thesunthatneverrose

[thesunthatneverrose]

Ticking Time Bomb

Siento que te me escapa por las manos,

Como arena al mar,

Desvanecido.

Detente.

Dame un poco de tiempo, tiempo.

Para disfrutar,

Aprender,

Perdonar.

Que aveces me ahogo en tus olas,

Y no respiro,

No siento,

No veo.

Así que hazme el favor esta vez y

Tomate un viaje,

Descansa,

Detente.

Que no me alcanzas y no me rindes,

Y ya no aguanto estar así.

[thesunthatneverrose]

-

Que irónico no?

Que cada parte que odio de ti,

Está aún tan dentro de mi.

Quizás por eso me veo al espejo,

Y al ver my reflejo, me odio.

Tan sangre de tu sangre,

Tan piel de tu piel.

Tan inevitablemente tu creación.

[thesunthatneverrose]

Recurrence

I wish you would love yourself,

Love yourself enough to know your worth.

Know your worth enough to stop drinking,

Stop drinking so you could love yourself.

I wish you would love us,

Love us enough to care.

Care about us enough to stop drinking,

Stop drinking so you could love us.

[thesunthatneverrose]

Genes

Sometimes I wish you didn’t exist, so I wouldn’t exist and we know how much both of us would like that.

[thesunthatneverrose]

Unfit

You don't like it when I talk too much,

I apologize a million times over.

My exhausted tongue sighs a sigh of relief,

Yet craves to share with you every thoughtless thought running through my head.

I wish I could control my tongue as easily as you do,

Along with every other aspect of me that you hate.

I wish I could get rid of every bit of me that is unfit for you.

I wish I was perfect for you,

Bold tongue and all.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

California Poppy/1329 Miles:

Like a poppy against the summer sky,

You bloom.

The bees swarm to you, infatuated by your bright colors.

You giggle as you watch them feen for you,

I admire you from a distance.

My wings unfolding against the ocean breeze,

I fly to you.

You spread your petals for me and let me taste your nectar.

[thesunthatneverrose]

Unworthy

I can't lie, there were times I begged the sun to take me with her and burn away all the love I have ever felt for you.

Instead, she picked me up and whispered:

That love that you feel for him? I can only dream of such warmth.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

Water Boy

You are so impatient. Your fingers curled inside me, Feverishly digging, searching for water. Luckily for you, I am so easy going. Your tongue curled on my bare chest, Feverishly, digging searching for water. Luckily for us, We are so thoughtless. My toes curled on your strong shoulders. Like a river, I flow. Endlessly quenching your thirst.

-c.f.

[thesunthatneverrose]

No Matter How Hard You Try

You are like me, always craving love.

Planting seeds of affection,

Watering them perfectly with compassion,

Nurturing them with your rays of sunshine.

But friend, love simply cannot grow on barren land.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

Fragility

You wanted a brick house.

I was made out of my mother's soft heart and my father's short temper.

I was made out of cheap wood unable to withstand weak winds.

Yet, you blew winds strong enough to knock me down.

You wanted a strong, tall tree.

I was made out of my mother's soft hands and my father's mean look.

I was a hollow core unable to withstand weak winds.

Yet, you blew winds strong enough to uproot me.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

Ruins

We hurt you, Soiled every crevice of your body Yet you only kept giving life. Feeding us from your palm, Taming our thirst with your tears, We paid you back by filling your veins with poison. Yet you only kept giving life. We made mountains from your insides, Ripped open your skin to pave our way, Filled your lungs with tar, Yet you only kept giving life Lighting our way through the day Lighting our way through the night, We paid you back by filling your heart with poison.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

Claridad

Has dejado una cicatriz permanente en mi,

Recordándome de las veces que a ti te pertenecí.

(O quizás nunca fui tuya y solo pretendí)

Me afinaste como a una guitarra,

Tocabas melodías con mi cuerpo.

Escribiendo canciones por la madrugada,

Practicando una y otra vez con mis cuerdas.

Tus manos sobre mi piel estremecida,

Tus besos que mi ser nunca olvida.

La forma en que me susurras al oído,

Todo otro pensamiento, destruido.

Cada pieza de mi vivía, respiraba a tu ritmo,

Era otra obra de tu pensamiento creativo.

————————————————————

Mirándome al espejo veía solamente tu reflejo,

Era otro juguete más bajo tu manejo.

Mi visión nublada por el placer,

Y ahí descubrí que por mucho que me acueste contigo,

Soy mi propia mujer.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

Unanswered

The sun had darkened his grandfathers skin into the deepest shades of browns The earth had made ridges into his hands deeper than the Underground Railroad The rain had filled his eyes with endless rivers, forming frowns The wind had clashed with his skin creating lines like a secret code. The sun had made spots that spread on his grandmothers skin like Morse code. The earth had stretched her skin into children that she would never meet. The rain had left creases on her once flawless face like forks in the road The wind had scrambled her thoughts into the obsolete. Why do they hate us? When will they respect us? Who taught them that we are less? Where do we go? What have we done to deserve this? How can we make it stop? - [c.f]

[thesunthatneverrose]

Gratitude: God is My Judge

I’d never know enough words to thank you, For the rivers of love you bathe me in. For the mountains of struggle you helped me through, For the comfort I always find in your skin. For the endless happiness you help me pursue For the confidence that in me you place, To love myself and everyone around me. For your kindness in which my soul you embrace, Motivating me to be the best I can be. For creating artwork in me where I only saw blankness, Lighting my galleries with your everlasting glow. For your refreshing breaths of frankness, That on me you bestow. For your kind words on sunny days, For understanding that my best days occur in the rain. For your warm, loving gaze That vanishes all existent pain. For pleasing me in infinite ways, Kissing me on my bare body just right, Sending me into a thrilling craze. For letting me shine so bright, For letting me grow and be me, For letting me simply be.

-c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

(In)Dependence

I have began time and time again Scratching words out from my heart, Ripping pages where my soul stretched out its wings, Resuscitating words that had died on my lips, Smudging permanent ink blots of confusion on my skin. All so unexplainable. Yet in this moment I’d like you to know I’m mad. Mad at you, everything you have done, do and perhaps will do again. Mad at myself for trying time and time again to get you to love me Changing every bit of myself until I was unrecognizable, Until I had disappeared. Becoming what I thought would be your definition of a perfect daughter. But each time I fell shorter than the last. I can’t make you love me, dad. No matter what I do. Perhaps I can’t even make you understand Perhaps these words will become inexplicable ink blots after they mix with your 40 proof skin. I apologize in advance for these harsh words that will sting rougher than gin and tonic at 2am:

I am scared every time I hear your loud foot steps, Scurrying along to make drinks in hopes of drowning out your deepest sorrows. I am awakened by this sound often, So often in fact I have memorized the sound of your routine: The creek of the cupboard, a soft bang of the glass on the counter, the clink the ice cubes make, the pouring of your favorite poison. I am scared every time you get mad even if it is the simplest things, Like cutting tomatoes. Remembering the time you threw a plate, tomato juice flowing down the wall. My mother had not cut the tomatoes as you liked. I am scared to eat dinner with you alone, Worried there won’t be enough words to tell you I crave your presence. That I miss you. How can I carry a conversation with a man that never bother directing a word to me? I am scared to be around you. Scared to hug you, kiss you, love you. Scared to be rejected once again. I am jealous of daddy’s girls. Jealous of a love that transpires boundaries unconditionally. Jealous of the advice, the guidance. Jealous of the support, the motivation. Dad, I don’t expect you to understand me. Instead visualize my world, a world where you are blessed with a father but not a father’s love.

-c.f.

[thesunthatneverrose]

Defining the Woman in Me Part 2: Body Image

They tell us our hair should be long enough for a man to pull, Our hair should be thick, silky, full. Well have they forgotten that our hair protects a hidden treasure? As if our hair had been made for someone else’s pleasure. They tell us our lips should be beautiful enough for a man to lust. They say soft, tender lips are a must. Well have hey forgotten our lips tell stories and carry out a powerful voice? As if our lips had been made for someone else’s choice. They tell us our breasts should be soft enough for a man to feel. Our breasts should be big, perky, ideal. Well have they forgotten that our breasts can nurture any baby girl or boy? As if our breasts had been made for someone else’s joy. They tell us our stomachs should be slim and flat. Our stomachs should be toned and rid of fat. Well have they forgotten that our stomachs carry children that fill the word with light? As if our stomachs had been made for someone else’s delight. They tell us our thighs should be thick enough to wrap around a mans head Our legs should be long enough for a man to spread Well have they forgotten our legs can walk down valleys and climb up hills? As if our legs had been made for someone else’s cheap thrills. They tell us our pussies should be cute and shaved, Our pussies should be the only part of us men crave. Well have they forgotten our pussies are where life starts As if our bodies were more valuable for its parts. -c.f

[thesunthatneverrose]

Defining the Woman in Me Part 1: Sexuality

This is the first part to a series of poems that speak about society’s point of view of women and their role in today’s world. It is questions that every modern day girl has had especially if they were brought up in conservative, traditional homes.

I am more than the number of times your fingers touched my bare skin More than the number of places where your hands have been I am the number of pages I’ve ever read I am the sum of the words memorized in my head I am a product of deep, fortified roots We are the seeds, we are the fruits I am creativity written out on blank slates We are the heaven, we are the gates I am never too little, I am always too much I am more than whatever your hands can touch I am intensity of a million fires burning down your veins And somehow you thought I could be enslaved by your chains? I am knowledge, creativity, power I am more than the idea of a stupid, crushed flower I am more than society’s idea of who I should be I am you. I am her. I am me. -c.f