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[thelifeofaseeker-blog]

You talk about love

You talk about time

You talk about these things as if they aren’t mine

You mention your busy

I’m asking too much

Guess the thought of this girl being around isn’t just

You create guilt

Although this isn’t my fault

You stand there arms up as if you are the one charging assault

I pretend your genuine

Because heartache is harder

You smirk at me as if you know this will continue longer

It’s me babe

You know that girl

The one you shoved yourself in and had a whirl

Tell me is it worth it

Is it worth the pain you cause?

Or is empathy just another one of your flaws

Pain is a special feeling

Guess I’m a sucker right

When I lay alone at home wondering where you are at night

So here the deal

Here’s the game I’ll play

I’ll continue down this road but just know I’ll leave one day

[thelifeofaseeker-blog]

It's here...

As I sit in the room I've come to know as my own I'm contemplating how I've made it to this point. Some wonder how they got here, some long for some kind of answers, but as I wipe away the last tear I can shed all I can think is how I even made it this long. I've felt alone. This isn't the first time I've felt lonely but it has to be the last. I've thought of all the options and weighed out all my foreseeable choices and I guess the hardest part is walking the path the universe is telling me to walk, which is away from you. I'm not mad. I guess not anymore. I hurt for the loss of you but I have to see what this will do for me. Selfishness. Seems like the most fucked up way of living but everyone says you have to be. That only you can take care of you. That in the end you'll die alone... I'll miss you. Maybe I'll just miss the pictures I made with you. The Polaroids of smiles, laughter, adventure, and our little family that never actually existed. As the cascade of images fall from my mind and land on my heart I hurt more than I thought possible. It hurts ya know. It's not fair. This isn't what I wanted when I gave up my life for you. But I guess that didn't matter... I love you. Through every chip that broke off my already damaged heart I couldn't help but still love you. But you aren't the person I thought you were. Sometimes we only look at potential rather than obvious truths. You don't have to be this person ya know... you could have seen that I was hurting, I never hid that from you, you could have wrapped your arms around my heart sealed shut the cracks and kissed away my tears but instead you brought your hammer. So it's here. The time is here where I have to move on. Where I have to pick the thing I hate the most in people and be selfish because I've given all I can and with every ounce of my love I poured into you I have to except the inevitable. I'll never forget you. I don't want to.

[thelifeofaseeker-blog]

Decisions

Life is a series of choices. We know this right? But what does that mean to the seeker? I have now become aware, I have now awaken, and through this journey I have come to the conclusion that this awakening I am feeling is allowing me to see things more clearly, opening my eyes, meaning that at this moment in my life I need to seek answers from what life is showing me and make DECISIONS through that. 

As I sit here on this beautiful night with the moon light pouring through my open window onto my keyboard, I think about the choices I have made and the choices I still have time to make. I think about whether love and passion makes life complete knowing you might struggle through the so called “grown up stuff.” I think about my age, my youth, my ever fleeting time that passes with no remorse for the missed opportunities I’ve had or the chances I never took. 

At night the struggle of ones heart is even stronger due to the real fact of the matter... Its just you. The hardest part of decision making is knowing its all on you. Only you can control your choices, your destiny, your outcome yet sadly the outcome is never clear. Taking that ownership to know that only you make your world is one of the most challenging truths. Its scary to think that no one forced you to be where you are at. Every choice, no matter how big or small was one you made. How then can you feel anger towards anyone but yourself for making it. The outcome, yes, is never known however the choice was yours. 

“So what does this mean?” I think to myself as I sit her divulging such truth on to a blog that no one reads... What should I do? My steps are as such; I will never close my eyes to the signs and information the world gives me. I will never blind myself by being manipulated or deceived because I choose to search the truth. Life will not be easy however if you sit back and do not make DECISIONS with every ounce of you, your intelligent mind, your giving heart, your deepest intuition, you will never truly see what you were meant to see and thus your DECISIONS to stay blind will prohibited you from your true destiny. 

I also think of the moon and its powerful presence it plays in our lives. Imagine what the moon does to water, controlling the tides through its gravitational pull, and contemplate what it can do for you as we are made up of primarily water. Have moon time and allow your thoughts to flow out of you into the universe at this time. Things will be clearer when the world sleeps around you and the moon speaks. CHOOSE to DECIDED your future. 

[thelifeofaseeker-blog]

The Life of a Seeker

I have awakened. I now know about choice. I now know about my power. Today I am choosing... Choosing to be a seeker. To seek amongst the stars and reach the highest one. To seek for answers not yet found. To seek for balance and clarity. Today I choose to start my journey. To walk along my path that my eyes are now open to. I will not give up because this is MY life MY choice MY destiny. I’m writing this out not to gain followers, not to share with people my journey, but to release my inner being into what will one day be my story and if along the way my children read this I hope they become the seeker I became. I will always tell them, “be a seeker, find your truths, for you create your destiny and only you control it, only you can choose. Be the seeker you were born to be.”