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[therealdragu-blog]

TheRealDragU Episode 1, Part 1: The New Students

(This is a fanfiction show about every queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race going to college and getting into fights/struggles/romance/mischief/mysteries, all with some laughs along the way. Enjoy!)

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It was a cool summer day in central California, with animals bright as the sun, for once a more quieter city, especially for Cali, and most importantly little traffic, good for one bus of queens.

The front row of the bus had a gloating Aquaria, talking to one of her friends on the phone about her successes after winning, while Miz Cracker right next to her sat looking in the other direction, arms crossed, and probably streaks of steam coming from her head as she’s forced to hear her half-friends talks of money, jewelry, fame and worship. The next seat had the team of Monique Heart and Dusty Ray Bottoms facing each other with quiet whispers of the other girls.

Dusty then asked Monique “Girl, have you seen this part of San Francisco before? I don’t recognize it.” Monique replied “Nope, doesn’t look anything like I’ve seen. All I was told was that we’re all going to a special gig.” Which gave Dusty a confused face into the distance. She looked at Monique again and said “Do you know what the name of the place is?” Monique just nervously shrugged after a wide-eyed look to Dusty. “Do you see something purple outside?” Dusty looked back and said “No.....I’m seeing red.” They both looked out in wonder.

The seat behind them had Yuhua Hamasaki, in a very deep sleep with half of her body on the floor and the other half on the actual seat, and for some reason a 1st grader’s book plastered over her face in the middle pages. Sitting poised next to her, Blair St. Clair, was cross-legged with a small coinpurse in both hands, and staring wide-eyed at Yuhua’s pose and loud snoring.

Next to them was Asia O’Hara and Vanessa “Miss Vanjie” Mateo. Vanjie couldn’t help but notice Asia’s lack of a smile for the entire bus ride, presumably due to her failed butterfly stunt during...that performance. She decided to try to cheer her up by saying “Miss Vanjie?”. Asia only shifted her eyes at her with a dead glare for a few seconds until staring at the floor again. Vanjie reached for her hand as Asia shed a single tear.

Behind them was Monet X Change and Mayhem Miller, both questioning the too long ride like Monique and Dusty. Monet saw Mayhem’s raised eyebrow and said “May-may, don’t you live in California? How come the road’s turning as baron as the fun in this bus right now?” Mayhem responded “This is strange, there’s always buildings in this city, never cacti and sand. I’m sorry, am I seeing pink smoke?” Monet leaned in overlapping Mayhem into the window. “No, I’m seeing orange dust. It’s probably just some erosion.” Granted Monet was skeptical in saying that.

In the back was The Vixen and Kameron Michaels, with Kameron peacefully listening to some light synth-pop on her with her earphones in closed eyes, while Vixen on the window end looking over at the opposite seat in deadlock - Eureka O’Hara looking at her with just as ferocious eyes, while Kalorie Karbdashian Williams in between them shifted her eyes back and forth in worry. She whispered to Eureka “Are you two gonna let this go? It’s been a year.” Eureka whispered back “I’ll let it go when she apologizes” Vixen heard and whispered “When you apologize” Eureka moved her finger across her throat, while Vixen cracked both her gold-covered knuckles. Kalorie wanted to absorb herself into the seat to avoid a possible quarrel, but she couldn’t help but notice the stream of blue and yellow smoke coming from the outside.

Suddenly, when Aquaria stopped talking to her friend, she noticed outside the window “Holy shit, I think it’s snowing!” Cracker looked at Aquaria in a face of disgust and ridiculousness, which quickly turned into bewilderment as soon as she saw over the window. Monet walked over to their seat and said “Snowing?! In California?! My ass!” She scooched over Cracker to look at the window next to Aquaria. Dusty grew concerned and tapped on the seat of the busdriver. “Excuse me. Where in the fuck are you taking us? We’ve been here for 6 hours!” With no reply after a minute, Monique chimed in with her “Hello?! Do you know how Google Maps works?” Dusty kicked the bus driver seat “HEY!” She finally decided to look over and soon Monique noticed a look of panic in Dusty’s face, as if she’d seen a ghost.

“There’s no one in the fucking seat....” Monique looked over the seat to see an empty driver’s chair and let out a frightening shriek. Vanjie overheard all of this and said, “Are you bitches smokin’ som...” she said until she too noticed the baron seat and almost fainted onto the floor if in wasn’t for the passenger seats she grabbed onto.

Soon everyone on the bus was in shock and terror, with Blair yelling “We’re all gonna crash and die!” She tried to open the bus window but couldn’t manage due to her hands shaking furiously. Cracker pulled her back and said “Are you stupid?! The bus is at 100 miles per hour! What’s happening!” A pink pixel hue over the windshield started forming, which caught Vixen’s eye first. She screams “Look over there! Mayhem, isn’t that the pink you saw?” She replied “Oh my god, it is! Is.... is this Ru or something?” Suddenly, RuPaul herself appeared on the windshield, and all queens froze in a mixture of shock, confusion and somehow relief for some of them.

The holographic Ru calmly told them “Don’t you worry kitty girls, all will be well and good when you get to the college. Be sure you packed everything, you’ll be here a while!” followed by an ecstatic laugh. Everyone looked at each other without a word. Yuhua suddenly woke up and took the book off of her face, and gleefully said “Hi girls! Why’s everyone standing?” Aquaria looked at her in amazement “Were you asleep this whole time?” Yuhua said “I don’t know actually, I think my eyes might’ve been open. Hey, why’s the bus vibrating?” Blair screamed while clamping Yuhua’s shoulder’s “We’re all gonna fucking die!” Eureka slapped Blair across the back of the head and said “calm your ass down! “I think we should just stay in one spot. Ru’s probably not going to kill us after season 10 just finished!” Monique challenged “Then why is she making us go in the speed of Nascar?” Aquaria responded “Maybe just good technology? I haven’t spent my $100,000 yet! There’s no way something bad will happen.” Kameron thought out loud “What did she mean by college?” the other queens looked at each other with the same question

Bursts of rainbow smoke and specks of glitter and confetti cover all the windows. “Are we running over a pride parade? What the fuck is happening?!” Exclaimed Cracker. Suddenly, the bus stopped in a strong halt. Some of the queens fell forward including Eureka landing on Blair, which resulted in Blair letting out a bloodcurdling scream. Monet said “Girl, we’re fine, no one’s dead or maimed or whatever.” Blair shouted “You try being 4 feet tall and crushed by a hippo.” Eureka rebuttled “That’s an elephant to you, sweetie.”

The doors to the bus opened gently, all of the queens walked out slowly in cautious steps, noticing the ground was made of a cloud-like substance. Small specks of rainbow circles, presumably balls of fire stars or possibly streetlights, were barely visible behind waves of fog. The only building in sight was a large castle-like structure, all white, with orange and purple flags on the tips. “What...is this place?” murmured Aquaria as she led the rest of the season 10 sisters with scepter in her land like an Amazonian tribe leader. As they walked up to a 20 foot tall gold gate with red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, white, black, brown and grey diamonds studded into the bars in that same pattern over and over, it suddenly opened, with a grinning RuPaul standing in front of the 100-stair steps of the house.

Asia in a slight yell of panic said to Ru, “What are you doing to us? You’ve sent us to... f-fucking Candyland, and you’ve almost gave us all a heart attack!” Dusty added “Asia’s right, you could’ve just told us about this before we got on a bus that turned into a fucking subway!” Yuhua also added “Specifically a japanese bus - Ru, what’s up?” Ru simply laughed feverishly and explained the story.

She said “You see ladies, there was a little show about turning some regular women into drag queens with the help of my season 1 to 4 sisters. Does anyone remember.... RuPaul’s Drag U?” Kalorie said “Oh yeah, I remember that, it was cancelled because of bad ratings.” RuPaul chuckles and said, “Oh no, I personally cancelled it, and only said it was because of the ratings to keep the secret.” Cracker asked “What secret? Is this the “college” you’re talking about?” Ru responds “Well, I have something to say - I’ve built a set of machines that can take over the world! They’re called the Dragulators, of course! What it is is a set of ray guns that when shot by a gay, can make a straight person do any sort of thing under mind control.......including ending homophobia.”

All the queens stood in shock with whispers from queen to queen. Vanjie asked “So what that got to do with us?” Ru laughed at Vanjie with a subtle wink that only an awkard looking Vanjie and Vixen noticed. Ru said “The issue is, I only have this technology in these guns, and I have no teleporter. Which is why I have my new set of recruits.” Kameron thought and said “Wait, so have the other girls done this?” To which Ru said “Oh, bitch, they’re still doing this! That’s why we have the dorms here!” “You have to stay here for life, with very few contacts to the outside world.”

All of the queens suddenly gasped and thought “Dorms?! For Life?! Sharing a room with another bitch?!?!” Aquaria shouted “You know what, if we’re ending homophobia, I’ll do it. Especially in pride season!” Monique, Eureka, Vixen and Cracker walked up behind Aquaria, Vixen said “As long as we still do performances, I’m going for it!” Monet looked at the 5 as if they lost their mind. She said “Are you crazy? I think I can handle a little dumb homophobic nobody if I don’t have to live in Equestria, who’s with me?” Blair, Mayhem, Vanjie and Dusty all raised a hand, with Dusty saying “True that, I have a husband to see every day, and I’m not losing him, let’s go”

Before any of them could take a step, Ru said “Oh, I guess you wouldn’t be paid then. Monet said “Paid? We’re getting paid for this?” Ru chuckled “How does.......$25,000 a day sound?” Both Kalorie and Aquaria shouted “What?!” with one sounding joyful and one sounding saddening. Ru then asked “Would you do it now? You can still use the internet here you know?” Monet, Blair, Mayhem, Vanjie and Dusty looked at each other with all smirking together. Mayhem turned to Ru and said “We’ll do it! We can take the homesickness, right gals?” They all shouted a reluctant “Yes!”

The remaining 4 - Asia, Kalorie, Kameron and Yuhua - were still on the fence. Kameron said “There’s no way I can do this, I need to see my family, friends and fans all the time. I’m out.” Ru scowled at her and pulled out a small gray box with a big red button on it. She used her other hand to slap as hard as she could. As soon as the four were near the bus, it disintegrated in a gout of rainbow flame. Ru slowly walked to the gate and said “Do you change your mind?” Yuhua let out a big gulp, with Kameron forced to say “Um....Alright, I’ll...we’ll do it, r-right Asia? Kalorie?” Asia and Kalorie nodded in fear. Ru in a millisecond turned to glee and proclaimed “Great! Welcome my girls, to Drag U! I’ll escort you to your dorm-mates!” Vixen shifted her head quickly to Ru and shouted wide-eyed “Did you just say dorm-mates?”

~~~~~TO BE CONTINUED~~~~~

(Hope you enjoyed part 1! Part 2 coming soon!)