thejunkelemental - Tumblr blog

[thejunkelemental]

have mercy

i hate myself.

i dwell in memories

that never flee.

this hell is endless.

i'm defenseless,

just pretending there is help.

the question sells itself so well:

can I begin again when all else

fades to shells

of what it could be?

how it should be...

i'm not well.

[thejunkelemental]

Tell Me A Secret

Tell me a secret One bone from your skeletons Something you'll find in twilight When you crack open the closet Like I knew it wasn't going to work But I thought I could fix them We all thought that at some point

Tell me a secret It could be something morose  Like a planned escape with death  Or a good tinge of light comedy  Of how you missed all the hot one's signs You just wanted to fuck them anyway You knew it was never going to work 

Tell me a secret Can't guarantee I'll tell you one of mine Life is not tic for tac, you know Turn to that back page in the diary One that you have from high school  About getting revenge on the bully Making them cry, only you know how, why

Tell me a secret Something you always wished to spill  But you shoved deeper into the well A kink your so-called religion shamed Whips, cuts, role play, polyamory...  You thought it was abnormal But is it, if you have a partner in crime? 

[thejunkelemental]

Floating

Shot through with gold

Cotton candy clouds drift

Sheep-shaped against the endless blue

Softness

[thejunkelemental]

If hurting me does not hurt you, you don’t love me. You’re using me.

k.b // by jerry flowers jr

[thejunkelemental]

Simmer

Picking up pieces and sifting through rubble; I draw lines between the patterns in their names and how all they ever did was take.

I'm painting them all into sharp corners and hanging fragile plaques in their honor to fill the empty space between reality and my endless dreams.

[thejunkelemental]

Crystal vision disclosed

concealed adornments;

a revelation of masked glory

all clothed in black.

The beak spoke to the wind

and it cried back,

shifting clouds like pictograms.

Hallucination has taken flight.

Startled like a low flying bird,

animated against a backdrop

of shifting grey and white,

fluttering to stay above

the perilous expanse of ground,

exhausting fat for dear life.

[thejunkelemental]

Midheaven arches over, up ahead.

Marking a purpose duly rendered

to sentence a spark to the empty,

the big wide open ain.

Virgo teaches favour,

virtue locked in service for grain.

Water-bearing Lilith

turning over doctrine designed

for shackling a pair of withered legs.

Naught, but disregard

the turning of the skies.

Disregarding reason,

taking charge.

Spoke of exile, rising,

heavenward and black;

an outcast with heavy footing,

scorpio outlines the shadow;

crawling in the limitless reach

of darkness,

hidden behind my back.

[thejunkelemental]

Sometimes we haunt our own bones, the ghosts of our best intentions animating our worst regrets.

[thejunkelemental]

I’d digress

a hairs breadth

from my original vector

and aimless indifference

might lift my calloused heals

an inch less

above the uneven ground.

Perhaps catch

the inward-turned protrusion

of a toe

and cause some hitherto broken

teeth to taste curb.

[thejunkelemental]

Landscape

my body dug its soil,

while my soul sowed the seed.

and that's where calm was

planted and watered by flight

to transcend with gratitude,

my brutal reality on a distant horizon

--- h.harouche

Photo Credit : 이소영

[thejunkelemental]

People aren't homes, they never will be. People are rivers, always changing, forever flowing. They will disappear with everything you put inside them.

~ Nikita Gill

[thejunkelemental]

All I Can

Some say I made a mistake as I followed paths walking sideways, spending too much time dwelling on changing seasons and not what rested in my hands.

I almost became bitter and recoiled to where I felt safe, not connecting to anything beautiful, trapping myself in a prison, residing in a gilded cage.

Now I move on, feet and legs steady with new found convictions, knowing exactly where I stand and thankful it's over.

[thejunkelemental]

[thejunkelemental]

Hard Day

Have you ever just wanted the world to stop?  To go back in time and visit a place of comfort because you’re trying not to loud cry at your desk so your coworker doesn’t notice you and ask what’s wrong? Today is one of those super hard and terrible days.  Things are so different now and I feel like an absolute moron so much of the time.   Today I feel like I do not want to exist.  Anxiety and paranoia are absolutely swarming all over me.  I want comfort, I want love but I’ve screwed so much of that up over the past two years that I don’t know if I can find it. Playing dumb zombie and tag games with this little girl last night (to keep her entertained before her dad picked her up) reminded me so much of how I wanted my own.  I am so far away from anything I wanted and despite how much effort I put into making things seem ok, I’m breaking down and crying so much more these days. The silence is so heavy it’s choking.  I want to ask for help so I move up my therapy, I bump up my antidepressants, but today it feels like my soul has fallen out of my body and all I want is just...to hold hands and walk through an orchard. To listen to breathing and feel safe and held. To tear memory out of my brain so it can’t hurt me. Just anything to escape this pain today. I know I’ll be ok. This will pass like thunderheads across the sky, but right now I’m trying to cry as softly as possible and hope that my coworker is wearing headphones. I feel so pathetic today.  How did I fuck everything up so enormously? Do you ever look at your life and wonder if perhaps you have earned it?  If perhaps...maybe I deserve what I’m going through. I think about it all the time.  I wrack my brain trying to count the karmic scale and figure out if this was all earned. To be so close to everything I wanted and just...fuck it up. I know it isn’t all my fault but today that voice is the quietest of many that are shouting at me. I want comfort.  I want kindness and love and care.  I want to be reassured and talked to in sweet, kind tones. But I know that it won’t be today.  And I don’t want to go home from work because the silence is worse there.  At least here in the hospital there is always noise. I know I shouldn’t stay so late at the office, but at least today, just today, I’m afraid of going home more than I am staying here.

[thejunkelemental]

Ariduka55  -  http://ariduka.deviantart.com  -  https://twitter.com/13033303  -  http://ariduka55.tumblr.com

[thejunkelemental]

Jungsuk Lee  -  https://endmion1.blog.me  -  https://www.redbubble.com/es/people/endmion1  -  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCd82OmbzDm-R0q3xz3wc-rQ/featured  -  https://grafolio.naver.com/endmion1  -  https://www.instagram.com/endmion1  -  https://www.facebook.com/endmion  -  https://twitter.com/endmion5

[thejunkelemental]

want to be clear that if i ever talk about a headcanon and then later discuss a headcanon that is directly contradictory to the first one, that’s because headcanons exist in a quantum state where they are all simultaneously true and not true up until the point where i discuss it in detail, in which case that is the one that is true in that instance. schroedinger’s headcanons