thesugarloaf-blog - Tumblr blog

[thesugarloaf-blog]

Dads That Cook - Part 2

(View Part 1 here)

Weber Cooks was a local cooking show that originally aired on Weber State News[1], a student-run television station out of Weber State University in Ogden, Utah. The show is hosted by Steven Reed and was originally intended to instruct college students on creating simple meals with a microwave. His secret ingredient is sadness.

Steve's sadness is giving me an empathetic boner. I wish I had a follow up video to ensure he's in a better place these days, but sadly the only information I could dig up on Steve was a mug shot....

If you have any rare cooking videos featuring God's creatures, please bless us.

Bonus videos featuring probably-not-dads:

Rick and Morty commercial in real life. This kid knows a lot about DP and glass making.

- Moogs

[thesugarloaf-blog]

Dads That Cook

(View Part 2 here)

With our attention spans decreasing at an exponential rate, Youtube cooking channels are anteing up on their marketing skills and tailoring their cooking videos to the mobile generation. In turn, while time lapse use is becoming excessive, dialogue is starting to be used very sparingly, and endings are exaggerated with embellished facial expressions and sexual cheese strings.

To be honest, I can binge watch these videos for a solid hour. Probably more. But after a while, I need romance. I need to wonder about these people teaching me how to live. And with these nameless attractive people, I don't really get much. Except a raging imaginary food boner. And while I do appreciate them for their enthusiasm and sometimes doable recipe, at the end of the day it's just another driving vehicle to foodie lifestyle that I'm only 70% about.

But here I offer you the alternative, very rare breed of Youtube chefs. These videos are weird, awkward, and somewhat fundamental. I'm not entirely sure if any of the following guys are dads , but they definitely fit the stereotype of cool, awkward dad. Anyway, here is a collection of very amazing cooking videos on the internet who stand against the status quo and give culinary storytelling a more complex meaning.

Why is this guy so nervous? And why did he leave so much provolone out of the cheese mix? I appreciate his forehead sweat and onscreen anxiety.

eHow actually offers a plethora of highly fundamental and complex cooking pro-tips. In case you need help figuring out how to cut your potatoes horizontally:

Tim, Eric, mayonnaise, and money shots.

Raw footage and raw cheese.

Challenge your fortitude by with six and a half minutes of internet unicorn Masaokis orchestrating a holiday dish in the absolute discomfort of his own stockpiled home.

If that video made you sad, check out his more recent videos where he's definitely medicated buut doing much better nonetheless.

[thesugarloaf-blog]

After living on my own for some time, I wanted to make an effort to eat healthy. While it was all good and fun for a majority of my young adulthood, at 24 I was finally tired of eating myself to sleep. I still do it sometimes, but at a bare minimum. Anyway, I figured I would start up my healthy habits while I was still young and not completely cornered by (potential-forthcoming-very questionable) life decisions. So I flip flopped with this healthy eating concept for ~about a year. I tried detoxing, but it was too expensive and eventually I had to draw the line because I literally started to pass out from hunger and midday exhaustion from this vegetable broth diet. I finally figured out that while eating healthy can be a little more pricier and time consuming than getting a hotdog, there are actually a few cheat codes around this idea. And this recipe is one of them. So, whether you're broke, short on time, seeking healthier eating habits, or just tired of eating the same thing, you should try this 10 minute dish. This is one of my favorite dishes to make not only because it's super yums, but its also really cheap and easy to execute. It also serves as a great summer dish for potlucks.

More reasons this belongs down your hatch:

It's served cold, which means they're awesome as quick leftovers (which also means no awkward wait time for your food to heat up in the break room).

The ingredients are healthy, super affordable, and easily attainable. And even if you don't have some of these items in your pantry, they're key and versatile to a lot of recipes.

It's easy to make; just cook noodles and toss ingredients.

It's vegetarian/vegan friendly. If you want it to be :3. This is delicious with or without any heavy protein. When I'm not being lazy, I usually eat this with pan fried tofu or eggs.

What you'll need (For 2-3 Servings):

2 Tsp. Nori Komi Furikake

2 Tsp. Soy Sauce

2 Tsp. Rice Vinegar

2 Tsp. Sesame Oil

1 Bundle Soba Noodles (A 12 pack of Soba noodles at Safeway costs ~$4. One bundle serves at least 3 bowls.)

Togarashi as topping

1/2 Cup Sliced Scallions

Optional: Any protien that can be seasoned and pan fried (i.e. salmon/tofu/eggs)

Chopped Cilantro (also optional, I like to add it to ante up on the freshness)

Cooking Directions:

Cook soba noodles, according to directions, about 4 minutes in boiling salted water.

Drain, rinse with cold water, place in medium bowl and drizzle with sesame oil, soy and vinegar.

Toss to coat.

If adding protein, simply season and pan fry with 1 T of olive oil or sesame oil.

Top your bowl with protein, Togarashi, Furikake, Scallions, and Cilantro.

[thesugarloaf-blog]

Here’s a mix of all the funky music we’ve been twerking to in our cubicles at work!!!!

[thesugarloaf-blog]

DOWNTHEHATCH - EP 1 - San Jose Obon Festival

According to unreliable methods of fact-checking and disreputable sources, San Jose’s Japantown Obon Festival is the largest of its kind in the greater Bay Area.

In the seventh month of the lunar calendar, the typically quiet streets of 4th and Taylor are transformed by people, en masse- most of whom, have come to celebrate the spirits of their ancestors, indicative of the growing presence of San Jose's Japanese community.

For the others, some are drawn by the thousands of Japanese dancers, as they shuffle their slippers to the beat of Taiko drums and traditional Japanese music. An assortment of skewered meats, hot ramen, ogling of the tempura boys, and an uncomfortable shortage of rice make the most of the experience. Others seek solace and shade in the Beer/Sake tents; drowning woes to intermittent yells of “SAKE!” every time a shot is poured.

Us? We came for everything. Literally, everything. Watch us, as we eat EVERYTHING possible at Obon Festival. Kawaii gastrovoyeurism at its finest. There has to be a fetish for this kind of stuff, and if not, we’re pioneering this shit.

Xoxo, Care

Song: Aso – Kyoto https://soundcloud.com/aricogle/kyoto

[thesugarloaf-blog]

Pt 2: Ten Excessively Graphic Egg Videos

View Pt 1 of Excessively Graphic Egg Videos here.

6. Tamagoyaki Omelet

If your nerves are getting the best of you and you don't have a zen garden at hand, you can just watch this video. I find some sort of strange comfort in watching this saint of a man continuously apply oil/egg/flip. It's hypnotic, and probably very delicious. What better way to center your soul than to watch eggs delicately fluff up to pleasant happy-go-lucky music.

7. David Chang – The Ramelet

The directions on the back tell you to boil water then add your seasonings. But you actually don't have to follow society's rules. Go against the grain. Add your ramen seasonings to your eggs. It's a Ramlet. Don't have any rice or bread at hand? Serve that ramlet on top of another fantastic ramlet and you have a super fantastic ramlet meal. This meal is delicious and it don't need no man or any supporting dishes to make it great. Ingenious, ground breaking stuff presented by Momofuku owner David Chang. Simple, yet really awesome visuals and sound effects provided by ggeeoorrggiiaa. This dish has become one of my favorite struggle meals. Add some fried potatoes and you have a solid dish. Make your own rules, the world is your oyster.

8. Julia Child – The Omelette Show

I have so many questions watching this video. Where are all these omelettes going? Why does Julia like parsley so much? Why is Julia throwing a last minute dinner party for 300 people? (Sidenote: I would MUCH rather attend an Omelette party than to some cowboys and indians themed party.) Unlike the other videos on this list, the egg presentation in this video isn't all that great. Don't get me wrong, I would gladly eat a parsley infused butter omelette made by Julia Child. But there is a sort of honesty that goes with this episode. With sus products such as canned food, jello, and tv dinners being all the rage in every 1960's nuclear family home, American food standards were pretty low around this time. Since then our standards and expectations have raised dramatically. Nowadays, we won't even satisfy our food boner if there isn't at least one macro zoom on the food. And not just that, tv chefs suddenly need to have some heartfelt connection to the dish. We want our tv chef balls deep into our tv food, and we want our dish served on a rustic wood board somewhere in the Alps. I digress no further.....Back in this time era, Americans didn't have attractive well-endowed Italian women accentuating Italian food words to the camera while tossing fancy salads with handpicked leaves from their backyard. In contrast, Julia Child is amazingly candid, and without her, our food standards would have never evolved to what it is now. It is with this video that we feel the tension of American home cooking progressing. This is the equivalent to watching vintage p0rn. Hokey decor, realistic body types (in this case, realistic egg presentation), and strange social standards (mmmhuh?). Yes I did watch the entire 28 minutes and 30 seconds. Thrice. Truly an American classic.

9. Eggs

With the crack of a single falling egg, we are introduced to the three studies that will be presented in this video—Fried, Baked, & Scrambled. The egg is presented as delicate, versatile, and it is handled beautifully in this video. Clean and minimal compositions, and sometimes a fresh splash of green or red ingredients. This is like. The Interstellar of egg videos. I feel like I'm watching the love scene to a Scorcese movie.

10. Gordon Ramsay – How to Cook Scrambled Eggs

This strange list would be incomplete without this video. I was introduced to this video back in 2012 and it's still one of my favorite videos to date. I'm not exactly sure why [pretentious] people of the internet really feel for this video, but we do. It might be the fact that Gordon Ramsay casually presents a fascinating and somewhat fancy alternative to creating the perfect scrambled egg. Don't season the eggs? Okkkk. Onto the heat, off the heat. Got it. Cream fraiche? .....Creeeaammm. Frraaaiicheee. The simplicity that goes into this dish is quite admirable—simple, but super effective. Eggs, butter, olive oil, tomatoes, shrooms, and a good sturdy loaf of bread.  Strangely hypnotic, and incredibly easy to emulate. This is probably the only recipe thats almost as close to my grandmas eggs. "Be a good boyfriend and give it to her in bed. The breakfast."

-Moogs

[thesugarloaf-blog]

Ten Excessively Graphic Egg Videos

I have a strange fixation for eggs. I blame my grandma.

At the ripe young age of 5, it was my parents turn to take my grandparents in. From the moment my grandparents moved into our downstairs guest room, my standard for exquisitely cooked eggs had advanced quite immensely. It wasn't the recipes that set the standard, rather the finesse and reverence that my loving grandma immersed into every breakfast that was made during my childhood. As a child, I was brought up so that my eggs were never dry, never too oily, but always perfectly seasoned. No necessary need for fancy ingredients. Rice was a standard side dish. Tomatoes sufficed as an add-on, but sliced seasoned potatoes were always a treat. Fond memories of vintage 5-year-old Maygan sitting on the counter dangling her little legs begging to help grandma make breakfast. She'd only let me stir the eggs, I'm guessing so that a 5-year-old wouldn't fuck up her craft. After 20 years and 15 cousins, not a single family member has duplicated the legendary scrambled egg that my grandma has perfected. And so I continue living my life haunted by the perfect omelette. Anyway, here is a thoughtful compiled list of my favorite egg videos (in no particular order) that I've accumulated over the years.

1. 12 Things You Can Do With an Egg

My egg senses are tingling from watching this video. The sound of frying eggs is an auto culinary boner for me. From the macro zooms to to the delightful ooey sounds of yolk gushing out, this video really took all aspects of eggs magnified it by 100000. The catchy music along with the epic sound effects is also a nice touch. I wish adding yolks to my batter sounded Zeus smashing two thunder clouds together. I really felt like I was one with the eggs at some point in this video.

2. (Eggs)

There's no real storyline to this video, this video was obviously created as cinematic exploration for the cinematographers. What better way to flex your videography skills than use it on the art of cooking eggs? This video shots are quite parallel to the cinematography of shows like Breaking Bad; strong perspectives, barely any commentary, and intense zooms.

3. Oyakodon (Chicken and Egg Bowl Recipe)

When we think of eggs, we usually correlate it to breakfast. With this video, we cross borders and are shown a new alternative to breakfast eggs. It's interesting to see eggs as the star ingredient for a meal other than breakfast.. It's like watching a dog walk..or cook. This recipe requires that you cook the eggs halfway through, which may cause much concern for American viewers. Raw eggs shouldn't automatically correlate to salmonella. If the eggs are fresh and well bred, why not explore new textures? The finished product looks soft, silky, and pleasant to eat.

4.Essential Pépin: Egg-ceptional

Jacques Pépin is a saint. I appreciate this tiny French man and his adorable lisp. This video is an episode long but has about 5 different egg recipes that are somewhat fancy but incredibly easy to follow. Simple egg cheat codes for anyone willing to branch out from the standard scrambled egg.

5. Omurice—How to

The moment I feel the warmth of a fresh, healthy egg being cradled in my hands after being pushed out of a happy, healthy, free range hen's ass I will fly my ass to Kyoto and have this demigod of a man cook me my first authentic omurice. Definitely watch for the plot.

Part 2 of Excessively Graphic Egg Videos here.

-Moogs

[thesugarloaf-blog]

Top Five Places To Poop in the Bay Area

Your butt takes a lot of shit (pun intended). One thing you will come to know if you already don't is that I suffer from chronic constipation. Which is why I take my bowel movements and my pooping experiences very seriously. Some things as small as ambiance can make a huge difference in the quality of your poo. Say what you want, but on some level you know things like this matter. I care about my butthole and I care about yours too. So without further adieu I give you 5 of my favorite fecal fantasy joints.

1. Bathroom in the Lobby of the Fairmont Hotel.

I honestly used to get excited to come to the Fairmont not for the hotel or the bar downstairs but for that restroom. Great lighting with large mirrors to make sure you don’t walk out looking beat. Not only that but each stall is large enough with a comfortable space to poop in with doors that hit the floor so if you went out in a body suit you can sit and poop comfortably naked. Or do a lot of blow in it.

2. De Young Museum

I love laying out a brick at this place. Nothing says culture like a comfortable pooping space. If you’re not going to poop there at least go take a look and appreciate how aesthetically pleasing it is. With giant mirrors facing each other so it feels like you can poop for infinity and the calming mint color this place is both pleasing to the eye and calming to the sphincter.

3. The restroom at Ken Ken Ramen in the Mission

Once you step inside this cave you’re transported from a hipster ramen joint to a jungle disco pooping den. The ceiling of the bathroom is covered in foliage with a solitary disco ball hanging down in the middle. It’s dark as shit inside so you’re only left with your other senses and the comfort of pooping in oblivion. There’s also separate music blasting inside the bathroom. For this special occasion this lady was blessed with some Missy Elliott.

4.The restroom at SF Gold Club gentleman’s club

Not only is this my favorite brunch spot with $5 all you can eat fried chicken and prime tittie’s but it also comes in as my 4th place to poop at. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat in the restroom fixing my lipstick while my friend poops or vice versa. It’s just that comfortable. The bathroom is pink and extremely clean and there never is a line because there’s usually more gentlemen throwing singles than young ladies that need to lay a brick.

5. My obasan’s house

As stated above I’m unfortunately chronically constipated. But without fail every time I step foot into my Obasan’s house I always without fail have a satisfying normal bowel movement. Not quite sure what it is. Is it the cramped Japanese styling of the bathroom or the fact that I was potty trained in that very home so my body is conditioned to just poop on command there? This place may be more personal but nonetheless it rings in at one of my top places to poo.

-Gogo

[thesugarloaf-blog]

The Cat Haus gets dipped. Fweshly!

On the weekend of May 22nd, our humble friends over at Fweshly Dipped made an epic appearance in the Bay Area. Like most of our earth-shattering innovative ideas, it took months for us to put this idea in motion. Between a mixture of life consuming day jobs and intense procrastination, the idea was slightly pushed us back a few months.

**7 months later*

Fweshly Dipped co-founder Cevana Palmer finally called me out and gave me a set date with barely any room for negotiation. She gets away with stuff like this because she’s my best friend and she's rarely ever in the Bay, as Fweshly Dipped is LA based.. I have this weird complex about throwing parties ever since I threw a tragically forgotten birthday party back in 2011, so I was pretty anxious about planning a pop up. Needless to say…it was tiiiiight. With the help of some Fweshly Dipped feng shui, good music, amazing people, and a little bit of tequila.. the pop up was a huge success. Much thanks to every one who showed face and supported the Fweshly Dipped movement! Check out their newly renovated website here! Peep the video as well as Gogo’s photos :)!

-Moogs