thethoughtsofchaos

[thethoughtsofchaos]

"Do you love him more than you love your progress?"

September 24, 2024

1052

As I sat on this brown couch we used to call ours getting yelled at because I triggered him by telling him going to the gym whilst never have done it in the past months is random, do I think to myself, I must not really love myself at all. He sits there and demands respect as if I did something to dent the ego and pride.

I must not love myself. I must not care how people treat me especially someone who tells me he loves me. Perhaps this is what love is to him. I'm supposed to be a punching bag when I trigger something that's broken internally.

I feel like I really shouldn't do this anymore. I'm tired and I deserve better. It's tiring to constantly go thru conflict and there's no resolve. It's been this way for 2 years. I've spent too much time away from my children chasing someone who tells me it was your choice to come here. I am always taken for granted and only be appreciated once I'm gone.

Every ex has learned this the hard way. I don't know what it is about this man and why I keep going back. Again, when did loving this man become more important than self-improvement or progress?

11:04PM Rocks 🪨

[thethoughtsofchaos]

"To love someone is to let them go"

It's September 10 2024 at 1:13AM.

I'm 31 years old living with my parents and a single mom of two boys at that. I feel like my life has just spiraled out of control and I can't seem to have some form of discipline to get it all back into a stable environment.

When did loving a man hinder my progress?

[thethoughtsofchaos]

Welcome to thethoughtsofchaos! I've been going thru a lot in the past 15 years of my life. I'm currently 31. Yes, that's quite a long time. Fast Forward, I'm unlearning just about everything I've learned in childhood to adulthood as well as parenthood. Join me on the journey.