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[therorrimsystem]

at the end of the day, when you’re on the floor with your head between your knees pulled to your chest, remember the comfort of the human body. a heart the goes over the lub and dub. skin turns gold in the evening sun. atlas palms. balloon lungs. eyelash kisses every time i blink. jointed arms reaching out, to hold a hand or pet a dog.

[therorrimsystem]

Oh god https://www.instagram.com/p/B0RBtfLg-0D/?igshid=1ullyu3cku0d4

[therorrimsystem]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Compassion is not finite, but daylight is. Give yourself time to rest.

Taurus: Get ready Taurus, you’re in for a night of romantic dual wielded 45s. 

Gemini: Whats the rush? Nothing has happened but you can feel your heartbeat in your ears, you can feel your eyes dilate. Literally nothing has changed but your body seems convinced that you are going to die any second.

Cancer: A shot glass full of bee husks and dried flower petals.

Leo: Nobody really cares that you’re not one for fighting. Preparation is its own reward.

Virgo: A little bird with no skin told me you know where you’re headed, that you have a good head on your shoulders. I didn’t trust them. No offense. 

Libra: Dont mistake power for trust. 

Scorpio: No sense in arguing over the supposed opinions of a dead man. Dig him up and ask him why dont you? Its a once in a lifetime chance.

Ophiuchus: There is elegance in simplicity, but simplicity can get real boring real fast.

Sagittarius: Its time to fuck around with that thing you’ve been thinking about fucking around with.

Capricorn: You’ve forgotten when their birthday is. This is a good thing.

Aquarius: There is nothing more suspicious than someone who says they have your best interests at heart. 

Pisces: You will see a cool picture of a plague doctor this week. Hell yeah.

[therorrimsystem]

trauma doesn’t often feel like trauma is ‘supposed’ to feel. it feels like indifferent detachment, watching from outside yourself because nothing can hurt you there. it feels normal, just how people interact, so why are you making a big deal about it?  it feels like a joke – just how kids play, just how adults tease, just how some relationships work.

you wake from nightmares five years later and still wonder if you made it all up.

trauma can look like bad behaviour. like the stubborn refusal to get better, to stop self-destructing. trauma is putting yourself in harm’s way because you don’t really mean it, or because it’s funny, or because you just want to feel something, or because you just want to stop feeling. it’s wanting to destroy and reassemble yourself into another person entirely, so your real life can begin. because this isn’t real. because really bad things don’t happen to people like you.

trauma is the constant feeling of being an impostor. it’s the drive to survive twinned with the impulse to make yourself more sick in more ways. to hurt yourself to prove how bad you feel, or to punish yourself for exaggerating. you want people to believe what you’ve been through, to tell you your feelings are real, that your memories really happened. but when people do take you seriously, you play it off as a joke, apologize for bringing the mood down.

you go on and on about how it wasn’t that bad. you seek permission to still love the ones who hurt you, because it’s the people closest to us who can hurt us most deeply.

you can feel like the people who hurt you are the only ones who really knew you. in low self esteem, you can mistake cruelty for honesty.

there will always be people who have been through worse. that doesn’t make what happened to you okay.

there will always be people who don’t believe you. that doesn’t mean you are lying.

at some point, you have to take yourself seriously. you have to make a life you can stand to live. it’s the only way to survive.

[therorrimsystem]

It’s my favorite thing when a lesbian is just like “I got extra fries with my meal, gay rights” or an enby is like “wow trans rights I just got a free gift card to the movies” or a bi dude is like “finally found a plant that won’t die, queer rights I guess.” Like that is the funniest shit I don’t care.

[therorrimsystem]

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

[therorrimsystem]

[therorrimsystem]

I like Marie Kondo because I’m so used to all the rhetoric around “decluttering” or “tidying up” being about how it’s somehow immoral to own things and that we need to burn our possessions and all live in sterile minimalist Hell in a plain white apartment with a deck chair and one potted plant.

So I like hearing the tidy lady tell me that yes I should live in a hovel with a bunch of linguistics books and dragon statues and here are some ways to keep the hovel clean and orderly while I lurk in it.

It’s so refreshing.

[therorrimsystem]

I really really wish I was a cat, I’m not built for this capatalist society but I am built for sleeping 19 hours a day and knocking things over

[therorrimsystem]

Okay look. Stephanie Meyer contributed four (4) cool things to the contemporary fantasy genre, which I shall now list here in the hopes of getting it out of my system. In descending order of importance:

1. Writing a story about a girl who wants something. Plot driven by a woman’s (non-vilified) desire. Truly dreadful execution but still a good idea, sort of a literary incarnation of the “he a little confused but he got the spirit” meme.

2. The fact that when Bella becomes a vampire she can still breathe but “there’s no relief tied to the action” which I remember verbatim because it fucking slapped. The idea of human physical sensations being partially defined by our mortality and the sensations still exist after you become undead but your experience of them is fundamentally different because you no longer need any of it? Extremely cool. The closest Meyer came to taking an interesting stance on vampires being dead.

3. Werewolves are immortal but they can literally stop whenever they want. That shit’s hilarious. Curse of immortality who.

4. The fact that vampires don’t sleep or get tired so their communally-raised baby doesn’t have a crib because she is always in someone’s arms. That was extremely cute and there’s a different, better book contained somewhere in that specific concept.

[therorrimsystem]

[therorrimsystem]

Kohaku

[therorrimsystem]

Reblog in support of they/them pronouns!

[therorrimsystem]

how to disappear completely and never be found again

[therorrimsystem]

Make that 4 years, and same.

[therorrimsystem]

[therorrimsystem]

Plurality problems

Someone: refers to me using they/them pronouns

Some Asshole™: you can't do that!!! They/them pronouns are PLURAL!!! And that's ONE person!!!

Me, a system: *nervous laughter* right, just one person