thesunaintshiningtoobright

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

Well if this ain't relatable af

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

“Cool beans” has been my go-to, and it’s starting to rub off on my family.

once you start saying shit like "yayy" "yippee" and "hehe" theres no going back

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

Fucking hate it when I do a bunch of shit for you without thanks but you’re mad because I wasn’t able to do one thing that you literally could have done yourself.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

got out of bed this morning. tripped. hurt my ankle. cracked my damn phone screen. went downstairs. got asked if I was doing okay. said yeah.

no I am not.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

I can’t ever win. If I try to have a good day, I’m gonna have a bad night. I went to sleep around ten, which was difficult because I was having anxiety. Ofc I had a nightmare and had more fucking anxiety in my dream. That my body (and mind for some reason) can feel in real time. Apparently, my brother left his phone in my room with his ringtone up all the way. He was being loud in his room so my mother called him. Which he did not get. Because the phone was in my room. But I got it. I fucking got it. Woke up and damn near had a heart attack, and now my anxiety is back and worse. I’m supposed to be ASLEEP because I have to get up early tomorrow. And I am still shaking.

I said lol but I’m not laughing. I am sad. I just needed to sleep.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

Was lied to. I thought I was having a good morning. Dog comes downstairs. I give her a kiss. She fucking bites my face. Hard. No blood, but damn. I fucking hate it here.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

Hoping that today can mark the start of a new me.

I worked out today. :) But the issue with me is that I overthink. Did I do too little? Should I do more? My body is tired but it’s not sore, is that enough to know when you’re done? When you’re just tired? Or is that too early to call quits. I feel like I did well, but what if I didn’t? And what if no progress shows? Zero. Zilch. I would be devastated if I keep doing this for months and nothing results from it because I wasn’t doing as much as I thought I was.

Also I got bit by a mosquito. 👍

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

How unfair. They’re up at 5am playing videos games and talking with friends. I wake up from a nightmare about a cult [?] and religious trauma.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

Oh my God, these people make it so hard to actually like being home.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

I wanted breakfast for dinner. I was going to make pancakes, eggs, and maybe something else.

I gave up. I screwed up the pancake batter and just fucking gave up.

1:30am. I finally ate dinner. I cried and then made a bowl of cereal. In the end, I guess I got what I wanted. Breakfast for dinner.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to go back to the place that made me so miserable to begin with. I don’t want to go back to being a prisoner, in that home and in my mind. I don’t want you to leave me. I don’t want to do this.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

she’s so effortlessly beautiful, even when she’s not trying.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

Christmas music might not be enough to get me through this I fear.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

sorry about my constant depressive episodes. its just that i have issues and also problems

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

had a bad day so I’m treating myself to eating some ice cream while watching Sam Winchester edits.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

I’m kind of proud of myself. I finished a book last night! I finished it in one night.

I usually have trouble when it comes to books. I either can’t focus on what I’m reading, or I’m not interested. So I’m proud that I was able to read last night and actually enjoy it.

[thesunaintshiningtoobright]

somebody come and shoot me in my fucking head please