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In Memorandum: The Mobile Apps That Shaped Our Lives

Intro

Similar to The Newspaper Delivery Boy, people, gallons of milk, American made vehicles, and candles: nothing lives forever. Even if it’s an app on the internet. Which is just a damn shame, because there were many apps that shaped and changed the lives of all kids born in the latest decade of the 20th Century.

This blog post is dedicated to the apps that we’ve lost, or have just died because they’ve become futile.

Rock Band (2009-2012)

This game was a spin-off from the incredibly popular console game of the mid 2000′s. The game was self-explanitory, you basically just had to form a band and absolutely rock out to the computer generated crowd.

The game died because you couldn’t sing the songs, (I mean you could, but it wasn’t a feature of the game) and the app only blessed players with about 25 songs or so.... which isn’t impressive at all.

Skype (2003 - ???)

Skype was one of probably millions of communications apps available to iPhone and Android users. It was available on the PC since 2003, but did not become popular for mobile devices until around 2010.

Skype still exists, in the same way Blockbuster still exists. You couldn’t ever videochat with more than one person, and I think you were restricted to like 8 people in an audio-only call. Buy hey, at least Skype gave users the ability to call mobile phones and landlines. Great for prank calling!

Angry Birds (2009 - ???)

Another awesome app that came about right before the start of the 10s, Angry Birds was the game that everyone had on their iPod Touch devices.

Fun Fact: The game started around the Swine Flu epidemic, so the creators decided to use pigs as the enemies.

Technically the franchise of Angry Birds is still alive and thriving, but I promise you from the bottom of my modern heart that no person between the ages of 16-115 is playing this game. Time and place for everything.

Temple Run (2011 - ???)

Another one of those mobile games that’s technically still available, but I promise you that nobody in the world is playing it anymore.

Kik (2010-2019)

Ask any person my age about Kik, and they’ll tell you some crazy tales about groupchats and texting random strangers. Holy crap, this is probably one of the most legacy apps of the 10s. It was just like any other app, like AIM (which arguably is an app that shaped our childhoods, but only the older folks know about that one.)

To this day, many young adults still stay in-touch with the people they’ve met over Kik. Shout-out to Dallas from Texas and Maya from Minnesota!!!!

Technically, the app is still available for downloading... but only 19 employees are working for the company, and the founder of the app sold the company to another person, and is currently being sued by the SEC.

Farmville (2009 - ???)

Listen, I cannot tell you the premise of this game. I think it’s about micromanaging a farm. All I remember is all of those awful, disgusting, spam-y notifications that would flood and devastate my Facebook notifications.

Please just die already.

Flappy Bird (2013 - 2014)

If there was ever an anomaly of an app to exist in all of our lives, it’s gotta be Flappy Bird. The premise game was simple: Tap the screen, and fly through the pipes. However, the game was so difficult for some people. Like the arcade games at your local Pizza Hut though; there was a lot of high-school-clout involved with having the highest score. (Mine was 189 and I bested everyone at my tiny high school, thus making me the Flappy-God of Onondaga Jr/Sr High School)

Unfortunately the creator was rumored to have been sued by Nintendo, (for the pipes) and the creator was also disgusted at how addicting the app became to people.

It really was the end of a era when the app was removed off of the store, but the app is one of the most copied in the iOS and Google Play store.

I hope someone makes a documentary about the history of the app, there’s definitely enough to go off of.

Microsoft Outlook (2015 - ???)

People still use this app, but it just sucks so much. If The City College of New York ever sees this, please for the love of all that is holy, stop using Microsoft Outlook.

Oovoo (2007 - 2017)

This is the app that blew Skype out of the water. You could videochat with up to 8 people! During its peak popularity in the early 2010s, it was definitely the best app around for chatting with multiple friends face-to-face.

With the emergence of apps like Zoom (Another app that needs to die ASAP) and Facetime, Oovoo just didn’t have a space in the marketplace anymore.

Pandora (2000 - ???)

Another app that still exists today, but has definitely hit its peak many years ago.

In 2014, Pandora was the superior way to discover music! iHeartRadio was around, but it was pretty horrible. iTunes was still around, but no 15 year old kid was willing to pay 99 cents for each hit song. That’s why we all destroyed our parents computers and used LimeWire!

Vine (2013 - 2017)

This is TikTok, but less cringe and not filled with losers. Oh yeah, this was the greatest app of many of our high-school carers. It not only gave rise to a whole new generation of online superstars, but many Vines are still quotable to this day by anyone within my age-range.

Seriously, go on Youtube and type in ‘Best Vines,’ and you’ll shortly realise after only a few videos that this app absolutely blew TikTok out of the water.

It’s just a shame that Twitter gave it the kiss of death bought it out in 2017, ending the most iconic app of all time.

[thejoerussoexperience-blog]

I had a Professor who asked Frank, myself, and our class to poop and pee into a diaper on the first day of class.

Intro

Become a liberal arts major they said, it would be a great time... God, they were so wrong.

Anyway, here’s a tale of how awesome college used to be in the old-world. Before Zooming and quarantining was a thing!

Thy Professor Shall Not Be Named

This is a true story, and it’s almost too incredible to be believed. During one of the most difficult semesters of my waking life, my BFF Frank (here is a photo of him) and I had no idea what to expect about a particular class that was required for us in our major.

Anyway, this professor had a few undesirable qualities about them. For one, when this professor looked at you, their eyes made you rather uncomfortable. The stares this individual gave us were genuinely intimidating.

They were similar to this --> 0_0 

It’s Diaper Time Baby!

Towards the end of our first class, this professor decided to bless us with a glorious first assignment. Our professor decided that it would be incredibly beneficial for our class to do research on a diaper brand. Not Huggies..... but Depends... the diaper for adults.

Then, our professor proceeds to hand us all diapers. Our professor actually suggested that we “test the diapers.” Frank actually raised his hand and asked “Are you saying we should poop in the diapers?” The professor screamed “NO STOOL!”

At 9 pm when the class ended, everyone in this class scurried down the 4 flights of stairs.

To this day, Frank and I solemly swear that this was the most insane class of our lives, and it was only the first day.

[thejoerussoexperience-blog]

The President Who Really Invented Memes

Intro

Log onto Twitter right now, and check out our President’s Twitter page. You’ll notice that many of his Tweets are usually just Mr. President insulting liberal losers, and the “lame-stream media,” rightfully so. However, if you put the politics aside, you’ll notice that the President is a connoisseur of dank memes. Not even videos, but glorious photos too.

Listen, some individuals will argue that Donald J. Trump won an election by posting memes, or even by being so controversial that he generated memes just by talking. What some individuals won’t tell you, is that memes existed way before social media websites became cool. In fact, memes were invented by another President of the 21st century.

George W. Bush Walked So Donald Could Run

Before Twitter, Facebook, and all the other apps that are commonly used today, George W. Bush was the OG creator of memes during his two-term-tenure as a President. Many remember George Bush as the guy who had a sexy Texas twang, and the guy who was president while the economy tanked.

We aren’t here to talk about politics though, we’re here to discuss his legacy as a meme-Jesus. In this blog, we will discuss his most important contributions to the meme world.

#1: If you can dodge impeachment, you can dodge a shoe.

We will now transport ourselves back to 2008, during a time where the Iraq War was just winding down to a standstill. As George Bush shakes hands with the Prime Minister of Iraq, one soleless soulless Iraqi journalist decided that it was the perfect time to strike The Bushman.

Fortunately, Bushboi was a dodgeball champion in his Texas high-school days. Not only does he dodge two leather shoes, but he grins like an idiot the whole entire time! Unfortunately for the journalist, he was severely beaten by the swift memery of George W Bush, and was sentenced to 3 years in a stinky prison.

#2: Terrorists should fear the drive of George Bush.

George Bush actually succeeded in multiple sports, but we will get to that later. In the year 2002, The American government tried to cover this story up, but this Bush started the Golf War. As Bush was desperately pleading to many nations of the world to stop terrorism, he managed to pull off a feat that legends like Arnold Palmer and Tiger Woods only managed to do once or twice in their careers.

The terrorists were trembling.

#3: George Bush absolutely sucked at handling Katrina and Kanye West let him know.

You can only say so many good things about George Bush. He was a total jester without really trying, but at times he was an incredibly incompetent leader. Especially in the beginning of his second tenure, when Hurricane Katrina devastated the city of New Orleans, along with various other Gulf Coast states.

There are countless examples of his incompetence, but perhaps one of the biggest ones is that he failed to waive The Stafford Act, which required local governments of towns and cities to provide 10% of all costs and cleanup projects.

Katrina made landfall in August, and the Stafford Act was not waived until May of the following year. For Hurricane Andrew and 9/11, The Stafford Act was waived in a matter of days. It’s probably why Kanye West dropped this quote on National Television.

The only thing worse than Bush’s Katrina response, was the final film that Mike Myers will ever star in.

The Finale

George Bush is still considered one of the worst Presidents of all time, according to approval ratings. Here are some more honorable mentions of memes, jokes, and moments that cemented George Bush as a meme-making-legend.

He met up with one of the biggest legends in Texas.

Threw a perfect pitch at The Old Yankee Stadium (Duel Athlete)

His Vice President literally shot a man. What a dick!

This whole entire CBS video.