thevoidissurprisinglycozy

[thevoidissurprisinglycozy]

things on my mind

i’ve lived enough of a life craving care from places i’ve learned i’d never get it- engaging in the “impure” sides of regression and whatnot just to know that in some form, for someone, care could exist without conditions- there’s a sorrow in this, sure- but there’s also something to be said about the golden sweet spots of believing that instead of ridicule there could be praise- and love not in spite of mess, but encompassing it.

which is what makes me think of diapers, and though i’ve never used them in my adult life, i’m no stranger to them as both a comfort and a tool for nsfw experiences- and in both encounters i find the real fantasy is that, even messy, helpless and with all bodily guards down, someone could find it in themselves to care and love [me] anyway.

having a tummy ache and being told “i’ll take care of you” instead of reasons why i could/should have avoided whatever gave me a tummy ache in the first place

having an accident and being shown compassion, and told “it’s okay sweetheart, these things happen little one” or “we’ll get you clean as soon as you’re ready baby” or “i know it feels icky angel, but it doesn’t mean you’re icky, i don’t love you any less for having an accident/ needing your pampers”instead of being humiliated or embarrassed

having the safety to express my discomforts, and acknowledge my messiness without being made to feel burdensome, hearing things like “you’re such a good baby for telling me what you need” “thank you for telling me sweetheart, let’s go get cleaned up, hmm?”

being prompted and guided through checks and changes- being reminded that it’s okay to listen to my body “may i check you sweetheart? or do you feel you’re ready for a change now, love?” or “have you been listening to your tummy little one? it’s okay if it’s telling you to use your pampers, i won’t judge you sweetheart” “does my little one need more water? you’re allowed to be hydrated, even if it means more changes honey, hydration is what helps keep you nice and strong little one..”

to have a carer that is willing to be kind to me, and recognizes how vulnerable regressing is/can be- is something my heart yearns for, and gets quite sad thinking about as such a far away thing… but for now, this is all that has come from my time in the void

~ with hugs from me and my plushie

[thevoidissurprisinglycozy]

some things for the void

when i go little (which is rare bc i don’t have a carer/ haven’t worked up the courage to ask my friends to look after me) but when i go little i find myself clinging to repetition, with both the things that i say and [and] the things that i need/want my carers to say to me!! like when i [g-] go [sm-] small i tend to try to self-soothe/ reassure with repeating things like

“‘m small” “tiny… i’m so little” “little ‘m so little”

“‘m a good boy/girl” “good boys/girls c-ca-can be small” “being small is a, a g-good thing”

and things i’d want to hear/read from a carer could sound like

“irs okay to go small… it’s okay to be little sweetheart” “does someone need to go tiny? is my love in need of some little time?” “some time in littlespace for my sweet/cute little baby?”

“you’re safe with me little one” “there’s no way for any harm to come to you/us here…” “i’ll protect you from your thoughts + the world baby boy”

and lately i’ve been struggling a lot with bad self talk/ icky words and feeling “dirty” and sometimes i’ll repeat that kind of icky self talk in my head… and i think it’d be so good to have a carer who [who um, who] would be willing to listen to my icky thoughts and tell me the non-icky thought/ truth in response… for example

i say “‘m dirty” -> my carer says “you’re not dirty baby, you’re all nice and clean from {insert example here}”

i say “dirty babies d-don’t deserve l-love” -> my carer says “you always deserve love sweetheart, my love for you isn’t any less if you’re feeling clean/dirty honey, i’ll always love you.”

i say “i don’t wanna brush my teeth/go potty it’s icky” -> my carer says “i know it feels icky little love, here, why don’t we try {doing the task together} or how about after you’re finished we can {insert reward/comfort activity}

i say “h-how c-can you love me even though… ‘m dirty” -> my carer says “i love you because you’re you! i know it feels like you’re dirty but i promise those thoughts aren’t true sweetheart? everyone feels/gets dirty love, but it doesn’t make them any less worthy of love and care, right baby?”

all and all ‘m a baby whose head can be really loud and scary, and that’s why i made this blog! um i’m sorry for the brackets and the parenthesis that’s just how i write when i’m in a softer headspace! thanks for reading and if ur a carer please know that i’m so grateful u exist!!

(⌯’ᢍ’⌯ ^)∫ wuv u