thegreatcanadianaccutanejourney
M's Accutane Journey
Epuris. Day 1: Oct 25, 2017. Month 6: 60 mg/day. 21, female, 5'6, 135 lbs, Canada. Total cumulative dose: 9450 mg (150 mg/kg).
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DAY 250: July 1, 2018
Well, I took my last pill yesterday. I had basically stopped on May 28, but decided to get a few hundred extra milligrams in before fully stopping.
What happened since my last post at the start of May was that I became really, really depressed through the month of May with unusually extreme self-harming urges so I decided to stop taking it. It was time. I felt 50% better within 2 days of stopping on May 28, but then it took about 2 weeks to feel the other 50% better. Then, because I felt quite good and things were going well, I decided to do that last burst of 30 mg in the last two weeks of June.
Clear date: Mar 29, 2018 (with a single stubborn active pimple for several weeks leading up to that)
I took 3390 mg after my clear date, which would be 85 days worth at a normal dosage of 40 mg/day. Feeling pretty optimistic about that.
So, I was on Accutane from October 25, 2017 to June 30, 2018, making a treatment period of about 8 months. It was a very, very long run. It is weird to stop taking it after it being such a central piece of my life for what feels like my entire recent memory. Even since I stopped taking the high dosages, things have changed: I sometimes only put Aquaphor on my lips a couple times in the whole day, and I am not moisturizing my whole body more than a couple times a week! My skin isn’t peeling, and I am just retaining moisture better in general! I have no eczema or other rashes.
That being said, a side effect I have noticed post stopping the high dosages is dry eyes. This wasn’t something I had a lot of issues with during my course, but I am now finding them to get really dry overnight. It helps when I put lubricating drops in before I go to sleep, but I often wake up because my eyes are so dry. Hoping this dissipates a bit.
I know I need to leave the Accutane Facebook group now. It’s actually hard to move on. It feels like everything has been about Accutane for so long.
I scanned through my blog back to the beginning just now. It was kind of hard to look at a lot of the pictures, because it was actually worse at some points then I remembered it being. Good for me for doing this. I realized, though, that a lot of my hyperpigmentation and surface-level scarring has done well over my treatment period. In the pictures during October – February or so, it looks like there’s a lot more going on than there actually is, because of the dark red scars that look like acne everywhere. They start to fade around February, and at this point, I only have two really visible hyperpigmentation scars around my mouth/chin/jaw area that bother me.
I can’t believe how consistent I stayed with this blog through a good part of the whole thing. Even to the end of April, I was posting every second day or so.
My total cumulative dosage ended up being about 132 mg/kg (8330 mg). So, I fell short of my prescribed 150 mg/kg (9450 mg), but achieved a normal 120 mg/kg course (7560 mg), and was clear for way longer than one month before stopping (another dosing guideline). I was also on it for 8 months, & also had a couple months at 50-60 mg/day. So, I achieved a very solid dosing overall.
If I have to do a second course, I will do 20 mg/day Month 1, then 40 mg/day Month 2 until the end.
Anyway, that’s about it now! I have the flu so just had to take some sort of pic of my face to accompany this post.
Signing off now; thank you (to my mum) for reading and following! <3
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Day 195 thoughts:
Today, May 8, was the orientation of the GDipPA 2018 program.
Official first night was last night.
Went down to 50 mg/day on May 1.
Not having any emotional problems right now somehow. Just got groceries for the first time (extremely minimal to get through next day or two). Going to have a shower then continue to unpack bc moving towards feeling settled on a physical level is my most required thing right now in my hierarchy of needs lmao.
I can't move past how amazing I got my room layout to be. I feel like I am in a luxurious and spacious abode. Looking forward to seeing the progress tonight.
I am actually physically exhausted. The exertion the past couple days has been ridiculous. The 6 hour orientation today was ... a lot. It being an hour shorter would have had no impact on effectiveness. For example, an hour was alotted for person bingo, where you walk around and find people who fit experiences/descriptions from the provided grid. Someone filled all 24 boxes in under 5 minutes. Enough said lol.
Hoping to get a good sleep tonight. Doing overall well, though.
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DAY 179: Apr 22, 2018 Skin still clear and just fading the light hyperpigmentation I do have. Got a closed comodone/blackhead thing in between my eyebrows which I think I extracted successfully, So hopefully it doesn't turn into anything. Probably going to dye my hair dark today (6 days out from perm). It's gonna be a big change after having light type hair for 4 months now. Inside of nose has been bad, but It's bc I forget to put Aquaphor inside my nose every night. Just over a week more of taking 60 mg/day before slight decrease. Will be nice. Also, almost exactly 2 months left until actual completion of course.
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Day 175 thoughts:
*Longer post because I am typing on my laptop instead of my phone*
Had my last appointment with my dermatologist today. I am taking 60 mg for 13 more days (until the end of April), then taking 50 mg for 54 days (until June 23). That is it - I will then have achieved my total cumulative dosage of 9450 mg. I have almost a month of 60 mg stocked and in progress, so she just had to write me 2 months of 50 mg.
I actually had the best dermatologist in the world for this treatment. She wrote me two actually useful and non-interactive prescriptions for my cold sore situation, then I said that I wanted to do 50 mg after May 1 because 60 mg sucks, and she was 100% in support. She shook my hand at the end and it was a positive ending. The timing is good because she is leaving soon because she is pregnant.
I’m glad I was able to do 60 mg/day between Feb 24 and May 1, though, because it was good to get a solid chunk in at a max dose of 1 mg/kg. It was at this dose that I actually beat the single month-long nodule pattern.
Anyway, this cold sore situation is basically dominating my life right now because it is constantly oozing to the point where it will drip if I tilt my head downward and it is very painful. Anyway, it is past the worst point, I think.
Side effects:
- Joint pain: managed by my recent increase to 2000 mg of fish oil instead of 1000 mg
- Skin dryness: for some reason seems to be better the past couple days, but has been bad
- Lips: crack in right corner of lip has been present, but hoping it goes away upon decrease to 50 mg/day
- Fatigue: pretty fatigued tbh but also just sleeping bc I feel isolated
- Mood: up and down. Sometimes fine for days at a time but then The Depression visits and won’t fuck off for a day or two & I either am temporarily incapacitated or have the stabbing in the heart every 7 minutes thing.
Anyway, my skin looks extremely fucking good. Looking forward to this summer WITH CLEAR SKIN :D
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DAY 175: April 18, 2018 A couple photos from the past couple days of: me with no makeup on eating a ferrero rocher in bed & the progression of the worst cold sore ever (I'm considering this to be Accutane-related)
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DAY 170: Apr 13, 2018 Just realized the left side of my face is literally always dryer than the right. But only the right corner of my mouth has been cracked. The thing about that is: once it's cracked, it's just about maintaining the crack at some level of acceptableness. I feel like it's not gonna go away until I finish. Anyway, still feeling decent after taking that one night off a few days ago. Supposed to be going to the gym soon. Apart from the flakiness, my skin looks EXCELLENT.
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DAY 168: Apr 11, 2018 Taking grad pics today. Really nervous about it bc I want one that can be printed and I feel good about :( Anyway, makeup should come together well. As it has been for a bit now, skin is clear and flat, and only has a couple spots of hyperpigmentation and overall extreme dryness and flakiness. Took 0 mg two nights ago and 60 mg again last night. Will see how today progresses but am thinking I will take 60 again tn and will take 0 mg the night before the exam.
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DAY 164: Apr 7, 2018 I got that tiny pustule yesterday as visible on the right side. Still clear other than that. Exfoliating and extreme moisturizing tn. Mood has been decent past few days. Today is my final day off before I start studying for Case Studies exam (first one, worst one, which is good). Personal: Every day I see club or event promo videos or albums where it's (white)(straight) girls making out. Literally clubs on a Friday morning just post a pic of girls making out from the previous weekend with their promotional caption & men comment like "@John McDonald Wanna go??" Yall deadass piss me off. Idk who more - the girls or the guys. I dont think I go a day without seeing this. I dont think any of these people realize that any women/femmes are *actually* gay. They think that it is all a show that is ultimately for men - none of these people can imagine a life where you actually, actually aren't doing things for men. I am literally just sitting here raging not being able to convey anything I wanna say. I feel that 90% of the population will never actually understand this or truly believe in any gay relationship I'd ever be in. Summer 2018 mood: @straight girls: dont use me as a tool to increase your sexy/cool factor to men or to escape your status as a straight white person. Just acknowledge you're straight and white
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DAY 160: Apr 3, 2017 Oh, man...I am so glad it is April. I feel a bit better every time I realize. 15 days until my next derm appointment. 15 days until my last laser appointment. So I didn't put fish oil tablets in my pill container last week bc they weren't easily accessible when I set up my pills for the week, and now for the past few days I've been sore af in general. So I'm taking double this week to compensate and get my discomfort levels under control again. I know now taking an 1000 mg tablet of fish oil a day makes a huge difference. I have felt shitty in general for several days. Pretty sure I'm in some long drawn-out fight with a virus. Anyway, skin looks very very good, obviously. I do have one really intense hyperpigmented scar sticking around on the lower left side close to the corner of the mouth. Hopefully I get some fading on that over the next month.
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DAY 157: Mar 31, 2018 APRIL STARTS TMRW! Only staying on 60 mg/day for one more month!!!!!!! I hope I notice a decrease in side effects even while down to 50 mg/day for the last 6 weeks. The back of hands dryness/rash thing is so weird. Yesterday my hands were basically clear, then I wake up today with this. Probably from washing my hands in public several time yesterday & not putting moisturizer on before going to sleep. The lips have started. It's kinda weird it took this long to have the cracking (I had only had manageable dryness to this point), but it is definitely here now. I have never had cracking like this before. Like the corners of my mouth emanate pain at all times. When I open my mouth is another story. Anyway, I really needed to feel like I had "turned a corner" in my treatment, and it has happened. The end is in sight.
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DAY 155: Mar 29, 2018 I'm basically clear. I have a tiny amount of that 6+ week old cyst on the left side just dissipating under the skin, but I haven't had any active for a while and the surface of my skin is intact. I'm considering myself to be clear as of the end of March - basically 5 months after starting. Going to exfoliate (lightly, obviously) tonight and extreme moisturize because I will be doing full makeup tmrw night. That is the thing - makeup sits sooo badly on the skin on my lower face at this point bc pieces of skin will just fall off and there will be a pink shiny place in the midst of a foundation-covered area. Anyway. Mood significantly better the last 2 days. Like, significantly. Spring is happening!!!
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DAY 152: Mar 26, 2018 I started my period this morning, right on the normal schedule, and as I made it through the hormonally unfavourable leadup period without developing even one new pimple, I think I might finally be clearing the last big active ones! They're in the last flattening stages. Dryness has gotten a little bit better, but I know I need to buy something else to help. Dry eyes have returned. Oh, and it finally happened: the left corner of my mouth is split.
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DAY 149: Mar 23, 2018 Both lower sides are almost completely flat - what's there is basically healing hyperpigmentation. Getting my period in 3 days, so as long as I can make it until then without starting any new active ones, the favourable hormonal status for 2 weeks while I continue to build up taking 60 mg/day could hopefully mean there aren't any more. Mood has been on and off low. It gets really low, though. Planning to continue taking 60 mg/day until May 1, then go down to 50 mg/day. I know I'm going to be drinking once every 2 weeks or so in small amounts anyway bc my liver has been perfect every bloodwork, so adding about a week on to my treatment doesn't matter as much anymore - It's better to have the slight decrease in side effects for that ~1.5 month final period.
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DAY 147: Mar 21, 2018 Has mostly gone away now (a couple days later). This is due to dryness, which is worse in my right eye.
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