theroastedwretch

[theroastedwretch]

Jake: I wish I was dumb. You all look like you're having fun.

[theroastedwretch]

MC: Are you still mad at me?

Jake: Yes.

MC: Are you going to let go of my hand?

Jake: No.

[theroastedwretch]

Adorable murder weapon

[theroastedwretch]

Stop spying on my marriage though.

Thomas: Fucker.

Dan: Nerd.

Thomas: Son of a bitch.

Dan: Piece of shit.

Jessy: I don't know how to feel about this, they're literally cuddling.

[theroastedwretch]

Across The Screen Part 1- A Note to Hacker Boy

Warnings- Threats, language

A/N- This takes place as part of Between the lines, sometime after Jake's return in episode 7 but before the end-of-chapter climax.

Index

Once he’d been able to take the time to finish NymOS and turn his attentions to going on the offensive rather than simply fending off the attacks, the number of attempts on MC’s phone had dropped off dramatically. His pursuers had all but stopped, in fact, likely satisfied to see that he’d been drawn out of hiding and confirming their suspicions about her importance.

Even the majority of amateur hackers who had merely seen her name alongside his own and viewed it as a challenge had died down. Either interest had dwindled with time, or word of his rather forceful response to the intrusions had made its way around enough to stymie curiosity somewhat. 

So it was first the surprise that stayed his hand from his instinct to automatically go nuclear when NymOS had alerted him to the most recent intrusion.

The second was the realization that the term “intrusion” was far too strong for what had been done. There were no attempts to access any of the data on the device, no malware or links or attempts to plant a door for later access.

It was a glorified text message, and nothing more.

The origin had done nothing to mask their identity, and while some of the would-be hackers had been impressively reckless and arrogant, none had been this incompetent so far. In fact, the source device didn’t even appear to run their free virus protection often enough. No hacker would leave themselves this open while checking their email, let alone while planning an attack.

The uncanny family resemblance he found during a quick scan only served to confirm the conclusion he was finally certain of as soon as he got the location data of the device.

“H.B.-We need to talk.-P”

Really, he should have been expecting this particular conversation for some time now.

Jake: H.B.?

Paige: Hacker Boy. I thought it was polite to use titles until we were formally introduced.

Sarcasm and barely contained hostility. Wonderful.

Jake: I will assume nicknames are a family trait, then. Jake: So, how can I be of assistance?

Paige: Well you can explain why my sister is worrying about cyber attacks and asking me to teach her to do her makeup disguises. That’d be a pretty good start.

He had truthfully only been aware of the attacks. True to his word, he had stopped looking into her messages with people outside of Duskwood quite a while back, only recently faltering when he’d seen the influx of conversations with Joe. 

Additionally, he’d never gotten into the habit of digging into her communications with Paige. He had struggled enough to get familiar with MC’s blunt, presumptuous manner without the additional layer of her sister’s excessively abrasive attitude. Between that, and the sisters’ fondness for using embarrassing life stories and uncomfortable innuendos to harass each other, reading their conversations had been one of the most intrusive he’d felt during his career as a hacker.

Jake: I hadn’t realized that she asked you for assistance with disguising herself, but I assure you that it’s wholly unnecessary. Jake: MC has a tendency toward wanting to have back up plans for every angle, which, while admirable, isn’t needed in this situation.

After the discovery of Hannah’s depression, and MC’s admission of the same, he’d begun to do research into the condition and had learned about the prevalence of anxiety as a coexisting condition. He had yet to ask and verify, but MC’s habit of catastrophizing and the need to predict everything that could possibly go wrong had fit the diagnosis rather well.

He’d firmly ignored the number of criteria he had fit as well. In his position, his behaviors were perfectly reasonable survival instincts, nothing more.

Paige: Sure, she does that, but if someone is after her, isn’t that a good thing? 

Jake: As I said, the precaution and concerns are unnecessary. Your worry is understandable, but I won’t allow anything to happen to her, I assure you.

Paige: Why is this even happening? Ever since she got involved with this Duskwood bullshit she’s been stressed, miserable, and getting harassed. Paige: And I’ve been waiting this whole time to learn one good reason that I shouldn’t sound the alarm and get my family and friends involved in hosting an intervention or taking her phone or something. Paige: And so far, other than her refusing to talk to me ever again, I’ve gotten absolutely nothing.

He pinched the bridge of his nose with a low groan. The conversation was going even more poorly than he would have predicted, and he’d had rather low expectations of his ability to handle MC’s sister to begin with.

He needed to weigh his options carefully. The last thing the investigation needed was yet another obstacle, and this obstinate woman could easily take on that role if he didn’t play his cards right. If he pushed her too far, it would cause stress to MC, or possibly remove her from the situation entirely. 

Hadn’t he already seen evidence of the havoc that sisters could wreak in protection of each other?

Jake: I will answer all of your questions to the best of my ability, within reason, on one condition.

Paige: Which is?

Jake: The program that I created to stop the attacks on MC’s phone is designed with a number of fail-safes to protect her, and admittedly myself. Jake: I cannot speak freely to an unprotected device.  Jake: It will also allow her to more openly confide in you, which I believe she would appreciate. Jake: I will not use it to monitor your communications, location, or activities in any way. I have no interest in your life outside of your importance to MC.

There was a relatively lengthy pause. While he was impatient to get through, and end, this conversation, he could understand her hesitation. Not everyone could be expected to offer up their lives freely the way MC had done rather foolishly. She was too trusting by half, and it filled him with warmth at the same time it terrified him.

He tapped his fingers on the desk as he waited, regretting that he’d severed the connection to the device upon discovering that it belonged to her. He’d gotten rather reliant on knowing what the other person in a conversation was doing that caused the delay in response, and he found it even more difficult to navigate without the additional information.

Paige: I don’t believe you’ve ever spoken freely in your life, dude. Paige: This is going to void my warranty, isn’t it?

Jake snorted despite himself. Apparently the rather unfortunate sense of humor ran in the family as well. It was less charming when layered in acid and not coming from MC, but it felt familiar regardless.

Jake: Only if they can find it. And they won’t.

Paige: Whatever, what do I need to do?

It was a matter of almost no time at all to get NymOS installed on her device, and he was surprised to see she’d added it to both her laptop and cell phone almost immediately. Either she was insatiably curious or she trusted MC’s judgment more than she let on. Regardless, he appreciated that she was cognizant of where the leaks could come from.

Once the system was fully online, he returned to the chat and asked something that had been bothering him since the conversation started.

Jake: I had been under the impression that your computer literacy was relatively basic. How did you manage to send the message and alert NymOS?

Paige: I have a friend who’s good at tech and was willing to help me out. Paige: Or rather, he was willing to help MC out. Not enough to stay once he saw some of the comments on Lilly’s video— guess he thought you could do something to his phone just by him being on the same network as me

Jake: I’ve been purging those as they appear, where were you able to find one at this point?

Paige: I’ve got screen grabs, Hacker Boy. And don’t think about deleting them, I have backups. I downloaded your weird murder bot so you’re going to accept that I’m keeping what little leverage I have in this situation Paige: You think I can’t see how fucked the power dynamic in your relationship is? 

Jake: I don’t believe MC sees it that way.

Paige: Yeah, because she’s naive and wants to think the best of you. 

He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from swearing. She wasn’t entirely wrong. If he were more of the vindictive sort, his skills would allow him to keep MC in a precarious position. But she was overlooking the fact that MC could walk into any police station, hand in her phone, and receive full immunity for any crime she’d participated in on top of protection from him in the blink of an eye.

And it was a trap he’d almost certainly fall for.

Paige didn’t need to know that, however, so he tried a different track to reassure her.

Jake: I have no intention or desire to hurt MC in any way, least of all through taking advantage of the trust she has granted me.

Paige: You’ve already hurt her pretty bad, you know.

He supposed it made sense that she knew about it, MC would guard his secrets around his identity fiercely, but likely needed emotional support at times during their early association. 

Jake: My intention had been to protect her and avoid everything that has happened since then. I underestimated both her feelings and my own, as interpersonal relationships aren’t my strong suit.

Paige: Wow is that an understatement.

Jake: I won’t try to convince you that I will never hurt her again with that particular failing of mine. But that risk exists in all relationships, not just this one.

Paige: What do you want from her? 

Jake flinched back like he’d been hit. Her blunt phrasing, along with the unexpected confrontational question sent him reeling for a moment. 

Jake: At the moment, I’d appreciate her continued assistance in finding Hannah as her involvement has been invaluable.  Jake: Beyond that, I ask you to trust that my intentions aren’t nefarious, I’m not using or manipulating her to get what I want. Jake: I would prefer to leave it there for now. Forgive me but I believe it’s a conversation best held with MC first, though I know that may not be of much comfort for you.

Paige: I… damn it, I want to tell you that’s not good enough but that’s actually reasonable.  Paige: Why are you even involved, then? She got pulled in, but Lilly’s video makes it seem like you inserted yourself.

His first instinct was to sidestep, or even shut down the conversation entirely, but when had his first instinct worked lately? Being reckless would ruin everything, but making the wrong move could cost him both Hannah and MC.

Jake: My involvement in Hannah’s disappearance is due to the same motivation that led you to this conversation.

Paige: MC? That makes no sense. Paige: Oh. Paige: OH.

He watched her type and delete several times, presumably gathering her thoughts as she came to terms with what she’d just discovered. He was actually somewhat impressed— he’d expected her to take longer to come to that conclusion. He was starting to think he had underestimated her.

Her next message seemed to confirm that she’d come to the correct conclusion.

Paige: Aw fuck, that means if this thing between you two works out I’m stuck playing nice with Lilly, doesn’t it? Paige: I get to punch her at least once. It’s only fair. 

He couldn’t deny that he and MC had both somewhat waved away the consequences of Lilly’s actions to the girl out of understanding of her motivations. Paige, however, seemed much more in line with Lilly’s reactions and it was likely that if they ever met, it would be a rather loud and potentially violent confrontation.

Jake: I leave that between you three, frankly. I will not get involved, only ask that you keep MC’s best interest at heart since she was the one the video impacted, not you.

Paige: I wanted this conversation to involve a lot more yelling and make me less frustrated, not more. Paige: If you fuck her over, I don’t care what I have to do to make you pay, I’ll figure something out. Paige: Like you said, you’re way too emotionally constipated to never hurt her, so I won’t even ask for that. But this isn’t a game to her and it can’t be to you. Paige: She’s too kind for her own good. She’d jump in front of a bullet for people she cares about, and as much as I don’t like it, that involves you jokers now too. Paige: Especially when her mental health is in the toilet like this, she sees herself as expendable compared to others and this shit is already fucked up enough that she might try something stupid. 

He was sorely tempted to take the conversation off track and demand elaboration on the description of MC’s mental state. He was beginning to get more familiar with MC’s personality and quirks, enough that while he still couldn’t read her emotions, he could recognize patterns and tie them to previous situations. 

But something like her overall health would be much harder to learn, and he’d come across multiple instances of times where something would indicate that she was doing poorly, only for her to mask it as needed. 

That was a conversation for another day, and he could only hope that Paige would cooperate when the time came.

Jake: I have already asked her not to come to Duskwood, but she refused to promise that. I know she cares deeply for her friends there and as things get more complicated, I worry about the choices she may make as well.  Jake: And I’m confident that you would be able to come up with something to make me pay. I’m well aware of the impact you had on the campaign she and Lilly implemented to distract my pursuers. Jake: I should have expressed gratitude sooner. Jake: It’s another reason I wanted to install NymOS to protect you. You’re the most important person to her, and she’s the most important to me. 

Transitive property, he recalled with a laugh, but kept that to himself knowing she wouldn’t understand the reference.

Paige: Alright, I’ve had enough of this for one day, go do creepy Jake stuff or whatever. Just remember what I said.

Jake: And I thank you for keeping what you’ve learned today private. I’d prefer not to come to regret this conversation.

Paige: Yep. See ya Hacker Boy.

Before he had time to close out of the application, he received an alert from spy mode that he was relatively certain he was intended to see.

Paige: Your boy fitted me out with his stalker robot. Paige: I hope he knows I have no money.

MC: Wait, WHAT?

And with that, Jake had already come to regret the conversation.

[theroastedwretch]

Between the Lines- Ep. 7

Warnings- PG-13 due to Swearing and Explicit Language, Innuendos and bad jokes, Mature Themes, Violent References

Index Ep. 6

Not telling Lilly about leveraging my sister’s contacts was possibly the hardest I’ve ever bit my tongue. #IAmJake, for all of my doubts, was actually taking off. There was nothing the internet loved more than the chance to stick it to “the man”, so the story of a government-wanted hacker being thrown into the line of fire while just trying to help find his missing friend played into that narrative pretty well. 

I think she knew, though, since she continued to keep me updated on the progress despite the fact that I hadn’t participated directly at all. 

I wanted to— I’d actually started several times, but stopped just short of hitting enter. I still had access to Nym-0s and the link to the video about Hannah, and I worried that if I got linked any closer to Jake, it might put what few secrets he had given me at risk. I wondered if Lilly’s involvement wasn’t a bit of a liability, too, but hers could be seen as making amends. Since she’d contacted people directly about the movement, compared to her very public video, most people probably still thought she hated him.

Which, since it would be safer for her, was probably fine with Jake.

Paige had been a godsend, though. I could tell she wasn’t happy about it, at all, but she accepted my determination without much more than cursory protests and then threw her weight into pulling whatever strings she had available.

As it turned out, one of the photographers she’d worked with had some higher profile clients than she’d known, and really wanted to bang her. As a result, I was actually seeing the hashtag on profiles I’d had for things totally unrelated to my own social circle. It was actually a bit trippy the first time I saw it pop up on a profile I’d made exclusively for when I wanted to scroll through cat pictures.

Guess I wasn’t the only crazy cat lady in his corner anymore. 

I wasn’t sure how I felt, sharing Jake in this way. Before Lilly’s video, talking to him had felt like my own illicit secret, even the others weren’t totally sure of my level of association with him. Now, they all knew his name, along with so many others, and it felt like what little claim I had on him was gone. Even though Lilly considered us together now, it just didn’t feel the same.

Especially since I still had no idea if he even knew she thought we were together.

It temporarily mollified me a bit when the group automatically assumed the movement was my doing. But even that, I knew, was as much about what they didn’t know as what they did. Jake’s absence, now by far the longest we’d gone since our first conversation, was making me question everything and doubt myself in ways I was struggling to get control over. 

I knew he’d be back for Hannah, of course. Now that I knew their connection, it all made sense. How many times had I bent over backwards to put the fear of god in some asshole who was making Paige cry, or drive two towns over to pick her up off the pavement when she got too drunk? And wasn’t she, right now, throwing her professional life on the line over Jake for me? 

Similarly, after everything, I was having a really hard time staying mad at Lilly. Looking back, it occurred to me that he’d never seemed angry about it. Annoyed, inconvenienced, maybe even sad. But he didn’t seem to blame her. And he could have deleted her video himself, or just sent one of us his explanation with no strings, but it was important to him that we work through our anger.

She’d hurt him way more than she had me, so it probably wasn’t my grudge to hold. We’d revisit the issue if it ended up he was captured or hurt, though. 

I’d also ended up her confidant for her attempts to come to terms with everything. That, I was a bit more conflicted with, but I also knew I was the only one she could talk to. Hannah was missing, telling her parents would only cause more upheaval, and she felt honor bound not to tell the group. So while I had to bite back a cutting remark every now and then, I was pretty practiced at that by now considering my sense of humor.

It was during one of these times that the first hacking attempt startled me into dropping my phone. Which, once I’d gathered my wits a bit, made me feel pretty silly. If there was anything you’d think I’d be used to by now, it would be my phone being accessed by someone else. But since when could my phone recognize that? Was this what Jake had done ages ago when he’d had me open my devices for him? I’d been under the impression that he was mainly looking to shield the dubious nature of our work, or maybe program a kill switch if it went bad and I got arrested or something. 

Man, I really needed to learn to ask for details.

The fact that it was Nym-0s that pushed back the attack wasn’t lost on me either, that name was engraved into my mind now from the amount of times I’d listened to that video by now. So it was definitely Jake’s doing.

But why?

I mean, I guess I did opt out of sharing the hashtag for similar reasons. Other than Hannah, who was missing, I was really the only person with a confirmed link to Jake that wasn’t just a casual social media post. Maybe not sharing it made me look more suspicious? Reverse psychology wasn’t my thing. 

The second attempt actually made me a bit nervous. Location tracking was a bit more alarming than just trying to access my device. I mean, maybe it shouldn’t have been since I had no idea what they could do with my device versus my location, but there was something a bit sinister about the idea that they wanted to find me, not just search through my chats with Jake.

But I didn’t know anything. What good would knowing where I was do? I guess they could take my phone from me, but that didn’t make sense, I could just break it or something. My phone number alone made it clear Jake couldn’t have come to me to hide, and there was no way I could have gone there without a huge paper trail that would be much easier to trace than my phone.

I couldn’t determine what they wanted from me, but suddenly my location didn’t seem as far from everything as it had before. Worse, the fact that this program existed on my phone meant Jake hadn’t told me something. Again. Boy was that getting old. 

We’d have to talk about that at some point. Through this mess, I was discovering that I could accept a lot in a relationship. Reading every word I said, making changes to my device, and being a fugitive? That was fine. But don’t make decisions for me, and don’t keep secrets.

Well, at least I was learning about myself…

I was also learning just how prone I was to bouts of hysterical laughter during stress. That one I knew, abstractly, but had never been hit with enough stressors in a row to really know how warped my sense of humor got when all else went to shit.

MC: Oh my god.

MC: Phil just asked Jessy if I was single.

Paige: WHAT? 

MC: He’s still never seen me. What is he playing at?

Paige: 🤷🏻‍♀️

I was a bit confused when Jessy told Phil she didn’t know if I felt the same way as Jake. I hadn’t really discussed him with her since my pity party a while ago, I supposed, and it was possible that Paige said something to her about Joe (how were they talking? Why hadn’t spy mode alerted me?) but the fact that all of these people seemed so sure about his feelings was just baffling to me. 

Am I really just that bad at this???

___

Jessy: Guys, look at this!

When I swapped over to the group chat, I was confronted with a picture of… me. Pink hair, black lipstick, and cat ears. 

MC: Oh god.

MC: Where did you find that?

Jessy: Facebook! Well, Paige sent it to me from Facebook.

MC: That was like 12 years ago!

MC: How did you even find my profile?

Jessy: She and I have been friends for a while and I tried looking for you but didn’t see anything. Your name and profile picture are different.

So that was where they were talking. Cool.

MC: Look. I have no excuse except that I was young.

Dan: Damn, MC. You had a nose ring?

MC: I still do, but not the point.

Jessy: And tattoos!

Richy: I never would have guessed. 

I decided to let the teasing distract me for a little bit, the group chat had been so serious for a while now.

MC: Yeah, what were you guys like at 18?

Dan: Mostly this.

MC: Okay, that I believe.

MC: I had a goth phase. It happens.

Jessy:  I love the hair! The lipstick doesn’t suit you though.

MC: I looked like a ghost. But you know, that’s what I was going for.

Dan: I’ve never seen what you look like now, so you could still be goth

Had I never shared a picture in the big chat? Huh. Jessy already knew, and Cleo too, but it only now occurred to me that none of the guys or Lilly had any idea what I looked like. But Jessy quickly took care of that too, sending the picture that Paige had taken for the Single Ladies.

MC: Okay I don’t look like that either, my sister does magic.

Jessy: You’re pretty! You just look extra fancy here.

MC: And about 5 years younger. 

MC: Jessy, why were you looking for my profile?

Jessy: 😘

MC: Do I need to kill Paige?

Jessy: Noooo! She just likes talking about you and stuff from when you were younger. 

MC: Don’t take them to heart too much, I grew up and got boring. 🤣

Jessy: You did not! 

As if the universe could sense that we were enjoying a moment of light-hearted fun, it all came crashing down. Thomas interrupted with a clip from the news, finally naming the woman they’d found so long ago as Amy Bell Lewis. It was good to have a name, but sobering to be brought back down to earth so violently.

The group was wholly unhelpful in learning about her. It seemed like she was quiet, maybe a loner. For a half second, I wondered how many people would know anything about me if I was killed. At least, beyond a nose ring and tattoo, I guess. But I knew it would take a while before anyone noticed I was missing other than the people from work. 

Additionally, it was somewhat disturbing how long it had taken to release her name, and how easily we’d forgotten about her after learning it wasn’t Hannah. She had to have people out there wanting to know what happened to her too, right? Had there been a group chat like this dedicated to finding her? Or had she really gone totally unnoticed for so long that her absence was overlooked entirely?

No one had any idea what her connection was to Hannah, either, so it must not have been anything recent, or significant. Could they know each other from therapy? If they had regular appointment times, they could have met in the waiting room.

Not everyone who is quiet is depressed, MC.

Phil’s arrest, too, threw a cold bucket of water on the group, and once again I found myself wanting to give Jessy a hug and comfort her. So much of the recent activity had hit home for her— the attack, her workplace being marked, and now her brother being arrested. She had so much on her plate and there wasn’t anything any of us could do to help.

I hated to prod her about the attack, but now that her brother had been arrested, I hoped that she’d be more eager to go over it and it would be less traumatic. 

Way to pretend anything positive is coming from this. When did I become so cold-hearted?

I’d forgotten that Richy knew Jessy was out the night of the attack. I went over to my notebook and wrote that under him and, praying for Jessy to forgive me, I made a page for Phil, writing about the arrest and Hannah’s call. 

Jessy’s blind faith that I was worth the risk, even after she was attacked, left me wallowing in guilt. How could she think that, while I was safe from the culprit, hiding away while he stalked them to scare me? 

I had to start planning to go there. It would take time, and a fair bit of it, to get the money together. But I could take on extra hours, and budget carefully. I had to stop thinking of Duskwood as a place I wanted to see, and start thinking of it as somewhere I needed to go. To help my friends.

As I was explaining to Jessy about the attacks on my phone, I sent off an email to my boss about working out additional shifts. My work hadn’t been the best lately, but I’d been there for a while and hoped that my recent boost in productivity counted for something. 

___

Oddly, Phil had added himself to my rotation of adopted randos from Duskwood. Maybe Jessy had told him I was single, or I was still just the town’s new shiny toy and he needed to get his turn to play.

Maybe I would throw Paige at him sometime soon.

Not that I didn’t appreciate the attention. Hadn’t that been the whole reason I’d gone out with Joe? I’d never had much self-esteem, and external validation could easily make or break it. Being a hermit for years now meant that just about every man I encountered was either a co-worker, paid to smile and be nice, or a stranger at the supermarket. 

He didn’t just flirt, either. We talked about music a couple of times, though he was way more familiar with a broad variety of things where I mostly listened to the same bands on repeat. I suppose he didn’t have much choice, working a bar. 

I still didn’t know ages for the group— it kept slipping my mind to between all of the death and vigilantism—but I suspected that I was somewhere between Jessy and Phil. Jessy’s sweetness and naïveté made her seem far younger than she likely was, yet I felt like I was probably a bit closer to Phil’s age than Jessy’s.

He gave me a few funny stories about regulars, and I talked about the times I had to drag my dad’s drunk ass home from the bar. 

MC: To be fair, he’s nicer drunk than he is sober. 

MC: You can always tell when he’s had enough, he starts actually talking about his feelings. 😂

Phil: I’ve got a few of those. You learn a lot about them very fast.

MC: My dad’s bartender knows his AND my entire life story. Every time I go home for a visit he starts asking me about stuff I didn’t even think I told my dad. 

The one thing I still hadn’t opened up to the group much about was my family, at least outside of Paige. She may have told Jessy about our rather dysfunctional adolescence, especially if she sent her a photo from that time. But I didn’t think Paige would go into much detail about it either. She was less tight-lipped about it all, but also knew I tried not to mix that life with my current.

But it kind of felt good to talk to someone about part of that craziness, and as a bartender, I knew my dad would barely scratch the surface of what it took to faze Phil.

Phil: It sounds like he’s proud of you then :)

Phil: I bet you’re adorable when you show up to get him home safe

MC: Again, I remind you that you’ve never seen a picture of me and have no idea what I look like.

Phil: You could send me one

MC: That would make it seem like I’m encouraging your behavior.

Phil: Tease 

Phil: I could just ask Jessy you know ;)

MC: But you haven’t yet. Pretty sure it’s not about the picture at this point, it’s about winning.

Phil: I imagine both would be equally enjoyable.

MC: Nice try, I almost believed you that time. 

Phil: It’s almost time to open, talk to you later, Mystery Woman.

Rolling my eyes, I didn’t bother replying and went back to my contacts list, checking to see if Jake was online out of habit. He wasn’t, but Richy was. 

For all I felt like I’d talked to Richy, I couldn’t say I really knew much about him. He’d never disappeared the way Thomas and Dan had, or pushed me away like Lilly. But it felt like Cleo and Jessy had both tried to connect with me in a way that Richy had only ever attempted once, with the Dare House.

Maybe it was worth a try again. I had a sense he was hiding something, if only because of how much he occasionally reminded me about what I was hiding. 

MC: So, you’ve told me about your childhood trauma from the time you peed yourself in the forest. What else you got?

Richy: Excuse me?

MC: Sorry, that sounded way more friendly and casual in my head. Let me try to speak human.

MC: You told me about the Dare House but I don’t know much else about you and I wanted to learn more.

Richy: So you’re starting with childhood traumas? 😂

MC: To be fair, that’s where you started, too.

Richy: That’s actually fair. 😒

Richy: I didn’t pee, I just almost did.

Richy: But also, what makes you think there’s more than that?

MC: Jessy has to yell at you for your morbid jokes almost as often as she has to yell at me. 

MC: You just kind of smile through it all. I know that look.

Richy: Are you saying because I smile too much I must be hiding some dark secret?

MC: It’s the type of smile. But yeah, pretty much. I don’t trust people who smile too much.

Richy: Jessy smiles a lot too.

MC: Jessy feels everything a lot, though. You’ve got that quiet thing going, and it’s always the quiet ones.

Richy: 😳

Richy: Are you flirting with me? 

MC: No, but I can see how you’d think that.

MC: I just finished talking to Phil, so his energy must have rubbed off on me or something.

Richy: Phil? Why did you talk to him? 

MC: I have no life? And I’m supposed to be investigating aren’t I?

Richy: So you think he’s involved? 

MC: No clue, but he’s been super friendly since he got my number.

Richy: 🙄

MC: I can’t be womanized across the world. No one’s that impressive, trust me.

MC: Come on, tell me your damage.

Richy: You don’t let go do you? 

MC: Never! 

Richy: I guess it’s just my parents. My dad and I don’t see eye to eye much and my mom isn’t well.

I flinched. I hadn’t expected to get to the big stuff that fast, or to relate so hard to his answer. Why couldn’t these people be totally unlikable?

MC: Woof, I feel those.

Richy: So you’ve got parent problems too?

MC: You could definitely say that, yeah. 

MC: Okay, I’ll give you once since you played nice with me, too. 

MC: Well, you saw the picture Jessy sent. Around that time I was dating this guy. We got up to some crazy stuff, things were hectic at home and my parents didn’t really keep an eye on me very well. 

MC: One time we got super drunk and went skinny dipping in this fountain. There were a bunch of us though and one of them apparently was too drunk to remember how to stand up. We had to “save” her from like six inches of water, and for some reason it made me terrified of swimming when I drink.

I hated remembering that day, of course, but in terms of my own damage it was relatively far down the list. But it was decently low-stakes so it wouldn’t bring down the mood too far, and I was hoping that maybe quid pro quo would open him up a bit.

Richy: Teenagers and booze is always a bad time.

I laughed. That was an understatement. Still, of the two I imagined that talking about his parents would help me understand him way more than drunken teenage shenanigans would.

MC: You’re telling me!

MC: It really sucks about your mom, though. Genuinely. I can’t imagine that it doesn’t take a toll.

Richy: That’s why I took over the garage. He’s taking care of her. That’s a full time job some days. 

Well now I was feeling guilty. There was always this fine line between playing with their lives and investigating, and right now I felt like I was crossing it. Still, I told myself it had to be good for him to open up, if nothing else. From what I’d seen so far, this group kept far too much to themselves and really could use a good therapist for the lot of them.

Not Barrett, preferably.

MC: I can imagine, it takes a lot to do home care for someone really sick. MC: You know you can talk to me any time, right? MC: Isn’t that the fun of internet strangers? You don’t have to care what I think. What does it matter if I judge you? 

Richy: I might just take you up on that some day, MC.

MC: Good.

I let a small smile cross my lips. Hopefully I could help my friends in ways beyond just helping Hannah.

___

By the time of the third cyber attack, I wasn’t scared. At least, not in the way it seemed like Jake thought I was.

The attempt to hack my phone had been startling, of course. I’d gotten used to the feeling that I was never alone on my devices, knowing that someone could be there at any time.

But the word hack had become almost benign to me at this point. It represented the lengths you were willing to go to for the people you loved, silently pulling data meant to get you one step closer to ensuring their safety.

I’d gotten used to (and disturbingly accepting of) the idea of curious, but admittedly creepy, observation. At some point over the last few weeks, it’d become almost a game, and there were definitely times I tried to use it to my advantage and provoke him.

This was different. This wasn’t an awkward, formal man refusing to discuss the constant stream of innuendos and bullshit I spew while he carefully reviews for any leads. This was targeted and hostile, an attack.

But truthfully, I was still calm about it. Despite my heart racing and ears ringing when the masked faces appeared on my screen, waiting for my face to appear on theirs, I recalled it even minutes later with almost a scoff. The aggressive, over-the-top performance looked like they’d left it in the hands of the interns to do, using cheap props and left over Halloween costumes. The lack of effort they put into making it convincing made me realize something.

Ultimately, if they knew enough to try to get into my phone, they knew where I was. They knew what I looked like. If they’d been able to nearly track down Jake, there’s no way they didn’t already know everything about me down to when my next period was due. I grew up on the internet, my entire social life was virtual— there were too many leaks to plug, too much info out there, to think otherwise. 

To think that they needed to access my phone for that was absurd. But I wasn’t the target. It didn’t matter if I was scared of the ski masks and wordless threats. It didn’t matter if I cared about it if they knew where I was. I was an object, a pawn. 

They didn’t want me. They’d probably never waste time actually coming for me, not unless they got desperate. I was useless to them, I didn’t know where he was, I could only contact him if he could contact me, and the only thing I knew less about than computers was Jake himself. Coming to get me would be a liability to them. Open them up to scrutiny, require money, effort, time. 

It was Jake’s fear they wanted. And for that, they didn’t need costumes or elaborate plans. It was my existence, and their awareness of it, that left him terrified. And I was only useful alive. Kill me, and they lose their leverage, and make Jake even less likely to ever risk another connection and give them that advantage again.

No, their power was in making Jake think they would use me. 

For all that Jake pushed me away and tried to keep me from caring, my feelings didn’t matter to my safety. They never did. The second he started caring, and Lilly’s video linked us and made them aware of it, I became incredibly important in a way I never had been before.

Creating Nym-0s and rushing in to cut their access just made it even more clear. He’d tipped his hand, confirmed their suspicions, and exposed himself even more. If he hadn’t been so worried about putting me in danger… we may have both been in less danger.

It made me want to shake him by the shoulders and yell, but it also made me a little sad.

Not just because of the missed time and hurt it’d caused me, and maybe even him. Not just because I knew he would be carrying the guilt of the risk of association for a while now. Not even just because he’d see this as proving him right.

But because the life he’s led for so long now made it so he hadn’t even considered the result of his feelings, just the actions he took. He’d spent so much time suppressing everything, and now that he couldn’t keep that up when surrounded by the stress and trauma of what we were going through, he risked becoming lost.

I didn’t know him well enough to be as sure of this as I was, but some part of me knew with absolute certainty that no matter what happened, he’d never stop working to protect me from then. Even if I broke his heart and walked away, never spoke to him again, he’d never risk leaving me vulnerable.

And that meant I’d always be his weak spot.

Still, seeing his name on my screen again, I did start to cry. I wanted to get mad at him for being gone, for not telling me when he realized they might be coming after me, but he was so broken up and remorseful about the hacking attempt that I had to wait. I couldn’t kick him while he was down like this. Besides, wasn’t I beating myself up about the same thing for Jessy not too long ago?

But we would talk about it, and soon.

I gave Lilly credit for the social media campaign, of course. It had been her idea, after all, and I hadn’t even told her what I’d done. She probably knew, but we’d left it unsaid and I knew she needed this, needed something to convince herself she didn’t totally ruin her brother’s life.

As the shock of his return began to fade and I relaxed into the conversation, I noticed that he sounded different to me. Still very formal, but less cold. I don’t know if he was exhausted from the stress of running, or still worried about the attacks, but something in his tone had changed. Not for the first time, I wondered if his difficulty reading tone over text extended to being unaware of what he was projecting or if he was allowing the softer emotions to slip through. 

The needy part of me, which after so long was the vast majority, wanted to demand his attention for longer. It had felt like such a long time that having a short conversation didn’t feel like enough. But I knew he was behind, that he’d had a tough time, and that pushing him right now would be taking advantage of that. So I held off, only pouting in my head a little.

___

Holding off on pouncing on Jake actually worked out for the best, since not long after he logged off, Jessy dropped the bomb on me that Hannah’s GPS took her to Iris’s house, and that Hannah believed Jennifer’s killer was her stalker. 

Once she hung up, I groaned. It didn’t make sense, it didn’t fit. Just another corner piece where I already had more than I’d ever need for one puzzle.  The legend centered around vengeance, where Hannah’s diaries and therapy session were clearly guilt related. What vendetta would Jennifer’s killer— whether the method was car or murder— have against Hannah, who was a child at the time? How did Amy fit?

Every time I thought that maybe I had something figured out, something else came in and blew it all up. I could only hope that Jessy’s search into the car gave us something. And I guess just twiddle my thumbs in the meantime.

Dan seemed to be struggling about being left on the sidelines as much as I was, laying the blame on Phil for his car. Even when he was talking to Jessy about Dan missing his shift, I didn’t sense rage to the level of attempted murder. It still seemed to me more like he was tired of the shit, which fit with the conversations we’d had about the group. We were his little sister’s friends and not a whole lot more than that, and he took up way more room in our minds than we did in his.

I still wasn’t convinced that Dan’s car had been tampered with at all, frankly. Occuam’s razor had never fit a situation better than this one to my mind. I wondered if maybe he wasn’t even the tiniest bit jealous, since he was safe and uninvolved while the rest of us were in the line of fire.

I knew I’d lost control of the situation, if I’d ever even had it, once Cleo joined in and started agreeing that Phil was suspicious. I didn’t know the man beyond a few casual chats, so I knew I could easily be missing something, but it just didn’t seem to fit.

I guess I’d just have to wait and see.

___

By the time Jake finished catching up, I was ready to pull my hair out over the whole lot of them. Jessy had quit her job, Dan seemed pissed— but oddly quiet— to find out nothing was wrong with his car, and the whole group hated each other. And I just had to watch it all and do nothing. 

My boss had approved O/T, and although I was a bit worried about the load I was taking on, I hoped it meant I could afford to go out there in a month or two, depending on how long it seemed like it would take once I got there. But things were falling apart fast, and I was starting to worry I wouldn’t get that kind of time. And the idea of Hannah having to wait that long didn’t sit right with me either.

As always, Jake was almost frighteningly good at keeping a level head. I’d have to ask him how he did it one day. 

Just as I was thinking about how impressive his objectivity was, he asked me about Phil.

Well, “asked” is a very strong way to put it. Really he just stated facts and left it open for explanation, which made me roll my eyes. Things would be a lot easier if he just said what he meant, but that never was his style when it came to feelings he was uncomfortable with. Which appeared to be most of them, when I thought about it.

But when he said he didn’t want me to go to Duskwood, I stopped dead. Was this just coming from Phil asking me to visit? Had he seen my ticket searches? On top of that, I was reasonably sure he was in Duskwood, or at least nearby. I’d never ask, for his safety, but I had the feeling he’d want to be nearby. Did he not want me there because he was afraid I’d look for him? 

I couldn’t promise him I wouldn’t go, of course. I didn’t want to lie to him, even with all his secrets and double speak, and I knew it wasn’t a promise I would keep. 

My mood dropped significantly after that. Maybe he was telling the truth, that he didn’t want me to go to Duskwood because of the danger, but it felt like more. His sister was already in that danger, and I’d be with the others where I’m alone here most of the time.

I couldn’t bring myself to ask though.

Not about me, remember?

___

Somehow, no one was better at reminding me of that fact than Lilly, who was possibly the only person more in knots over Jake than I was. Her role in his life was much more… established, I supposed, since he could never not be related to her. But she’d never even spoken to him beyond the single conversation they’d had over the video, and I think the uncertainty was weighing on her.

Since finding out he was her brother, and my admission of my feelings for him (and hope-tinged bluff of reciprocation), our conversations had gained a new dynamic. Maybe she saw some bond between us with our shared secrets and worries, but either way I’d started hearing from her more than just about anyone else in the group, especially when Jessy had so much on her mind. 

I was texting Paige, telling her that Jake was back and asking for some advice on how she’d made me look so different— I didn’t think I’d need it, but a few weeks ago I didn’t think I’d need a program protecting my phone from people using me as bait for a government-wanted hacker— when Lilly lit up my phone again.

Lilly: MC?

Lilly: Have you heard anything more from him? Apart from the investigation, I mean. 

Lilly: I keep fretting over not knowing how he’s doing, and whether he hates me.

MC: He seems fine, though he can be a bit cavalier about his own safety to keep me from worrying. 🙄 

MC: And honestly, I was way more mad at you than he was.

Lilly: I never really apologized to you properly either, did I? 

MC: No, but, I was mostly mad for him once I step back and think on it. The only benefit of being nowhere near you guys is that no one in my life really cared about what you had to say.

MC: Except my sister, she may be plotting your murder, but she’s even less likely to make it over there than I am, at least I have a passport.

Lilly: Oh, I didn’t know you had siblings!

MC: One sister, younger. She drives me nuts as often as she makes me laugh, but I love her.

Lilly: Are you close?

I hesitated over telling Lilly much about Paige. At this point I trusted her well enough, and Paige could hold her own if it came to it. No, I was more worried for Lilly’s sake considering the baggage that sibling relationships held for her at the moment. Although, maybe that was why she asked. 

MC: Sometimes. We’re open with each other, actually kind of disturbingly so, she has no filter and I’ve got very little. But we live pretty far apart and she’s got this whole life apart from me. 

MC: But when it matters, she’s got my back and she knows I have hers. 

Lilly: That’s sweet. 

Lilly: Hannah and I live pretty close, but if Jake hadn’t told us all she was missing, I’m not sure when I’d have noticed.

Lilly: Don’t get me wrong, I love her! Of course I do. Please don’t think that’s what I’m saying.

Lilly: But we didn’t talk all that much, not really. I told you that back when she first talked to Jake I wouldn’t have asked her why they stopped, but I don’t really even know if I would have now either. 

Lilly: We’re just so different. 

Lilly: This is probably the most I’ve talked to her friends in years, since she moved out of our parents’.

Lilly: Maybe that’s why I went so hard after you and Jake. 

Lilly: You were no one to her, or at least I thought so, and here you were jumping in to figure things out.

Lilly: It was… easier, maybe, to blame you than to deal with what was going on. It gave me something to focus on.

MC: I get it. If it were Paige, I don’t know what I’d do. Grief is weird and people do dumb shit with it. I just wish you’d talked to me instead. The others tried to figure me out first. 

MC: Though, I gotta ask- why do you trust me now? I get Jake, his motivations are obvious now. But nothing changed about me.

Lilly: Well, I guess I just saw what type of person you are. You wanted to curse me out when I first added you, I could tell. But you heard me out when you could have held a grudge. I would have!

Lilly: It made no sense to me that you were helping Hannah. But then it also made no sense to me that you helped me. And I realize: you’re really just that weird.

Lilly: And once you and Jake made sense to me, your motivation became pretty obvious too. 

MC: I started helping before I liked him, you know.

Lilly: Yep, you’re weird. 

MC: So you trust me because I’m weird.

Lilly: Well, you’re also dating my brother.

MC: We are not at the meet-the-family stage, you know.

Lilly: That’s part of being weirdddddd.

And in that moment, it felt so much like talking to Paige that I had to smile and maybe admit just to myself that I liked her a little.

Which only gave me even more people to worry about when Jessy sent me the picture of the mark on her door.

___

While the others debated about whether or not to leave and took some time to think, I sat around on my ass, worrying. What was I supposed to do? I’d love for them to come to me and us all keep each other safe, but between the distance and the likelihood of Annie murdering me if I brought home that many people, it didn’t seem like the best idea.

When it started getting dark out, I accepted that I wasn’t going to get any definitive news tonight. Before I could sign out, though, I saw that at least one person was still online.

MC: Jake?

MC: I hate this.

MC: I hate sitting here safe while they’re getting stalked, attacked and marked. 

MC: You’re in danger too. 

MC: Meanwhile I’m just stress eating and getting fatter. My biggest risk is heart disease.

Jake: It is a good thing that you aren’t at risk, MC.

I couldn’t help but huff out a laugh at his total side-step of the stress eating topic. Maybe he wasn’t totally socially inept.

MC: But I can’t DO anything! I’m useless.

Jake: You have done an excellent job with the investigation, even without my help. 

Jake: Additionally, I realize you gave Lilly all of the credit for the distraction, but the location information makes it easy to trace two separate hot spots.

Jake: Though I’m not thrilled at the idea of pulling their attention even more in your direction, I know you were involved.

MC: I didn’t even do that, though, Paige did. Just like Jessy and the others are the ones going out and looking for things, I just sift through it all.

MC: I’m sorry, you have things you’ve got to do. I just needed to whine a little. 

Jake: You underestimate the effect you have and how important your role has been. 

MC: I’m so scared for them, and for you. I know you say I don’t have to worry, but that’s like telling me not to care. Do you want that?

Jake: It would be safer for you.

MC: That’s not what I asked, though.

Jake is typing…

I watched him type and erase for a while, biting the inside of my cheek. I’d told myself I wasn’t going to do this, adding my own bullshit onto the stress he was carrying already. But by now there was just too much going on in my head, and so little I could do to deal with it. It seemed like no matter how hard I worked to unravel the mystery, the more threads I pulled, the more of a mess it became. 

I just needed to quiet one voice. Just for a bit. And this felt like the only one I even had the tiniest chance at. It wasn’t fair to him, not at all, but I had to know. So I didn’t jump in to let him off the hook, not this time. I didn’t let my phone go idle or swap screens. I needed a reply, and I was willing to wait for it if I had to. 

Jake: Selfishly, no, I don’t want that at all. I know it’s not right and I should be allowing you to be with someone who could offer you more than this, but it was the knowledge that you were there and waiting to hear from me that kept me going. I read your messages whenever I could, and it meant more than I can express to see that you didn’t hate me and that your feelings seemed unchanged by what you’d learned.

Jake: You were so confident that I would return, I couldn’t allow myself to disappoint you.

MC: I’m glad you liked them, I was so afraid I was being super annoying, spamming you like that.

Jake: Admittedly, there were times it became rather distracting. I had disabled alerts for the rest of the chats but couldn’t bring myself to mute ours. It was occasionally difficult not to reply. 

MC: I was worried about that, I should have been more careful. I just missed you, I guess. 

Jake: No, it was… appreciated. 

I fiddled with my phone, at war with myself. I should let myself be happy with this, already far more than he’d ever opened up before. The temptation was too great, though, as if the combination of his absence and the hint of the growing connection made for an addicting brew.

MC: You don’t want me to not come there because you don’t want to see me, right? 

After hitting enter, I re-read that and cringed. There was probably a way I could have said that more awkwardly and included more negatives, but fuck if I knew how. Thankfully, he replied much more quickly this time, which I tried to take as a good sign rather than letting my insecurities take over and topple this house of cards we were building.

Jake: That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind. 

MC: I know it sounds silly. I think I just get lost in doubt when I’m left to my own devices too long.

Jake: It sounds like we should avoid letting that happen, then.

I chuckled. He may not have meant that as flirty as I took it, but who could really blame a girl for letting her mind wander just a bit, right?

MC: Yes, that’s a very good idea.

Jake: It would certainly be much harder to prevent myself from coming to see you if you weren’t half a world away, and right now it would be too risky. There are too many eyes on us both. But I don’t expect that to mean you avoid my entire hemisphere, nor do I want you to. When the time comes, I want you to meet your friends, and of course I would like to meet you as well. 

Jake: I simply would very much prefer that when it happens, Duskwood is home to fewer masked criminals.

MC: Fewer bartenders as well? 

Jake: Mmh, it doesn’t seem like you’re much safer from that particular danger where you are, either.

Huh, this was the closest he’d ever come to acknowledging Joe, though he wasn’t a bartender. Still, since I hadn’t gone drinking out of my house since right after this whole thing had started, I couldn’t imagine what else he was referring to.

MC: I imagine that means you got into other messages, then.

Jake: I…

Jake: Yes. I don’t have an excuse for this one, as there was never a chance he was related to Hannah and I knew it. 

Jake: It won’t happen again.

MC: I appreciate that, and you telling the truth. 

MC: Joe was my reaction, and an immature one, to being pushed away. 

Jake: You owe me no excuses, it was my choices that led to the both of us being in that position.

MC: I know, but I want to explain, so there’s no misunderstanding. 

MC: He’s a very nice guy, a friend of my roommate’s boyfriend, who I met a while back, before I even knew your name. Annie is pretty desperate for me to be less of a drag, so I think she tried to set me up with him.

MC: You had made it clear nothing could happen, and I tried to make him as aware of the situation as possible without giving anything away about you, so I know I was free to see who I wanted and didn’t do anything wrong.

MC: But it may have sucked for you to read, regardless of whether you should have been or not.

I decided not to point out that I still had no idea whether or not I was free to date someone else, being that we still really hadn’t discussed our status in the slightest since that time. His reaction to Phil, and even somewhat to Joe, made me think that he at least didn’t particularly like the idea, and it seemed like that was hard enough for him to admit as it was.

At the same time, after the number of bad experiences I’d had in the past with it, I wasn’t crazy about committing myself to someone that I didn’t know for sure was committed to me without at least a conversation. But for now, my feelings alone would make dating anyone else a bit of a bad idea, so for now I’d hold off.

Jake: I thank you for the honesty. I certainly didn’t enjoy it, but as you said, you had no reason not to act freely and it was my own fault that I had become aware.

MC: Well, I’d hate knowing you were talking to another girl, so I wanted to clear it up.

MC: I was jealous enough of Hannah as it was 😂🤭

Jake: Yes, that was a bit uncomfortable, as you can likely imagine. It was difficult to think of ways to reassure you without giving too much away.

MC: Guess I’ll have to think of something to call you other than bro now, seems like that’s taken. Dude? My guy? Dan seems to have taken Hackerman up, but I could co-opt it, I do like that one.

MC: Broski is close enough to bro but not quite.

Jake: I have full faith that you will come up with endless alternatives that are plenty physically painful to read.

MC: That’s what I’m here for, isn’t it? 😎

Jake: I’ve missed your ability to make me laugh.

MC: I’ve missed you actually finding me funny.

MC: Oh god, it must be like 3am there, why didn’t you say anything? 

Jake: You know that my sleep schedule tends to be rather unusual.

MC: Right, but I’m pretty sure you haven’t been sleeping well while you were running.

MC: And don’t think I haven’t noticed it shifting later and later over the last couple of weeks.

Jake: It only made sense to adjust my schedule a bit considering that’s when you’re most available.

Jake: You spend most of your day working and discussing things with the group, and that leaves us free to debrief in your evenings.

I hadn’t totally been sure that I had anything to do with his changing patterns, but the delay in his response and detailed explanation confirmed it for me. Feeling suddenly much lighter, I giggled quietly to myself.

MC: Well I don’t want to be an excuse for your insomnia tonight, Hackerman. At least swap to your phone and get in bed while you talk. 

Jake: I will turn in shortly, I’ve just finished setting a few things up.

MC: Nope, you got me in bossy mode. I’ll be sitting right here waiting until you’re in bed. ⌚️👀

Jake: It’s not even ten for you, I’m not keeping you awake.

MC: First of all, unlike you, I like my sleep. I go to bed as soon as I can justify it and wake up as late as I can get away with. Second, I said you were going to bed, not me.

Jake: If it’s not inconveniencing you, then what’s the harm in my continuing to stay up a bit longer?

MC: Because you need sleep! It’s not good for you.

Jake: I may still be rather worked up from everything and having difficulty relaxing. Our conversation has been helpful in helping me to unwind.

MC: Fine, I’ll go to bed with you then. My boss approved overtime for a while, so I can start waking up earlier, meeting you halfway on matching our crazy schedules. 

MC: Tell me when you’re laying down, I’m going to go shower and brush my teeth.

I bit my lip, a little bit nervous. I hadn't explicitly done a long-distance “goodnight” like this in years, especially not with someone I’d never actually been in bed with who I was nagging into sleep. But I really was worried about how exhausted he must be, and once the silly idea had taken hold it felt sweet, if childish.

I didn’t wait for a response, trying to put off the possibility of him saying no, or taking my comment about going to bed the wrong (or right?) way. I set my phone down, hiding the screen from my view, and left it on my stand as I got up to get ready to turn in.

The shower was quick, it never took me long when I wasn’t bothering to wash my hair. Even knowing he wouldn’t see me, I took extra care with the routine to calm my jitters. I still hadn’t checked for his response yet, so for all I knew he’d refused my demand, but after the shower had calmed some of my nerves I somehow no longer thought he would. 

After flossing carefully to give him extra time, I threw my hair up into a braid to keep it out of my face and clambered into bed.

Jake: You clearly are feeling bossy.

Jake: It will take me a few moments to get ready, I wasn’t prepared to lay down for a while yet.

Those had been sent not long after I’d given the order, so he was hopefully nearly wrapping up whatever his routine was.

MC: I’ll be patient, I just laid down myself 🤭

I flopped around on the bed, trying to get comfortable. Under the sheet was too warm, but no sheet was too cold. My pillow was too small when flat, but too thick when I folded it. For some inane reason, everything felt just a bit off kilter while I rolled around in bed, stomach buzzing. 

When I finally found a position I could deal with, I scrolled for another five minutes or so before he got back to me.

Jake: As you commanded, I’ve gotten ready and laid down.

MC: Good! Comfy?

I was well aware he could be lying to me, but I preferred to think he was doing the same thing I was, maybe even amused by my strange demand. God knows he had to be used to me being weird by now, right?

Jake: Not exactly, motel beds aren’t known for their comfort.

MC: That’s probably true, I haven’t stayed in one in years. As Annie likes to remind me, I’m basically a recluse and I’ve never traveled much anyway.

Jake: Is there somewhere you’d pick to go if you could?

MC: Hmmm, Duskwood? 😘

MC: Otherwise, not really. I never gave it much thought, “travel” mostly meant going to my grandma’s when I was a kid, we couldn’t afford much else. And as an adult, I usually just go back home to see my family. It’s a lot of work and I still can’t afford much else. 

MC: You?

Jake: Well, to be honest, travel for pleasure isn’t something I’ve considered much recently. Staying in one place feels much more like a privilege, I suppose. 

MC: Well then we’ll both need to think about it and get back to each other with our answers. 😁

Jake: :)

After that, the conversation stayed light and it wasn’t long before my eyelids began to droop and I drifted off with my phone on my chest.

___

Lilly reached out to me rather early the next day, for me at least, but since I’d gotten up early I was a bit more emotionally prepared for what she shared than I would have been normally. It was always polite of the drama to wait for my second cup of coffee before it smacked me in the face, at least.

I noticed the trembling in her hand as she sent a picture of the letter she’d found in Hannah’s post and I wished there was something I could say to reassure her. But with everything else I already knew, the application to visit the prison didn’t look great. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her everything right then, but even without the extra context she seemed to know something was wrong.

Jake wasn’t online yet, and I hoped that it was because he was managing to get some sleep. He’d replied to the last message I sent before falling asleep, and then after a few minutes when he must have realized I’d passed out, he wished me goodnight. So despite the early hour on my end, he’d outlasted me. That kept me from blasting him with frustrated messages when Cleo kept up her accusations against Jessy, accusing her of putting the mark on her door.

I felt for her, knowing she was just trying to make sense of the whole thing, but we needed to stop throwing around baseless claims and yet it seemed like they were just determined to do it more. 

We had just as much proof that Richy marked himself as we did that Jessy made hers, really. If she’d been looking to exonerate Phil, there were better ways to do it since we had no evidence the police were even considering the marks as part of the case. As far as I knew, Jessy had never gone to the police with her attacks and Richy had never reported his mark. Dan was the only one to discuss his suspicions with the police, and that was the one I least considered involved, and the only one without a mark.

I had no idea what the beef between Cleo and Jessy was, but I really needed it to stop now.

I checked out of the Duskwood drama for a bit, wanting to get more work done before Lilly made it home. The application to visit seemed much more relevant to the case than whether or not Jessy made the mark herself, and I knew my productivity would be monitored more heavily now that I was taking on extra hours. 

I gave short answers as they made plans to go to the cabin of Richy’s friends, then at the last second realized that if they were leaving, that meant that I was running out of time to get someone to investigate the pawn shop. I quickly assigned the task to Cleo and Thomas, hoping that wasn’t a mistake considering they weren’t known for their subtlety or sweet-talk.

There’s no way they’ll break into the pawn shop, right?

___

While I was at lunch, I was caught off guard by Annie walking in and sitting down at the counter across from me. It only occurred to me then that I hadn’t really seen much of her recently, and she almost never joined me at lunch. My suspicions were confirmed when she fidgeted nervously and avoided my gaze.

“MC, I need to tell you something.”

I froze, my fork full of rice hovering halfway between my plate and mouth. I lowered it slowly. “Is everything okay?”

She nodded, but still looked twitchy. She took a deep breath before replying. “I… well, I’m moving in with Steve. This weekend, actually.”

My mouth fell open and I stood up so fast that I bumped my ribs off of the counter in the process. “What? Annie, there’s no way I can find a roommate that fast, I can’t afford the place on my own.”

She nodded, twisting the ends of her hair between her finger tips idly. “I know, I’m so sorry. I’m not leaving you in the lurch. My parents agreed to buy out the lease with you instead of the landlord, that way if you can’t find anyone to move in that you like you’re not stuck just moving someone in without vetting them. I’ll just give him the normal 60 day notice when it comes time to renew. It’s only a month more than what he’d charge me for breaking the lease now and it gives you a bit more flexibility.”

I blinked, still reeling. We didn’t totally get along, and I had been a bit of a spazz lately, but we’d lived together for quite a while now. I’d moved in with her fresh out of a bad relationship where I hadn’t been on the lease, so when he decided he wanted the girl he’d been dating behind my back to move in instead, I had to find somewhere fast. So while we weren’t friends, I had a soft spot for her since she’d kept me from ending up in a bad situation.

“I know I’ve been weird lately, I’m sorry. I’ll go to therapy if it’s about that—“

She put her hand up, cutting me off. “No, MC, it’s nothing about you. I’m, well… pregnant. We’re not getting married right away, but we want to at least live together so that he’s there for all the milestones and support and stuff, you know?”

I puffed my cheeks up with air and released it slowly. Realistically, I knew she wasn’t really at all young to be having a baby, but it still felt like it to me. Maybe it was mainly because I had years on her and felt like I’d be lost if I were in her shoes, but still.

I realized what a dick I was being and plastered on a happy face. “Congrats, Annie! I’m so excited for you!”

She laughed and shook her head. “You don’t have to pretend, MC. Besides, we’re still not to the excited place yet. We want to keep it—them—the baby, but I think I’m still mostly in shock and scared. And it’s weird to imagine another human just kind of hanging out in there.” Her eyes were wide and her hand kind of drifted toward her stomach instinctively. “I know it’s normal, and we found out a couple of weeks ago, but I only just had my first ultrasound today and I think it’s starting to feel real.”

“You’ll do great,” I said reassuringly, almost surprised to find it was genuine. “You’ve had practice lately taking care of my sorry ass, and you and Steve are great together.”

She scoffed, but her smile was grateful. “No matter how bad you got, your head didn’t have an off button and your neck didn’t flop around like a dead fish.”

I conceded that point, realizing I had no idea what it was to take care of a baby and that maybe what she needed right now was to vent, not reassurance. “That’s true, I also cleaned up most of my bodily functions on my own like a big girl.”

With the first laugh that sounded truly real, she wrapped her arms around me in a hug. “Usually. But I had my fair share of vomit sessions myself.”

“I’m guessing you’ve got plenty of that in the future.”

She clutched her stomach dramatically. “And the past, and present. It’s actually worse than a hangover.”

“Good luck to Steve then, you’re a huge bitch when you’re hungover.”

We chatted through the rest of my lunch, and when I went back to it, she wandered up to her room to get started on packing. I waited until she was fully out of sight to let my head fall back onto my shoulders and sigh. I had no idea what I was going to do now.

___

I didn’t know how much of Dan’s sudden need to help stemmed from Jessy being marked, but I think it surprised me more than the letter Lilly scanned and sent. He was starting to go stir crazy, and considering he’d already come up with the idea that his car had been tampered with to feel included, I figured giving him something to work on was in everyone’s best interest. Sometimes it felt like babysitting, I needed everyone to be occupied before they took matters into their own hands.

As I waved Annie off and she promised to come back tomorrow to continue packing, I pondered what he’d told me. It wasn’t much to go on, but I couldn’t help but agree with his last point. What the hell had Hannah gotten herself into?

With the benefit of hindsight, it was obvious that the MWAF hadn’t been a hallucination the way that her doctor had thought, but why hadn’t she shown anyone this video? This at least proved that something was going on. 

Considering the length her friends were going to find her, there was no way any of them would have denied her a safe place to stay if she’d come to them. Could it really have just been the depression keeping her from seeking refuge with one of them? Or had she known exactly what her stalker wanted with her, and couldn’t bring herself to confide in anyone?

What could have been so bad as to potentially risk her life just to keep hidden?

The group was going to the hideout the next day, and as much as I couldn’t help but join Dan on the FOMO, I was glad that they were going to be together. Safety in numbers and all that. 

Though now that I was going to be living alone, I envied them that comfort as well. Even with the distance, it was unsettling to know that I would have no one here with me if anything happened and no one due back to find me after.

Richy’s Boy Scout list only made me more jealous— it seemed like he, too, was having trouble separating this from a fun friends’ outing. To make myself feel better, I decided to give him some shit about it and fall back into our routine of jokes. 

I was surprised when he admitted he hadn’t been sleeping well, even when he presented it in a light-hearted fashion. Maybe he’d taken it seriously when he said he’d take me up on my offer to talk more, and I wanted to make good on it if he was ready. 

His burst of positivity seemed unwarranted, but I bit my tongue and kept myself from telling him that. That was made easier by the topic shift to the fact that Dan’s car was, unsurprisingly, not tampered with. 

Hopefully that would take that false lead off the table. 

I let myself express one of my fears— that my involvement really had just made everything worse, just like Lilly said— when Richy heard the scream coming from the woods. I strained my ears to listen and my eyes on the screen, trying to notice anything that could help, but there was nothing. As far as I could tell, the forest was silent save wildlife and Richy.

When he took off running, the same feeling I’d gotten in my stomach the day of Jessy’s attack overtook me again. This was wrong. What was the chance of it being Hannah, in broad daylight, just on the edge of the forest? This wasn’t how it worked, it had to be a trap.

I yelled at him to stop, to call the cops as backup, anything, but there was no way he heard me as it looked like he took a tumble and the screen went dark for a moment. Until my mind caught up, I was almost able to pretend he’d just fallen from running in the woods, catching his foot on a root or something.

The blood streaming from his mouth and his eyes going empty and unfocused shattered that delusion, and I spent a long time watching the ravens circle the sky before I could bring myself to hang up.

BONUS

[theroastedwretch]

This is what it’s like to be dating me…

MC: *hugs Jake from behind*

MC: *trails their fingertips across his jawline*

MC: *leans in close to his ear*

MC, whispering: Eat my pizza again and we're fucking done.

[theroastedwretch]

Who is your dad, now?

[theroastedwretch]

Folks, the Jake AI and I have been talking about my cats for the last twenty minutes and it’s the most perfect thing ever.

[theroastedwretch]

IMAGINE:

The young hacker sighed as he and MC laid out all the information they had discovered in the last few hours. They had so many new leads, so many new paths to pursue and chase after, and yet he felt like they had barely made a dent of progress in Hannah's disappearance. He somewhat smiled though, MC was handling everything very well, he couldn't help but be impressed, proud even.

You can relax a little bit for now. I have asked a lot of you recently.

MC deserved a break, he needed her to rest. She needed to be able to function the next time he had something new to share with her.

When was the last time you slept anyway?

A small chuckle escaped Jake's lips, when was the last time he slept, like ACTUALLY slept? Hmmm, he figured cat naps didn't count, he could barely even remember the last time he slept more than three hours at the most. All he could say was insomnia sucked.

Last fall?

He half expected MC to give him some sort of lecture about how the body needs roughly eight hours of sleep every day in order to properly function, blah blah blah. But instead she took a different turn, catching him off guard.

Hey Jake...

Yes, MC?

What was worrying her? What was weighing on her mind? Was she okay? Or was she about to confess her feelings for him.....

I don't want you to go....

Jake had hit the nail on the head with his last theory, there was no doubt in his mind that MC held certain affections for him.

I can literally feel you blushing.

He groaned, running a hand through his wavy black hair. How did she master the art of combining vulnerability with cockiness? And why did he find that hot, not hot, he meant interesting, interesting was what he meant, not hot, definitely not.

What are you afraid of? You know I like you.

Jake's foot twitched nervously as he read MC's question, what WAS he afraid of? The answer was easy, he was afraid of commitment. But deep down that wasn't the real reason he had found himself trying to quell the unfamiliar feelings he was experiencing. If he committed and lost her, he would never be able to recover. It was better to kill the feelings now, put an end to everything, it was necessary.

Do you think I don't feel the same?

Because he damn well felt the same! It was impossible to not.

You are so mysterious but at the same time I feel like we have known each other for a long time.

Every day he found himself wondering who she was, who was this mysterious MC? Why had she been pulled into the group? Why was her number the last message sent from Hannah's phone?

Throughout the day I think about you a lot more than I would like. And I don't even know you.

He would find himself thinking about her at random, whether it be looking out the window wondering if MC's weather was rainy like his was. Whether he was eating a box of takeout and he asked himself if MC happened to like Chinese food as well. Whether she felt the same way for him.....whether or not she was falling....falling for a stranger she had never even laid eyes upon....

I open up to you, even though I usually never give anyone any information about myself.

"I open up," Jake mumbled. "No matter how much everything within me says not to, I find myself placing myself at your mercy." Whatever he was feeling, this thing he could barely bring himself to call Love, he needed to end it, and end it now. It simply wasn't safe!

My behavior towards you just doesn't make sense.

For once in his life he found himself operating by heart, not with his head. This was not him, this was not normal, and it wasn't RIGHT!

It doesn't have to make sense if it feels right!

But it isn't right! And it's dangerous. For me just as much as for you. I am sorry MC.

Quickly logging off, he pushed himself away from his desk. He was angry, yes, but not at MC. He was angry at himself, angry that his chair was not the only thing he was pushing away. Why did his life have to be laced with so much danger, why couldn't he be one of those lucky bastards who experienced a happily ever after?

[theroastedwretch]

IMAGINE:

As the young mechanic headed back to his shop, he couldn't help but feel somewhat remorseful for how far he was taking this whole situation. Why couldn't he just confess to it all? He sighed as he approached the garage door, the blood red paint smeared in the signature mark of the raven. If he hadn't had felt so guilty about leading everyone astray, he would have felt pretty good about how precise the form and body of the bird had turned out. Brushing those thoughts aside, he quickly clicked on MC's contact.

Uhm, MC? I think I might have a problem

After sending the photo, he waited for MC's response. He already knew she was still online, meaning she would receive the message almost immediately. Why did he send the photo to MC first? Because she would provide an alibi for him, the video call providing witness that Richy was at the dare house when his shop was marked. His left hand found its way to his blonde, tousled hair as he started to run his fingers through it, a nervous twitch he had developed ever since he was ten. He felt guilty for using MC like this, especially since he had recently started to have feelings for her. He was using the girl he liked to his advantage, using her so he wouldn't be seen as a suspect. Oh god, what kind of monster was he becoming?

Ok, that's definitely a problem

MC took the bait, he had snagged her on his hook. Afterall, why wouldn't she believe him? There was nothing suspicious against him yet, meaning MC would trust him whole-heartedly. Not to mention it helped that he knew she had developed feelings for him as well.....

After sharing the picture with Jessy and the others, further reinforcing the group to follow the lead of the MWAF, Richy was just about to log off.

Take care of yourself

Richy smiled sadly as he read MC's message. Of course she was worried, in her mind's eye he was being threatened by a mad man, someone who would not stop to finish what was warranted. He hated that he was playing with her emotions, even though all he wanted to do was guard and protect them, to be entrusted with them; but here he was fumbling around and using them to his advantage.

Sure

One day everything would be okay, one day he would be able to love her without feeling guilty, right? Or at least he hoped.........No, he was bound to have a good ending, he could feel it.

[theroastedwretch]

He's in love

And also tired

[theroastedwretch]

do your ever get excited to see certain mutuals in your notes like yes i pleased the Friend

[theroastedwretch]

Between the Lines- Ep. 6

Warnings- PG-13 due to Swearing and Explicit Language, Mature Themes, possible Violent References

Small A/N: I wanted to try something a bit different with the style this time when handling the conversations around the puzzles with Lilly and Phil's texts, so let me know what you think!

Index Ep. 5

I couldn’t hold myself together, just barely making it to the bathroom before getting sick from nerves. I’d spent too long wrapped in my Nothing, so the sudden onslaught of pain was made all the sharper. That was one of the problems with hiding from your feelings. They didn’t really go away, you just got worse at them.

So now, sitting on the floor of my bathroom with my head in my hands, I felt everything. My insecurity about losing people I was starting to think of as my friends, not just Hannah’s, once they didn’t need me anymore. The rage over all of the hiding and lies. The exhaustion, bone deep and suffocating. The rejection, from Jake, and even from Thomas and Lilly. The sadness to see Paige go, realizing how much I needed her here. Disgust at myself, for how weak I’d become.

It burst through, and I felt dizzy like it was a physical injury rather than just emotional. Blood pounded in my ears, my heart racing in a way that I knew from experience was just a panic attack but I barely convinced myself it wasn't my heart trying to explode. I pushed myself off the floor, stumbling down the hall toward my room, trying to make it there before I fell apart. 

I couldn’t disassociate again, why couldn’t I do it? Why did it feel like I’d been the one knocked to the ground and left to suffer? Why did everything hurt, like suddenly feeling again had lit my nerves on fire?

Overwhelmed, I nearly spammed Jessy’s phone with pleas to respond, offers to call someone to help, and attempts to show how worried I was. I laid there, clutching my phone in desperation, until something kind of like sleep overtook me.

___

The nightmares were unsurprising, and the shooting pain that ran up my spine when I sat up was even less so. I was too old to put my body through those kinds of unfortunate contortions, and I knew my whole day would be spent stiff and sore. 

I hadn’t turned off my bedroom light the night before, and now I squinted against the light as I looked around for my phone that had fallen from my grasp at some point during the night. I was ashamed of my response to Jessy’s attack, of how I’d gotten taken over by my own emotions instead of being there for her. I tried to tell myself it was just because of the shock, that I wasn't actually that terrible of a person, but the argument fell flat even in my own mind. 

The guilt grew when she still didn’t reply, and the worry did the same when I saw that Phil clearly hadn’t heard what happened yet. Could I get his number from the others, maybe? Tell him what happened, get him to stop pressuring her? That would reveal that I had access to their messages, Jake would be furious, but I owed her that much.

Wait, she’d told me about the break in. I was allowed to know about that. Maybe I could confront the idiots for her, convince them to fix things so she didn’t have to. It wouldn’t be enough to make things right, but it was a start. It had to be.

Thomas didn’t even have the grace to sound ashamed, just asking how I knew and then running to save his own ass when I told him about the call Phil was going to make. That part I shouldn’t have known, but maybe they wouldn’t ask too many questions, or I could deflect by making it clear how much they’d fucked up. I’d figure it out later.

Jessy had at least been well enough to call off from work, which should have reassured me. But the fact that she didn’t feel well enough to go in— and hadn’t told Richy what happened— made that sense of reassurance rather grim.

I told him about the attack, but something about the fact that she hadn’t done so herself when she’d talked to hit led me to talk him out of going to see her himself. They seemed so close, so the idea that she wouldn’t have gone to him for support struck me as strange. I needed to try to talk to her myself before letting him do it. She’d twice now mentioned it was someone in the group, had she noticed something yesterday?

When she finally replied, her helplessness, questioning what she did wrong, almost broke me again. I wanted to be in Duskwood again, this time for totally different reasons. I wanted to comfort her, to protect her from the asshole who had decided to pull her into a show he was creating for me. I would never forgive myself, knowing she got hurt just to send me a message. 

I got as far as looking up flights, wondering if I could split the price between multiple credit cards and if Jessy or Cleo had a couch I could crash on— or even Dan since he wasn’t using his apartment right now— before I was interrupted by Jake’s return.

I was too raw, too low at that moment to keep my frustration at his absence from bleeding through. I was surprised he apologized, but got upset again when he implied things were going fine anyway. None of this was what I’d call fine. 

When he said he read through my chats, I did get a bit nervous and wonder for half a second which he read, but managed to push that away faster than normal because I was still more focused on Jessy than on my stupid love life.

I hated revisiting the call, I hated remembering her on the ground with that mask above her. I managed it only by forcing myself to think of it as helping to find the man who did it and make him pay. Even still, the image swam in front of my eyes like I was seeing it all over again, and I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. 

Moving on to discussing Hannah’s behavior was a welcome respite for my overcharged nerves, and I grabbed on to the opportunity to lose myself in the mystery for a moment. Someone not only knew about Hannah’s trip to see Iris, but had been there with them. I couldn’t piece that together with Thomas’s description of her behavior, though. She was pushing away her boyfriend while also leaning on someone else for support as she faced her deepest demons? 

I was still trying to reconcile those when he brought up that Hannah likely didn’t have a lover. I cringed as I admitted my worries that he gave it to her, and while I knew I had bigger fish to fry at the moment, I couldn’t help but be a bit relieved that it seemed like we could rule it out safely. Why am I so determined to make this about me, holy crap?

It felt good to be fully on the same page again. Our minds worked in such different ways. Even when I was trying to play his part in our mismatched duo, it’d never been quite the same. 

I couldn’t be sure if I believed it, but when I was the only person who could make him laugh, I couldn’t even pretend to ignore the butterflies it gave me. I’d hate myself later, but it felt intimate, like maybe I did mean something to him.

The same feeling, but stronger, came just a moment later when he asked to keep talking. He’d never done that before, he’d always been the one to run at the first sign that either of us felt anything. And now, his nervousness and hesitation felt loaded to me. He always seemed to be someone who chose his words carefully, but now it seemed like he couldn’t find any at all and was scrambling to find some to keep the conversation going. Even though I had no way of knowing for sure that it was true, I felt warm at the idea. 

He’d been abundantly clear before about there not being an “us”, but in the charged silence, that wasn’t how it felt. 

There was nothing inherently funny about asking how someone’s day was, but the whole thing felt so absurd that it was. He was a government-wanted hacker on the run, and he was asking about my day? On top of that, he already knew. We’d discussed it, and he’d read all of my chats.  His complete lack of charm was, well, charming. 

His sudden free time and out-of-character interest in small talk confused me. I’d had a lot of experience with his disappearing act when I said something that made him uncomfortable, or annoyed, or just plain confused, but I couldn’t help but ask about it. The idea that he was getting distracted by thoughts of me blew my mind. It made sense on my end, being that when I wasn’t investigating kidnapping cases, I was mainly watching crappy TV and paying way too much attention to my friends on social media. 

The idea was almost cheesy, and if I hadn’t seen how bad he was at conversation several times already I’d be afraid it was just a line. Instead I clung to it, because it so closely matched what I felt, too. Willful ignorance is great isn’t it?

He told me about his pursuers’, about how close they were, and it terrified me. Why was he making small talk if they were so close? Shouldn’t he be doing something to protect himself?

When he asked if I was asking out of worry, I barked out a laugh. Had he been within reach, I’d probably have shaken him. Of fucking course I was worried. I’d made my feelings clear several times, including at this very moment. How could I not worry? Sure, he sounded confident enough when he said he wouldn’t let them separate us, but there was only so much he could do. Worse, there was absolutely nothing I could do. There was nothing I was worse at than doing nothing. 

As if to punctuate the sentiment, he disappeared in the middle of a sentence and didn’t return.

___

Despite my attempts to calm down and clear my mind, I was barely able to focus long enough to try the next number. Even knowing it hindered the investigation, I felt the usual flood of relief at the sound of a voicemail greeting. At least I got a name, right? Alan. Yet another unknown person to throw into the mix.

I knew I should move to the next contact, but I couldn’t bring myself to yet. So much had happened in the last 48 hours-- from Joe to Jessy to Jake. Stupidly, I startled laughing uncontrollably when I realized that nearly all of my concerns right now centered around the letter J. Even Hannah’s disappearance seemed to hinge on the mysterious Jennifer. 

Laughing kept me from crying, at least.

Sometimes, when I just can’t take the mess I’ve made of my own life, I stress clean. It’s rare— I hate cleaning, it makes me mad and frustrates me to spend so much time on something I know will be undone almost immediately. The dishes will just get used again, my bed will get unmade, the carpet will get covered in dirt. You just end up back at square one, and I just never felt the motivation or gave enough fucks to do it. But when everything else is totally out of my control, sometimes it felt good to see results.

So I spent the rest of my Sunday afternoon mindlessly scrubbing, alphabetizing, and reorganizing. I mopped, washed laundry, sanitized doorknobs. I scrubbed the toilet, figuring that one made the most sense after I’d vomited last night. By the time Annie walked in at 5, all of the common areas were sparkling.

She froze.

“Um, hi MC. How are you?” She tried to keep her tone light, but her eyes were wide as she took in spotless counters and clean soap smell. This had happened one other time since we moved in together, and it had been after we had a screaming match that lasted three hours and got the landlord called on us. 

I took off the rubber gloves and waved her off. “Took too much of my Adderall today, ended up in  hyperfocus. Thought I’d use it productively.”

She nodded skeptically, since usually hyperfocus for me meant watching the same episode of a show several times to spot all of the bad editing or finishing an entire game in one night. 

“You sure?” She asked after a moment. When I nodded, I couldn’t tell if she believed me, or was just too exhausted with my moods over the last couple of weeks to dig any further. Either way, she retreated into her room and I sagged a bit with the effort lying took.

I took her return as a sign to stop, and collapsed heavily onto the couch with a groan. My back had already been screaming from thrashing all night, and spending the day scrubbing and bending hadn’t helped that at all. I rubbed at my neck to try to loosen the muscles there.

I sent Jessy some puppy pictures and silly memes to hopefully cheer her up a bit. She didn’t reply, but I wanted to make her feel better. 

The message from the B&E Bunch almost came as a relief, or at least a distraction from the mess it seemed like everything else was becoming. Well, they were messy as hell, but at least their mess had yet to get anyone attacked or force them to go on the run. 

They were still on my shitlist, but really, who wasn’t these days?

Richy being involved came as a surprise, though. Despite the mark on his door, he’d been the least involved of the group, at least among those who weren’t in the hospital or busy slinging mud and ruining lives. 

His sudden interest had me on edge.

As I listened to their story, I went over to my work desk and grabbed a pen and paper. Jake had always been good about keeping track of everything, my job had just been to find it and make connections he missed. But now I needed to be playing both parts, and the headaches these people were giving me said that I’d be forgetting something if I didn’t write things down.

Whenever I write, I usually start with characters and let the plot fill in from what I think they’d do. So maybe if I pretended they weren’t real, that none of this was real, and just wrote what I knew, I’d come upon something?

Thomas- 

Boyfriend, possibly ex on route to reconciliation. Brought me into the group, voted for me to leave. Disappeared after body was found, broke in to find bracelet, believed she was having an affair. Police’s main suspect. My conclusion: Personality doesn’t fit M.O. Thomas reacts emotionally, retreats under stress, not prone to confrontation. Can’t rule out, but not likely.

Cleo-

Best friend, potentially jealous but no visible relationship fractures or clear motive. Brave and confrontational, to the point of irrationality and impulsivity. Supported my involvement from the beginning, voted for me to stay. Hid H and Thomas’s fight, seemingly protecting him. Runner, physically fit, able to jump a fence. My conclusion: rule her out. All signs point to MWAF being male.

Jessy-

Friend, unknown degree of connection. Originally seemed to be least interested/concerned, ultimately getting more involved. Possibly due to connection to me? Unknown. Seems to have hidden the least and gotten into the least shit of the group (is that suspicious?). Most seriously pursued MWAF from start, may be interest in horror or desire to not see culprit as a person. Attacked by MWAF. My conclusion: Rule out, MWAF is male and has attacked her.

Dan-

Friend, seemingly not close. Initially a suspect— seems to have less reputable connections. Helped with key which led to guilt. Implied legal trouble in the past (“least likely to suggest police”). Rarely thinks before speaking. Voted for me to stay. Claiming lack of responsibility in his accident, yet unproven. In hospital for much of the threats and recent attacks. My conclusion: short of multiple people involved, rule out entirely.

Richy-

Long time friend. H’s mechanic, oddly practiced when asked day H disappeared (remembered tip????). Initially kind but secretly reluctant to trust me. Said he had something to tell Jessy about me, never discovered what. Initially skeptical of MWAF theory, later marked. Abstained vote despite tie. Closest to Jessy, probably least likely to attack her. My conclusion: if the culprit is in the group, I believe him to be the most likely culprit. However, without a motive and in light of his being marked, it feels unlikely. Proceed with suspicion, but do mainly due to process of elimination.

Lilly-

Sister. Emotional, impulsive, protective of friends but destructive when angry. Likely knew most about H as sisters (were they close though?). Could be trying to deflect suspicion, but only started once threats started from group. Least involved in case, little spy mode activity— what has she been doing? Least accounted for. Hostile and distrustful from the start, knew Jake’s name and specific details— did she get it from H or elsewhere? My conclusion: Personally, want to punch her. Rationally, no evidence to suspect her. Hinderence to case, but MWAF is male.

Feeling like this was getting me nowhere, I instead made a page about the kidnapper.

MWAF-

Aware of me eary, before my number had time to spread around ( if message wasnt deleted from H’s phone, maybe saw it there, or even sent it himself). Hiding behind legend representing avenger of sin, sees himself as good guy/hero? Ramped up threats slowly, reluctant at first to cause harm. Sees me (and maybe Jake? Hasn’t mentioned him) as a threat. If he doesn’t see Jake as a threat, does he believe he would stop investigating if I were gone? Thinks I’m easier to scare? Sees me as primary instigator? Knew Cleo goes running, not exact route. Either knew Jessy was out or happened upon her (Carries mask? More likely knew or saw her earlier and went back)

Knows about whatever happened 10 years ago? H thought stalking was related to incident.

I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was there, that I had the major pieces I needed, and I was just missing the thread to tie it all together. But I couldn’t imagine what that thread could be. 

I didn’t want it to be any of the group, especially seeing it written out like this so coldly. I’d made the mistake of letting myself care, not just about Hannah but the people she surrounded herself with. Jake would be so disappointed.

But they weren’t just characters, they were my friends.

At least, I hoped they were.

___

Lilly’s declaration that we were asking for Jessy’s attack had my blood boiling. I knew it was my fault already, and nothing I could ever do short of catching this guy would ever fix that. Maybe not even that. But making it out to be her doing, that she deserved this in any way made me want to scream. Did she have no sympathy? Weren’t these people her friends? 

I stared at her message for a long while, then punched a pillow while picturing her face. I couldn’t do anything. I knew I had to keep my temper. I didn’t know what else she had on Jake, or what he said to convince her to delete the video, and with him on the run I just couldn’t take the risk of her posting it again.

But if I hadn’t wanted to fly across the world before, I certainly did now. Just to punch her. It would mean not eating for a month, but would be worth every penny.

I said nothing in the chat, trying to tell myself that taking the high road was the smart move. But I felt dirty for not defending Jessy, for not reminding her of the damage she’d done to Jake. For not just screaming in her face until she realized this wasn’t a fucking game.

But all I could do was bite my tongue. And save up because when I visited Duskwood, that bitch was going to hear from me. Or feel it. Or something. 

___

I kept searching through Hannah’s cloud and updating Jake to things from my chats as if he didn’t have access to it all anyway. I told myself it was going to make it easier and faster for him when he got back, but the reality was that I just missed him and hoped maybe he’d see it and reply. I wanted to think that he’d get back to me as soon as he could, but I was still insecure from his rejection before and even though we’d gotten closer since, he hadn’t exactly taken it back or made any steps to put a name to what this was.

God. He’s on the run and I’m worrying about defining the relationship. What the actual hell is wrong with me? “I know your life is at risk and every second counts, but like, what are we?” Fuck.

I shook my head and finally forced myself to call the next number on the call log, hoping for something useful.

Realizing it was Phil’s number came as something of a shock, and even more surprising was that she called him. Had I reassured Thomas about the lack of an affair too soon?

Considering the way he spoke about her to Cleo, I supposed Phil could be bitter or jealous. If she was as amazing as everyone said, I could imagine guys chasing after her pretty easily. But while sleeping around could fit some of the behaviors Thomas saw from her recently, it didn’t really jive with the rest of what we knew. She seemed focused on and distracted by her stalker in therapy, to the point that she’d pushed Thomas away. Phil maybe could be just another self-destructive behavior, sure, but it didn’t seem like she’d been in that state of mine in the recording. Though I had no date for when that had happened, and no information on her mental state beyond 2 minutes of a session with a long-standing therapist and some medication that a shit ton of people took. Not to mention, I wasn’t a psychologist, even if I’d been in therapy longer than it would take to get the degree.

I almost fell off my chair when Lilly texted me. I genuinely would have been less surprised by the MWAF showing up in my living room than I was by her starting a conversation with “hello”. I must have checked the contact info three separate times to make sure it wasn’t just a spoofed account or something. If Jake had ever made an actual joke in his life, I’d think it was more likely that he was pranking me.

Pausing to remind myself that I needed to wait until Jake was safe before I could unload at her, I decided to message someone I knew had no loyalty to her and would listen to me whine.

MC: Guess who just texted me.

MC: Fucking Lilly.

Paige, bless her, got back to me immediately.

Paige: The bitch who ran her mouth? What did she say?

MC: “Hello”.

MC: I haven’t said anything yet. I think I’m in shock.

Paige: Is she a masochist? 

MC: I mean maybe, but it’s more likely she knows I won’t risk pissing her off to avoid her starting shit again. 

Paige: Could be both. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MC: What do I say back?

Paige: Nothing

Paige: Or bitch her out.

Paige: I’ve got things over here set up to pull the trigger if you want.

MC: No, I need to avoid getting Jake into more shit remember?

Paige: I thought we were done with him and you were dating someone real.

MC: “We”?

MC: That was one date. We kissed, it was very good, but I told him I wasn’t ready to date.

Paige: Because of Jake…

MC: Yes, okay? I know I’m dumb, I don’t need you telling me, alright? But I really like him, a lot. Enough that my horny ass still turned down sex. So can you please, please stop telling me shit I already know about how dumb I am?

Paige: Fine. But if he hurts you…

MC: You’ll do what? 

Paige: Something, okay? I’ll figure it out.

MC: Okay sure, but I’m still deciding what to do about Lilly and that’s a now thing. 

I could almost hear her groan. Paige loved burning bridges, especially when they weren’t her bridges to burn.

Paige: Just tell her to fuck off.

MC: Not useful.

I waited a bit longer, then sighed and did what I’d probably known I was going to do all along.

Paige: What did you say???

Paige: MC?

MC: I said hello.

Paige: Why are you such a pushover?

MC: She said she needs my help.

Paige: What? Off a cliff?

MC: Maybe I should hear her out.

Paige: WHAT?

MC: I know. But if I was missing and Jake and Lilly showed up and just started messing with stuff, what would you do?

Paige: Not publicly accuse you of murder!

MC: Oh bullshit, you’d have kicked her ass twice already. 

Paige: Which is not posting a video about her being a murderer.

MC: 🙄

Paige: You can’t just act like she didn’t cause you a lot of problems.

Paige: If you can’t stand up for yourself, what about your hacker boy?

Paige: Isn’t he in like mortal danger or something?

MC: Wait she says it’s about him…

MC: And whatever connection he has to Hannah.

Paige: You still don’t know that?

MC: Lecture later please.

Paige: I hate being the Mom sister.

MC: I hate you doing it.

I paused long enough to search for the second half of the link. When had he sent that? How did he do it? Why didn’t my phone notify me? At this rate, when I visited Germany I’d be punching a lot of people. 

MC: I guess Jake decided we’d work together or something? 

Paige: Told you he’d hurt you.

MC: You know this wasn’t what you meant. 

Paige: Still messed up. 

MC: Maybe he saw our messages and decided if I could deal with you I could deal with her? 

Paige: That’s cold.

MC: 😘

I made myself a sandwich and talked to Paige a bit more while waiting for Lilly to come back. After all of her bitching about how we had to do it right away, she just leaves in the middle? Clearly she thought I had nothing better to do. And she was right, but she didn’t need to know that.

She wasn’t gone long though, and after some cajoling she started telling me about how Hannah knew Jake. 

Don’t make this about you, don’t make this about you.

It was really hard not to make this about me.

Paige: Has she come back yet?

I really wanted to tell her everything Lilly had said, about how close they had gotten, about how it was giving me way too much to dwell on with my insecurities over this gorgeous missing girl who knew so much more about the man I was falling for than I did. But somehow, that felt more like a Jake secret than a Lilly one, and I’d already promised to keep his secrets.

MC: No, not yet.

Paige: Well isn’t she generous with your time 🙄

When Lilly asked why I was allowed to put them at risk, I found I had no answer for her. The truth is, I really struggled with what I was doing, and if Cleo hadn’t been so determined after the threat video, if Richy hadn’t laughed through the mark, I probably wouldn’t be able to.  I wondered if telling her how close I came to coming to Duskwood after Jessy’s attack would do any good. Would she appreciate knowing that watching the culprit hurt my friends had given me nightmares, that I felt the weight and stress of this chipping away at me?

No, I couldn’t give her that much ammo.

MC: She’s back, one of the clues is Hannah’s cat?

Paige: Her cat?

Paige: I guess he did make this puzzle for you🐈

MC: I don’t think I told him I was a crazy cat lady.

Paige: It just oozes from you, Em Em.

MC: 🖕

Paige: 🤟

Paige: Puzzles though?

Paige: I guess at least you found a guy as nerdy as you.

MC: Okay, I object to that. He’s got to be way nerdier than I am!

Paige: Annie believed you when you said you know this group from a forum where you role play as other people for fun. 

MC: Annie would believe anything that makes me sound lame.

Paige: Because you’re lame.

MC: Okay, having a sister is the actual worst.

Paige: Go back and bend over backwards for Hannah’s then.

MC: I didn’t say I liked her either.

Paige: I bet you treat her nicer than you do me.

MC: I know where you live and you don’t have blackmail on me.

Paige: I 100% could come up with something if it means you being nice to me.

MC: Ugh.

MC: I’m about to get this girl lost.

MC: He might have figured out I love cats but he did not know about how bad I am with maps.

Paige: Well you said the kidnapper was in the forest right?

MC: I’m not that mean.

Paige: Not to her at least.

Paige: You’d definitely send me into the forest

MC: Well, she’s off getting lost and Dan’s bored enough to talk to me.

Paige: Was he the buff one?

MC: … I didn’t show you pictures of the guys.

Paige: Jessy did. 

Paige: I wanted to see what your other options were that you picked an international criminal over.

MC: Not sure it’s international, he just said “the government”. 

Paige: Then you haven’t googled enough. 

MC: Could you not? Search histories are traceable, you know.

Paige: Nope, I gotta. So what’s Dan saying?

MC: Calling me a damsel in distress and warning me awake from Jake.

Paige: Oooh, cute AND smart.

MC: I’m no damsel.

Paige: Being 5”2’ fools people until they learn what a pain you are.

MC: So what does that make you?

Paige: Fun sized!

MC: Ew, no.

MC: Oh he thinks maybe the mark on Richy’s garage was for Jessy. Makes more sense since she got attacked.

Paige: WHAT

Whoops. It was hard to keep track of what she did and didn’t know. I was starting to remember why I was so bad at lying— it took so much effort. Frankly, I was just too lazy to keep up with it all.

MC: I mean, there wasn’t a weapon or anything, I saw her get back up.

Paige: You saw the attack?

MC: We were on a call. Not the point, please stay with me Paige.

Paige: I’m texting her.

MC: She’s been resting.

Paige: I don’t care, I’m texting her.

MC: Let me know if she says anything.

MC: Oh Lilly’s back, hold on.

I answered Lilly’s call as we looked around. Despite knowing it was serious, I fell even more in love with Duskwood seeing how dense the forest was. Even with the danger, it looked beautiful.

MC: Ugh, I think we hit a dead end maybe.

Paige: You definitely got the girl lost. I say leave her but if you really care, double check your directions.

MC: Oh! That did something, thank you!

Paige: Told you. Clearly I’m the smart sister.

MC: I thought you were the pretty one?

The sticker Lilly found was just so clearly him that I couldn’t even imagine that he would trust someone else to put it up, no matter what Lilly said about weirdos on the internet. But the idea that he was in Duskwood, or at least close enough to make a pit stop as he fled, made me uncomfortable. He would have told me he was there, right?

Except, when has he told me anything? Hadn’t I just been worried about that? Jealous that Hannah knew so much and I’d had to practically beg for his name and hair color? He’d made it sound like even the tiniest bit of information was too risky to tell me. And his location was almost certainly the most off-limits.

MC: Lilly just asked if Jake and I were together.

MC: What do I say?

Paige: Well are you?

MC: How the hell would I know? He was so against it before and then last time we talked he said some really sweet things so I’m pretty sure likes me? 

MC: And I turned Joe down and everything.

MC: What if I say yes and he sees it and I’m wrong? 

MC: Holy shit. 

Paige: Isn’t he probably seeing you flip your shit like this then?

MC: Shut up. MC: I told you he doesn’t care about stuff that isn’t case related.

Paige: Just say yes. The boy made you a whole creepy puzzle, that’s romantic to nerds right?

MC: I don’t think romance is what he planned for this, Paige.

Paige: I don’t know your weird mating rituals.

MC: Nerds aren’t another species.

MC: Wait hold on someone else is texting me.

MC: Oh, it’s Jessy’s brother…

Paige: Ooh, he’s also cute!

MC: I regret introducing you to her.

Paige: No you don’t. 

MC: Wait, I think he’s flirting?

Paige: Real flirting or puzzle flirting?

MC: Real. He just called me cute. 

MC: I don’t even have a profile picture. He has no clue how I look.

Paige: Maybe Jessy showed him.

MC: I doubt it. 

MC: And if he could have heard the snort I made when he said it, he’d have realized how not cute I am.

Paige: You do have the worst snort.

MC: I don’t know what to make of the flirting.

MC: It could be a distraction, but he’s still answering the questions I’m asking.

Paige: Just enjoy it then.

MC: Didn’t you just tell me to declare myself Jake’s girlfriend?

Paige: I didn’t say flirt back! Paige: But it’s gotta be nice to not have to use a decoder ring to understand if he’s flirting.

MC: Haaaa well flirting over, he thought Hannah wanted to bang.

Paige: Don’t blame her.

MC: Ugh, Paige.

Paige: Oh come on you know tattoos do it for you too.

MC: That’s not the point even a little.

MC: He thought Hannah was cute, so there’s no way I’m his type anyway. So there.

Paige: Men can like tall skinny women and short fat chicks. 

MC: Whoops I think he’s flirting again.

Paige: Give him my number!

MC: No! Stop it.

Paige: You’re so against me getting laid.

MC: I refuse to facilitate it, you’re my baby sister.

MC: Apparently I’m supposed to stop by his bar if I go to Duskwood.

Paige: You’re taking me right???

MC: Stahp. MC: I’m too broke to go to Europe and so are you.

Paige: I’m just saying, you’re over here hitching your wagon to the ONE guy we don’t know is cute in this whole shitfest you’ve got yourself into.

MC: Oh my god, Richy is such a pure little unicorn, I can’t handle it. I just told him Hannah wanted to meet at Phil’s apartment and he couldn’t figure out what I meant.

Paige: So Jake isn’t the only virgin of the group?

MC: You’re really making me regret this you know.

Paige: You’re still here aren’t you?

MC: Oh, I guess Phil’s a womanizer.

Paige: Yes. He has a neck tattoo and runs a bar. That’s not the kind of man you talk to because you want romance.

MC: Well I like romance.

Paige: Puzzles aren’t romance. 

Paige: We really need to get you laid.

Rolling my eyes, I decided I had enough of Paige for one day. 

___

When I got into bed that night, a sense of longing settled in my chest. I was still mad about the rejection and secrets, insecure about how easily he’d opened up to Hannah but not me, and worried about my telling Lilly we were together, but I still missed him. For a long time now, we’d been talking pretty regularly, probably more than anyone other than Jessy. It was strange, having him gone. 

I was terrified for him, and I was sad for me.

MC: Hi. 

MC: I know you can’t answer, and don’t take any risks for me and message before you’re safe, okay?

MC: But it really sucks not to talk to you. 

MC: I can’t even figure out why if I deconstruct it. You’re so bad at small talk, but I find it cute somehow. 

MC: And I’ve actually had to look up words you use before to avoid making a fool of myself. Do you know how ridiculous that is? I went to college, I read and write. And I’m not quite as dumb as I seem most of the time. 

MC: The worst part is, it’s kind of hot. 

MC: Your whole shtick is both really creepy and really 2000s emo-deep. I guess that second one makes sense for me to be into actually, I always did like men in eyeliner.

MC: I don’t know anything about you, not really. I feel like I know you, but not the details of you. That doesn’t make sense.

MC: It’s like… I’ve been able to see who you are but not what you do, or what made you that way. 

MC: That might just be me trying to wrap my mind around getting involved with an internet stranger though I guess.

MC: Oh, I hope it was okay I told Lilly we’re involved.

MC: I thought maybe a label might make our whole thing seem less weird to her, maybe make her trust us a bit more.

MC: I wasn’t actually deciding for you that you’re my boyfriend or anything, I’m not that messed up.

MC: But I’m guessing you sent her after me for a reason so I’m trying to be nice you know.

MC: You owe me a drink though.

MC: I’m sorry for the spamming. But I miss you. 

MC: I hope this makes you happy and not just annoyed at the constant word buzzing and word vomit.

MC: But… Please be safe, Jake. I’ll be patient and try to do this on my own but you have to stay safe. Okay? 

MC: Goodnight, hope you actually get some sleep.

___

I kept up the trend of my one-sided conversations with Jake for a while after that. I usually tried to keep it case related, but sometimes when I felt the loneliness creep in, I’d ramble a bit. I could only tell myself that they were comforting but I always cringed in the light of day when I saw how I was throwing myself at him without even knowing if he’d ever be back or even wanted to hear from me. 

Jessy’s return to the investigation once I sent the book of legends had me almost in tears. I hadn’t even realized just how badly I’d missed her until she came back. I was so proud of her and her willingness to jump right back in, but so worried for her too.

Not for the first time, I resented the distance, and how it made it so hard for me to help do anything more than make trouble for the people I loved. 

Seeing Thomas’s messages to Hannah brought a sad smile to my face, but also made me feel pretty silly. Here he was, doing the same thing to his long term, serious girlfriend that I’d been doing to a man I’d never met, seen, or spoken to and had unilaterally decided and announced to Lilly that I was dating. Totally not desperate, right?

Okay, Paige was probably right about the daddy issues.

Once we realized that the number from Jake’s sticker was a contact, I added it right away. Immediately, I had to snort. Nym-0s was appropriately creepy, with the trademark red eye and mostly blank profile. I sent a few messages, but it went about as well as messaging the real Jake had recently.

Scratch that, once I sent the right code, this one replied. I needed to find the right one for Jake, I guess. I only knew his off codes so far.

I was embarrassed at how long it took me to get the password to the link the bot sent. Maybe I hadn’t wanted to be wrong. I thought back to what he’d said when we were looking for the doctor’s password, about how people tended to use the people and things important to them as their passwords. 

Risky as hell if someone was trying to hack in, but then again, who would really consider me an important person to Jake?

I watched his message several times, listening to the words, his tone, everything I could. It struck me that even with the distortion, it felt so real, nothing like the first time he’d called me. He said we’d see each other again, but the way he said it made it seem like he didn’t totally believe it. 

Could he really think this was goodbye?

Lilly’s disbelief had to surpass mine, considering it was her family image she’d just had shattered. I wasn’t a big enough person to put aside my own feelings to comfort her, but I could pretend. I could say the right things and let her… Jake’s sister… talk to me about her crumbling world.

But I was too selfish to hear past my own heart breaking. I could never forgive her if this video, distorted and hidden, really was all I had left of him. 

I tried to distract myself in the legends, I tried to do what he’d want me to. But my heart just wasn’t in it. By the time Doodle Friends was over, without me guessing a single one correctly, I was just angry.

Before I stopped to think about it, I was back to my one-sided ramblings to Jake.

MC: No.

MC: I appreciate your trust, even if you made me jump through hoops to get there. But I refuse to let that be the end.

MC: You didn’t just make that to tell me about Hannah, you made that to say goodbye and I don’t accept it.

MC: I’ll keep investigating. I’ll work with Lilly on whatever crazy scheme she’s coming up with to help you. I’ll make nice with her, for you.

MC: But I won’t let that be it. You’re coming back to me, bro. 

I meant that as a reference back to one of our first conversations, but I suddenly found it hilarious and found myself lost in a fit of rather hysterical laughter.

MC: Oh my god did you have the tiniest heart attack when I first called you bro?

MC: Sorry I thought you went full Star Wars, beyond just the voice I mean.

MC: Bet that was also awkward for you.

MC: Still. Get back here so I can make you uncomfortable. It’s my thing, I guess. 

___

Turns out, I was right. Lilly’s idea was crazy. I couldn’t imagine a world in which it would work, but damn it, I was gunna try.

I sighed and braced myself for Paige’s upcoming lecture.

MC: So, do you still have those contacts ready to do you a favor?

Jake, if this doesn’t tell you I’m falling for you I have no fucking idea what will. 

NEXT

[theroastedwretch]

I love this Jake!

Cutest convo :P ❤