thesaltyclouds

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Horrible OT CPE experience

was allocated to SGH inpatient rehab at OCH for my placement, but turns out that the place was a nightmare... first of all, my supervisor gg by the name of CC likes to remind her students of all the mistakes they have made, and even using the same mistakes to make u think u are unworthy of other professional achievements.. and as my confidence took a hit to achieve other milestones, she used it against me to attack my self-management abilities. what the fuck. She made me question my intelligence and my worth countless of times. IM JUST GLAD THE 7 WEEKS OF NIGHTMARE WAS OVER...

not to even mention the culture at SGH inpt rehab @ OCH was so toxic.. my intentions to learn from others was seen as socially inappropriate? and the fact that those co-workers don’t even have the guts to talk to me, but rather approach my supervisor was so discouraging.. and there is this expectation that you need to fit into their culture, and if you seemed to be a misfit, then whatever you do is going to make people gossip about you behind your back.

Lessons learnt:

- Avoid SGH inpatient rehab at OCH, and avoid a sup/senior by the name of CC

[thesaltyclouds]

Sunday thoughts

Since i had a wee bit of time today, I am going to do some blogging, which I have not done so in a long while. 

Authenticity

I have been attending a church for quite a while now, although I felt that something was missing somehow. Like I could not find and be my authentic self like I used to when I was in another church previously. I wanted to be my best self living my best life everyday. Is trying to find and be authentic something of a fad to be pursued for the sake pf pursuing? Maybe the answer is to just be authentic to God? Is it enough to just be authentic towards God, or should I live up to the expectations of being authentic to others too? 

Success

The message for today’s service was ‘Danger of Success’. I think success is overrated nowadays. Society and the media has placed so much emphasis on being successful in worldly terms like climbing the corporate ladder, and holding high paying, lucrative jobs, living the high life and the list goes on. Echoing after the words of Pst. Paul, I agree and believe success can likely corrupt the heart and the mind, deceiving you into thinking that everything in your life is going so well that you don’t need to rely on God anymore. 

Relationships

Frankly speaking, I have come to learn that I’m not born as a relationship sort of person. It is painful to learn this about myself, as I always wanted to be popular and well-liked among people. My journey of maturing into a young adult has consisted of many friendships that were mostly on the superficial level. Relationships with them are at a younger level, the level of how youths get along with each other. I began to ask if attending my previous church is going to help my personal development and growth. But if moving on to another church is causing so much discomfort, stress and unhappiness, then what should I do? I really don’t want to be a passive participant/member in church, or just a number. I want my attendance every Sunday to mean something to God, even if it was not noticed by people. However, the pull to fall back to my old value system (of pursuing happiness, authenticity, best life, full life, a conspicuously upright and righteous life on the surface level) is so strong that I want to go back to my old friends and old way of life. 

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@uhhhhtg @sourcreamcheese @mybeatifulnightmare-blog-blog 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

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“After my grandmother passed away, Dad stepped out of the hospital for some fresh air.  Then he said a prayer and asked my grandmother to send him a sign.  When he opened his eyes, there was a dime at his feet.  And after that day, he began to look for dimes everywhere.  I was six years old at the time, and he’d always get me to help him search.  My head would be down wherever we went.  And whenever we found one, he’d say: ‘Bubby sent it to us!’  Then we’d add it to a little clay jar that I made.  Sometime when I was in third grade, my parents sat me down and told me that Dad had cancer.  I remember sitting in the guidance counselor’s office during recess.  Apparently he’d already been sick for several years.  It was a rare type of cancer.  And it was aggressive.  It would go away for two months at a time, but it would always come back.  But even the people who knew him had no idea.  He never let it stop him.  He worked really hard.  He woke up every morning at 4 AM to use the elliptical.  Unfortunately his last few years lined up with my angsty teenage years.  I pushed him away a lot.  I wanted to hang out with my friends.  And Dad wasn’t really the artistic type, so I didn’t think we had much in common.  But he kept trying.  And things did get better between us.  He was really silly and affectionate.  He’d burst into my room while I was studying, singing at the top of his lungs, using a bottle of shampoo as a microphone.  He’d always ask me to get coffee.  Or breakfast.  And I’d usually say ‘no.’  Because it’s hard when you have a terminally ill parent.  You think about it all the time, but it’s the last thing you want to think about.  And there’s this knowledge that the closer you become, the harder it’s going to be.  He died when I was sixteen.  It was November 30th.  I remember walking around the parking lot at his funeral, staring at the ground.  There wasn’t a dime anywhere.  And it really pissed me off.  I was looking at the sky.  Shouting at the sky.  But nothing.  We found over 300 dimes when he was alive, but I couldn’t find any after he died.  I searched everywhere for an entire month.  Then one day I had a really bad day.  So I decided to visit his grave for the very first time since his funeral.  I parked my car, walked down the steps, and found my dad’s plaque.  Then I looked down at my feet.  And there it was.” #quarantinestories

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Chickenpox Nightmare

I couldn’t remember when it started. My best guess would be on Chinese New Year Day 1 when the symptoms of chickenpox first appeared.

It was on my chin. I mistook it as a pimple or a rash. At that point, I thought it was a result of eating too many Chinese New Year snacks. Never did I knew that I was so wrong. One wrong step led to another. Not only did I ignored it, I even started scratching it, aggravating the red spot, which then became a blister.

The next day, to my horror, several more spots appeared on my face! The bright red spots had also spread to my neck and upper chest. Seriously. Damn it. At that point, I knew something was wrong. It could never be pimples, as they are not contagious. That was when I figured out it was chickenpox. 

I went to visit the doctor the following day, and true enough, I was right. Chickenpox was the diagnosis. That was when the physical and mental fight began. Over the next three days or so, the bright red spots spread to every part of my chest, neck, shoulders, and even the bottom part of my body. 

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Inpatient attachment @ TTSH

I count myself really fortunate to be able to have the opportunity to obtain a full-day observation session with assigned OTs for today. 

The morning was spent observing inpatient while the afternoon for outpatient.

The first patient I observed was an elderly lady named Mdm Leow. After a few weeks of working on her muscles, she was, fortunately, able to regain her ability to walk and live independently. However, what puzzled me was her hesitance to be discharged from the hospital and go back home. After listening to her explanation, I felt the main reason was that she did not want to feel lonely at home. I kind of understand where she’s coming from since her only closest family member, who is her sister, refuses to see her and be contacted by us. 

The second patient I observed was an elderly man who is currently at stage 4 lung cancer. When the OT-in-charge probed him about his condition, he remained silent and still. I thought maybe he did not understand English, so I asked him a few questions in Mandarin instead, such as ‘Have you eaten?’ ‘Does any part of your body hurts?’ etc hoping for a reply. He still did not give any response. So my OT-in-charge asked him to see if he can stand and walk a few steps from his bed. He followed instructions very well. Maybe he was just too tired to talk, I thought to myself. He also walked to the basin to wash his hands when asked. So far so good. When he finally got back to his bed, and when I asked him another question (which I could not remember), he gave a nod! I considered this a mini accomplishment. 

As for the third patient, we basically measured his blood pressure and my OT-in-charge chatted with him for a while. I did not really help other than translate a few questions for my OT. Haha. 

[thesaltyclouds]

2019 Reflections

- Jan: Travelled to Hong Kong for a short holiday, and also motivated me to start food blogging seriously

- Feb: Had the opportunity to step into Tiffany & Co’s office for the very first time, for a client meeting. It was a privilege to work closely with them as someone who is very inexperienced in marketing, as I learnt first-hand on their collaboration with top celebrities and witnessed first-hand on how a Tiffany & Co. campaign was conceptualised

- May: Had the opportunity to organise and plan an art-and-craft DIY workshop titled “Make Your Own Tote Bag” in The Evolution

- July: Joined an educational technology start-up for the first time and witnessed the importance of technology and its role in improving the lives’ of teachers. Apart from my lovely team of Storytellers, that is where I got to know the lovely people at LL from Angels to Builders and Fairies :) Proud to make my first-ever marketing video for Teachers’ Day

- Aug: Directed and filmed a short video on SSDB Finale Party by working with Hampton Preschool at Bishan Community Club together with my lovely colleague, Nabilah, a Pixie 

- Sep: Had another opportunity to direct and film a short video on SSDB Finale Party by working with Safari Schoolhouse Preschool together with my lovely colleague, Athena, an Angel

Sept was also when I had the most privileged opportunity to travel to Hanoi, Vietnam for a business trip together w my colleagues. 

- Oct: Travelled to Sydney for the first time and learnt how Australians can be a mix of both kind and arrogant people. Depending on where you meet them. Also, stepped foot into the Hillsong City Campus @ Waterloo for the first time! 

- Nov: Went for my first ever mission trip w my brother, cousin, his church friend, and my auntie, who kindly sponsored the whole trip for my brother and I. This mission trip opened my eyes to the underprivileged society of sub-urban Philippines. I saw first-hand how basic necessities such as food and water were really scarce in the villages we visited. Seeing how these children still harbor a sense of hope in their hearts made me realize how lucky I am. Am really blessed to have met Auntie Tess and her lovely daughters, Maureen, Abigail, Aiden who are the warmest, kindest and loving people I have ever met! Even when I am writing this, I am longing for the homemade breakfast and dinner prepared by Auntie Tess. She has such a big heart for the people and genuinely wants more children and families to know God. 

- Dec: If I were to ask myself one year ago in Dec 2018 where would I be, I would never have imagined myself in this role that I started in the second week of Dec. Whether it would turn out great, fine or not-so-good, I know as time will tell.

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Back at the grind

My work responsibilities had been increasing on a slightly manageable level, still. Today, I was also briefed to brainstorm planning and execution ideas for a brand new marketing campaign that we will be launching for a new product. Right now, the scale of my responsibilities had definitely increased monumentally and I am sure it will continue. 

Work and technicalities aside, I hope to gain back the spark I once had as a fresh graduate. :) The drive that I used to have, the passion, the ‘I can conquer the world’ energy seemed to have dissipated and faded, and I realised a lot more each time I slogged especially in my previous two companies. Maybe I was caught up with the wrong things in my life that I lost sight of what’s important to me... which was my passion and desire to excel in the things I am good at, which I am always learning what it is. Sometimes it changes, sometimes it stays. I am not sure what sticks, but I know I am going with what works right now. 

Absorbing in all my to-dos for the next few weeks, I really need to be mentally prepared to take on greater responsibilities. On many days, I felt like I am an imposter of my job. It’s true and the struggle to break that mindset is real. I felt that I wasn’t good enough. I am trying to unlearn detrimental attitudes from my past work experiences, walk away from negative people and learn to be content with the little things. The undoing and unlearning is harder than I thought but I will try nevertheless. 

The light at the end of the tunnel is becoming clearer.

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These Brilliantly-Designed Stores Are Living in the Future (x)

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This experience deserves a huge shout-out! 

A big thank you to Sherwin who kindly offered to whip up an amazing dinner for us before enlisting for NS. 

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