therachelryan-blog

[therachelryan-blog]

For baby Douglass...

Tuesday night, similar to many nights before, I fell asleep dreaming of you. I don’t know why Tuesday October 21 was any different from Monday October 20 or Sunday October 19 but, you were so much more vivid. Maybe you were born today or maybe you were conceived and God started knitting you together in your birth mothers womb in utter seclusion and since He has you planned for our family, He started knitting you together in my heart. Tonight, before I slipped off into a deep sleep, I thought about dinners around the table, the first day of school, going off to college (because we are watching Friday Night Lights and Julie Taylor just left for college), if you’ll like sports and which ones and if your dad will coach those sports, dancing with you at your wedding, right now Im thinking about going grocery shopping with you seated in the cart. I wonder what you look like, how I will feel when I hear your voice or when you call me mom or mama or mommy for the first time, what our first fight will be about, if we will be friends like I am with my mom. I wonder who you will like more me or your dad. And if you like him more, its okay, I totally get it…I do too. He’s going to be the best. 

I just always want you to know how incredibly loved you are. Even now before we’ve met. I want you to know you are dreamt about. Not just by me and your dad but by all the people who helped bring you home. You’re the nucleus of so many of my conversations, even now. Theres so many things that I want you to know about who you are to me and your dad and our beloved friends but for now, I just want you to know that Im thinking and dreaming about you more and more each night. And that I can’t wait to meet you and hug you. I love you so much. 

xo,

mom

www.youcaring.com/douglassbabydreaming

[therachelryan-blog]

A Constant State of Avoidance...

I love writing. Or blogging. Which, to a degree, is 21st century writing. Its therapeutic and medicinal at the same time. It cleanses and heals. Reminds. Relives. It bares gratefulness for the blessings in my life. My hope is that it ministers. This topic, however, Ive been avoiding like the Plague. Or Ebola (too soon?)....

"Are you adopting?"

"Yes."

"How much is it going to cost?"

"...." (with the look of that emoji with the big eyes)

If those conversations ended there, it'd be cool. They never do though. Don't get me wrong, I am glad I get to educate people on what Ive learned about the adoption process and how it aligns Biblically. But, just like my monthly reminder, those conversations are a recipe made up of 1 part anger  about infertility, 1 part sadness, and a million parts of a bitter mixture of fear and anxiety. You're welcome to follow me down the rabbit hole of thoughts Ive collected about this whole season of our lives. 

-I don't know what sucks more, infertility or the overwhelming cost of adoption. 

From adoption.com

Domestic private agency adoption: up to $30,000+  Domestic independent adoption: up to $30,000+  Intercountry private agency or independent adoption: up to $25,000 (not including travel or housing)

-the adoption community is a bunch of champions. Anytime I post something about my frustrations or fear or pose a question, the support and knowledge I get in return is commendable!

-I have heard the most ignorant things come out of the mouths of the young (18-22 isn) girls at my school. Some just got married and already want kids, 8 to be exact, and a growing impatient that they aren't pregnant yet. Some are vocal about how inconvenienced they are with their surprise pregnancy. Those ones make my blood boil and heart break for the near future of those babies. This is a whole separate discussion to deal with the constant decline of our youth. **yes, Im aware I wasn't a real winner either. But, it makes me want to sow into their lives more now that Ive gained some sprigs of wisdom.

-A wise friend said in an encouraging email "Only a handful of people will open their homes to an orphan but the whole church has a part in responding."

-This NPO has some really great videos that have helped a lot. One in particular described the difficulty of adoption so holistically for me. You can watch it here and I truly recommend you do. Its when the guy starts speaking. THE ARCHIBALD PROJECT 

-We are going to start fundraising as soon as we agree on a country. None are easier than another. Some have strange requirements that we can not meet. We will start the paperwork/home study side of things in the spring/summer of 2015 when we have more permanent housing. 

-We are working through the idea of adopting a sibling group. Ive had the sincere pleasure of conversing with a student of mine who was adopted from Colombia when she was 15. She spent 10 years of her life in an orphanage and was just 3 weeks shy of aging out. Both of her siblings were adopted before her. I can't believe they allow families to be split apart and I can't imagine a beautiful child, like her, not being adopted just because she was an older child. 

-I welcome fundraising ideas, sponsorships, and matching opportunities if you have any. 

-Im totally wrecked for orphans of all ages.

-I can not wait to be a mom and even more so, to watch Caleb be a dad. 

As I sort through some more thoughts, Ill keep you posted. 

Thanks for tuning in & I hope you squeeze your little ones a bit more today. They're a miracle.

[therachelryan-blog]

Splurge.

I overindulge.

Often.

If I said that aloud in a conversation, Caleb would certainly be nodding his head in agreement. Its something that I picked up on in our culture. As Americans, we've perfected the sport of overindulgence. Sometimes, for me, it comes in the form of food, usually pizza, or red wine and for special celebrations, it comes in the form of a golden liquid infused with bubbles and presented in a flute. I feel rich on those nights. More times than not, its the shopping that gets me. One would be amazed at the amount of neutral colors that appear in my wardrobe. Beige, white, black, grey, and blush solids don't stand a chance. Thats a talent in itself. But, a talent of which I almost always regret because Im not, in fact, rich according to Webster. Although, this weekend, I was wealthy and overindulgent in a way that I hope everyone often is throughout their lifetime. 

We had a great adventure with even greater friends on Sunday. Well, I wouldn't say it was "adventurous" by any sense of the word. The actual activities were somewhat bland. If Frommers were to ever ask me to write a travel piece on Orlando, its safe to say that Eola Arts Market and Kelly Park would be out. Watching planes take off would have easily been more thrilling. Its the conversations that were had that made it a rich adventure. We dabbled in politics, war, real estate, the unfairness of cancer in the presence of a champion who beat it, spiritual warfare, conspiracy, movies, and turkey calls to name a few.  We started with the best coffee on the planet and laughed until it hurt (and probably offended one or two people near by). We got  lost down a dirt path that has probably seen a drug deal or two. We were cut off by some sorority girls who can't read a MERGE sign. Witnessed awful tattoos and swim suits that were too small. Encountered an aggressive bee attack without any stinging taking place. Championship turkey calling. A minor league white cover rapper. And a movie that'll make water come out of your eyes. 

As you can see, there wasn't much thrill. There was something quite rare that took place though. 4 people. 2 couples. Sharing life. Making moments. It was simple and effortless. 

I think that its often uncomfortable to allow people, new people, into your lives. Dis-ease takes place when your expose scars and invite others to walk along side of you during your battles. Its totally easier for introverts like me to live reclusively. But, its hardly worth it. The short adventure we had was therapeutic. I felt believed in. I saw my husband more free than I can ever recall. I probably gained a few laugh lines that were well worth it. I could see our futures shaping. We spent too much money but left richer than when we awoke.

 I wish this indulgent behavior upon everyone. I encourage you to splurge your moments, good and bad, with other humans. I dare you. It will break your heart to not share this precious time we have with friends. Its a sure way to cultivate a grateful heart. 

Cheers.

[therachelryan-blog]

As of today, we have ONE MONTH before we leave the US on a 24 hour flight (with several layovers) to Uganda as we embark on our first mission trip as Caleb & Rachel Douglass. We will be in Uganda for 10 days serving the needs of Okoa Refuge. Im a ball of emotions & Caleb is just dreading the flight so far (and the job situation after)! Im glad that some of you may be reading this because it means you haven't unfollowed or unfriended me as Ive surely been annoying with updates and pleading for support. I just hope you know that we couldn't do this without the financial OR moral support of our friends and family. Literally. We've been walking through quite a bit over the last few months (see blog for more info) and our community of friends and family has been nothing shy of heaven sent! Heres the pitch.... We are still a little shy of our fundraising goal. Not too much. This is the last week of our fundraiser. We hope and pray that you sow into our mission. For those of you who already have, I can't thank you enough. Literally. I wish I could hug all of you...at the same time...and it not be awkward. We promise to keep y'all updated on our trip with lots of pictures and stories. Pray that I don't require any sleep. For real. I don't wanna sleep. I wanna be fully there and fully aware of everything thats happening around me for our time there. My sandals have had African soil attached to them for 5 years awaiting my return. And also pray that we stay healthy because we aren't taking the meds that a normal person should for a trip over. Pray that we help Liv and Tyler as much as we possibly can in our short trip. Lastly, pray that God reveals Himself to us in a way that was unknown to us and that He uses us in a way that only He can. I guess I should've just made this into a blog...Sorry for being winded. If you don't wish to contribute to our fundraising and would like to support this kids directly, thats ok too! Liv gave me a list last week of some things they need. -black leather school shoes (required for school) for ages 7-15 both girls & boys. -backpacks -deflated soccer balls -kids undies youth small/med -baby formula Lemme know of anyone is interested in helping the kids at the orphanage. You can mail to me or I'll pick up in jax/Orlando. or you can visit www.okoarefuge.org and sponsor a child or staff member. Heres the link for our fundraiser if you feel so led to bless us... www.YouCaring.com/CalebAndRachelToUganda Thank you x infinity. xo, RRD

[therachelryan-blog]

I don't know what it is.

On this lovely, Florida night, in our new apartment (that is micro. It should’ve been called a micro-apartment.), I find myself a little emotional. I’m not crying right now just so you know. I just feel a sweetness. It could be that we are playing the Elevation Worship record that has the ability to wreck me any time or day, or it could be that I’m writing a few ‘Thank you’s’ to people who have supported us for our upcoming missions trip to Uganda. Either way, theres a new fresh spirit in the Douglass’ right now. It’s one of those God things. There’s no other way for me to explain it. It’s like that sweet moment when you “enter the presence” that I usually feel during an awesome worship experience. It’s an atmosphere thing. It’s the first time in a  long time, if ever, that I know that I know that I know that Im right in the center of His Will for our life. 

Or, it could be the Blue Moon I have almost finished. But, I like to think it’s the above mentioned. 

Obviously, we made it to Orlando safely. Thanks for all those who prayed for us. Our apartment is tiny, as I have said probably too much. It’s a lot like a hotel room, in fact, it may have been at some point. But, I’m grateful. On the trip down, we were blessed to stay with my new friend, Jessie, and meet her spectacular kiddos. It’s one of those strange circumstances when you feel like you know someone based off of what you know of them from social media. It’s what I love and hate about the inter webs. Jessie, however, is the real deal. I could’ve sat and chatted with her for days if possible. If you haven’t read her blog, you really need to. And, if you live in the Charlotte area and you haven’t purchased some of her homemade cookies, there is seriously something wrong with you. Close this blog and go find some now. I’m serious. The Girl Scouts of America don’t got crap on the Cookie Cult. 

So about this Uganda trip…

There really aren’t words that I can muster up for how I feel about all those who have supported us so far. Reading through all of the “supporters” comments on the fundraiser page, makes water come from my eyes every time. Literally people that have encouraged me for decades and new framily (friends turned family) that I can’t believe God placed us in one anothers' lives, to strangers and old school mates, have given above and beyond. There’s seeds that are being sown and broken things in me being restored that I didn’t even know I had. I can’t thank y’all enough. 

Of course, theres still a lot to go but, thats not what this is about. 

I know most of my writings are about how much I love Jesus and how great everything in my life is. However, if you’ve known me for a while or even if you scroll back to a few years ago, you’d read of a girl in a very broken place that talked a lot about a faith in God that she wanted but hadn’t completely come into fruition. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of valleys that I live in. It’s just that now, I know without a shadow of a doubt, that I’m coming out on the other side. I don’t know if this is “for someone” or just for me but, if you’ve made it this far, this is what just popped into my head…

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also retained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” -Romans 5:1-5

All I know is, God is good and He really did save me. Mostly from myself. And, I’m really thankful for my life and what I had to endure to get me here. 

[therachelryan-blog]

Clearing the air.

On behalf of Caleb and I, I just want to take a moment and clear the air about our adoption. We will be adopting but not for a couple more years. As protocol for most domestic and international adoptions, a couple must be married for 2-3 years, depending on where they are adopting from. We will celebrate our first year of marriage on Monday. So, we clearly can't rush time and by no means do we want to. Adoption is an expensive and tiresome process. Often, there is a lot of stress and occasional heartbreak. Since we are not wealthy by most standards, we are starting to raise support early so the process can go swimmingly when we reach that point. 

In the mean time, we will go on mission trips to serve the widows and orphans as Luke 1:27 declares. Our first mission trip together will be to Uganda in July. This is what we are raising support for on our fundraiser page. 

As much as I would love to take home a baby from Uganda, thats not why we are going this time. I would love to adopt a Ugandan baby because I left my heart there in 2008. Caleb loves Haitian babies, because he was on a mission there. We know there are American babies that need homes. No matter how you look at it and where we choose, its going to be expensive. We just hope, ask, and pray that you sow into this chapter of our life early. 

To sum up...

Going to Uganda in July.

Raising support for that now.

Adopting when we are allowed to. (1-2 years)

Raising support for our new baby(ies) now.

Same fund. Stay posted.

Please pray.

Please be a cheerful giver.

[therachelryan-blog]

Please visit our page and prayerfully consider giving and praying over our trip. 

[therachelryan-blog]

In honor of a really great series of love stories.

[therachelryan-blog]

An open letter to our dearest friends and family,

It is with great pleasure and heartache that we announce our next chapter in life.

Caleb and I will be moving to Orlando, FL to help our beloved friends, Josh and Becca Turner, plant a church. In many ways this was an easy decision to make. I think this was the God particle. In several other ways, its extremely difficult. I think this is the human nature part. Saying goodbye and "disappointing" people is the worst thing ever to both Caleb and myself. We have met and become close to many incredible people whom we wish we could take with us. Relationships with old friends (like the Brownlees & Sumners) have grown in many ways and we know they will continue.

We will be letting go of treasured ministries and passing them off to new leaders. At Shine 2013, Ps. Kerri (or Mercy, I can't remember) said "What is started in the flesh, the flesh must complete. What is started in the Spirit, the Spirit carries". Im holding onto that as I have been throughout this entire process. Sisterhood is going to flourish to new levels with new leadership. Im sad to leave but excited to see where she goes. 

When I told the family I work for that we were leaving, it was the worst part so far. I wept like a weirdo. That little girl has been my joy unspeakable for me throughout this season. She is the sweetest thing and her mom is one of my only friends that reminds me of my friends back home. 

Lastly, we are leaving my magnificent in-laws. I really love them and I know thats not typically normal. Its been such a pleasure getting close to them over the past year. Im so glad we were able to experience that. 

We are so excited, nervous, honored, expectant, and THRILLED to be apart of Celebration Orlando and all God is doing there. But, its bittersweet to leave our Crossroads family at the same time. We have loved serving you. Its truly been an honor to be a part of this church for the past year and we have learned so so much. 

[therachelryan-blog]

Dream Dinner Table:

Christine Caine Bianca Olthoff Jen Hatmaker Shauna Niequist Becca Turner Diane Wilson Jill, Jodi, Holly.... I would just sit there, sip my wine, and soak it all in.

[therachelryan-blog]

Hope and heartbreak go hand in hand....this time.

Setting:

I was driving in downtown Nashville while I was on the phone with Caleb. We were still pretty young in our love. He had been WebMD-ing which is my least favorite characteristic of his. 

Backstory: Some of you know that Caleb had a rare type of cancer as a child. He had a Wilms tumor. Twice. The first time it was removed and he went through chemo therapy. When it came back, he went through chemo and radiation therapy. Wilms tumors are located in your kidneys. Just for a brief anatomy lesson, your kidneys are near your reproductive areas. 

Caleb was telling me that WebMD informed him that he may not be able to have kids because of the chemo and radiation that he had as a child. In case you don't know us, its pretty obvious that I didn't marry him for the sole purpose of reproducing. I dated him and married him because I love him. 

During that phone call, I sort of got bothered that he was researching all this stuff. Im pretty firm that "God is our Healer and He can and will make a way where there is no way." I made the first rule of our relationship that he was no longer allowed to self-diagnose from WedMD.

Fast forward two years:

The week of our wedding, all my best friends were placing bets on how long until we got pregnant. We had wagers from a week to a year. We weren't in any rush because we wanted to travel and "get settled" which Im sure is what most newly weds want. 

After 10 months of not "not trying", I think we both kinda started to get a little worried. I didn't want to be pregnant but it seemed that each month I was a little heartbroken that I wasn't. I had a short conversation with my doctor about what we might have problems with and we decided to go ahead test stuff out just so we know. This was mainly my idea because I was worried that since Im "older" than Caleb, I didn't want to wait too long and start trying and find out when it could possibly be too late or higher risk.

Let me preface you in case you ever have to "submit testing". Its a really unnatural and sterile event.

The day after the test on December 23, the nurse from the office called me early in the morning with the result. This day would be Christmas Eve. 

She asked us to come back in for another consultation with our doctor. We had already spent $195 to date. I told her we couldn't afford another consultation right now so she just told me the results over the phone.

To sum it up, she told us that the mountains we thought we would face, did, in fact, exist. 

In all seriousness, couldn't she have waited to give this report until after Christmas? I mean, really? She told us when we were ready to come back in and talk with our doctor about other options to give her a call back. 

So, Caleb wakes up and is dancing around the house singing Christmas songs and being super cute and Im like a zombie, numb and cold, on the couch trying to stay composed. 

In my head, Im thinking, 'Do I tell him today?', 'Can I realistically hold this in all day today and tomorrow and wait until the day after Christmas?', 'Was it so selfish of me to even ask for this test? I mean, did we really need to know?'. Finally, we had the fire going and were laying on the floor, watching TV, trying to stay warm, and I just told him. 

We were silent for about 10 minutes and then Caleb snuggled his head under my pillow and cried. It was the most heart wrenching moment in my life. I felt like a big cuss word for even making him go through this testing. 

The next couple hours were lacking in words and full of effort to make things "normal". Every so often, he would ask question about it. I broke the rule I had given about web doctor stuff and started my own research just so I could try to understand a little more. 

Now:

Its not any easier. I still think about it everyday. I now know how it feels to see a status update about someone being pregnant. I feel sadness sometimes when the little girl I nanny for hugs and kisses me. I feel envy for the first time when I see photos of my friends' incredible kids. I emphasize with my other friends who are going through infertility issues. 

This is what I know:

God is good and His ways are perfect.

I wouldn't have my life any other way. Caleb is still the most incredible man on the planet for me. He is full of grace and embodies unconditional love. 

God CAN make a way where there is no way. And He will.

I have the best friends ever and I don't know how that happened. Their prayers and support and text messages and phone calls brighten my days. 

We have ALWAYS wanted to adopt a child.

We will still be parents. Just maybe not the most conventional way...but who knows?

Our journey isn't over. Its just beginning. This was part of Gods plan all along. And, Im thankful for that. Im humbled that He trusts me with this. 

Doctors offices should have protocols on when is a good time to inform patients with bad reports. 

What we could use:

Prayer. For everything. For peace. For our hearts and bodies. For direction. For miracles. For God's resources and provision when we start an adoption process. And His favor. 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

ADOPTION LINK. for support

[therachelryan-blog]

For to be free is not merely to cast off ones chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. -Nelson Mandela

[therachelryan-blog]

My Caleb and Shuana Niequist.

One of my favorite authors is Shauna Niequist. Something about her words deeply penetrate my soul. Its painful, really, sometimes as I'm reading because I get that rock in my throat or my heart feels like a boulder. When Caleb and I first moved to Ohio, I bought her book Bread & Wine. Mainly, because I loved the cover design. As I read through the pages, I knew this book was healing some very broken parts of me. I would sit in Mill Creek Park, which had become a haven, and read for hours. 

Last week, I bought her book, Bittersweet. It's doing the same thing to a different part of me. It still holds that longing for community that I was grieving over in B&W but, where I am in this season, its giving me hope to rediscover that community in the future. The chapter that promoted me to write was 'steak frites'. Coincidently, one of my favorite meals. 

In this chapter, she talks about her and her husbands anniversary dinner. After a long, difficult, dark season in many ways for their family, they faced many aspects of marriage that I think are commonly overlooked. It made me think of my budding marriage and what brought us together in the first place.

In every definition of the phrase, I married my best friend. He is the single most magnificent person Ive ever met. He pushes me to be a better person without even trying. I'm challenged by his character. He is generous and forgiving. He loves me as I am. He has never tried to change me. Ive hurt him more times than I like to think about and he takes it with strides and lets me learn from it. He is a survivor and a champion. Its easy for me to list off all the things that I love most about him but its not often that I think about the thing that brought us together. 

I obviously know that our love for Jesus brought us into one another's lives. I was embarking on a very different season where I would be completely out of my comfort zone while living on a 31 foot RV, driving all over the country with people I had just met. I met him at the beginning of our tour, at a music festival in Ohio. Ironically, where we live together now. After an innocent meeting and technologically exchanging contact information, which sounds unbelievably not romantic, we began to talk one night on the phone. 

I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in Illinois at the Cornerstone festival, which I hated because I loathe hard core music and that day my bank account had been frozen because someone in Europe tried to use my credit card on an airline I had booked several years before. I grabbed a drink and and blanket and made my way up to the roof of our RV to watch over the camp ground and await Calebs first phone call. What would his voice sound like? We had really only spoke for a few minutes when we first met, and honestly, it was all a haze because of his captivating blue eyes, and my difficultly to play it cool when I'm nervous, which I was. What would we talk about? Who even is this person? How will we fill all that awkward silence that people have on the phone when they are struggling to find something interesting to talk about? I really hate talking on the phone. But, we did it. We made it through that anticipated first phone conversation like we were in middle school, talking on a land line with a phone thats cord is unspeakable curly and stretched across the room, something our children will never experience. 

The moment that most stands out in my mind about that night was how connected we were when we talked about Africa, and missions in general. How Caleb dreamed about living in a van so he didn't need much and he could help serve people and give generously. I quickly updated that dream to living in a remodeled AirStream after it had been shipped over to Africa. To me, that was our dream, re-worked. I think our love for broken people is what brought us together. I think, for me, its why I dream about returning to Africa so often. So often that it hurts in the same way that reading a Shuana Niequist book does. I love my family and friends as much as one can but, given the opportunity, Id pack our things in an instant and move to Africa. I'd literally have to put little to no thought into it. I think we will call that beautiful place home one day. 

The part that makes me most sad is that, we really aren't doing anything close to what I think brought us together. Caleb is an incredible worship leader. I'm a nanny and run a growing women's ministry. And, we are working on this beautiful mess called marriage in a place where on more days than not, I feel isolated from everything and everyone I've ever known. And I don't know what step to take next and I think thats okay, too. I'm learning for the first time how dependent I am on God and His infinite wisdom and perfect provision. 

The whole purpose for me writing this, was to pinpoint and recollect on why we connected two and a half years ago. I love Caleb more today than I could have ever dreamt of loving someone. Saying that I'm grateful for him asking me to marry him, sounds pathetic in terms of how big my thanks are. The anxiousness I carry in my being for what lies ahead of us in excruciating but I wouldn't want to do it with another human. 

Caleb, you're the love story of my life. You have my heart in its entirety. Thank you for being patient with me. Thank you for choosing me and loving me through my ugly brokenness. One day, I'll find a way to show you how truly humbled I am to be your Mrs. 

xo,

RRD

[therachelryan-blog]

My Family…#52Days

Thank you God for the family I was born to. I pray every person on Earth is able to love and be loved by at least one person they call family. I pray every person is able to experience at least a handful of joyful memories about their family. Even if they’re layered with painful ones too, its the joyous ones that give us hope. I’m rich in the good ones. 

I was born into a huge Catholic-Italian family. There is hints of French and Irish but, for me, the main aroma has always been Italian. That's probably because of my maternal grandma, whom I adore. Her name is Dorothy Cesarini-McKelvey and her friends call her Dottie. She is in the mix of Patricia, Betty, Angelo, and Liberty from Braintree, Massachusetts just outside of Boston. Her mom was from Nova Scotia, Canada and her dad from Altaville, Italy. Fresh off the boats. My grandma has always had this lofty spirit about her. Since she lived about four blocks from the home I grew up in, and like I said in a previous praise about my mom raising me alone, my grandma helped raise me too. For this I am grateful to God because she was the main, and possibly only, Christian influence I had as a child. My mom would take me to mass every now and then when she felt like it but it was to Immaculate Conception in downtown Jacksonville for the Latin services. I remember it being a beautiful sanctuary but I couldn’t begin to comprehend a Catholic mass in the English language, much less Latin. And along with most Catholics, we were at mid-night mass and Easter service year in and year out. That was about it. Her house was the one I attempted to run away to when my mom, so cruelly, wouldn’t allow me to go to the New Kids on the Block concert at the Gator Bowl, back when it was the Gator Bowl. I only made it to the end of our street with my NKOTB sleeping bag before I gave up. My grandma, now 87, has been a beacon of faith, discipline, obedience, and character my whole life. Again, like I said in a previous post about Godly women I aspire to be more like, she is one of the three, along with Christine Caine and Becca Turner. 

Since I’m a descendant of some Catholic-Italians, I have loads of aunts and uncles, which led to even more cousins. All my aunts are lovely, yet diverse, women. My favorite is my aunt Melissa. While I was in high school, I lived with her to go to a better school. During this time, I uncovered that my uncle, her husband, was having an affair and I told my mom. Obviously, this sucked. But, as my aunt was heartbroken, for good reason, she continued to mother me and my two cousins the best way she could. She is a women of strength. It was while I was living with her that I lived through my father committing suicide. My aunt was the one who woke me up in the middle of the night to take ‘the phone call’ from my mom. We just talked about that a few weeks ago. We both remember that day so vividly. I hate that the most heartbreaking recollections are often the ones that are so crystal clearly etched into our memories. I’m so thankful for her in so many ways.

I’ve also got these “Georgia cousins”. They were the brothers I never had. And the best ones to have because they lived 6 hours away! I have more photos than vivid memories of all our times together but, I know we always had fun! Micheal and Steven were the two who Crystal, Melissa’s daughter, and I always had slumber parties with at my moms house. There was enough laughter that Crystal contracted the nickname “giggle box”. We watched Disney movies and played games until we passed out. Now I have the pleasure of watching them raise some awesome kids and be friends with their wives! If you were at my wedding, they were the cute flower kids and ring bearer in our wedding party. Micheal’s son, Jonathan, was the spunky, suspender sporting, redhead who couldn’t leave the dance floor all night long! Mike and Steve’s older brother Scott was commonly referred to by ALL my friends as “hot cousin Scott”. My best friend, Emily, and I got to catch up with him at a pub in London a few years ago since he is a private jet pilot. He offered to let us extend our stay in London and he would fly us home in the empty private jet, since the owner was staying in London on holiday for a while, but we couldn’t because Emily drove a red Ford Focus and wasn’t meant for private jets…at least thats what her mom said. 

I could go on and on about fun family stories but Ill keep those. I’m so blessed that God gave me these people to do life with...even if it was mandatory by the laws of family. They’re good people. They’ve invested in me and nourished me, both spiritually and physically. My prayer for them is long, healthy lives with more joy than pain, and strength coupled with peace to get through the pain as it makes us appreciate the joy all the more. I pray for more memory making moments with all of them that one day, our kids might blog about. 

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for my people. I pray all your children have good ones like mine. 

xo.

[therachelryan-blog]

From partners in crime to partners in faith! #52day

This is coming so naturally today. These two little blessings have been with me through thick and thin, ups and way downs, good-bad-uglies, highs and lows, peaks and valleys...and our stories are still being written. They are the very best type of friend to have. We laugh together, cry together, rejoice and mourn together. Hugs are a common denominator for all of the above. 

I met one of these when she was indeed a beautiful young girl. She had started dating an old friend of mine. I remember meeting her at the house in Avondale, driving a big ole van, wearing a red t-shirt, and her then boyfriend telling me all these amazing things about her. Over the next several years, I learned all those amazing qualities and I think I saw her hurt more than happy. You know those relationships you see people in that makes your heart break for them? I was glad it finally ended...for both of them. Since then, we partied way too hard together and danced even harder. She has ALWAYS been there for me when I needed her. She is usually the first to celebrate with me and I know she would drop anything to be there if I needed her. We have both had way too many bad relationships but our friendship has gotten stronger through them. Im anxious for who she ends up with!

The counterpart is her sister. When I met this one, she was dating someone who grew to be one of my dearest friends. We also met in Avondale, at a friends party, it was cold, and there was an overload of American Apparel clothing. At the time, the sisters were polar opposites and I quickly learned that. This one and I had a trip to Disney where she was so afraid of getting any sunlight, it was comical. She ended up leaving with the worst deep v sunburn Ive ever seen. We were a part of probably my favorite bible study group that consisted of a diverse group of friends, some believers and some interested in becoming one, sitting on the floor when we ran out of couch space, and swear words were welcomed. It was definitely the greatest sense of community and welcome that Ive ever been a part of. It was the first time I opened up about fears and I remember sitting in my car with this friend in downtown Jacksonville and pouring into one another. After a three month internship in Uganda, this one and I became room-buds. In lightening speed, I was awakened to her quirkiness! Im talking mannequin limbs, custom star trek outfits, and bang trims on the regular that made me afraid sometimes. Since our days at 2159, this lovely one has TRULY cultivated a heart for her Father. I credit her for bringing her lovely sister back to church. Her boldness to share her story amazes me. 

These two are Jill and Jodi Bogers. To me, they are the type of friends that would make life unbearable to do without. They are the ones that can make me laugh until I cry and cry until I laugh. I truly feel badly for people who don't have friends like these ones. We aren't related but if love for each other was calculated into that equation, we would be. My biggest regret is not having them in my wedding. But, our stories are still being written. Jill Rae bean and Jo-Jo, I love y'all to the moon and through the galaxies and back. Thank you for ALWAYS being there for me and ALWAYS forgiving me for my flaws. My prayer is that you NEVER lose sight of who you are. I pray your cup runs over with blessing from your Father. I pray our seasons to come are the best yet and I have no doubt they will be. I pray we get that community back. And lastly, I pray we never forget where we came from, Who delivered us, and why He did. 

[therachelryan-blog]

Thank you for the freedom you have given me, Father. I am so glad you are a God of liberation, not limitation. Thank you for every decision you have entrusted me to make. I believe today you will be my guide and my compass in every situation, and I thank you for your perfect wisdom, in Jesus Name.

52DAYSOFTHANKSANDPRAISE.COM