thematthewander - Tumblr blog

[thematthewander]

That sound’s great, count me in.- Don’t think this means we’re friends though.

Well now that my boat has arrived and  been put into the water, who would like to go on a fantastic adventure with me?

[thematthewander]

He was caught off guard by the brutal honesty. On one hand Carmine was right, he had been the man who broke Matthew’s heart. Yet on another, he wasn’t the only one. After all he had ended up here looking for his ex-girlfriend. A fact which he didn’t intend on sharing anytime soon. The kiss had been a moment of relapse, he was trying to pretend not to care-or he didn’t care. Matthew didn’t even understand it himself, he was torn between who he was and who he is. “I-- I don’t know.. I just... I’m very confused by you, Carmine. I don’t know what to expect. I don’t even know if you’re that trustworthy guy you once were. I don’t know who I am- I’m torn, confused. You make me remember a person- I’m not sure I miss. The Matt you knew was quick, cowardly, too naive and nice. I’m not even sure who I am around you-it’s just hard. The kiss-we--well it was me doing what I do know- and that is to act on a feeling.”

“You’d– huh?” Carmine said, a little surprised by the response he got from Matthew, “you’d… much rather kiss me, is that what you said?” he asked, even though he knew the answer. A pause. “But why? I thought you didn’t love me any more, I-I thought you didn’t even like me. I’m the Carmine who left you, who broke your heart, isn’t that right? Not the guy you supposedly fell in love with. Why are you doing this, why do you wanna kiss me?” Carmine sighed, out of hopelessness, confusion, something like that, before leaving the topic behind entirely. “–look, never mind. We can hang out,” he licked his lips, “we can kiss, I guess, I’unno. It doesn’t matter, not really. What do you wanna do?”

[thematthewander]

Matthew probably should have thought this “kiss” out. Somehow he found logic in kissing people to demonstrate his feelings? He really didn’t do the whole emotion thing. The kiss made all those worries seem a mile away. He’d imagined it many times, but that was another life time. Matthew coughed a bit, nodding his head. Although he wasn’t exactly sure what he was nodding at. “Hmm.” He mumbled not sure what the man asked. “I’d much rather just kiss you but I think we should probably hangout. Catch up right-like old times.” Matthew said, as if kissing your best friend was a normal occurrence for him?

Carmine was taken aback by the kiss. Totally and completely taken aback. Sure, he should have expected it, maybe, but he thought Matthew had long abandoned his alleged feelings for Carmine. Obviously not. Or maybe he was just trying to let go of them, and this was some counterproductive way of doing so. Still, in all his shock and confusion, Carmine kissed back. He definitely kissed back, and he definitely wanted to, Matthew’s lips sweet and soft against his. So there was that.

He pulled away when Matthew did, not even really registering what the other man was saying. “Yeah,” he replied, not sure what to say but wanting to reply nonetheless. He had so much he wanted to ask, to do, to say. He even maybe, sort of, kind of wanted a second kiss. So, naturally, he didn’t fulfill any of his desires. He continued on as normal - or as normally as he could - as if they kissed all the time. “You uh… yeah– so. What do you– do you wanna hang out, or, uh. What do you wanna… do?”

[thematthewander]

Matthew was hesitant but laughed. It had been awhile since he cared, it made him uncomfortable. Yet that didn’t take away from the fact his stomach was nervously turning. His younger self wouldn’t stop freaking out a bit. Taking a deep breathe, he stepped towards Carmine. Slowly his hand traced the man’s cheek before kissing him. His lips pressed against Carmines, tugging on his bottom lip before pulling back. “I needed to do that.” He said softly, sounding sincere. Matthew wasn’t one to be cliche, it made him sick inside. Yet somehow he couldn’t help but smile, before quickly looking around.

“Hipster and sort of depressing?” he repeated, eyebrows raised, “offense taken, I’m sorry. Get out.” Unsure if Matthew knew he wasn’t serious, he hastily added, “that was a joke.” His laugh was a little nervous, “Uh. Yeah, I dunno. I dunno what we’ve got in common any more,” he said, his tone a little sad, “but we could do uh,” a pause, “something.” When Matthew called his name, he became even more alert. “Yeah, what’s up?”

[thematthewander]

A smile flushed over his face, and he nodded in reply. Matthew wasn’t certain as to why he jumped to the conclusion Carmine wanted him to leave. It was probably out of habit if anything. After all he wasn’t the most likable guy around. Taking a small breathe, he stood up. “Well I mean if we are going to make up for ten years shouldn’t be at least start somewhere a little less hipster and sort of depressing- no offense.” He said quicker than intended. Around Carmine, Matthew found himself falling back into that weird, nervous, in the closest little boy. The one who use to peek at his best friend he wasn’t looking. A part of Matthew hated that version of himself, but he found himself missing the innocence. “I’m not sure what you do for fun- normal people.. what they do.. I’m not gonna lie and pretend I don’t go buy out a bar as a casual night.. cause I do.” He smiled awkwardly. “-Carmine?” He began

“Not necessarily a good thing, honestly, if you consider overthinking. And, believe me, Matty, I do,” he replied with a small smile, in an attempt to re-assure Matthew. He wasn’t really sure why he wanted to, either. He noticed then that Matthew seemed to stare for quite some time, directly at him. Really, Carmine should have looked away, but he didn’t. He wasn’t really sure why, again. But he didn’t want to, not really. This was all too confusing. “You can be concerned, of course. Honestly, I’d be a little offended if you weren’t,” he laughed a little, “I just wasn’t sure that’s how you were any more, you know, seeing as you made it clear how much you’ve changed,” he shrugged, “I’m still not buyin’ it, but whatever you say. No–” he paused, slightly embarrassed by how eager he sounded. He toned it down somewhat before speaking again, “it’s– you can stay, if you want. It’s fine. We have to make up for ten years, right?”

[thematthewander]

Matthew raised his brows in curiosity. The man couldn’t help but wonder what Carmine was writing about. Smiling quickly to avoid looking noisy or paranoid he took a seat on the bed. “Hmm you always did a lot more thinking than I ever did....” He joked, although it was true. Even as kids Carmine was the logic to Matthew’s spontaneous ideas. Which kind of made his friends sudden departure ironic. Talk! The voice inside his head screamed. Matthews face blushed red as he realized he hadn’t taken his eyes off Carmines. “I was just making sure you weren’t having a stroke.. or what not. Can an old friend not be concerned? Hmm anyways I’ll get out of your process?”  His eyes looked away almost awkwardly. Matthew wasn’t use to this. Carmine brought out the side to the man, he had hid away long ago.

“Hm?” Carmine’s head whipped around to look over at Matthew, “staring at the keyboard?” he smiled a little, mildly amused by the comment, “trust me, I’m not that ‘deep’. I was just… I got lost in thought, I guess. Why do you ask?”

[thematthewander]

“Are you actually doing something or just staring at the keyboard?”

[thematthewander]

emerges for death.. hello .. SCHOOL IS KICKING MY ASS BUT HI HI HI

[thematthewander]

“Hmm can’t deny or confirm anything at this time.” He smirked. “Being wooed, well maybe but I think you would know definitely if I was trying to ‘woo’ you.”

“Not necessarily - I’ve just never seen how you act outside of your big guy bravado. Interesting to witness,” Quinn replied honestly. “Unless I just have that effect on you? That’d be pretty cool. I mean, most of the time the only kind of reaction I get from interested parties is… far too forward.”

He smiled softly.

“But I like this. Being ‘wooed’, I suppose. Is that what this is?”

[thematthewander]

“You’re probably an idiot then....dumb is not a cute look for you. I mean considering the fact unlike most idiots around here you have common sense and a wicked sense of sarcasm.” He joked with a grin

“Silly little me has no clue what you mean.” Kyelle replied with an innocent yet playful smile.

[thematthewander]

You’re a couple other things but I’m not sure it’s in my best interest to share. Well you should just hide, that’s the only real solution.

Well I am pretty negative - according to you, and I’m pretty damn pale. Hence why I’m trying not to burn…

[thematthewander]

Who is Kieron seems like a fine fellow, hmm well I think your getting crisped anyway. Is it hard to be so negative and white?

It really isn’t. And I’m not a bitch, I’m just honest. As for me, well I’m currently avoiding burning like a crisp by staying near the umbrellas at the pool. I would be in my cabin, but last I checked, Kieron was loading up porn hub - suffice to say I didn’t stick around

[thematthewander]

I won’t cry about it. Although it’s really your lost.- Anyways what does queen bitch get up to around here?

I have no doubt. Unfortunately for you, they’re going to stay dreams

[thematthewander]

In my best dreams.

Oh you wish

[thematthewander]

Why are you so obsessed with me?

And I think - no I know, you’re a deluded egomaniac

[thematthewander]

I think you secretly love me, darling.

The therapy is from listening to the bullshit you spout honey

[thematthewander]

You got therapy just a little nut in there?

Now that’s definitely arguable. And talking to you just seems to up my therapy bill in the long run, so…