thethedasarchivalist

[thethedasarchivalist]

28 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

We are heading toward a small village, Lothering, at Morrigan’s suggestion. Honestly, I quite like her. But she and Alistair bicker like siblings, old lovers. She could be kinder, though. We have been on the road for only a day, and it is apparent that Alistair looks to me to lead. Which seems like a disastrous choice, actually. But here we are. I’ve barely been around anyone besides the clan, I know next to nothing about the order I now apparently represent. I’ve only seen a dwarf once and at a distance. But sure. We are going to rally an army. Perhaps he will lead more when he recovers some from his grief. He lost more than I did when Ostargar fell. At camp, Morrigan sets up her tent far away from us and the fire. Alistair doesn’t say anything, but he is relieved to have space away from her. I stay near the fire and Alistair. We don’t know each other, but we are the same, and we belong to each other now. Grey wardens. The only ones left in Ferelden. Alistair stares into the fire, and he often looks like he is holding back tears. He loved Duncan. And he doesn’t know me. I want to ask him if he wants to talk about it. He looks like he needs someone, but I don’t know how. Everyone grieves differently. We should arrive in Lothering tomorrow.

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

[thethedasarchivalist]

27 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

Ostagar has fallen. That is what Morrigan has told me.

And still I live.

Alistair and I met with Duncan and the king. We were told we must go to the tower of Ishal to light the beacon so that Teyrn Loghain’s forces knew when to move. Alistair resented the order, and I was surprised that they would have us both out of the fighting desperate as they’ve been for soldiers for their army. But I was glad for his company, in the end. I would not have made it to the top of the tower without his help. When we got closer the tower had already been overrun. We were hardpressed to reach the top at all. We lit the beacon… Morrigan says that Loghain’s forces did not take the field. The king, all the wardens were lost. Including Duncan. We should have died as well. I don’t remember. But Morrigan says that her mother rescued us from the tower. I should feel glad that I can’t seem to die… But I’m not glad. My ribs hurt and so does my head.

When I left the hut, Alistair looked even more haunted. He cheered a little seeing that I lived. But when we realized that we were the last two Grey Warden’s left in Ferelden, he became afraid. A blight threatens to consume the world and neither of us have any real idea what to do. If I were alone… If I were alone, I think that I would just disappear back into the woods. Find my clan, or another like it and hope to survive on our own like we have always done. But I am not alone. We have the treaties that Duncan wanted. Alistair thinks we should go to the Arl of Redcliff and ask his help. That if we go to the arl and the mages, and the dwarves in Orzimar and find some of the Dalish. That we might be able to defeat the archedemon.

Flemmeth has asked that Morrigan go with us.

I don’t know how the three of us are supposed to save the world. But I guess we are going to try.

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

[thethedasarchivalist]

25 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

Davith and Jory are dead.

The joining IS dangerous. We [REDACTED] and so.... I am the only recruit that survived.

Duncan… I do not know if I can forgive what happened during the ceremony. He said he had no choice. But I am not sure that I agree. Alistair was kinder, worried about how I was feeling. I do not know how to feel— But they both looked haunted. Whether because of the joining, or the battle to come. I don’t know.

I have just a minute to myself before we are supposed to meet with their human king. The battle will be soon.

I do not know what to expect. Perhaps this will be the last thing I write and I go to die in battle. It seems likely. I am just a hunter. Trained to kill animals to feed the clan. I am not a solider. Though I’ve killed men that have threatened us before. I promised keeper and myself I would try my best with the time I was given. For Tamlen. I will kill as many of them as I can.

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

24 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

The Korcari wilds are not like the Brecelian forest. Perhaps they were once, but now they are twisted and evil from the Dark Spawn. Alistair told us he could sense them and we would not face the bulk of the hoard. Useful, but not particularly comforting. Filling the vials was short work and I even managed to find the flower the houndskeeper had requested for a sick Mabari. It took longer for us to locate the ruins of the Warden’s but there were no treaties there. We found instead a woman-- Morrigan. Jorry and Alistair became certain she was a a witch of the wilds. I do not know which the feared more, the magic they supposed to she had, or the fact that she was a woman alone, who showed no fear of us, or the darkspawn. Morrigan took us to her mother, Flemmeth. They were odd women, but nothing to fear. Flemmeth gave us the scrolls readily having kept them safe.

The joining will be later tonight. The ritual that will make us real Grey Wardens Davith and Jory are afraid. Perhaps I should be as well. But right now, I just feel tired. And sick�� I can feel it under my skin-- the darkspawn’s sickness. The joining is supposed to cure me. Davith thinks the joining might be dangerous. I don’t think I care if it kills me or not. If it doesn’t kill me, this war -- this blight probably will.

From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

23 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

We have arrived in Ostagar. The human king, King Cailan is…. Not what I expected. I think I expected someone more like Duncan— Wise and Serious. Someone who inspires confidence or loyalty. The king is…. None of these things. He wasn’t cruel, but he seems much more like a boy playing with toy soldiers on the floor of his bedroom. He hopes for a ‘war like in the tales.’ I wonder if he ever actually listened to those tales. Did he never pay attention to the cost of those wars? How many deaths?

I met a mage. Wynne was her name. I have never met a circle mage before but there are several of them here. I think it is probably wise to have mage help. Duncan says that the king feels invulnerable with the Grey Warden’s help, but there are not enough of us. And if the mages here are as formidable as the stories say, I am glad for their presence.

There are two other recruits here, Jorry and Davith are their names. I had expected there to be more of us. Both of them asked me if I knew anything about the ‘joining.’ Jorry especially seems nervous about it. I don’t know any more than they do… though I suspect that there is magic involved since Duncan said becoming a warden was the only thing that could save my life and Marathari’s magic was the only thing that has kept me going so far.

Lastly, I met another warden named Alistair. When I found him, he was sassing a circle mage. I wasn’t exactly sure the point of the conversation, but the mage was quite rude. Apparently, Alistair is meant to help me and the other recruits prepare for the joining. Duncan is sending the four of us into the wilds south of here to collect vials of dark spawn blood, and to look for some missing artifacts from the ruins of an old warden stronghold. The prospect of the wilds does not bother me, though Jorry and Davith both seemed concerned. They worry about wilder folk.

If the wilder folk are anything like the Dalish, I suspect that they just want to be left alone.

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

21 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon It has been 6 days since everything changed. I do not want to write it down but I keep reliving that day in my mind as we walk. Again, and again, and again. But it is a story I never shared, and if I do not write it down Tamlen’s story will be lost.

He is lost, but his memory does not have to be.

We were hunting. It wasn’t my turn but I went anyway. He had been my best friend since we were children. We were starting to be more. We hadn’t had much luck in our hunting when we came across three humans. Too close to camp. They said they didn’t mean us any harm, but we didn’t believe them. They said they found a cave, and ruins nearby. We had been camped in this portion of the Brecelian forest for weeks and not come across anything like what they described, I was wary of their claims, but Tamlen was curious.

We killed one of the men, a warning to the others to keep away from us and our camp. I worried it was a mistake, perhaps we should have killed them all, then no one could come for us.

We found the cave the shems described and it gave way to old ruins, Crumbling and ancient. I felt something evil there, but still we continued. We found things that looked they belonged to our people, and we both wanted to see what we could find.

I think we both wanted keeper to be proud of us. As we descended further the danger grew— giant spiders and living skeletons. I was on the verge of begging Tamlen to turn back with me, to go tell keeper what we had found, when he found a small wildflower somehow growing in the dark. He gave it to me and I forgot my fears for a moment and I felt safe.

But then we found the mirror. It was guarded by a twisted thing. A bear, but not a bear. We killed it and then went to investigate the mirror. I felt the evil again, but Tamlen would not come away. He touched the mirror. Then everything was dark.

I do not remember what happened after that, but I was told that Duncan found me and brought me back to my clan- that he saw no sign of Tamlen. Two days later I awoke. Others had been searching for Tamlen, but had no luck. When I regained consciousness Keeper Marethari asked me to lead Merril back to the ruins. On the way back we fought foul creatures— things I now know were dark spawn. When we reached the room with the Mirror, we found Duncan.

Keeper and Merrill had wanted to examine the mirror— to learn what they could from it but Duncan said that it was tainted and evil, and needed to be destroyed. That it was the mirror that nearly killed me and was making me sick even now. I wanted him to help us look for Tamlen, but he said there was no hope for him. That it was a miracle that I was even conscious.

Tamlen is dead, and even if we scoured the ruins and the forest, we would not find a body.

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

20 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

We are nearing Ostagar now and while I do not know this Duncan well, I am starting to like him in spite of myself.

He is… kind. But he does not ask me to speak. He does not ask me about myself. He leaves me to my grief, but he answers questions if I ask them. He feels more anxious to me the closer we get to Ostagar— Determined and resigned. But there is also apology in his eyes when he looks at me. But I don’t think it’s pity. He is not sorry that I am here, only for the circumstances that brought me. The Grey Wardens are too few and all recruits are needed.

I am grateful that he doesn’t ask me about my home-- or Tamlen. He doesn’t ask me how I’m feeling either but he seems to know when I need to rest. He said in the ruins that he could sense the sickness in me.

I feel sick. But I cannot separate the taint he says in my blood from the guilt that threatens to eat me alive. I feel it with every footstep and hear it in the pulse of blood in my ears. My fault My fault My fault

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

Same. And Varric always gets him in the divorce

Cole is so precious to me, I just want to protect him from everything in the world

[thethedasarchivalist]

18 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

“We are the last elvhen. Never again shall we submit.”

Never again.

But what else can I call it when Keeper Marethari told me to follow a shemlen away from my clan if not submission? Keeper said that no matter where I go I will always be Dalish, but that feels less true the further from the forest I go. I am angry. I am afraid. And I am ashamed. More than anything else though, I am grieving. I should never have let Tamlen go into those ruins. I should not have followed him. If I had stopped him he would still be alive and I would not be traipsing after a Grey Warden— Duncan is his name. Duncan says there is a blight coming. A part of me does not care, it feels like a human problem and not something I should have to bother with. But keeper agreed that a blight threatens all of Thedas and if the Dark Spawn are not stopped they will destroy all the world. I still would not have cared, but Duncan says that I am dying. He says that the Grey Wardens can save me if I become one of them. I did not want to believe him but I can feel the sickness in my blood—Darker and sicker than my grief. I thought of Tamlen, and I thought that perhaps, it would be better to stay with the clan and die. But the keeper bid me go.

I did not want to bring further shame to my people.

So, I follow this Grey Warden to Ostagar.

*From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

[thethedasarchivalist]

From the Journal belonging to Liahra Mahariel of the Sabrae Clan of the Dalish Elves

17 Guardian, 9:30 Dragon

Keeper gave me this journal to keep my record because we, the Dalish, know the power of history and the sorrow of its loss. I will not have the life I wanted, but I will write all the same. Perhaps I will manage to do something of value with what ever of my life remains. I will try.

For Tamlen, I will try.