theshoreofsea

[theshoreofsea]

Why him

My eyes smile at his glance 

Making my sanity enter a trance 

But he turned out to be so vile 

I was devastated he made me smile

His eyes are so pretty 

Like some wretched spell in a city 

But he says stuff so mean 

I feel like a neuro-divergent teen

He is morally corrupt by his soul

My mental peace is the only thing he stole 

I wish we had never met 

Why do I like him? I wanna forget

[theshoreofsea]

Things that adv guy shouldn't have done:-

1. Shouldn't have argued with that guy. ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

(I felt guilty for that argument)

2. Shouldn't have come the next day to specifically explain to me why he argued. 乁⁠(⁠ ⁠•⁠_⁠•⁠ ⁠)⁠ㄏ

(he had an exam that day he should have gone home instead)

3. There was no need to tell me "aap achanak chle kyu gye mujhe acha nhi lga, mere hone ka fayda kya hua fir." ⊂⁠(⁠・⁠﹏⁠・⁠⊂⁠)

(He was probably not in his right mind when he said that also he doesn't think before he speaks so that sums up)

4. He shouldn't have said "cute ho aap" while leaving that day. (⁠ノ⁠•̀⁠ ⁠o⁠ ⁠•́⁠ ⁠)⁠ノ⁠ ⁠~⁠ ⁠┻⁠━⁠┻

(shaanti se Ghar kyu nhi gya ye)

5. Shouldn't have made that cute little heart doodle in my notebook. How I am supposed to not loose my mind. If any version of me didn't feel gushy after this then it wasn't me but a facade. (⁠●⁠_⁠_⁠●⁠)

(Like let me live damn you are making things hard for me sir)

6. Shouldn't have asked me to walk with him while we had a little chit-chat. ಠಿ⁠_⁠ಠ

(I had never walked with anyone late at night before him, now whenever the term late night walks will get mentioned he will pop into my head and that's so tragic because usko nhi farq pdta)

7. Everything went downhill and this conflict within myself started that day when I was feeling sick and he happened to ask me how I am doing to which I responded that maybe I am having a fever and that idiot raised his hand and touched my forehead so freaking politely and checked my temperature. ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

(I literally melted that day and it wasn't because of my high temperature. Kon krta hai aise ahhhhhhhhh)

8. What is this habit of him that he comes upto my desk, wait for me to look up and says hello with such a goddamn cute smile. ◉⁠‿⁠◉

(Isko pta nhi hai kya ki cute hai ye, saari glti iski hai ye cute bna kyu firta hai. I can't even write that he shouldn't do this because I genuinely like it when he does)

9. Shouldn't have showed me his tinder. (⁠ᗒ⁠ᗩ⁠ᗕ⁠)

(Jealous who? Huh)

10. Shouldn't have pinched my cheeks and called me cute. Idiot even proceeded to pinch both my cheeks. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

(Khud bhi pagal hai mujhe bhi pagal kr dega)

11. Shouldn't have kept staring at my face when I couldn't even maintain an eye contact. His eyes made me question my whole existence and put me at a loss for words. ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

(He is the first ever guy who makes me feel giddy and this much nervous. First guy I cant maintain an eye contact with. Let alone eye contact I cant even look at his face without smiling and blushing. Kaafi obvious tow ho gya hoga nhi, isko sach mei nhi pta chalta yaa ye naatak krta hai)

12. There was literally no freaking need to tell me "aap cheej hi dekhne ki ho" when I told him to stop looking at me. ರ⁠_⁠ರ

(Apni age bhul jaata hai kya ye...like wtf this statement is not even justifiable)

13. Shouldn't have put his arm around my shoulders, I even once removed his hand and he AGAIN put it back and I kept removing his fingers and he kept putting them back. When I told him there's a CCTV he told me in this low, calm voice "no one is watching us" ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

(Thoda akal se paidal hai kya ye, mera pura coping mechanism fail ho gya)

14. Shouldn't have written those stuffs in my notebook. I wonder why he asked "are you mad at me?" And "are you mad at yourself?" Goddddd I need answers, whyyy he wrote that. :⁠-⁠|

(Gotta keep that page safe now)

15. Shouldn't have touched my hair. (⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠)

(He knows damn well what he is doing but I know if I confront him he will play dumb)

16. Shouldn't have called me "good girl" over text. ⊂⁠(⁠◉⁠‿⁠◉⁠)⁠つ

(Only God knows how I survived that.)

17. Shouldn't have ever walked into my life and talked to me. I wouldn't be loosing my mind over a hopeless situation knowing all the consequences will never work in my favor. I think hormones are to blame. Need to keep reminding myself that he doesn't give a damn. (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)

(I truly despise the fact that I have only known him for barely 2-3 months and he managed to have this much impact on me, this is so weak and pathetic of me. Usko btaungi tow usse creep desparate teenager lgungi)

18. Today I was able to look at his face and even in his eyes because he kept mentioning other girls. Why the bloody hell he does that, he probably casually says all those stuff without realising it makes me feel sad. I know he doesn't have to care about what I feel ahhhhhhh. ಠ⁠﹏⁠ಠ

(Usko nhi farq pdta meri existence se)

19. Shouldn't have responded with "you can waste my time" when I said "kya hi aapka time waste kru" over text. (⁠｡⁠•́⁠︿⁠•̀⁠｡⁠)

(Too young I am)

20. Ok I got to know he is soon leaving the library. I have no right to write he shouldn't leave the library but this list is for the things he shouldn't have done. I know he has his own life and probably the interaction he had with me holds little to no value to him or are insignificant. My stupid self let him know that this list exists *internal screaming*. (⁠╯⁠︵⁠╰⁠,⁠)

(It's fine it's fine uski presence mei miserable hone se acha hai woh chla jaayega for the good)

21. He shouldn't ever come back into my life once he leaves. Not like he would want to anyway. (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

(Need to calm my delusional self down)

22. THAT BLOODY IDIOT LIED ABOUT LEAVING and only told the truth in front of her. Shouldn't have lied in the first place. He mangaged to fool me twice I am so fucking dumb.

(I regret giving him that weird note which I only gave to him because I truly thought he was gonna leave. I regret ever knowing him, he keeps hurting me and it's not his fault I am the one to blame for getting hurt)

23. Shouldn't have told me that I am overreacting. It was all because of him to start with. He says hurtful things which makes me feel sad and then I get clueless about how to act to not show it and I can't tell it to him because he will probably make fun of me then I end up acting weirdly which comes off as overreaction to him then he again tells me hurtful things.

(The vicious cycle continues)

🔸He reminded me of rain and I was right about it. He left the clouds crying.

[theshoreofsea]

For a long period of time I didn't believe in love, now when I want it, it doesn't believe in me.

[theshoreofsea]

Aakhir chahiye kya aurat ko?

MAUT

[theshoreofsea]

I recognize the sound of his footsteps....oh how pathetic I have become

[theshoreofsea]

He waved me a hello.

Is this much enough to make me happy?

Damn I am helpless.

[theshoreofsea]

Mid study break yayyyy!!!!!!!

My blog is gonna be full of him now because that's what love does to you..

Yeah so I remember the time when I first talked to him and the interaction was adorable.

The second time we talked he kinda argued with a guy because of me. (⁠•⁠ ⁠▽⁠ ⁠•⁠;⁠) (Hmmmmm is he the protective kind?)

Lol when I look back I never thought I was gonna have a crush on him but now I am helpless.

He checks so many standards for me btw

Is taller than me ✓

Looks hot in specs ✓

Is hot to me anyway ✓

Good at studies ✓

Opinionated ✓

Looks like a cat daddy ✓ ⁄⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

Pr mixed signals deta hai (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)

[theshoreofsea]

Like I want the best for him but I hope his specs never go away, he wears them randomly but when he does >>>> ufffffffff

[theshoreofsea]

Got a glance of him, damnnn that was the end of me.

[theshoreofsea]

I am back here because I have developed a crush on someone irl (a real human this time) and where else can I describe the grief of it if not Tumblr.

[theshoreofsea]

Message

And who are you?

You left a message

You should had left a clue

Should I now hold a grudge

Why you touched my absence

Who gave you permission

Why am I thinking about you since

Why this seems like a fiction

Let me abandon my sense

Let me leave a note

I will commit this sin

I will look at what you wrote

[theshoreofsea]

What's this intense feeling that asks to destroy or to be destroyed

[theshoreofsea]

You are so destructed within I just want to admire the ruin that you hold and see you wreak havoc

[theshoreofsea]

“Those poor boys”

“She deserves to be punished too.”

“I’m not saying I support rape, but-”

“Sorry to say - she deserved it.”

“She put herself in harm’s way”

“But if she was fingered, then that’s not rape.”

“She ruined their lives.”

[theshoreofsea]

My body crawls out of the grave to get a glance of you.

[theshoreofsea]

Have to turn the music down so I can listen to my own thoughts in my own head

[theshoreofsea]

What's the vibe of dead