theoriginaljesusfandom - Tumblr blog

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

yeah we might be brothers in christ but so were cain and abel so shut the fuck up before i decide to find a rock about it

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

When my cat lays down in loaf position, is she leavened or unleavened? Is my cat kosher for Passover?

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

I’m never leaving this website

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

big shout out to frogs for helping free the Jewish people from slavery

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

It’s almost Passover :)

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

holy shit can we be thankful that there are only like, 2 types of phone chargers nowadays? if youre phone died in 2007 you were fuck outta luck

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

sick of hearing about "healing crystals" that "cleanse your mind and body of negative energy" i want to know which rocks can hurt you and fuck up your vibe so bad

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

wake up babe new jesus just dropped

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

there are a lot of really good ancient roman laws but i think my favorite is that, if you got struck by lightening and died, you couldnt have a proper burial because it meant that the gods hated you

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

The first funny bitch was Cain, who straight up lied to God after killing his brother.

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

We should bring back swearing by God’s various body parts like they did in the 1500s purely because I think the modern idiom could do a much better job of it.

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

do fish ever get to repent? or are they doomed to swim around forever bearing the sins we have tossed to them to consume over the many years?

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

when I say @hematiterings obliterated me with this joke this morning ... it's only Tuesday but there's no way I'm reading anything funnier for the rest of the week

[theoriginaljesusfandom]

as much as the concept of Jesus being a fairly normal lad has its charms, im personally very intrigued by the idea of him being just… extremely weird. not even in a mystical sense, just…….staggeringly BIZZARRE. 

you go to the well to get some water, and here’s Miriam’s boy, staring at the sky, completely still. his expression is unreadable. you hazard a hello and ask how he’s doing, and he slowly, unblinkingly, lowers his gaze on you (he’s 8 and is missing his frontal teeth, not that this is making you any less uncomfortable) and says “I cannot speak of the state of my being, Nathan son of Saul, my brother, but rejoice for the water you shall take today will be as pure as the soul of the children of Heaven”

…you start sweating