theeniebeanie-dev

[theeniebeanie-dev]

devlog for FALSITIES (out soon on itch.io)

I was the writer for the game! I think that was definitely the best possible position for me even though it was crazy stressful especially towards the end. It’s done, though! So it’s okay. :)

I’ve always been enamored by strong narratives, and I’ve written recreationally practically as far back as I can remember. Writing became more of a personal interest when I was around twelve, and I’ve written actively for the last nearly eight years. I chose to work on the story because I knew it meant I could put the most possible into the game since it’s a stronger suit than art or programming for me. From there we began to discuss what I would work on writing.

Initial Ideas -

Initially the idea was just a corkboard-based mystery game - the concept of “missing” clues and having to figure them out through deduction. As a group, we decided to go for a more “out there” story, which thankfully is one of my strong suits. I talked it over and came up with six phases which were separated by letters. I was tempted to change direction while I was rather stressed out, but eventually with some help and rationalising I managed to string everything neatly together.

Constraints -

Despite generally having quite a while to get the game done, external factors meant that most of our development happened over quite a short time period. This led to some sacrifices from all of us - the initial six phase structure was condensed into four, for example. I struggle quite a lot with personal time management as well (since I am a Leaving Cert student who went straight into college) which of course caused difficulties for both myself and my team. However, communication was clear and straightforward and Kaz was a good producer as usual, which helped me keep myself on track.

Writing -

Writing is always a rather intensive process, since it involves quite a lot of patience and time. I first talked through my ideas with the others, then once I had established a general plot structure I began refining. My refining process for writing quite often reads as disorganised since they’re written for me personally, which can be a bit of a struggle when working with others; thankfully that was not an issue in this case.

[An example of my incredibly detailed notes.]

After finishing up the slightly more refined notes, all I had left was to actually write. This was of course the most intimidating part, though solidifying the four-act structure instead of simply having Six Things which Would Happen helped me quite a lot. From there it was as simple as writing bullet points which could connect to each other, and all was well. I finished my work last night as of writing, and I didn’t have to sacrifice much of my vision in order to finish on time.

Final Notes -

Overall I’m incredibly pleased with the game and how it’s come out, from all standpoints - the art direction, the gameplay and the plot. Assuming we do something of this manner again I will certainly force myself to have more discipline so I don’t have to work as much as I did all at once over the last few weeks. I would say that this has been both a positive and a learning experience and I would be pleased to do it again another time.

[theeniebeanie-dev]

on the topic of "misogyny in online gaming spaces"

as a woman who exists online, I've been subject to a fair deal of misogyny. it doesn't particularly upset me anymore, though it did at first - the typical threats of death, "women belong in the kitchen" and the usual incel rhetoric that often resonates around redpilled spaces seeping its way into otherwise comfortable spaces.

I of course often see other femme-presenting people suffering from misogyny simply for existing in gaming spaces - the usual "stupid whore" and "dumb cunt" and the like plaguing otherwise fun games, particularly those seen as "masculine" like shooters or fighting games, anything that isn't considered "feminine" enough and therefore must be a real game.

is there a cure for the cancer of bigotry in gaming spaces? or are we forever doomed to be seen as lesser if we dare fight for our place in the gaming community?

I personally wouldn't hold my hopes - not that it's impossible, mind, but I think it's rather unlikely that sexism will mysteriously vanish no matter how hard we fight for it to be eradicated.

it is unfortunate, but I'm left to concur that it's being left up to women to learn how to cope with the abuse, rather than men being taught not to dish it out in the first place. it's a rather bleak future, in my opinion.

[theeniebeanie-dev]

on the topic of "neurodivergent representation in games"

in modern times, there exists a treasure trove of neurodivergent characters in the mainstream - Sheldon Cooper of The Big Bang Theory, or perhaps The Good Doctor himself - though, oftentimes neurodiverse and particularly autistic people disavow these characters, claiming they exist as two-dimensional portraits of a deep and rich struggle. the question arises - at what point does trying to create representation lead to a mockery of the people you wish to appeal to?

some of the best neurodivergent characters I have ever read or watched or played were never written to be neurodivergent - they simply were written to be. I want to discuss a few of my favorite characters, both from the same media (project sekai: colorful stage!), Rui Kamishiro and Toya Aoyagi.

reading about either of these characters, from their mannerisms or the way they speak or the way they've been treated by others reads to me as autistic, though of course not everyone will agree - it's simply my personal take. though, I believe there's a beauty in that, in being able to experience a character in a way someone else may not.

upon my first reading, I latched on to Rui almost instantly, as his experience so strikingly mirrored my own that I was honestly shocked - he was written as socially awkward and yet so sure of himself, at one point choosing to be entirely alone rather than sacrificing his rich personality for the sake of others. seeing him struggle to accept the idea that he is loved by his friends simply for being who he is, his panic when a mistake he made causes a friend to be injured that sends him right back down that path of self doubt - I see myself in him. his story reads to me as so clearly autistic, and yet the developers never wrote him to be autistic - he just is.

I feel similarly about Toya, though for different reasons - he's socially awkward as well, and struggles to understand some social cues in the same way as others. when I read Toya's story, I felt much the same as with Rui - two characters both written simply to be, and yet both characters I could resonate with so heavily.

I often find that writing a character specifically to Be Autistic ends up leaving them as a hollow shell of the rich character they could have been, whereas simply writing an unusual character achieves something that intention so rarely manages - it allows people to project their experience, to feel understood and to understand others.

[theeniebeanie-dev]

on the topic of "queer characters in gaming"

one thing that I've noticed during my tenure in the online gaming space is that queer people tend to grow more attached to queer characters than non-queer people. there isn't any scientific backing behind this (that I'm aware of), simply my own experience that I'd like to discuss.

specifically during my time in my current main fandom (project sekai: colorful stage!), I've found comfort in an example that I want to discuss, a canonically transfem character who recently made waves outside of the fandom space due to an event affectionately (and fearfully at the time) dubbed "mizu5" by the fandom.

mizu5 was a very important milestone for the fandom space, though also for external communities - people rested with bated breath, hoping and praying her character would be handled respectfully, as Mizuki Akiyama was set to be outed before a friend on the twelfth of October. I personally was equally petrified, so much so that I dodged leaks and spoilers like the plague, as the way Mizuki would be handled would set a very important precedent for companies writing characters with transgender identities for the foreseeable future.

mizu5 handled her identity incredibly - the horror she experienced was so disgustingly real. her experience, a trans woman who exists within the confines of fiction, spoke to hundreds if not thousands of trans people, and queer people as a whole - the undeniable horror of being outed before being able to say it yourself, to have your voice stolen from you before you're able to speak.

I've seen so many people, including my partner, identify with Mizuki because of the way she was written before being outright confirmed to Be Transgender - her struggle was written in a respectful manner, one that queer people can easily strike a chord with, and one that helps to show people without those fears what they can look like in a coherent, clear manner.

I believe that Mizuki Akiyama is an incredibly important milestone for queer representation in media, and I think it's vital that young aspiring queer developers seek to create characters who exist as more than stereotypes, more than the boxes we ourselves are so often placed into.

[theeniebeanie-dev]

on the topic of “video games as a form of art”

a tired and overdone argument - are video games objectively considered a form of art? and the answer? no. video games are not objectively considered “art.” but then, the question arises - what, exactly, is art?

one may argue that there are clear definitions for art - paintings and statues displayed in museums, or perhaps the more modern digital art posted to social media, or perhaps graffiti adorned on the wall by your local pub. the point that I am making here is that video games, while not objectively classified as “art” in the same way that a famous painting or sculpture is, I feel it would be very valid to consider the medium as an art form of its own.

I think that the difference is simple - not all video games try to be art. most exist for a specific purpose - to entertain, to convey a plot or a world or an array of characters or whatever they need to. not all video games have to be art, though some may unintentionally become a form of art through the perception of others.

video games can be perceived as art even if that was not the original intention of the developer(s), which is what leads to the typical “games aren't art!” arguments you so often see across the web. paintings are created with the express purpose of being art. statues exist for the same reason. video games, though? not necessarily, though of course some do. some games simply exist to be games, and the label of “work of art” is added after the fact by those who enjoy it.

while it is not possible to objectively state that video games are art, it's certainly worth discussing, at least in my opinion.

[theeniebeanie-dev]

on the topic of “accessibility for disabled people in gaming”

accessibility is a luxury - the rich can afford to be comfortably disabled. living beyond the bare minimum is considered luxurious; a phone or pretty clothes or a gaming console are all items beyond necessity, are all privileges that can be afforded only to some. though, more importantly; disability aids are often considered a luxury by those who don't need them.

combining two ideas - that gaming is a luxury, and that disability aids are a privilege - creates an issue that the majority of people will never have to consider. disabled gamers will often have to dole out hundreds, potentially even thousands simply to be able to play games. be it a person with poor motor function needing something like larger pieces to be able to grip effectively, a visually impaired person needing special cards with larger text to be able to play a board game, or anything beyond - the cost lies on the player.

of course, this makes sense! of course a person should pay for the things they need to play a game, that isn't something the manufacturer necessarily needs to consider when selling for the average person - but that in and of itself is the problem. a disabled person, the majority of the time, will be forced to look elsewhere for aid, and it is almost never cheap. from experience, I know how costly these endeavors can be.

why are these people an afterthought? why are disabled people not considered in the same way the abled are? why must disabled people have to spend beyond their means simply to play the same games that you or I can play without trouble? gaming should be accessible for everyone, not just those who can afford to be comfortable.

[theeniebeanie-dev]

on the topic of “what draws you to game design?"

practically from the moment I could use my hands, I've been interested in games both digital and analogue. growing up with games would lead me to develop further interest in them, in how they work from the inside out. I own several artbooks with concepts from the games I love, I often investigate the internal mechanisms of games I enjoy to understand how they work.

this, of course, is part of why I fostered such an interest in game design. I've always been a creative person - I write, draw, the like - and the idea of designing characters and a story someone could feel so deeply is always an idea that's fascinated me.

a good part of the reason I enjoy digital games particularly is their ability to tell a gut-wrenching story in a manner that can't quite be captured through a book or show - that interactivity, the ability to be a part of the narrative that has so much to say.

games often give you control of the cadence at which the story is imparted. I enjoy a lot of visual novel style games, which I enjoy as they give me near complete control of the pacing though not in a way that shatters immersion. other games with stories though, such as undertale, give you freedom to explore while still experiencing the narrative at a good pace.

I suppose, to summarise - my interest in game design stemmed mainly from the games I've played throughout my life. I want to be able to create a story that speaks to people, characters that connect to others in the same way that I've connected to countless characters myself. I want to create something that lets people feel and understand and see themselves within.