thescarabarchives

[thescarabarchives]

YOU want your favourite character to be safe and happy. I want mine exhausted, beaten down, covered in scars and blood, made the wretched plaything of a terrible higher power. is that so much to ask.

[thescarabarchives]

Cal: I’m the smartest, wisest person in this group.

Isabelle : Really? Then why is your hand stuck in a vending machine?

Cal: I paid for my Mars Bar, I’m getting my Mars Bar.

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The Squad is playing Minecraft together

Delbert: Ooh, a village! You know what that means!

Susan : Hostile takeover?

Hadley : Genocide?

Track : Steal everything!

Delbert: No, I meant-

Isabelle : I didn’t know we would fight the ender dragon this early! A village worth of beds isn’t enough!

Kenneth : WHAT ARE WE EVEN DOING?!?!

Delbert: …I was going to say move into the village and become the mayors…

Isabelle : Ohhhh! That sounds like a better idea.

Kenneth : Agreed.

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Kenneth : Uh, Susan ? Gilbert is in the pool and I don't think they're waterproof.

Susan : What?

Delbert: I think they meant, Gilbert is drowning.

Susan : WHAT?!

*Meanwhile*

Gilbert: *is drowning*

Stewart : OH MY GOD, GILBERT! KEEP SWIMMING!

Gilbert: I can't swim, dumbass— *sinks*

Stewart : GILBERT!

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Gilbert: The scariest president had to be Rushmore because he had four heads.

Delbert: Yeah, it’s a good thing we captured him in that mountain, even if we have to live in fear of the spell wearing off.

Stewart : Do you two still believe in that legend? Come on, Rushmore was killed a hundred years ago! We’re safe now.

Cal: You people have clearly never taken a history lesson. His body was never found.

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Isabelle: What happens if I press the gas and the brake at the same time?

Cal: The car takes a screenshot.

Gilbert: Please pull over. I’m driving now.

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Delbert: Kenneth , you were so wasted last night.

Kenneth : I wasn't that drunk!

Delbert: ...You called a taxi home.

Kenneth : Yeah! It's called being responsible!

Delbert: The party was at your house.

Kenneth: …Crap.

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Isabelle: I would never say that my partner is a bitch and I don’t don’t like them. That’s not true… My partner is a bitch and I like them so much!

[thescarabarchives]

I’m finally caught up! Expect more incorrect quotes.

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Hadley: Stewart, my old friend!

Stewart: I think you tried to kill me at some point.

Hadley: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.

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Did I just make fan art of a podcast I found on Spotify on Wednesday? Yes I did. This is what I think they look like cause they never said what they looked like. This is Dr. East, Cal, and Gilbert (he’s the phone. He’s a ghost that’s in the phone) from the paranormal drama podcast The Scarab Archives.

[thescarabarchives]

Omg u like Mistholme too that’s AMAZING

I just really love The Scarab Archives and it has No fanbase which disappoints me Immensely

-Felix

[thescarabarchives]

HOLY CRAP the new episodes

I don’t even know how to explain they’re so good I just lsjdjsoMkLAXJXMANSNSNSNSS

Can’t w a i t till I get my boyfriend to listen

-Felix

[thescarabarchives]

Delbert: You’ll have a hard time believing this because it never happens, but I made a mistake.

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Gilbert: Do you have any idea what you’re doing? Hadley: Why start now?

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Delbert, writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

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Delbert: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming? Gilbert: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?