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thefirstgenproject-blog · 7 years ago

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Being the First to go to College

So you've decided to go to college! Congrats, that's wonderful to hear. We all know how big of a decision this can be for immigrant famililes. College is the money maker. The path that ensures success, stability, and increased wealth for the family. Right? And much pressure is often placed on the chosen one. This person now carries the fears, hopes, and dreams of their family members. But there are always two sides to the story! Those who have never been to college will always talk about it highly. It's what I like to call "the Grass is Greener" phenomenon. But for the person who is actually choosing to walk this path, there is much to learn in a short amount of time in order to ensure that much anticipated success. Here are a some tips and tricks that can make that stroll through campus a little easier on the knees!

1)College is a business.This means that anyone the university can charge you they will. Food, textbooks, student ID's, parking, transportation, university commodities, all come with a fee. Nothing is free unless you have been awarded a full scholarship. And if that's your case, be prepared to work your ass off and stay focused.

2)You will be exposed to many things for the first time. Don't be afraid to ask questions or speak with the professor after class. Especially when it comes to English class, Math and the Sciences. Though children of immigrants are stereo- typically kick ass at all the hard subjects, we all know that it cannot happen without atleast breaking a sweat.

3)Be ready to be exposed to sex, and lots of it. Humans are sexual creatures, especially around the time of college. Many young adults are on their own for the first time. And for many, that means being able to have sex whenever and how ever. Do not be afraid and do not be alarmed. This is only a natural part of human deevelopment. If you truly think this will be a problem for you, consider same sex private schools or Bible study. Not trying to be an ass, just trying to prepare you. And even with those alternatives, there aren't any guarantees that you won't be exposed to same sex dating. Your best bet is to work on opening yourself to different people and different belief systems. If you want to be accepted for who you are, you will have to learn to accept other for who they are.

4)Alongside sex, there will be alcohol and drugs. You have every right to say no and walk along. However, I have yet to meet a single person who has made it into their senior year without dabbling into atleast one substance. For those who have been extremely sheltered, I strongly suggest doing as much research as possible and paying a visit to your local health clinic before attending university. It's important to know about what kind of substances are out there ars well as the effects they can have on your development. Also, don't be afraid to ask all those embarassing sex questions you've been keeping to yourself. It's better to be safe than sorry.

5)Be ready to feel lonely from time to time. Extremely lonely. You will get homesick. Especially in your first year, regardless of whether you dorm or commute. Combat this by joining clubs. This is the quickest way to meet new people and get acquainted with your new campus, provinding with a sense of hominess and familairity.

6)Learn MLA and APA format. This is the required format used for all major assignemnts and your grade will be heavily impaired if you don't have atleast some of it down. The most important habits to develop are the aility to create a concise header and proper use of in text citations. If you aren't sure what this means, google, google, google!

7)This could have easily been number one, but have an idea of what you want to do and make sure it comes from your heart! As First Gens, are parents have most likely influenced decisions regarding our career paths. Damn near every immigrant wants a Doctor, Engineer, and Business Man/Woman as a child. But we have to be mindful that our parents are looking out for our pockets more than our happiness. In reality, happiness will be the very thing to fill your pockets. Now, I am not saying to throw all your money away by sticking to general studies. In fact, it is better to have a concnetration than to stick to liberal arts. However, if art is your passion, don't be afraid to walk down that road. LCombat that critical inner parent voice in your head and follow our heart. If it's what you truly want for yourself, your passion will sure as hell give you the ammunition to become successful.

8)If you aren't sure of what you want, DO NOT START COLLEGE YET. As glamourous as college may seem, it's expensive as hell. And the $3,000 interest you'll end up paying because you decided to choose a minor your last semester of senior year will bite you in the ass when you're finally ready to pay back those student loans. Do not rush it. Take some time to learn who you are, which is an all around essential task for Firts Gens. Work, party, play, create, mess up a little bit. Take some time to get an honest understanding of your likes and dislikes, and once you feel like you've established some true direction, go 'head and sign up for those first few courses!

9)Be prepared to grow apart from your family. Especially for those who are very close and extremely dependent on your parents, college will mature you in ways you would never expect. Being alone, and learning how to wake up on your own, get to class on your own, and stay warm, well fed, and well groomed on your own will give you your first taste of adulthood. At this time, you may realize that you don't need mommy and daddy to be there with you through every step anymore. Do not feel guilty. This is a very normal step of human development and you are entitled to your own growth. At the same time, always check in and remind your family and remind them that you love them. This is likely a difficult time for them and a simple check in can work wonders in making this a smoother transition for everyone.

10)Grades aren't that important anymore. Yes, making the dean's list will certainly be something to brag about on your resume. But you will also be competing against thousands of your classmates with the same reputaiton or better. The quicker you learn to understand it's not what you know, it's who you know, the more successful you'll be. Get acquainted with professors. Get involved in extra curriculars. Try to get in contact with the Dean. Go to networking events. The more contacts you have come graduation, the more likely you'll be able to confide in one of them for post gradaution guidance/employment. Please remember not to be fake, pushy, or superifcial in making these contacts. We all could use some help, but no one likes to help an entitled piece of shit. Be realxed, be yourself, and learn to communicate your truth honestly and effectively. Don't be afraid to use your First Gen status. This will only make people more interested in helping you.

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thefirstgenproject-blog · 7 years ago

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Why Strict Parenting is Ineffective in the US

Sex, violence, profanity, and gluttony are few but common themes found within today’s media. Much of our social interaction revolves around what we are spoon fed by the media. Sex education classes are provided to children as early as 11 years old. There is no effective way of sheltering a child in this country without nasty repercussions. A parent can take away the right to watch television and claim the act to be nothing more than a privilege in their native land, but then the child will be exposed to the same content through word of mouth. A parent can closely monitor the music their child listens to, but one day some spunky social studies teacher might ask the class to dissect an exerpt from the most vulgar of rap albums. A parent can monitor how their children dress, but there will always be that rebellious friend kind enough to share clothing. For every action, there is a reaction.

Strict parenting is fear in the form of authority. Traumatized parents who were not successfully able to work through their own inadequacies before parenthood often transfer their magical thinking on to their children. First Generation Americans are at high risk of falling victim to hellicopter parenting being that many immigrant parents manage to mask their uncertainty with dominance established by misuse of authority. The problem with dominating a child is that they struggle to develop a sense of self. The goal is to get the child to trust in the parent's word more than their own because to an immigrant parent, the child is incompetent of caring for themselves in this big, new, scary world and will need as much help as they can get. What is really occuring is that the parents are often projecting unmet needs on to their children. Perhaps a parent felt too poorly equipped to deal with the pressures of a new country and wishes they would have received more help from their caregivers. This frustration is transfered and made to seem as if it is the child who is struggling and in need of assistance.

Unfortunately, come teenagehood, the average First Gen will have done half of what was forbidden of them AND much much more. Now, birth order will plays a large role on how wild a First Gen may become once they taste their first sip of freedom. Eldest children and only children are likely to experiment and dabble while maintaining a sense of discipline while middle children and younger children are quite vulnerable and prone to developing unhealthy coping mechanisms. This occurs for a few reasons: 1) The child struggles with low self-esteem and anxiety and feels most confident when under the influence, in relationships, or being encouraged by peers. 2) The child is angry with the circumstances forced upon them and feels a need to rebel in order to establish a sense of independence. 3) The child feels that they must blend in to avoid being criticized, bullied, or outcasted.

There is one thing all First Gens need to understand: Experimentation is a natural part of human development and if that need is deprived, it can have drastic effects. I am not one to bash parents as they are human and learning just like we are. But I am sorry to say that First Gens will have to fight for personal freedom more than the average person. Growing up will consist of being the first to do many things, and not without resistance.

It is a gift to have access to a land full of privilege, opportunity, and freedom. But first, we most work hard to open our minds, expand our horizons, and challenge the conditioned fear passed down from generations before us.

Tread lightly and live fully First Gens!

#First gens #Immigrants #Freedom #Strict Parenting

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