themaurice

[themaurice]

I bet my body fucking hates it whenever I get a piercing. Poor thing is like HEY THERE'S A PUNCTURE WOUND. IN THE FACE. A FOREIGN OBJECT IN THE PUNCTURE WOUND. And I'm like oh yeah lmao I know, it's there on purpose. THE FUCK YOU MEAN IT'S THERE ON PURPOSE?? Yeah I got it put there on purpose, just heal around it. THE FUCK YOU MEAN IT'S THERE ON PURPOSE. WHY IS THERE A PUNCTURE WOUND WITH AN OBJECT IN IT. ON PURPOSE.

And I'm like chill, it's sterile, we're gonna clean it twice a day so it won't get infected. I DON'T FUCKING CARE THAT IT'S STERILE. And I'm like wow the fuck you mean you don't care? Do you want it to get infected?

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD ALSO MAKE IT NOT GET INFECTED? NOT. HAVING. WOUNDS. WITH. FOREIGN. OBJECTS. IN THEM.

[themaurice]

right now, somewhere in the world, there is a beautiful person scrolling tumblr.

tragically though, this beautiful person has a headache. their head hurts.

this is very unfair to them. they are very pretty, but for no reason their head is hurting.

if you know of anybody scrolling tumblr right now, who might have a bit of a headache, please ask them to take an ibuprofen, drink some water, do whatever might make them feel better.

it is tragic that such a beautiful person has a headache. the world is a vampire. I can only hope that this message may reach them

[themaurice]

wore my thigh high boots on a walk today and we had to take a path through some long grass and while everyone else was rolling their pants into their socks and putting on jackets to protect themselves from ticks i was standing there smug as hell in my thigh high leather boots.

[themaurice]

[themaurice]

tumblr are you telling me something

[themaurice]

[themaurice]

Happiness Will Come To You.

[themaurice]

"we don't have girl talk, we have creature talk," my roommate Julia just said while rolling on the floor, "put that on your fucking tumblr, they'll love that shit"

[themaurice]

I love cracking my bones. I'm like a fidget toy but more emotionally complex

[themaurice]

When am I allowed to stab a man?

[themaurice]

"he was a master manipulator....an evil genius". my guy, BABIES are manipulative. they have to be, because there's no other way to get their needs met; they're entirely reliant on others. selfishness is an expression of feeling helpless. put another way, manipulation is about unconsciously trying to get people to meet your unmet childhood needs--except that those people aren't your parents and you aren't a baby, and when you exhibit baby-helpless behaviors as an adult who DOES actually have size and agency and power, you hurt people. it's just not usually the conscious, calculated Mastermind Behavior it gets portrayed as.

[themaurice]

I love how here on tumblr dot website we regularly cast the greatest curse we can muster on each other by pointing our long creepy fingers and intoning "10,000 notes" in a voice that carries the winds of the mountain with it.

[themaurice]

Baiji, or: the Yangtze River Dolphin.

[themaurice]

I feel like if humans swallowed rocks like birds do to help grind up food we'd have so much fun with it.

Can just imagine all the girlies on tiktok going "I know this is a bit controversial but I honestly love using limestone as a gastrolith. Not only can you readily forage it but they are just so pretty when smoothed out after regurgitating them"

and then all the comments would be like " girl 😭 😭 calcite dissolves in stomach acid!! Just use quartz if you want a pretty gastrolith like 💀"

[themaurice]

am taking perverse pleasure in reminding people it's 2025. that's a star trek year. silly little science fiction number. except it's happening, and DANG ain't it underwhelming!

[themaurice]

the generational gap between me and the people my age who use chat gpt

[themaurice]