thestoriesofmany - Tumblr blog

[thestoriesofmany]

by ilmaruum

[thestoriesofmany]

something red

[thestoriesofmany]

Spring is a funny time of the year… on one hand, you have painted flowers, dressed and ready. But on the other hand, you have crying skies. 

She would say “Daniel why are you being so pessimistic!” and roll her eyes until we would both laugh. 

She would say “the beauty of things comes from their contradictions”. 

I met her at a party. I didn’t mean to meet her but I did. It had already been most of the night by the time she arrived, and when she did I had no clue who she was. Here she was at my house and I had no idea who had walked in. I had told my friends no more people, but at that point, she was already inside. But then… Our eyes met, we smiled, and continued on our own ways. I didn’t want any more people, but she was an exception. She was the beautiful contradiction. 

“DANIEL!! What in the world are you doing outside! Come in right now!” 

The drops of rain pressed against my eyelids as I slowly lifted them. My body jolted from its peaceful position to shock. 

“Mom! Calm Down! I’m Fine!” 

She grabbed me closer into a hug.

“Hug her back!” that’s what she would say. 

“Daniel, please let’s go inside” she tried to grab my hand. “What is in your hand?” 

I held it tightly in a fist, as she peered it open “a Rose?”

 I stared blankly at her… 

“It’s for her” 

My mom just looked at me silently and I looked at her silently back, and then we just walked back to the house. I hadn’t been to my mom’s home in a while, being away at work I barely had the time. But it looked the same. The furnishings were still polished, the eggshell paint colour still intact, and the decorative pastel colours bright as ever against the dreary rainy background. 

“Let me get you a box for that” 

I forgot for a second, I had the rose in my hand. I flashed a memory in my head. The rose garden. The maybe 15th time I had met her. We had become friends by then turns out she was close to my friends. Made it easier to get to know her. I didn’t remember the time but I remembered the day. I had just taken my final exam and it went horrible and I mean horrible. The whole exam felt hazy and each question riddled with similar answers. My brain was completely fried. I stared at the garden, blankly. 

“I love roses..they’re so beautiful but guarded. You think you can just grab one but the thorns get to you” 

I jolted back to see her. 

“Why so lonely,” she asked while gazing at me. 

She was beautiful. That’s was the perfect word nothing more, nothing less, she was beautiful. 

“That’s an interesting way to look at a flower” I came off rude. I didn’t mean to come off rude. 

Her smile vanished. And all I could think was shit. 

“Sorry, if I disturbed you, I just saw how frustrated you were at the exam so I came to check on you. I’ll leave you alone” 

“No no!” I immediately went on the defensive. 

“Um here” I handed her a rose, being careful not to touch the thorns. Right after I thought why did I do that?  I’m out here acting like I’m Hugh grant from the 2000s. But she smiled.

“Well in that case I might just stay” 

And that was it. We just stayed there. We didn’t speak or look at each other we just stared at the garden. I forgot about the exam, even in the silence I forgot about it. I remembered that day, because of it. Because even in silence I needed her there, I wanted her there. 

[thestoriesofmany]

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A few days with my mom, and as much as I loved her I needed to get out. She lived in a small town, so it was easy to navigate. 

“Daniel! It’s pouring outside are you actually going?”

“Yes mom, I’m just going to work at the cafe and I’ll be back” 

I rushed out of the door, attacked by rain and shielded by my coat. I furrowed my head downwards while looking for a song to play. Music was hard. It always reminded me of her. I shook my head, tried to get out of the trance. But it wasn’t going to be for long as I reached into my pockets and found the lighter. I traced my fingers over the outline, searching for the initials.  

“Excuse me!” I turned around to see her and transported back to when it happened. Our first fight. 

“You’re not even listening to me! I’m trying to tell you something and you never listen. I’m tired Daniel.. of trying to explain to you why I’m upset” Tears were flowing down her face onto her cheeks, she nestled her face into her hands.” 

I could see me watching her. I was watching everything like a movie. I saw myself. I was frustrated and tired but seeing her cry was the worst. I saw myself grab her and hold her. 

“Apologize!” I screamed at him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Here.” 

I had passed her the lighter. 

She looked at me confused. 

“Something to make you feel lighter when you’re dealing with me” 

She looked at me with so much disdain

“You’re an idiot. But too bad you’re my idiot” 

We both just laughed. We were always laughing, even our fights would turn into laughter. I remembered that day, we went back to my place, cooked some food, we even discussed the fight. And right after we started a bath and started the candles with her new lighter. 

“Hello can you move out of the way” 

My head shook out of trance to find an old man trying to make his way through. 

“I’m so sorry” I walked faster ahead and straight to the cafe. 

I brought in half the rain outside into the cafe.

“Hey Danny! Your mom said you would be coming” 

Martin was the owner of the cafe, him and my mom were close. His son and I basically grew up together, but he’s in the Philippines now, pursuing marine biology. 

“Uh.. hey uncle Martin. How’s Ben?” 

I made my way to the counter 

“Coffee? And Ben’s good he just finished up some research and he’ll be home in two months..um how are you doing Danny.. You know with everything” 

I grabbed the lighter from my pocket and placed it on the table.

“I’ll take the coffee, I’ve been fine. I just came to get some work done”

He just nodded and left me be. I picked up my phone 

“Mom, I’ve got another item for the box”

[thestoriesofmany]

I didn’t want you to be alone.

[thestoriesofmany]

[thestoriesofmany]

“Danny?” My mom was looking at me. 

I stared down at my clothes. For a second I forgot where I had been the whole time. I was here at her funeral. I couldn’t be here. I was in my thoughts.. in my stories. I forgot why I had been telling these stories. 

“Are you okay?” My mom gazed at me. 

I nodded at my head and made my way to the podium. Black figures were what I saw in front of me. Being up there already created blurriness in my eyes. I took a deep breath, I had to keep the tears from running. I felt my mom’s hand on my shoulder. 

“Take a deep breath Daniel” 

“Uh.. I’m sorry I got lost in the story. I had just told you all about the lighter. Now, I didn’t mean to tell you those stories to bore you. In fact, those stories aren’t even the full thing. There was more I wish I could have told you. You see I didn’t know what to say to all of you today. So my mom came up with an idea. Pick three objects. Three objects that remind you of her, remind you of your love for her and remind you that you will always have her. The two I picked out as you’ve heard were the rose and the lighter. The rose reminded me of her. Who she was, she was beautiful, caring, and humble. But she was also strong. She was a rose. The lighter reminded me of my love for her, that even when we’re at our worst... Frustrated, angry, tired, and upset; it didn’t matter. We turned things into light. But the last object. She never saw. She didn’t even know about it.” 

I slid my hand in my pocket to pull out a box. 

“We were supposed to get engaged. Her accident may have ended that, but not the sentiment. We would joke and talk about the future. About how we would scuba dive in the Maldives or visit the Serengeti. Our travel plans may have been stolen but not the future. It’s a reminder that I will always have her. Uh..” 

I felt the tears again. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a second

“I will always love her. The blue ring symbolizes so much. It reminds me of a contradiction. Everything of hers reminds me of a contradiction - her view on roses, and when a lighter is supposed to burn things we turned it into something that provides joy. The blue is a contradiction. Blue is supposed to invoke calmness, but it depends on what colour of blue. The blue I chose was subdued, more like the colour of rain. Rain can make a day feel gloomy and depressing, but the other side is that it brings life and washes away the dirt and debris that is left. I wish I could tell her that. She would have been so proud of my contradiction. These stories may seem short to you. Or they may not even make sense. It doesn’t have to. It’s actually not supposed to. Only we would understand them. And if she’s listening we would both be laughing at everyone’s confusion. She would say.. Be confused, question it, see where it takes you. So I leave you with that. I leave you with confusion and reflection. Look for beauty, not wreckage. That should be her legacy…thank you all for coming”