theoriginaltortuga

[theoriginaltortuga]

Yasmin Benoit has won the LGBTA Award for the 'Outstanding Contributions to Communities' category! She's the first aroace activist and first Black aroace to win this award 🖤🤎🤍💜

[theoriginaltortuga]

Maybe It Was A Crush

Characters: Lance Song (m!ILITW MC), Andy Kang

Relationships: Andy Kang/ILITW MC

Tagging: @choicespride

It wasn't love. It wasn't a crush either, because Lance had never felt that for anyone before. 

Of course, that also meant he had no idea what a crush would feel like, but that wasn't the point.

He didn't have a crush on Andy. Andy was just a…maybe friend that Lance liked and admired. No romantic feelings to be had. Lance could admit that it was strange to look at someone's smile and think 'I want him to smile like that for the rest of our lives', but it was normal to want someone to be happy. It was normal to think people looked good when they were happy. 

Right?

Andy walked next to him, fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket while they looked at shoes, of all things. Andy apparently needed dress shoes for Homecoming and he'd invited Lance to go with him. Lance had asked if he'd invited Noah or Lucas, but Andy had said no.

So they were alone. Together. 

A current of anxiety seemed to run through all of his maybe-friends even after they'd re-trapped Redfield, but Andy's was the most visible. It made sense. Tom hadn't woken up yet and there was nothing anyone could do to speed up the process. There were no monsters left to punch even though the terror was still there. 

Lance hesitantly bumped Andy's shoulder with his own, trying not to let the touch linger, and smiled awkwardly. "So, what color is your suit?"

"Huh?" Andy seemed almost surprised that Lance was there. "Oh, blue. Like a kind of dark blue, I guess."

"Westchester wolf blue?"

Andy wrinkled his nose. "No." Then paused. "Well…" He smiled sheepishly as Lance laughed. "Shut up. It's not my fault our colors are blue and white. Am I supposed to avoid my favorite color forever?" 

He picked up a black dress shoe and set it down almost immediately. His eyes seemed to skim over all of the options without really seeing them.

He'd been like that the entire time–fidgeting with his jacket, eyes barely focused on what was in front of him, walking through the aisles seemingly just to move instead of to find something to wear. It was like there was nothing he wanted more than to not be in the shoe store. Unless, he wanted nothing more than to get away from Lance. Which would be rude as hell because he'd invited him, but not out of the question.

Lance was a uniquely annoying person.

He tapped Andy's shoulder. "Do you want to get out of here?"

"Please."

Lance laughed as Andy all but jogged out of the store. He followed him through the glass doors and stopped. Andy basked in the light of the outside world like it'd been 100 years since he'd seen it, tilting his head up toward the sun and Lance's heart tripped in his chest. 

It didn't mean anything. It wasn't a crush. Andy was just an objectively good-looking guy and the sight of the sun beaming down on him like a halo would've made anyone stop breathing for a second. 

He looked at Lance with a brightness that had been missing all day. "Alright, where to?"

Lance looked back at the shoe store, where their goal resided, but shrugged it off. If Andy wanted to go to Homecoming in his gym shoes that was his business. "Pretzels?"

"Definitely."

The rest of the trip took a better turn. After securing their pretzels, they walked the plaza, ducking into the Halloween pop up store to make fun of the "scary masks" and cheap fake weapons. Andy got a little too into the fake swords and knocked down a row of makeup packs. From there they fled into the video games shop, then a candle store, then the plaza's bookstore and made a game of finding books they'd read as kids, then books with titles that described their current life before being given sharp looks by the employees after Lance broke into a hysterical laughing fit at a book titled, As Good As Dead.

Andy laughed with him as they left the store. "It's really not that funny. Like at all."

Lance wiped his tears and tried to breathe. "Then wh-why are you laughing?"

Andy bumped his shoulder. "I'm laughing at you. How did that get you but nothing else did? I don't even know why I grabbed it."

"If I don't laugh I'll cry. It was way too close."

It would've been so easy, especially considering everything that went wrong during the ritual. Lance still had burn marks on his neck from Mr. Red's strangle hold. The rest of the group hadn't fared much better. They'd stuttered and stumbled and got in lucky shots against the puppets and dirt monsters and it was only by the grace of the universe that they'd managed to lock Redfield away. 

Maybe that was why the fear had lingered. 

"But, we're here. We won." Andy stopped in the alley between two stores and Lance turned to look at him. He rocked on the balls of his feet before dropping on his heels. "I, um, I have to tell you something."

He'd been working with Redfield. He hated Lance and hadn't meant to invite him. He'd brought Lance there to kill him. He threw Ben at the bear–that one wasn't so bad.

Lance tried to keep his voice calm. "Yeah?" 

"I didn't actually need dress shoes. I've got some at home. They even match my suit."

"Oh..kay. Then why–"

"I wanted to hang out with you. And I know you get weird about hanging out with any of us, which is fine, but I thought…" He stopped and ran a hand through his hair. "I wanted to ask you something."

Lance's mind whirled. What the hell was going on?

"Lance…do you wanna go to homecoming with me?"

…

…

What?

"What?"

Andy took a breath and smiled, bright and sparkling and Lance's knees were just the slightest bit weaker than before. He stepped closer to Lance. "Do you want to go to homecoming with me?"

"Like you and me?"

"Well, we'll still be with everyone else, but yeah."

"Like…like a date?"

Andy's face flushed. "Yeah, if that's cool?"

Lance didn't like people. He'd never liked a people in his life. No celebrity crushes or real life crushes or anything, but Andy…

Something was kicking him in the brain to say no. To say no, to not go to homecoming at all, to tell Andy something that would make him stop looking at Lance with so much hope and expectation that Lance would never be able to live up to.

But…Andy was the kid who had hidden bugs in his desk and showed them off to Lance with glee, Andy was the kid who had thrown blankets over Lance to calm him down like a parrot for three years of friendship, Andy was guy who started talking to him in freshman year science and didn't stop even though Lance could only give him one sentence answers, he was the guy who looked like he wanted to kill someone when Lance showed off the dirt monster's bruises, he was the guy looking at him with big brown eyes that shone like gemstones in the blue light of a pool, the fluorescents of the gym, and the sunlight of the people filled plaza.

"It's okay if–"

"Yes!" Lance flinched at his own voice.

"What?" Andy said though a smile was already breaking onto his face.

"Yes, I'll go to homecoming with you."

"Awesome."

Lance laughed and kept laughing as Andy yanked him down into a hug. 

Maybe it was a crush. And Lance had no idea what to do with it, but he could learn...Right after he dug around his closet for something to wear to homecoming.

Maybe they should go back to the shoe store.

[theoriginaltortuga]

graduation day

prompts no. 2/12: education | elder queers book: laws of attraction characters: agnes park (f!oc), jina davis (f!oc) @choicespride

[theoriginaltortuga]

Character Intro for Lance Song, a.k.a. The Bad Ending

(Also the MC of my Time Flows Series)

TW: Lance experiences auditory and visual hallucinations related to his PTSD and has odd, sometimes persecutory and paranoid, beliefs, some of the things he thinks are mentioned

cis man who exclusively uses he/him

is Vietnamese, but his stepdad is Chinese, former last name was Dinh--his bio dad's surname

born in Orlando, Florida, mom ran away and raised him until two in Burlington, Vermont where his stepdad lived, parents married and moved to Westchester at three

has undiagnosed PTSD and probably other things that he refuses to acknowledge

Parents are...not great, mom is an alcoholic, dad is an enabler, mom was in rehab being supported by his dad during events of ILITW which is why "flying home" was complicated

Grayromantic and Asexual-had a crush on Andy but didn't understand until the party, didn't make a move because he was convinced Andy would laugh at him or say yes only to hurt him later

Normally would have been able to shake the belief away eventually, but he was stressed as hell and there was no time

had no lore or weapons, spent no extra time with his friends, convinced they didn't want him around or that he would mess things up if he was

unwittingly tanked his friends nerve because of his pessimism, the urge to be blunt about his negative feelings, and his general social ineptness (being a good friend was easier when he was 8)

felt that Noah was a kindred spirit and understood having a shitty home life but was pushed away every time he tried to relate

everyone died and Noah murdered him

came back to life resentful and fearful of Noah and everyone else both for rational and not reasons (mostly rational, he had enough of an issue being wary of perfectly nice people of course he was terrified of everyone in that cabin)

was vindicated by Connor being a Horror, Jocelyn betraying everyone, and Ruben Masters (ILW MC) killing him to gain power

Fun (and not-so-fun) Facts

was nicknamed Eeyore by his dad for his gloomy nature, Jane heard and ran with it

was in and out of therapy until 16 when his mom cancelled it after deeming Lance 'fine enough' which led to his own Winter Formal Incident

sometimes sees shadows or leaves that fade when he looks, sometimes more vivid like reexperiencing but not fully, actual reexperiencing, hears children's giggles or his name being called--happens about once a month and mostly related to his PTSD, when in a good place is aware they aren't real, but when he's stressed or exhausted the line gets blurry...

has a Vermont Teddy Bear dressed as a cowboy that he takes care of like a pet

loves Hilda the dog and talks about stealing her from Cid

can play the drums and the guitar

favorite color is blue

sometimes believes odd things like people can read his mind, that he can see the future, that fortune cookie numbers are giving him advice, and much worse usually only for brief periods of time that he can painstakingly logic himself out of

frequently believes people know about things he's done or thought and that he is always about to be confronted

doodles on his clothes with any writing utensil in reach

on an unrelated note, he got a piece of graphite stuck in his hand when he was 13

terrified of social interaction and can only suck it up because "he knows his friends are only around until Redfield is gone" in the good verses, he's got a big surprise waiting

Certain pieces of his character are Time Flows specific and I'll make another post for that

[theoriginaltortuga]

Polycule but it’s just two people in a romantic relationship with each other and their third who’s pretty obviously aroace but also somehow so deeply intertwined in their lives that it’d just be wrong to not count them as involved. Is this anything.

[theoriginaltortuga]

On Being Alone, Being Lonely, And Dodging Questions Like Neo: Part 1

Characters: Jeremy Chu-Blanco (m!ILW MC) and Reina Del Bosque (NB!ILITW MC)

Relationships: ILITW MC & ILW MC

Tagging: @choicespride

It had been eleven months since things ended. Eleven months since Jeremy rejected his humanity and his Power. Eleven months since the adventure of a lifetime with friends and purpose and a new light in his life. Eleven months and Jeremy was completely alone.

Ironic to think about that as he stood outside of a diner to meet a friend. He shook out the bad thoughts as he pushed open the door to smile at Katherine, the poor hostess who dealt with him and Reina every month. She stared blankly and pointed toward their regular booth.

Alright then.

Lincoln had been the first, leaving after the legal bullshit with the McQuoid estate. Amalia next–she had deferred for the semester and bounced between her parents and Jeremy's place, but by the time November came around she was practically chewing wallpaper and cursing out lawyer shows nightly. She enrolled in her university's winter session to roll right into spring then a summer class because why not?

Then Abel, who took a temporary position in California that became permanent after one semester. And finally, Jocelyn, after the last horror was cured in June, chose to focus all her attention on her degree and teaching. She seemed like she was finally letting go of the Power for good.

It wasn't like Jeremy begrudged them or any of the others who floated in and out of Westchester, it just–

Reina stood outside of the booth in their typical combo of sweatpants and stolen hoodie regardless of the shining late July sun. "Hey."

"Don't 'hey' me, Ray-Ray!" Jeremy yoinked them into a bear hug and stuck his face in the side of their neck, relishing the human warmth of them. 

They giggled croakily into his shoulder as he swung them off their feet to deposit them in the red vinyl booth. Slightly awkward with the height difference, but he managed. He took a seat across from them and tried to ignore his brain. 

"I or-rdered already."

"Thanks, sorry I got caught up showing Connor some new techniques. That guy is going to be stuck to me like glue until I'm done." Jeremy didn't mind, but he had offered to help Connor get into the jewelry program and been turned down flat.

Reina shrugged. "There are worse things. I think he's tryin-ng to take his mind o…off Noah."

Jeremy groaned before giving a bright smile to Ricky, the AroAce Club's long suffering waiter who held drinks and food. Either he and Reina usually showed up late. It was nice to be a regular.

"Thanks, Rick." Reina and he took a moment to eat. "I don't want to get in the middle of Connor and Noah's relationship bullshit. Am I a replacement goldfish? Is that what this is?"

"Just a dis…st-t–" Reina rolled their eyes. "He's sad. You help."

To be fair, Connor constantly bugging Jeremy about the program helped him too. 

Not that he, Amalia, Lincoln, Abel and Jocelyn weren't still friends with group chats and monthly calls and a 'don't hesitate to knock on my door' policy, but it was different than everyone living in the same city. It was different from having a true 'open door, next door neighbor' friendship. Different from a 'let's live in my Highlander and fight monsters together' friendship. It was the first time Jeremy and Amalia had lived in different cities long-term and that hurt.

Jeremy was alone and it hurt. Sometimes, when he stared up at the ceiling of his cold, empty bedroom, he considered for a moment doing the dating thing. He considered suppressing his real feelings just to find someone who would stay. He'd never do it, aside from it being kinda fucked up, it wasn't what he really wanted. He wanted—

"Jeremy?"

"I'm so fucking lonely."

Reina and he blinked at each other.

…He shoved a handful of french fries in his mouth and chewed slowly to buy himself time. 

"Yeah, that trac-cks."

He pulled the best 'how dare you' face he could.

"You look like a squ-i-i-e–Hamster. Or a hamster about two secon-nds from throwing itself in the garb-bag-ge dis…posal."

He grumbled something in the general vicinity of the word 'Rude'.

"J-just explain it to me. Lon…lonely how? Your phone rings no-onstop. Jocelyn drags you out to run once a week, Danni asks for your op-p-p-pinion on her photos, Connor is Connor. If they're not the peo…ple you want, that's a different pro…pro…issue."

Jeremy swallowed then took a long sip of soda. He didn't know what the issue was. Or he did, but he didn't know how to explain it in a way that made sense. "It's not them. I just…miss the way things were when I first came to Westchester. Living on top of other people and always having someone there when you turn the corner. I liked living in the cabin…it felt like–"

"Home?" Reina looked at him with an understanding that left his shoulders raising around his ears. "Was your home like that? Your parents?"

Weirdly enough, no. After the End, when Jeremy said goodbye to Jeremiah, a lot of those human memories turned fuzzy. Not that he told anyone. There were some core things that had stuck like Amalia, the feeling of being a big brother, a love for hot cheetos, and an attraction to people with glasses. Everything else faded, like a book he'd read a thousand times that had impacted his soul, but still just a book. Not his life. 

He remembered enough to know that Jeremiah's house had been big, with four people in it, enough space for everyone. He would go days without seeing his mom when she got caught up with work. His dad had been a quick 'good morning, good night' dad most of his life. No, the cabin had been different, the best kind of different. A kind of different that he could never get back.

"No. Not at all, really."

Reina shrugged. "If we go with-th the idea that you're basically four–"

"Hey, I'm five now."

"Five. Then-n the cabin was a real form-mativ-v-ve part of your ident-tity."

"I guess. But it's a part that's gone. I can't kidnap everyone and shove them back in the cabin to play happy family. I don't even really want to. I want someone…I want someone that wants what I want. That wants to live on top of each other and make each other a priority without being their everything. I don't want a relationship, I want…" Jeremy thunked his head onto the table. Then again. Then again. 

"You've heard of a QPR before, right? Queer plato-onic relationship?"

"Yes," He muttered into the table. "Obviously. And I don't want a relationship."

"Then, if you co-uld have any-ything, wh-what does it…seem like?"

He frowned, puzzling out Reina's words. "I guess…a person. A person to come home to. To talk about my day with. To have dinner with. To watch bad tv and listen to music with. To share the same bed sometimes. Maybe with sex or not. I'm not picky. Just a person."

Reina stared at him flatly. "So, a QPR."

"What? No. I mean I know some aromantic people have them, but I don't think I can be one of them."

"Why not? Is it the word relationship? I might be wr-rong. Tell me if I a-am. But it seems like that's the only differ-renc-ce between a QPR and what you want."

Jeremy shoved more french fries in his mouth. 

When the real Jeremiah was fifteen, he realized he didn't want to date anyone. That had been such a life-changing relief fucked over almost immediately by the gut-wrenching fear of being alone. And, unless a major societal reconstruction took place, Jeremy would eventually be alone and he had been prepared for that…he just hadn't thought it would happen so soon.

"I'm okay with being alone." He'd been ready to be alone.

"But you don't have to be."

"I know, baby angelface. I've got you, don't I?" He pulled out his notebook where he made their club agenda. "Can I call the meeting to order?"

Reina reached over and squeezed his free hand before leaning back with a fistful of french fries. "Cons-sider it called."

[theoriginaltortuga]

Shipwrecked Review, I guess

i saved about 50 keys and blew through all of Shipwrecked and I wanted to talk about why i love it so damn much.

Is it my favorite book? No, that would be it lives in the woods. Second favorite, It lives beneath. Unfortunately though, it is the book I've replayed the most. About twelve times, genuinely.

Part of it is because it is such an easy read, kind of brainless in that I could tell where the plot was going from the jump with really short chapters, but intriguing enough that I wasn't just clicking through. I got invested. There's action and a light mystery mixed in with the romance and smut and the choices do matter in terms of relationship development and injuries.

The main game mechanic is the survival bond that mainly prevents injury and allows for random affection if its high enough. It also leads to the happy ever after and can even without any diamond choices. I believe with a low enough bond there is a bad ending, though I've never tried for it.

On the subject of the characters, I find them hilarious. The MC is a stubborn ecologist who knows nothing about survival but a hell of a lot about science and routinely annoys people with fun facts. The LI is the captain of a cargo ship who is tough and gruff and a total lone wolf who is annoyed by the MC while being competent and (generally) respectful. While it is a single LI romance book and the text jumps right into the attraction between them, the beginning is a lot like sticking two ticked off cats in a room and making them play nice. Their personalities just don't initially go well together, mostly because their both stubborn as hell and have different goals, but by the end they know how to work with each other and their relationship makes me kick my feet.

Speaking of the romance, it is Hallmark perfection...if it's played in a certain way. It's personal preference but without the diamond scenes I genuinely believe it's a better story, rather without any of the relationship diamond scenes. More or less, removing the romance and smut from the romance and smut book makes the relationship a lot better, ironically. Without diamonds, the first kiss is reserved for chapter 7, which makes all the build up worth it instead of the first kiss happening in about chapter 3 and the surrounding build up and conflict kinda pointless unless you get the smut scene in chapter 7. Also the smut is...bad, don't really recommend.

On conflict, while it is kind of not awesome writing, I appreciate that conflict between the characters is resolved usually in the same chapter it starts because the conflicts are a bit stupid. It makes sense that their dumber arguments are quickly resolved and in a story sense it makes sense they exist at all because they are stuck on an island, probably stressful as fuck. Back on general romance, both characters remain respectful of each other's background and ideas, unless you tank their bond or choose for the MC to act like a dick. There is also a bit of soulmate-ism, love at first sight thing going on, but it works unlike some other choices stories I've read where there is zero respect or chemistry and yet...

Okay that's enough out of me, final notes

This book is fun as hell

playing with any other combo than M!Manu and F!MC is more fun

the book is a rare romance GOC which is awesome

MC can save animals and cause a boar riot

MC can throw molotov cocktails

MC can leave one of the villains to die without repercussion or feeling bad about it

there is a deeply stupid scene where MC saves Manu from a jellyfish, there is no point to it, but thinking about the mechanics of it is hilarious

MC gets to explode things and fight people

don't get any of the M!MC outfits, not worth it

CONCLUSION: I love this book, thank you for your time

[theoriginaltortuga]

Chapters: 4/? Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Andy Kang/Main Character (It Lives In The Woods) Characters: Main Character (It Lives In The Woods), Main Character (It Lives Within), Ava Cunningham, Lily Ortiz, Noah Marshall, Andy Kang, Dan Pierce, Lucas Thomas, Stacy Green Additional Tags: Time Travel, Self-Harm, Asexual Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Panic Attacks, Use of the word Crazy by Mentally Ill Character, not exactly internalized ableism though Series: Part 1 of Time Flows Summary:

Lance had been a corpse battery fueling Ruben's Power trip for decades, so when Ruben came back to make a deal, he had nothing to lose. Now, he's back to the start of senior year when everything went hell and he's ready to make things right. Of course with his past issues turned present, his not-quite-friends disbelieving of the supernatural, and his mind forgetting that he had time travelled at all, is he just fighting fate?

[theoriginaltortuga]

he's a tyrant

prompt no. 16: music book: laws of attraction character: joaquin morales @choicespride

bonus (below cut):

*honka honka*

pose ref: @/tenobeee on twitter

[theoriginaltortuga]

Happy Pride Month

IDK what kinda café can't afford lighting but whatever

[theoriginaltortuga]

Questions and Not Yet Answers

Characters: Reina Del Bosque (NB!ILITW MC) and Jeremy Chu-Blanco (m!ILW MC)

Relationships: ILITW MC & ILW MC, offscreen Andy Kang/ILITW MC

Warning: misgendering of genderfluid character by said genderfluid character throughout the whole work (she's figuring it out), roundabout discussion of sex, nothing anywhere near explicit or even mature (but let me know if I need to tag and put the community label)

Tagging: @choicespride for the prompt: Community

Reina shook out her tangled, weighed down hair as she stood under the canopy of the restraunt. She could see the hostess giving her the evil eye from the counter. Did she dare risk another death by stepping inside? 

Her stomach growled. Loudly. 

She poked her head in and did her best to smile. "Sorry, have you seen–"

"Ray-Ray!" Jeremy stood from a table, waving wildly, before he seemed to notice Reina's state. Despite the weather, he wore denim cut off shorts and a deep cut, white tank top that showed off his bright blue binder when he bent down to scoop up his backpack. "Could we maybe move to the patio?"

"Please," the hostess deadpanned.

Jeremy pulled her in for a bear hug as they were quickly led to a covered, but outside table, thumping Reina on the back. "Jeez, did you take a shower in the rain?"

"It was a good…temperature." Just the right amount of cold to bring her back to earth after yet another waking nightmare. 

"Right, I'm sure God ordered this rain to be warm just for you." They sat across from each other as a waiter came up to them with mugs–Hot chocolate for her and coffee for Jeremy. 

She wrapped her hands around the burning cup and held it close as Jeremy ordered. The steam curled around her face pleasantly. 

"Alright, I call this meeting of the AroAce club to order!" Jeremy said, banging on the table for effect, limited by the roar of the water.

"Y'know, our first order of…business could be to con-consider a new name."

"It's perfect. I'm the Aro, you're the Ace. What more do we need?"

"Bi? You've been saying how you want Cor…Cor…Delia to join."

He waved her off. "She can be like an honorary member. A level above honorary. Speaking of our real first order of business…"

"She said she'd con–think about it in a few months."

"UGH!" Jeremey slid down in his seat, rummaging around his backpack. "Why so long?"

"She's trying to rush her classes to grad–graduate this winter and then she's moving back to Pine Springs." 

A notebook and pen were thrown onto the tabletop and Reina took the liberty of flipping it open to the newest page. Jeremy put a check next to the first item. “Huh. Well, fine, we can try to find a diner towards Pine Springs. For next spring." 

She laughed croakily at his pouting before she had to cough. It looked slightly odd with his new caterpillar lip, which he was wildly proud of learning to draw in. Jeremy had started dressing more masculinely three months ago, about the same time he started testosterone. It seemed like he was doing everything he could to make up for lost time. He had told her once, almost ashamed, about why he had waited so long to physically and visibly transition. That it had felt like he was taking a joy that wasn't meant for him. Obviously untrue, no matter how someone looked at it. Reina just wished—

“Second order of business! Ace, how much sex you having?”

Reina quirked her lips at the startled waiter and accepted her plate of chocolate chip pancakes. “About once a month for a definition of sex which involves keeping–ing–keeping my clothes on. I’ve gotten off a grand total of zero in the last eight months.”

“Works for you and Andy?” Jeremy asked around a mouthful of egg. 

“No complaints.”

Jeremy checked another item in his notebook. He looked at her expectantly and she sighed.

“Fine. Aro, how many dat…t-tes are you going on?”

“Fucking zero. And it’s great.”

Reina drew an air smile with a finger. “Happy for you. And how many hookups?”

He smiled wickedly. “Plenty, my dear.”

The waiter who had been eavesdropping on them scurried away as Jeremy turned to wink at him. 

“Okay, onto serious business…” Jeremy started as Reina stifled her raspy giggles. "How are the nightmares?"

Reina stopped laughing. Truth be told, they weren't awful. The Redfield nightmares only popped up three times a week. The waking nightmares where she lost control of her body and forgot where and when she was happened about five times a week. Still, he was only asking about her sleep. "Good. I mostly sleep. Nightmares are…terrifying, but I deal. You?"

He raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Mine are decent. I get a cool six hours most nights. Still fucking horrendous though."

"Yep…" They both ate their next few bites in silence. "We're both fucking liars, aren't we?”

“Oh yeah.” Jeremy crossed out the last bullet point and wrote something next to it. “So, now for the open session. What's going on?”

Reina frowned. "What do you mean?"

Jeremy did not look impressed. "Ace. Reina. Baby angelface. You've been off since our last meeting. Every time we talk, every time we text. Something's up. Just spill."

Reina shoved a bit of pancake in her mouth and chewed slowly. It wasn't real. That was the thing. Rather, she wasn't sure if it was real.

Reina's body was not her body. That was real. Her body had been turned to ashes that had been quietly stolen from the Westchester Police Department by Cordelia and Danni. 

Her bones ached. That was real. Every movement and every breath came with a twinge even eight months after her second first heartbeat. 

Her hair brushed her waist where before it just touched her shoulders. That was real. Heavy, thick, and beautiful and not painstakingly grown out by her. 

Her voice…

The thing. The not real thing had been easier to ignore when she was a teenager. The way she'd sometimes feel sick when her clothes clung to her. The way it hurt when her mom called her hermosa, or pretty, or a lovely young woman. The way she would look at Andy and feel envy and attraction mix in her chest. Reina had felt awful about it, about herself, about everything, except–

Except when she didn't. Except the days she loved her curves and long curls and being called pretty. When tight shirts, flowy skirts, and just a hint of makeup felt good those other thoughts faded into the background. Until they came back.

Her voice had always been the one constant. Deep and warm, not in a masculine way unless she pushed it, but not always in a plainly feminine way unless she tried, and now it was crackly and rough, words would fail her and it hurt. That was real. The one thing she'd loved about her body no matter what and even that–

Somedays she wondered if it wouldn't be better to still be dead. To be formless with a thousand voices, to be able to move in a blink and be stronger than Superman, instead of stuck in the small, weak, sometimes wrong body she had. 

She had stayed quiet since she was a kid about the strangeness she felt. And now she had a second chance. But what if it wasn't real?

"I've got a que…ques…query."

Jeremy took a sip of his coffee. "Shoot."

"How did you know you were trans?"

He leaned back in his creaky metal chair and blew out a breath. "Huh. Well…you've got to understand. I technically didn't know. Me, myself, and the Power I shared brainspace with. I just showed up this way. Jeremy, Jeremiah, the real one, he realized when he was…fifteen? The memories are fuzzy, but for the most part it kind of came with realizing he was aro."

"Wait, what?" How the hell…

Jeremy shrugged. "He was dating this guy, Alan, Alex something, anyway, that guy, he'd always be like 'my girl, my girlfriend, my princess, my lady.'" They both shuddered. "Yeah, ol' Miah figured out pretty quick that he'd rather be stabbed in the face than be anyone's lady, quickly followed by realizing he didn't want to be anyone's boyfriend either. I don't know the specifics anymore. Like I said, fuzzy."

Reina had never thought about it like that. She'd always put sexuality and gender as pretty different things in her mind, only connected by virtue of being queer. Her aceness had never had anything to do with her gender fucky thoughts, except…

Well, she leaned on the side of sex-repulsed with one foot over in sex-indifferent. The thought of anyone touching her with intent gave her the heebie-jeebies. The thought of touching other people wasn't something she loved, but the first one was infinitely more nerve wracking. She and Andy had worked out a system of talking and cuddling with intent and a firm agreement that her hands did nothing and her chest and crotch were left alone. 

Only those areas. Her hips, back, thighs, and elsewhere were fair game, within reason. The thought of Andy touching those areas left her with…disgust. Which could be explained by the repulsion, except the thought only filled her with absolute disgust some days. Most days, it was just an intense dislike. Except, except…

"So, th-that was it for you?"

Jeremy scratched the back of his neck. "Well, not exactly. Me, Jeremy, I…questioned after I realized I wasn't really Jeremiah. Especially after Amalia told me I changed and I looked my maker and my ghost in the face all in the same day, I needed to. I needed to know, for sure, that the parts of me I kept were…" He shrugged.

"Real?" Reina suggested.

"Yeah. If I was real. When I took off those first two months, well…when I hit Missoula I pretended I was a girl. Never say I do things the easy way." He took a deep breath. "Got myself a nice blouse, some tight jeans, and heels and called myself Jessica. Then Elizabeth, because Jessica was a bit too morbid."

"And?"

"And I fucking hated it," He said, laughing. "It was awful. I felt miserable. I mean, even when I pretended to be a girl for safety I didn't feel nearly as bad. It hit me that if I was going to realize I wasn't a guy or I wasn't aromantic that it would've happened when I still thought I was the real Jeremiah. I don't exactly regret it though."

Reina felt some regret for asking. What was she thinking? That permanent bone deep kind of feeling, that was real. What she was feeling…It was just in her head. It had to be. When she felt like Jeremy, it was just for a few days, a month max, not all the time. "Why n–n-n–" She sighed and waved her hand.

"Because I got to be sure. If I'd just thought about it and taken the 'no bad' feelings from there, I would've driven myself nuts for the rest of my life. Some people don't need to but I did." He caught her eyes and Reina fought the urge to look away. "Experimenting and questioning, they're not bad things. I know parents or friends or…boyfriends might feel like you need to know. Or that you need to have known since you were a kid, but it just doesn't always work that way."

"But what if they're wr…wrong? What if a girl is ju-ust a girl with…issues?" Like so many issues.

Jeremy smiled. "Even if someone ends up being cis, at least they know for sure. Then they could start working on those other issues. And if they're not, then it's an even bigger win. Don't you think?"

Reina stayed quiet. They both finished their meal and fought over the check, Jeremy almost body checking her out of the way to the counter. 

The grey May skies still wept over all of Westchester and they stood under the canopy for a moment. When she was a kid, rain had been comforting and cleansing and perfect for making mud balls to fling at her friends. As a teenager, it had been a perfect backdrop to sleep to and orient herself with. It hadn't rained when Jane died. As an…adult, it reminded her that she was alive. The rain didn't pass through her, it clung to her skin like a blanket while she moved her aching bones and flung around her waist length hair. The person she was then and the person she was now loved the rain. Whoever that person was.

Jeremey looked at her and smiled. "Hey, Reina. You got anything you want to tell me?"

She took a deep breath. "Not yet."

[theoriginaltortuga]

ace of diamonds 💜🖤🩶🤍

prompt no. 9: expression | diamond book: laws of attraction character: enid mendoza (f!oc) @choicespride | @choicescommunityevents

[theoriginaltortuga]

Happy Pride Month!!!

[theoriginaltortuga]

My question to everyone defending the end of the live-action Lilo and Stitch.

[theoriginaltortuga]

Character Intro for Esther 'Eun-bi' Carter, a.k.a. The Good Ending

trans girl who exclusively uses she/her

is half Korean, half white, but does not look mixed, less than conversationally fluent in Korean in ILITW, fluent by ILW

born in Chattanooga, Tennessee and raised there until four

all friends lived and she allowed Noah to become Redfield, mostly because she'd been smacked in the head during the scuffle and couldn't think right

came out as trans at 17 years old, late into her junior year

her parents took it...not well

only LI was Lucas Thomas, her now fiancé,

is quite bisexual and biromantic

Main weapon was the pole saw, she absolutely brought it with her to the cabin

feels immense guilt over Jane and Noah becoming Redfield, but as the good ending is the only of the MCs in therapy

brings Noah back out of guilt, but is also willing to forgive, nudges others to forgive as well, but not pushy

best friends are Stacy and Connor

still lowkey scared of Jocelyn but forgives her on the surface

is BFFs with Hazel, the ILB MC, and was close with the ILW MC, Kassandra before she sacrificed herself to the power

is coolest with Imogen of the Pine Springs crew, serious bonding over difficult parents, and Amalia of the ILW crew, tries to help with the grieving process and helps her study, she knows how to deal with overachieving academics

Fun Facts:

Studied Biochem half at Westchester CC and half at Lucas's university, mostly online, will be applying for her Master's

Knows how to play the bass

worked in a dying record store in Klamath Falls, now as a lab tech

favorite color is emerald green and her engagement ring has a very shiny emerald

wears dresses with tights even while fighting monsters, usually form fitting

goes through tights like kleenex

came up with her new Korean name because she was born during a thunderstorm

came out the first time in sixth grade, her parents said no

helps Noah get into culinary school

helps Noah break his tongue via goldfish crackers, soda, and pop rocks

generally has poor decision making and an out of sight out of mind attitude about relationships, loves her friends dearly and sets reminders on her phone to call and text

slowly trying to repair her relationship with her parents

once road tripped to San Francisco and back after a resurrection attempt failed...without telling anyone

has an aunt in Dallas TX, whose couch she crashed on for two weeks after she came out, was planning on living with her until she turned 18 before her parents apologized

has been recently diagnosed with ADHD and has not told Lucas

gets very into wedding planning due to boredom

stays far away from the Power after the rift is closed...until Kassandra appears in her apartment to ask for a small favor

[theoriginaltortuga]

Dress Shopping

Characters: Esther Carter (f!ILITW MC)

Relationships: Stacy Green & ILITW MC, offscreen Lucas Thomas/ILITW MC

Tagging: @choicespride

"I don't think this is a good idea," Esther said, looking up at the lights of the store.

Stacy sighed and gave her a look. "I'm not letting you wear jeans to prom." 

"Letting me?"

"We're friends again." Stacy rested an arm over Esther's shoulders. "Which means I get to critique your fashion choices."

Esther snorted but let her guide them into the glittery palace. A faux light wooden floor greeted them along with pristine white walls. Fake gold racks held a rainbow of dresses for any occasion. Just out of the corner of her eye a three way mirror sat outside a hidden hall of dressing rooms. Esther cringed at the thought of the price tags.

“Okay, let’s just pick out a few things and meet by the dressing room.” Stacy looked ready to take off so she just nodded. 

Stacy bounced away from her to start prodding through the racks and Esther wiped her sweaty palms on her shorts. 

Prom had been a weight on her chest since she remembered its existence after…Homecoming had been a disaster on multiple fronts and she wasn't exactly itching for a repeat. 

Still, it seemed to be all anyone could talk about. Lucas had asked her in a lowkey way with a gorgeous bouquet and homemade dinner. Lily had bought her dress in March while visiting her uncle in Eugene. Andy was persistently bummed that he likely would have to sit in a corner the whole night. And on and on. There was no way to get out of it, and it wasn't that she really wanted to.

If it wasn't for Homecoming…if it wasn't for her parents…

Stacy shot her a look over the very purple dresses she was looking at and Esther quickly found a pretty enough dress to stand in front of. 

The idea of a gorgeous dress, nice enough to make Lucas swoon made her heart flutter, but…her parents' weren't exactly thrilled about her going to prom. She asked for help with the tickets, and they said no. She asked for help with the dress and they said no. She asked to take the car and they said no. They wouldn't give a reason, but she wasn't stupid. 

Esther pulled a lacy gray dress off the rack and held it against her body. It seemed fine, if a lot shorter than she wanted for prom. It would be her last chance to dress up like a princess before her eventual wedding. 

She ran a hand over the dull fabric and held onto it. 

Her budget wasn’t big. 50 dollars from her aunt and 50 from her 16th birthday money. It was the last time her parents had bothered to give her a gift. Either way, she had 100 total. Stacy had offered to cover the rest, no matter how much it was, as a way to pay back all the birthdays and Christmases she'd missed. It wasn't a bad excuse, but Esther didn't want her pity.

She took a breath and snagged a random pink gown. It was long, though the shade of pink seemed too light. It being strapless also wouldn’t pair well with her literally nonexistent chest. Realistically, she’d probably need something with sleeves to hide one of her sports bras. She didn’t have the money for a nicer bra or nicer fake boobs and if she barely wanted Stacy to pay for the dress, like hell was she letting her pay for that. 

She looked at a couple more flowy dresses–no desire to tuck on prom night if she didn't need to–before Stacy grabbed her upper arm and sweetly dragged Esther to the fitting room. 

“Okay, go for it,” Stacy said with far too much enthusiasm. Take the girl to a mall and she was happier than a kid in a candy store. 

Esther sighed and disappeared into the small box with the dresses. It took her and Stacy to be able to close the heavy beige curtain. 

She grabbed one and stepped into it. She looked…odd. Her sports bra clearly showed past the strap, and the top was tight on her ribs. The emerald green was pretty but Esther couldn’t see herself dancing in it all night.

“Es?” She reluctantly stepped out to Stacy’s appraising gaze. “Spin for me?”

She gave a half hearted twirl and stopped as Stacy shook her head. “Come on, it looks great. That color is amazing on you."

Esther shrugged. “I’ll try one of the others. You look good though.”

And she did. Her dress was a deep purple and more form fitting at her hips with flow at the bottom. She had annoyingly gorgeous curves and the 'right' amount of lean muscle. Everything looked good on her. Stacy picked at it in the mirror. “A good option, I guess. Next dress.”

Esther stepped back in and lost herself to the whirlwind. 

By the time they got to the register, she had tried on ten dresses while Stacy had tried three, only to go back to the first one. Stacy patted her shoulder while the cashier charged her card. “Don’t worry, Es. There’s plenty of stores in this place. We'll find you something.” 

Esther highly doubted it. 

As usual, she was right. They walked into store after store, finding jewelry, shoes, and hair clips for Stacy and nothing at all for Esther. 

As they sat in Stacy’s car, picking at a 30 piece of chicken nuggets, Stacy glared at her. “Seriously? We tried every dress store in the plaza. You had a problem with literally every single thing you put on. I told you I was okay to cover it. My family has a stupid amount of money.”

Esther shrugged. “It wasn't–" Just. "–that. I don’t know. Most of them felt weird on me.”

“Most of them didn’t look weird on you.”

She hummed but Stacy interrupted. “Okay, no.” She waved a nugget over Esther’s body. “You are a fucking knockout. Your skin tone is neutral enough that almost every color looks good on you. You looked amazing in janky fluorescent light and gorgeous ‘make you buy everything you look at’ lighting. What is going on?”

What was going on was that Esther’s parents hadn’t looked her in the face since right after homecoming and that had been the first time since she’d come out earlier last fucking April. What was going on was that she couldn't go a day without thinking that Noah and Jane deserved to be going to prom with them. What was going on was she had told her mom she was going dress shopping and she’d sighed. What was going on was her nightmares wouldn't stop long enough for her to get four hours of sleep. What was going on was she couldn’t bring up Lucas without her dad wrinkling his nose and muttering about phases. 

Esther took a sip of her soda. “Did your mom ever help you pick out dresses?”

Stacy blinked. “Uh, maybe twice for middle school dances. Why?”

“I never went to any of the dances. Or, I went to one and wearing formal men’s clothes made me want to rip my skin off more than usual. I came out before junior prom, but my parents and I…” Esther didn’t know how to say, ‘Like hell were my parents going to let me go to that dance as a girl.’

“Homecoming was your first dance? First real dance, I mean.” 

“And we both know how that went. We all blew off winter formal. And now prom.” Esther leaned her forehead against Stacy’s dashboard. “I just…it’s my last chance to wear a formal dress and do the whole thing and my mom can’t stand the sight of me in makeup, forget dresses. I just—“ She swallowed. “I love you, Stacy, but—“

“You want your mom to help you.” There was a pause before Stacy rested a hand on her back. “You know most girls are trying to get their moms to not help them get ready for prom.”

“I don’t care. I want her to. I want her to tell me my choices are too revealing, or to hand me something you’d wear to church or to tell me to dress in the fugliest color in the rainbow. I—“ Esther’s vision blurred. 

She wanted her mom to look at her. She wanted her dad to give her a curfew and tell her to not have too much fun. She wanted loud family dinners and coffee with the crossword and Sunday cleaning with country music and 80s Korean ballads blasting too early in the morning. She wanted her parents back. 

And she knew exactly how she could get them back. All she had to do was tell them she’d been wrong, the girl thing was a phase, the dating a boy thing was an experiment, and they’d hug her and tell her it was alright. They’d tell her she was their son and they’d always love him. 

Because they would always love their son that had never really existed more than their daughter who did.

Stacy handed her a napkin. “It’s okay. Or, it’s like, really not okay, but Es, you called my mom an off brand Hilary Clinton. You listened while I told you about my parents' bullshit even though you were dealing with yours. You're like one of the best people I know and you have so many people. I’m here. You’ve got Lucas, Dan, Andy, Lily, Ava, even Connor for whatever he’s worth.”

Esther snorted wetly. 

“Gross,” Stacy said with a smile. 

They ignored the other name she should have said, would have said in another world. 

“We love you. So much. For you. Not any made up version of you.” She brushed Esther’s silver blonde strands away from her face.

As hard as it was, Esther believed her. It was in the way Stacy dealt with her indecisiveness, the way Ava did her makeup for her third date with Lucas, the way Andy tripped people with his crutches when they looked at her funny. The way Lucas called her girlfriend, love, and demoness. Esther smiled and wiped her eyes, surely smudging her mascara.

“Do you want to go back in?" Stacy asked. "See if one of those dresses catches your eye?”

Esther shook her head. Her bones were exhausted. “No. Not today. Maybe next week. If you’d—“

“Here. For. You.” Stacy poked her shoulder for emphasis. “We can come back and get a dress that will make Lucas faint when he sees you. And then we’ll take a picture and make fun of him forever.”

“Sounds good.” Esther grabbed another nugget as Stacy put the car in drive. Tears streaked her face but she tried to not let it matter. She had chicken nuggets, a coke, and a friend.

 What more could she really need?

[theoriginaltortuga]

Chapters: 3/? Fandom: It Lives (Visual Novels) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Andy Kang/Main Character (It Lives In The Woods) Characters: Main Character (It Lives In The Woods), Main Character (It Lives Within), Ava Cunningham, Lily Ortiz, Noah Marshall, Andy Kang, Dan Pierce, Lucas Thomas, Stacy Green Additional Tags: Time Travel, Self-Harm, Asexual Character, Suicidal Thoughts, Canon-Typical Violence, Panic Attacks Series: Part 1 of Time Flows Summary:

Lance had been a corpse battery fueling Ruben's Power trip for decades, so when Ruben came back to make a deal, he had nothing to lose. Now, he's back to the start of Senior Year when everything went hell and he's ready to make things right. Of course with his past issues turned present, his not-quite-friends disbelieving of the supernatural, and his mind forgetting that he had time travelled at all, is he just fighting fate?