thenamesactuallylance

[thenamesactuallylance]

Can I get a cup of tea please, thanks

[thenamesactuallylance]

I always wonder how the world will view me when I’m gone, but the reality is, I probably won’t be given a single glance.

[thenamesactuallylance]

Dude, you make me look like your broke hoe cooking manservant who pickpockets in his spare time and wants to be a gangster when he grows up. And here you are-- looking like an elegant royal badass. Are you trying to make me look like shit?

me bruh

[thenamesactuallylance]

Darn those things moving in your peripheral that don't exist

[thenamesactuallylance]

A rose grows

As it should

A rose wilts

As it should

And it's born anew

As it was

[thenamesactuallylance]

If you are the ocean, and I am the sea, tell me who's larger. You? Or me?

[thenamesactuallylance]

Despite these supposed differences, I have yet to see how you and I are not the same.

[thenamesactuallylance]

I have forgotten my cereal upon the counter for almost an hour, upon remembering it I rush to it's aid.

It's too late

It's already mush

This is okay

It's fine

I like mush

[thenamesactuallylance]

I'll pay in hugs

Can someone be my little kangaroo and I can carry them around all day and just not be lonely?

[thenamesactuallylance]

Can someone be my little kangaroo and I can carry them around all day and just not be lonely?

[thenamesactuallylance]

Stare at ceiling

Try to wake up

Become a rhinoceros

Go back to sleep

[thenamesactuallylance]

The gentle mindfuck of am I hungry or bored

[thenamesactuallylance]

Ah to be a FedEx truck filled with dildos and lingerie

[thenamesactuallylance]

“What kind of animal am I eating?”

Sam wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “It’s named Saehrimnir.”

“Okay, first of all, who names their dinner? I don’t want to know my dinner’s name. This potato–

is this potato named Steve?”

She rolled her eyes. “No, stupid. That’s Phil. The BREAD is Steve.”

I stared at her.

-Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard Book #1 The Sword of Summer

by Rick Riordan

[thenamesactuallylance]

"Blood is all red

Bruises are blue

Though we've yet to meet

I've been watching you"

-mattyaoiboy (I wrote this with magazine letters and put it in my bffs [best female friend's] mailbox and she called me laughing so hard, it was all glued on the back of my calculus homework)

[thenamesactuallylance]

But before I could take action, something whizzed past my ear and smacked Surt in the forehead.

Had it been a REAL arrow, Surt would've been in trouble. Fortunately for him, it was a plastic toy projectile with a pink heart for a point-- a Valentine's Day novelty, I guessed. It hit Surt between the eyes with a cheerful SQUEAK, fell to his feet, and promptly melted.

Surt blinked. He looked as confused as I was.

Behind me a familiar voice shouted, "Run, kid!"

Charging up the bridge came my buddies Blitz and Hearth. Well... I say CHARGING. That implies it was impressive. It really wasn't. For some reason, Blitz had donned a broad-brimmed hat and sunglasses along with his black trench coat, so he looked like a grungy, very short Italian priest. In his gloves handed he wielded a fearsome wooden dowel with a bright yellow traffic sign that read: MAKE WAY FOR DUCKLINGS.

Hearth's red-striped scarf trailed behind him like limp wings. He nocked another arrow in his pink plastic Cupid's bow and fired at Surt. Bless THEIR demented little hearts, I understood where they'd gotten the ridiculous weapons: the toy store on Charles Street... In their rush, they'd done a smash-and-grab of the nearest deadly objects. Being crazed homeless guys, they hadn't chosen very well.

Dumb and pointless? You bet. But it warmed my heart that they wanted to look out for me.

-Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard Book #1 The Sword of Summer

by Rick Riordan

[thenamesactuallylance]

You've heard about bad Boston drivers? That's my Uncle Randolph.

The dude gunned his BMW 528i (of course it HAD to be a BMW) and shot down Commonwealth Avenue, ignoring the lights, honking at other cars, weaving randomly from lane to lane.

"You missed a pedestrian," I said. " You want to go back and hit her?"

-Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard Book #1 The Sword of Summer

by Rick Riordan