkey someday.

All that to say....I want you to be free in your worship expression and God experience. Don't look at the people around you and think you've missed something. Your relationship with God is unique and your worship and encounters with him don't have to look like the masses so don't be discouraged.

- Janell

[theemberdays]

When the feelings last and the love is constant, when the things and people we cling to stick around…

“…life just isn’t generous in that way”.

It’s the worst thing I think…watching someone you love in pain. I was just thinking about all the hurt around me and the helplessness I have felt....

[theemberdays]

Prayer

I'm writing this not to give answers, but more to pose questions for us to consider how and why we pray.

Here is what I have been thinking about lately.

Oftentimes we pray, asking God for needs, desires & things; sometimes we pray for a circumstantial change. Some of us pray long-winded prayers as if our many words count for more (that was a joke), and some of us pray shorter prayers. Some of us pray the scripture as if God has forgotten what he has written.

However, God knows our needs before we ask them, and He tells us not to worry - like the birds. So I wonder if maybe we are missing the point of prayer. It is almost as if some people think God is reluctant to be faithful without our prayers to encourage him to bring goodness our way.

There is nothing wrong with a long prayer or praying the scripture, but my question is, what are we doing? Are we trying to play God in our own lives by trying to ask God to do our will, to fulfill our desired outcomes? Or are we stating "Thy will be done?". Jesus in the Garden said, "not My will but Thine be done" when praying to the Father, knowing what was about to come.

To me it is crazy to think a little bigger. The Lord knows exactly what I am about to pray before I pray it. He has known it forever. I don't think prayer is a request line or a voicemail box. For me, prayer is all about positioning ourselves. It positions us in a place where we remember who God is and who we are. It puts us in a place for intimacy and dialogue with God. It is putting us in a place of recognizing who He is, who He was, and who He will be.

I think God wants to give us the desires of our heart, according to his will. I think real purposeful and powerful prayer happens when we know that we are praying according to the will or desire of God's heart. How do we know that? From hearing from him. How do we hear from him? We seek him. Then we find him. The Holy Spirit allows us to see glimpses of who the Father is and through this we come to know his character through faith. When this happens we are coming into a place of Unity with God's heart. His desires are becoming ours. When we hear from God, it doesn't just change what we think or what we believe - It changes who we are.

"Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” - Psalm 37:4

Jase

[theemberdays]

Janell from the ember days wrote:

How do you get past feelings? How do you overcome them?

There’s so many feelings one doesn’t want to feel and they try so hard to rid themselves of it, but no matter how hard they try it just stays.

Is the answer in the art of distraction? Or perhaps a dose of medication?

You use such...

[theemberdays]

The Story of The Ember Days Live

  The Ember Days had always wanted to do a live record. We were on the More Than You Think Tour, and were in Southern California at the time. It was September. About a week before we got to Bethel, the idea popped up in the RV to see if we could record audio and video during our worship time at BSSM. The main idea was that we wanted people to be able to experience worshiping with us live from wherever they are. Up until then the only live videos were done on cell phones, and often the audio was very distorted and never really represented or captured what we did in an accurate way. 

  We got in touch with the team there (who are amazing) and they said it was doable. This brewed so much excitement in us. One because it is such a blessing for us to be able to have access to such an incredible team to help capture a moment of worship and two because we hadn't planned it; it was going to be a new experience for us.

  So a week later we rolled into Redding and unloaded like normal. Everything went smoothly. The video staff asked us what we would like? I said "We haven't done this before, you do this for a job - do what you think is best". That was received with grins and smiles, at that point I knew we were in good hands. We did a brief sound check, and then It began.

  There was something special in that time of worship; there was a real vulnerability and a real connection with the students & staff and most importantly with the Lord. From the first Chord I remember thinking "Lord, you are here". There are not many times that I have experienced the Lord's manifest presence in that way but it was incredible. Something special happened towards the end of the set that took us by surprise. I had mentioned that we were continuing to trust the Lord for Janell to be healed of Lupus. At the end of the set, literally about a hundred people surrounded her and prayed for her while we played. There were not many dry eyes in the band. We just jammed out and worshiped while they prayed. It was a beautiful display of a loving community, the body of Christ loving on Janell. It was such a touching moment.

  The set ended, we went around and thanked everyone for being a part of it. Then Jed our bass player asked me - "Do you want to go back to the studio and hear the tracks". I said "Yes!". So we gathered up the crew and went back there. When Luke, the recording engineer pulled up the session and pressed play, our jaw's dropped. It was really special because we had recorded live at the Smoakstak for More Than You Think with Paul Moak. This had the same live feel, but with a body worshiping. It was the songs, functioning as they had been designed to do - To bring people into a state of adoration and honor of Jesus. It was a band playing some songs, and hearing thousands of people having a moment with their Savior. That is such an honor, such a privilege to be a part of. 

  Paul taught us an amazing lesson when we recorded More Than You Think. He was always cautious of touching stuff up (over dubs). He was always trying to maintain the feel of an authentic moment. For us that was a challenge because we wanted it to be 'perfect'. But Paul helped us realize that a moment, even in its rawness that is captured that makes you feel the heart of the song, should be left alone unless absolutely necessary. So we applied that to this project. We decided to leave it exactly as it was, mistakes, imperfections - no overdubs. It is literally the band, playing what we play and our standard backing tracks from the studio (strings etc). So what you will experience on this record and in these videos, is an honest representation of an honest moment. To me there is just something special about that.

  We left bethel a few days later to continue on the Tour, which was amazing. All the while we were so excited to see what would be arriving in our email inbox.

  All of us had agreed in advance, that all we were aiming for was a good video. None of us thought that the recording would have turned out the way that it did. I still remember the phone call. 

  Jed - "Bro you need to come over"

Me - "How come?"

Jed - "I got the mixes.... We have to release this as a record"

Me - "Wow"

Jed - "Yeah, me and Logan are in tears over here"

Me - "On my way"

  So I hurried and got some stuff together. Janell, Judah and Myself piled into the car and headed over. Then one of the weirdest/awesomest things happened. Our band was sitting in front of the speakers, in silence, remembering the moments. Tears flowed. We were being ministered to buy the Lord. It was special, because we seldom listen to our own music unless we are trying to remember a guitar line, or something. It was just funny, the Lord using our songs to minister to us. There just was something so special about it. It made us so grateful to the Lord for allowing us to do this. It was awesome hearing the bethel community in the crowd mic's connecting with the Lord in it. I can't wait for the world to connect with this record. 

[theemberdays]

Feb 2014 @ Rocket Town, Nashville TN

[theemberdays]

Faith

Just a thought... Some people believe that faith is about stepping out, taking a risk. For me and as I see it in the scripture. Faith is something far more than taking a risk. Faith is some thing substantive, that is a direct result of hearing God's voice. Faith is only risky if God's character is in question. People refer to Peter "stepping out of the boat". I believe the faith came not through stepping out. It came from hearing his Savior say "Come". Stepping out was not a faith step, but an obedience step. I think this can apply to a lot of things we do as believers. Are you walking in obedience out of receiving faith from the Lord speaking to you about something, or are you doing something that you 'think' is a good idea, and hope that God goes along with your plan? I think the journey of faith is more about hearing God's voice, that 'stepping out' and just trying stuff. One is a life of obedience and intimacy, and the other is setting you up for disappointment when the Lord doesn't do what you think he should have done? Jesus did as he saw the father do, not just good ideas or blind risk taking. I think we can learn from this concept. Jase

[theemberdays]

Today is Judah's 2nd Bday! 

[theemberdays]

All Encompassing Percolation

    We are going to try and update our blog a bit more. I figured we start with something that means a lot to all of us. COFFEE!!!

Sometimes I love the taste of percolated coffee. It's a taste that immediately takes me to the counter top and stool of a classic tour host home. These are the wonderful people that open their homes to about 8 tired and hungry musicians.

After a late night I wake up barely coherent and stumble into the kitchen to be greeted by a friendly face offering me a cup of all encompassing percolation. (might even be a kureg!)

And while I sit there and start to feel alive again I become so thankful for my amazing hobo esk life.

I am thankful for the generous people who stop to let a stranger come in and share in a bit of their world. I am so blessed to be able to share in this universal morning tradition with so many different kinds of wonderful people.

Janell The Ember Days

[theemberdays]

Good morning Tampa. We are leading worship at Ecclesia this morning. Check out our tour dates at www.theemberdays.com

[theemberdays]

We are bringing out our own hot handmade hot sauce on this tour. Our good friend Corey Martin made some for us with his secret recipe! It is so good :)