thekhalaylatheory

[thekhalaylatheory]

hi fiancé,

if you ever come by, visit this: ♥︎

[thekhalaylatheory]

short-lived

i have always said

i will see you through the cracks and crevices

i have always said 

i will see you through the uncertainties

i have always said

i will fight for you,

i will fight for us.

now i get to say,

i will fight for myself.

but then,

i find myself rummaging through 

broken pieces of what’s left of us

all to say 

i miss you

…

but i can’t wait not to. 

[thekhalaylatheory]

“Today, I sleep with the hopes of tomorrow being a little bit better than yesterday.”

-k.m // 10 pm thoughts

[thekhalaylatheory]

Sa pagtatapos ng isa nanamang dekada, ay ang panimula naman ng isang bagong taon. Panibagong taon upang maituwid ang mga dapat ituwid, upang mahalin pa ang sarili higit sa lahat, upang patibayin pa ang mga relasyon sa tao't Diyos, at upang abutin ang mga ninanais ng puso.

Kamusta ang unang araw mo?

Video was edited through the filmora app.

[thekhalaylatheory]

Maestro

sa pagkumpas ng kamay ko, isa lang naman ang hiling ko. na mawala na sakit na dama o na sana'y ika'y limot na.

mga instrumentong kaharap ko, lahat sa iyo ang turo. tugtog nila'y tila ba may sinasabi, puso ba o utak ang magwawagi?

sa pagtugtog naman ng biyolin, isa lang naman ang hihilingin. hindi nang ika'y mawala ngunit nang matapos na sana itong kanta.

sa pagdaan ng araw, buwan, at taon unti unti na akong nilalamon nung katotohanang ikaw parin ngunit alam na dapat di na ito ang dinggin.

[thekhalaylatheory]

Sa gitna ng bakit at paano

bakit?

ikaw parin ang nais. na sa paghahanap ng sarili, ikaw parin ang tanaw.

tama na, bakit pa? pagod na, paano pa?

paano?

mababago ang ihip ng hangin kung bawat bulong nito'y ikaw parin ang batid.

[thekhalaylatheory]

“Hello po, I’m Khalayla Andres po, ako po magiging nurse niyo hanggang 3 po ng hapon. Kamusta po kayo?.”

I was a Mass Communication student and it took me 3 years to realize na I wasn’t really happy with what I was doing kaya bago ako mag 3rd year, 2nd sem, nag decide ako na mag shift. I was almost there, malapit na akong grumaduate nung nag shift ako. Buruin niyo yung more or less 1 year nalang bago ako grumaduate sa unang degree ko sana. Isa yun sa pinaka mahirap na decision na ginawa ko kasi it involved so much time, effort, at syempre money. Maraming nasayang.  Ayun na nga fast forward na tayo at 1st year na ulit ako sa bagong degree, Nursing. Balik 1st year ako kasi minor subjects lang ang carried eh first year palang may majors na sa nursing. Back to zero, grabe, sayang. Naalala ko marami akong breaks, kasi tapos ko na minor subjects ko nung Mass Comm student ako. Ayun nag second year naman ako kahit papano hahaha nairaos ang kahirapan ng unang taon ko sa nursing. Kala ko magiging madali na para sa’kin kasi nakapag adjust na ako pero di pala. Sa 2nd year ko sa nursing, dun na kami sumabak sa area. Pumunta sa mga ospital para magpaanak ng ilang nanay, nakakita ng kakyuuuut na mga babyyyy wahhhhhhh!!! Fast forward sa 3rd year na may punyetang research, mangiyak ngiyak kami sa grades namin noon. Sabayan mo pa ng mga ka-grupong gusto mo nalang sipain papuntang Mars minsan. Nairaos ko rin naman kahit papano, kaway kaway sa balde baldeng luhaaaa na naipundar ko.

Ngayon, nasa huling taon na ako ng nursing journey ko. Hopefully last year jusme, yawqna ih. Isa sa pinaka mahirap na desisyon sa buhay ko pero isa sa pinaka masaya at fulfilling na desisyon, samahan pa natin ng sakit at pighati. Yung susunod na post ko ng picture, ga graduate na ‘ko!!! 

[thekhalaylatheory]

Lies

i. You talk so sweet, trying to control situations that aren’t controllable with words. 

ii. Your words cracked my walls and after a few weeks, everything went crashing down, up until the last brick. I built my walls high and strong but you thought of yourself that way too -- high and strong. Maybe that was the reason why you got through me ...

iii. then broke me.

iv. “i love you”, “i’ll never leave you”, “you are the only one, my only one”

[thekhalaylatheory]

CEBU // August 2019 A much needed break from Baguio’s busy streets. Finally had the chance to get out of Baguio even if it was for academic purposes just the same. The unfamiliarity of Cebu was quite comforting. 

[thekhalaylatheory]

If only I had the chance to go back time, I'd go back to the "me" before you came.

-k.m // i am no longer myself

[thekhalaylatheory]

I wish I could wipe all the pain you've brought. Like spilled coffee or dew drops on window panes. Better yet, I wish you could've brought all the pain with you. Gone and away.

[thekhalaylatheory]

Drowning

i. I do not know how to swim. They say it’s one of the easiest things to do but it was the total opposite to me. 

ii. The ocean of words caught me up alive, sank me into the deepest part of the ocean where i can no longer see anything. I open my eyes in the hopes of finding myself back to the shore but I wasn’t able to do so. Pitch black. 

iii. I have sunken and I can’t move. Someone help. 

iv. ...

[thekhalaylatheory]

Now

You were my present. Past tense. That is where you’ll be for a very long time until it finally haunts me. Until it finally cripples my bones, my heart, and my soul. I still find you in the deepest parts of me, I think about us in the gloomiest of days, I still see you when I walk or run. I miss you is what I could say but wouldn’t dare speak. I have loved you deeply so when it was time to leave, I still stayed. I could go on and on for days, months, years telling people about what could have been but I now live in the present and the past is where you’ll forever be.  Ciao.

[thekhalaylatheory]

Dear you, my words have been tied up in knots for quite a long time now. It has been hard for me to untangle these knots and actually fix them up for good. I have tried several times and failed. Yet, here I am. 

One day, I found myself in a well. And then, there you came with a rope enough to pull yourself up and I as well. All I can say was, “Thank you”. Thank you for appearing with a rope, trying to be my “knight-in-shining-armor” in a well where I couldn’t have saved myself in. You know what my “thank you” really meant? Thank you for merely being there.

[thekhalaylatheory]

What could be, I do not know.

[thekhalaylatheory]

The end

Thank you for being a part of my story. I’m sorry the part where the “ours” occur gets abridged. I’m sorry for a lot of things, actually. If this is how we end, I wish you find yourself in a story where it won’t get interminable. I am putting you into words because I do not know what to do otherwise.

[thekhalaylatheory]

Time

Intersection. A place where whatever meets.

Our intersection bore numbers ’til twelve and hands which came in twos sometimes, threes. Our intersection were gloriously caged in shapes, circle, rectangle, square, name it! Our intersection was of different sizes, ones that are small, others big. Our intersection yells tick and tock simultaneously.