thekoatemmie - Tumblr blog

[thekoatemmie]

Ok I made the math

We are going to use deep rothé because they are native to the underdark.

A cow has 30L of Blood but let's say that a rothé has 40L cause in a magic world they will probally increase the efficiency of blood supply.

You can take 10% of blood of a cow every 10 days.

So a Rothé has 146 Liters per year.

A vampire will need 5 liters of blood everymonth.

So the spawns will need 420kL/year.Since they are hungry let's say they take double 840kL/year.

So they need 5754 rothés.

A cow is 10 gp so this will cost 57540 gp like thats viable endgame.

But you must be GURL WHAT ABOUT THE LAND

Thats 29k hectares. (One hectare supports two cows).

It's kinda big,but its the underdark and probally unclaimed land so I will not take that into account.

And if I am the lord of some land and 7000 vampires spawns leaded by two level 12 bitches I would not protest much.

And they can eat some kitchens since they do not need the sun.

Anyway I made all this math to prove that COWBOY ASTARION IS CANON BITCHES.

If this fandom insists on making every fic about Astarion, I NEED some of that focus zeroed in on what the fuck one does with 7,000 half-feral vampire spawn one chose not to kill, post-game. “They’ll all go (un)live in the Underdark” is NOT sufficient answer. This is a humanitarian (and etc species) crisis. This is an environmental crisis, if you abruptly introduce that many major predators to one ecosystem. Of the roughly 7 people around who are capable of giving them lessons in (un)living as vampire spawn, each of them personally betrayed about 1/7 of these newbies, only 1 of them has experience as a free vampire spawn, and exactly 0 of them are really “sane”…except relative to the people who have been starving in cages for up to 200 years, rather than suffering more active-but-erratic torture and trauma.

[thekoatemmie]

My tav is playing Cities Skylines/Frostpunk underdark Edition with the spawns.

If this fandom insists on making every fic about Astarion, I NEED some of that focus zeroed in on what the fuck one does with 7,000 half-feral vampire spawn one chose not to kill, post-game. “They’ll all go (un)live in the Underdark” is NOT sufficient answer. This is a humanitarian (and etc species) crisis. This is an environmental crisis, if you abruptly introduce that many major predators to one ecosystem. Of the roughly 7 people around who are capable of giving them lessons in (un)living as vampire spawn, each of them personally betrayed about 1/7 of these newbies, only 1 of them has experience as a free vampire spawn, and exactly 0 of them are really “sane”…except relative to the people who have been starving in cages for up to 200 years, rather than suffering more active-but-erratic torture and trauma.

[thekoatemmie]

Dungeon Meshi at the start I was like haha eating monsters and later I was to be loved is to be seen to be loves is to be consumed 😭😭

obsessed with stories that start out silly and stupid and then turn out to be deep and heartbreaking in their beauty. like okay, make me cry at midnight while i reflect on the true meaning of friendship i guess

[thekoatemmie]

Not gonna lie I almost Dropped a bg3 fanfic when an author used ia image to generate their tav,I was like... bitch for godsake you're playing bg3 they have an inbuilt create a sim and MODS

[thekoatemmie]

so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

[thekoatemmie]

Girl if you want to be a freak then at least do it Unapologectly and then tag before.

[thekoatemmie]

I was commenting to my friend about that meme about Warhammer 40k being divided between N4z1s, autists and gays.

And he was like the first two, ok, but what about the gays?

And I was like

DAMN DANIEL WHO DO YOU THINK SLANEESH IS FOR?

They serve so much cunt,direct from a Lady Gaga clip.

[thekoatemmie]

Update:apparently by allying with Gortash,you break your oath.

This bitch is going to SUFFER

Stupid pretty basic white boy

Someday I'm gonna draw you

[thekoatemmie]

Stupid pretty basic white boy

Someday I'm gonna draw you

[thekoatemmie]

Finally ended and got the perfect epilogue

Saved all gondians and the ppl from the submarine (I think I spent two days trying all strategies possible)

Killed Sarevok

Playing frostpunk with my boyfriend astarion in the underdark

Gale is alive and a professor

Karlach is alive with wyll in the underdark

Karlach did not use once infernal fury in the whole adventure

I saved the emperor cause this bitch was on my side from day one and did not wanted to orpheus to became a mindflayer and not me or karlach.

Tried to run from ansurn cause I did not want to kill him,but the scene of Blade of Avernus not triggered so I like to believe I knocked him out,since I was with non lethal damage on

(fight was hard af ended with 1hp),this gay bitch was TOUGH.

My tav was an asshole so she killed the investigator cause she did not like that bitch who was doubting her and did not want to fight fucking sarevok,but later she kills him anyway when she tries to be like lol killed your grandaughter then he is like lol time to some asoiaf lore and the fights begin. So I guess is ok

The fight with veconia was hilarious.I was talking to her meanwhile my bf was there shootings arrows and the fight not triggered, later I talked with the ppl and they were like wow can't believe she died and I was haha so funny,who must have done that.

And later I killed all the sharrans anyway,fight hard af on balanced can't imagine on tactician or honor.

Bbygirl shadowheart is with selune and her parents are alive (this bitch killed them then I had to safescum way back cause I forgot to safescum)

Btw I managed to save all the gondians and still have an alliance with gortash lol.It was funny to see karlach in all of her glory with mermaid robe laughing at his death.

I did not managed to save the child from ethel however I killed the hag.

Killed the zentharim (10k gold lets goooo)

GUESS WHO SAVED ALL THE TIEFLINGS??

Killed Raphael (pretty armor lets gooo)

Managed to knock out Minsc (hard af btw,this bitch is SQUICHY,he died all the time) but not Korrila 🥲🥲🥲.

NO ONE RECOGNIZED THAT I DID NOT SELL THE GITHYANK EGG

At first I managed to make Lazel stay on earth (I am a bard I see a skill dialogue I click on it) but when I got the perfect epilogue (Karlach and gale alive and still with astarion) I failed the check so know she is a diplomat.

And more,I safescumed a lot,sometimes I would go back HOURS to make something right like the shadowcurse.(Was already on act 3)

But It's ok cause I based my tav on Frisk from undertale so it's part of the RP.

I named her Furisk as a joke,ans cause you know a skeleton with one hp who Dodges all your attacks,the narrator,you are mute and avoids fights by talking and flirting,the underdark,etc.But later got attached from months playing with her and now she is stuck with this name.Made her a tiefling cause I wanted to emulate the feeling of what Frisk a human felt in a place full of monsters, but I should have made her a drow instead🙃.

Anyway here are the final photos, FURISK I LOVE YOU.

I think I played with her for around 200 hours no joke.

[thekoatemmie]

My tav going to kill ansur cause she wants Karlach to live and will not accept a break up with Astarion 🥲🥲🥲🥲

I thought I was so smooth avoiding that fight cause not interested in the greatsword

BUT I WAS WRONG

fuck off

I will have to witness some exes fight

[thekoatemmie]

My durge a paladin in a love square between Karlach (nothing wrong with her she will just be disappointed with me),a cleric of an evil godess,a mean UNDEAD vampire spawn and a warlock

Before he did some ritual murder to an evil god but by failling the DC check was able to maintain his oath

He later became a padlock

Oath is still intact

He is doing judgments all time and is dumb as fuck,no memories just vibes

Astarion a former magistrate must be having an aneuryism

I know how the oathbreaking paladin must fell behind his mask

[thekoatemmie]

durge;*knocking Alfira cause he sensed some bloodlust* bhaal: you don't understand,I REALLY want a bard sacrifice tonight

[thekoatemmie]

LARIAN WHEN I CATCH YOU

Fuck

[thekoatemmie]

Spoilers for ACT 2 ! larian should made a thing that if your character is an warlock and kill the tieflings they feel their patrons laughing their asses off cause like do you know what is THE meta equippement for the warlock? THIS ROBE HERE

THIS BITCH WITH AGONIZING BLAST AND HEX MAKES YOUR ELDRITCH BLAST DO MINIMUM 42 DMG PER TURN! (if you're my Tav that has 22 charisma) And How do you get this robe? SAVING THE TIEFLINGS IN ACT 1 AND 2. They are like hmmm yes my patron is laughing cause I am evil and they are evil hehe And nope Your Patron is laughing cause they know you just lost the chance of being a fucking war machine and made the most horrible decision for your class.

[thekoatemmie]

my durge/tav ass shipper should have made the guardian the dark urge emperor: "damn why this bitch does not trust me, I am made the image of someone that impacted her life,she should trust me" tav: dam why this psycho that tried to kill me 15 years ago when I was investigating Bhaal is in my head...of course that bitch is trying to manipulate me to eat some worms.

[thekoatemmie]

your tav being a warlock is so fun cause your patron does not intervene in your life, all other warlocks must be dying of envy of your tav. Wyll: has this demon bitch tormenting him all the time Tav: so my patron let me do whatever I want but he does not like Mystra and he warned me about that clown.