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Food Battles
Oh my god, I love food.
Fried food especially and huge quantities. I think this is why Weight Watchers seems to work for me. I can eat whatever I want in moderation so long as I stick within my allocated daily points (33).
I am yet to put my toes back in the waters of greasy chicken yet though. I know that for me it won’t be a once off treat and it will be a down hill greasy slide back down to destination fat(ter) land!
I am learning self control and I think I’m doing pretty fucking well if I do say so myself. The Paige I was all those weeks ago didn’t give two hoots what went into her body! It’s not easy and I’m no expert. I just know that for me I need to plan all meals and snacks before my day has started so that I don’t stray into temptation.
On thinking back I think maybe my underlying motivation is my baby. At 8 months old he is starting to test the waters in different foods and I don’t want to be that role model in his life demonstrating to him that his body is a junkyard and to keep filling it with junk. I don’t want him to get to a point where later on in life he is ashamed of his body or struggles to do things because he hasn’t taken care of it, after all you only get the one. I want him to be able to stop when he is full and to not carry on eating just because it’s there or he is bored. Which is exactly what I do (or did).
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My Story So Far..
My whole life I have been embarrassed of the numbers looking back at me on the scales but 8 weeks ago it went from embarrassment to disgust to disbelief that I had let it get so bad. Looking back at me were the numbers 115.5 kgs.
Today, I am no longer embarrassed of the numbers looking back at me. Instead I am proud. They still aren’t ideal, and certainly not a yet healthy but the numbers looking back at me are proof that my hard work, willpower and self control is paying off.
This morning I weighed in at 100.9kg!
I have never been little, for as long as I can remember I have been overweight. I could blame it on genes and all the rest but the truth is I have an unhealthy relationship with food and a huge lack of self control. I always want more and I never want the good stuff, constantly thinking about what to eat next.
I don’t know what inspired me to lose the weight and stick to it this time. I never was horribly unhappy with my size, sure it’s shit when something you see in the shop won’t fit but whatever, find something else. My partner is loving and supportive but even at my biggest never complained about the way I looked, always giving me complements etc. I think something just snapped in me and one night while laying in bed listening to the boyfriend snore I just thought “That’s it, I’ve had enough” and next thing I’m signing up for Weight Watchers online!
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