thelemonist

[thelemonist]

i am alive

hi there! the lemonist here and yes, i made this account years ago only to abandon it for two years and here i am ashamed AND smug after finally releasing something in here that is not an announcement of a promise that something is “squeezing soon” (and that is kinda cringey too, but also a little cute, dont you think?).

(check the very first unofficial post, it’s not hard, i only have two posts here *peace sign*)

anyway, i was not able to post anything because *drum rolls* i wanted everything to be perfect at the very beginning which i realized  to be impossible for myself to execute because:

1. i am not perfect so it is delusional of me to think i can every produce a perfect FIRST post (like, who do i think am i? def not taylor swift) like it’s my first post, why do i expect myself to write a good one? it’s like expecting a new born to be able to walk right after coming out of the womb.

2. i was only 21/22 that time, what do i know? now, i am 25 but i know that i know nothing, still. i was trying to read and grasp all these materials (from books, to films, to songs, to art pieces, poems, prose, videos, etc.) to hopefully (magically) come up with something sooo genius and perfect in a snap only to finally understand absorbing art and literature or any content does not mean they’re gonna align themselves inside my head and form a great, groundbreaking thought that i can share on here. no.

3. as i was writing my supposedly first post ( i was talking about seneca’s on the shortness of life) i realized half-way that it sucked. my thought organization just frustrated me and i realized how “dumb” i am and how much i “suck”. the reason why i put quotations is because my standard of smart and good are people who have been writing, reading, and blogging for a long time. and so i held myself unfairly to that standard. they are experts and i am a beginner and i held us to same standards.

so long story short i was overthinking everything and i couldn’t stand it so i just hibernated, forgot i ever created this account, and there was a lot of self-loathing, insecurity, and bitterness as i hid in the dark and rejected anything that attempted to console me. 

but now i am showing up because there has been a shift in perspective in the duration of my hibernation but i think that will be a topic for a different post.

right now, i am thinking of writing a post about my fave things lately. so yeah. if u are reading this, i hope u are safe and your loved ones as well and yep, i am alive. see u around.

[thelemonist]

Still collecting lemons.

Squeezing soon.