theweirderstuffblogdontlook - Tumblr blog

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Caprica is just trying to make sure she has the upper body strength necessary to dispose of the body of a 300+ pound man. Unfortunately for Caprica tho, Bob's exactly enough of a freak to be into that sort of thing. And knowing that his tiny girlfriend/hostage is buff enough to drag his fat butt around, and knows how to tie a knot? That helps too.

part 1 of 2

Thanks to his supernatural regeneration, the attempts to get rid of Bob haven't exactly been going well. And after the hours of frustration cleaning blood out of her expensive carpets from Bob bleeding everywhere after she's stabbed him multiple times, she's hit a breaking point, and wants to experiment with methods for making attempted murdering of Bob be a bit less messy and more hygienic. and less at the expense of her expensive treasures and collectibles. Cus like, sure, he's been stabbed or maimed or whatever, but would it kill Bob to bleed on the tile or linoleum instead of the silk Persian rug?

Meanwhile Bob's jut happy to be included cus she almost never actually calls for him. Though he's also a little hesitant so ya know he's learned a bit of a lesson from the prior floor pie incident where he got creamed by a bucket full of rocks and covered in knives.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

I found a perfect monster for adding Bob Velseb into a Dungeons and Dragons game!

Tho if ya wanted to get even closer to an exact match with him losing the wings and tail, then you could make him a half-fiend, as fiends can produce offspring with other races including humans.

So you would have a half human half pie fiend who can shape shift between a human and demonic form. And he could lack a lot of the pie specific cooking magic that pie fiends often pick up over their long lifespans, but still be a very cooking obsessed dude with demonic abilities.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

part 1 of 2

Thanks to his supernatural regeneration, the attempts to get rid of Bob haven't exactly been going well. And after the hours of frustration cleaning blood out of her expensive carpets from Bob bleeding everywhere after she's stabbed him multiple times, she's hit a breaking point, and wants to experiment with methods for making attempted murdering of Bob be a bit less messy and more hygienic. and less at the expense of her expensive treasures and collectibles. Cus like, sure, he's been stabbed or maimed or whatever, but would it kill Bob to bleed on the tile or linoleum instead of the silk Persian rug?

Meanwhile Bob's jut happy to be included cus she almost never actually calls for him. Though he's also a little hesitant so ya know he's learned a bit of a lesson from the prior floor pie incident where he got creamed by a bucket full of rocks and covered in knives.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Caprica is able to significantly lengthen the duration of escape attempts (and thus distract Bob from murdering) through "tree time" where she climbs somewhere out of reach and stays there as long as she can stand too. Thus exploiting one of Bob's primary weaknesses (said weakness being that he weighs about 300 pounds and cannot do a chin up).

Tree time is quite possibly Bobs least favorite activity. Especially when she can figure out ways to make it extra annoying like this.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

When ur girlfriend is a snack, and you've got a serious eating disorder, so ur gonna keep lickin even when they taste like drain cleaner XD

But seriously, not only is he not a particualry smart dude, but the guy has a bit of that OCD disorder binge eating problem in the au. He's got problems with compulsive behavior, like having to stop in the middle of everything when he's got his targets cornered to eat candy off the floor. And this is one of those less glamorous times where he's gotten himself stuck in a behavior that doesn't do him any good. Like people who bite their nails trying to stop by wearing bad tasting nail polish, but just powering through anyway cus they couldn't help themselves. But it's fun and suits the shows cannon to show Bob hang himself by his own rope sometimes. And it's funny to watch an otherwise quite clever plan be hard countered by a big dummy who was just a bit too excited to canoodle with his crush.

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Lol, Caprica once again doing her "exploit any weakness" thing. though luckily, (or perhaps unluckily) nothing teaches self control quite like explicitly malicious overindulgence. So Bob only puts on a few extra pounds from the cakes.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Hey yall, I caught a cold and am not feeling great, especially since its the kind that makes it hard to get any good sleep. So I would appreciate yall leaving comments on my fanfics for the au to lift my spirits a bit until I can start drawing again.

Ive updated it with all the latest comics in chronological order. But for those who are new to the au, here’s some examples of the kinds of comics ive made thus far. Make sure to pay attention to the trigger warnings as there’s some graphic gore and adult content.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Bob Gets a Ugly Christmas Sweater

If i can get enough people bothering me about it, I'll turn the "all i want for christmas is to eat santa claus" sweater into an actual sweater design you can buy.

It's fun packing in background details and lore bits. Like the sign on the table clearly having been made based on experience from Bob distracting her. How bobs arm hair is still patchy from the burns. and how bob is actually following the don't touch while she's working rule. Plus how in a previous comic (specifically this one), Bob remembers her setting him on fire before? well this is that time. Get to see a glimpse of how she molotov cocktailed this man. Also i think it shows pretty well the moral position Caprica takes which is kinda weird to see in person. Where she is fine with killing in defense of herself and others, but not okay with torturing. So like, she will set this man on fire without hesitation, but also she's not gonna let a guy go all winter without a sweater.

Figure this latest part kinda shows how Bob really can't bring himself to be all that resentful. Like Caprica set him on fire sure, but with his supernatural resilience, the damage isn't permanent. So he can also just kinda be chill with how he likes hanging out with her in the interim. Even if she's mostly paid close attention and tried to figure him out to either make her own life easier or to manipulate him later, he could still like feeling seen or understood. And enjoy her doing little things like phrasing a late lunch as having two dinners.

Also, a benefit to buying Bob all these new sweaters and take out dinners, is she can threaten to throw everything in a bonfire if he tries to murder and eat children. It.... mostly works.

But this comic also shows a bit of how they function when they're sharing a body as opposed to having Bob be out and about disguised as Barbra.

Also I'm super proud of managing to fit about 3 dick jokes into the name of the store, and if i could, i would try to make it an accepted headcannon within the spooky month fandom that Bob bought his iconic sweater at a store called Dickinwoods. And It's a lot easier to be surprised by a thoughtful handmade gift when you're dumb as a brick and can watch the whole process of the thing getting made and only realize what's going on at almost the very end.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

OMG!!! thanks so much for the fanart! and the art of this fanfic where Bob got shot in the back https://archiveofourown.org/works/49505929/chapters/125198419

ya made it so dramatic! i love it :D and in the last image ya captured her world weary disgruntlement and "my wardrobe is might as well be 70% pajamas that i just don't care about wearing outside" vibe so well. And back with the first image showing Bob with his cat person derangement syndrome where they're just totally smitten for their feral housecat despite it being an ornery little beast who hates being touched.

Misc doodles of Bob and Caprica from @theweirderstuffblogdontlook Possession AU.

Really happy with the line up art. Helped me get the scaling between the two of them.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Big scary man encourages anxiety riddled party pooper to play with power tools. It does not go well for him. Showin yall the first event in the timeline where Bob actually gets spooked by Caprica.

Back at Bob's house from the start of the Tender Treats spooky month episode. Bob's decided he's moving in with Caprica in her big luxurious house, so he's packing up some of his things to bring to her place. Ya should be able to tell it's pretty early in the timeline since he's wearing his spooky month outfit, has shorter hair, heavier eyebags, and slouches more. At this point, he hasn't fully recovered yet from his resurrection, and is still felling a bit sick, sore, and out of shape.

Bob's excited about gathering up his tools, and when they're both excited, especially over a similar thing, it kinda amplifies how fun an activity is for bob. So Caprica getting excited over the chainsaw, then kinda stamping down those feelings because of being so anxious and self conscious a person. it kinda just gave Bob a bump of enjoyment then snatched it away. And Bob's a reckless enough person, he's not really thinking ahead, he just kinda wants her getting excited again cus it makes things more fun for himself.

This should actually give yall some extra context for the previous comic with bob deciding not to get drunk with the fancy whisky. When she shows all doe eyed and excited in her stance in that comic, it actually startles Bob little bit and gives him cause for concern. And now yall should have a better idea why. That cutesy innocent look is often actually her excited for murder look. and here we get to see Bob learn that the hard way.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Merry Greason's Everyone!

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Nothing convinces ya to stay sober quite like a gremlin that will exploit any available weakness. Soooo, yeah Bob doesn't do much drinking in this au.

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It's tough sometimes feelin what someone else feels.

As a former Zombie, Bob having spent a very painful few days without a functioning body temperature when he was resurrected, he's not too keen on the cold anymore.

Not that his big dumb butt is gonna clearly communicate how uncomfortable it really makes him.

So she's goin in the sweater.

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Got two fanfics below the readmore, and a closing comic strip at the end of the fanfic showing what happens afterwards. So make sure to at least scroll to the bottom!

Sitting at the bar, a gay bar mostly frequented by lesbians which they had visited without incident a few times prior, Caprica alternated between sipping a drink, looking at her phone, and keeping an eye on Bob. Bob being currently disguised as Barbra, her "girlfriend" and former truck driver from out of town who’s been recovering from a car accident at her house.

It seemed everything was going pretty well. Bob's done a good job not being too suspicious and not breaking character, so she's been exploiting the bar over the past couple of days to keep Bob busy, and give herself a break from having the undivided attention of her obsessive stalker.

Though the unfortunate (in her opinion) trade off of being in a public location, is that sometimes people other than Bob will also take the initiative to bother her.

Case in point, as a lady sat in a barstool beside her, gesturing to get her attention and get Caprica to lean in a bit closer.

Saying in a bit of a hushed tone

"Hey, sorry to bother ya honey, but I figured I'd ask you instead. But Barbara's a Trans woman right?"

Oh… guess they clocked Bob. Still, that's a lot better than assuming he's a notorious criminal hiding out in disguise. 

She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Uhhhhh…. Yeah. She… uhhh, she'd rather not talk about it."

"Yeah I understand. Just figured I'd ask since we've got a support group coming up, in case she wants to participate. You can let her know just in case I don't get the chance to talk with her privately for a minute."

"No, it's probably best if I let her know myself, so she won't… uhhh… I'll let her know."

"Alright, just get back to me if Barb is interested or not. No pressure though if she isn comfortable bringing it up."

"Yeah, we'll let you know."

And she got up and left to go mingle, leaving Caprica alone with her thoughts.

Damn, she should probably get ahead of this before Bob does anything too suspicious.

Sometime later, she and Bob sat in the big truck that used to belong to her grandfather, getting ready to go home, though she got Bob to pause for a bit for a chat. 

"So there might be something we should go over in regards to your Barbra disguise. So just in case someone asks, let's go over what transgender means, and a few other relevant terms you should know."

"Well alright. If ya think it'll help."

(One explanation later…..)

"Alright, now say it back to me. Someone asks if you're a Trans woman, what do you think that means?"

Bob, with a bit of excitement in his tone, replies

"It means I'm a lady who hasn't chopped off her dick yet!"

"...."

"...."

"You know what, we'll work on that."

And they head home.

Another day, another time, but the same place, Caprica and Bob (disguised as Barbra) are sitting together at a table at the lesbian bar, sharing a plate of nachos. 

Though Caprica was more eating a small bowl of jalapeño rings that came with the nachos than the nachos themselves.

And Bob was more enjoying teasing and flirting with his grumpy unsociable girlfriend than snacking.

Until they are rudely interrupted.

Two men, acting tipsy either from alcohol or their own egotistical self satisfaction, sleased over, one of them leaning against the table beside Caprica while the other stood behind her.

"Hey cutie, how'd you like to get with a real man?"

"Yeah, we’d be happy to show what you’re missing, hanging out with a bunch of slutty rug munchers like these."

Without skipping a beat though, and more of reflex than anything, Caprica deadpanned,

"Dude, this is a gay bar…. For gays. Quit flirting with people like me and go suck each other's faces instead."

And reached to take a sip of her drink.

Before her eyes glance over, and notice Bob's hand balled into a tight fist, which shook slightly with rage.

Caprica choked on her drink

OH SHIT RIGHT BOB!!!!!

These guys just… Oh shit. Right in front of Bob.

Trying not to let the nerves show in her voice, she says

"Okay, you…. You guys need to leave…" 

Obviously not successful in putting up a brave front.

And the guys just leaned in a bit closer. Pitching their voices a bit lower to make it harder for any lookie-loos to hear them over the background music.

"Awwww, but we just got here! And somebody's gotta set these dykes straight, might as well be a couple of good Samaritans like us."

"Yeah, we'd be happy to show you chick's what dick tastes like."

SHIT what can she do!! These guys are literally digging their own graves! Eyes widening further in fear she glances between the guys and the barely disguised ball of murderous rage that was Bob. 

Probably the only things keeping these two guys alive right now, was one… Bob being a bit of a slow thinker, taking a minute to figure out how exactly he was gonna murder these two. And two, that she makes him leave his knives at home when they go out in disguise so he couldn’t impulse stab as easily.

She makes a snap decision. 

Maybe if she can make a scene first, Bob won't get the opportunity to do something drastic and reveal his identity in public.

She turns to glare at the two men, raising her voice to draw more attention and maybe get someone else to intervene first before any blood gets spilled.

"I am literally here with my fucking girlfriend!"

She says gesturing at Bob.

"Now unless you two assholes want the only thing you're ever known for around town, is that you two are the kind of guys to hit on other people's girlfriends, you'd better walk out those doors and never let anyone here see your faces ever again!"

And good lord, the condescending smugness of these dudes was palpable.

"Hey now, no need to get all hysterical on us."

"Yeah, how are we supposed to know if it's your time of the month or not?"

And the two snicker dumbly, while Capricas eyes dart around. 

Two of the women from the dance floor, who were regulars at the bar, seem to have gotten the hint that something was up and were heading this way.

Though the two guys then continued, clearly trying to cover their ass now that there was a risk of witnesses.

"Hey, if you… two aren't in an uhhhh… open relationship you coulda just let us know and not get all upset over nothing.

"Besides, with how gross, fat, and hairy your girlfriend is, maybe you don't need a guy after all!"

Their condescending laughter peters out with a squeak of Bob's chair as he stands. The two men's courage faltering for a moment as they see his stature dwarfing the both of theirs.

The two women who had been making their way over also pausing at the sight, the anger in Bob's posture being clear even from across the room.

Though he keeps his tone even, and thankfully doesn't drop the feminine affect in his voice (and thus his disguise). And with a slow, controlled movement, he takes off his sunglasses, folds them, and hangs them on the collar of his funny 'my other ride is your mom' novelty shirt.

He then leans over, resting one hand on the table, and staring down the men with his big crazy eyes and deranged grin.

"You boys know what happens when you try hitting on another man's girlfriend right in front of them?"

One of the men puts up his hands in a timid ‘alright, calm down’ sort of gesture. Trying to be sassy as he says, "Hey, no need to HURK!!"

Bob snatched the man by the throat, cutting him off and startling his friend, along with Caprica 

"HEY HEY HEY!!!"

"BARB DON'T!!"

Caprica shot up from her seat, as Bob calmly made his way around the table, gaze hungrily fixed on the choking man clawing at Bob's hand, trying to break the grip around his neck.

Though he's knocked out of his focus as the assholes friend winds up a punch, and clocks Bob in the face with an accompanying shout of,

"LET GO OF HIM YOU BITCH!!!"

Bob staggers at the hit, then stills, and turns his attention to the other man. Who's angry expression falters with fear as Bob meets his gaze.

Caprica scrambles over, trying to get between Bob and the man, but he is able to move past her easily to punch the guy in the gut, and he crumples, wind knocked out of him. 

As Caprica, in a hushed worried tone, pleaded,

"Barb, we're in public Barb, people are watching, Barb. You know the rules, don’t break character."

And Bob, appearing not to listen, grabbed the other man by the collar of his shirt as he wheezed and tried not to fall over. Bob not obliging this man's attempt to stay upright, kicking out one of his legs so he tumbled, and the only thing keeping his head from smacking on the ground, being the shirt collar Bob held. Letting the second man be pulled along like a struggling sack of flour, all while still pulling the first man along by the neck, and starting to walk. Caprica still panicking in a hushed tone as by now the attention of the whole bar was on them, and a number of bystanders got closer to get a better view of the action.

"Come on Barrrb, think about you're doing, if you hurt them we can't come back…."

Bob started dragging the two men towards the front door of the bar, wide manic grin still on his face with each heavy step, and Caprica following along beside him, frantically whispering.

"They'll come and find us at the house, they might figure things out before we even get a real chance to run. Don't do this."

Bob kicks the door open, dragging the two struggling men out with him, letting one of the guys get smacked on the doorframe on the way out, and letting the door swing shut behind him.

Leaving Caprica looking nervously across the audience of mostly lesbians, many of whom were now chatting amongst themselves conspiratorially.

Caprica being too stressed to get a read on how the audience might be feeling about the whole affair and if they’ve turned against her and Bob or not.

But she does take a moment to consider since there weren't any windows to look out of, either on the door or the adjacent wall, maybe if she just stood here she could keep people from going out and witnessing Bob ripping them apart and calling the cops and escalating the whole thing and everyone finding out about Bob and Bob grabbing her before she can run and him getting taken to prison while she’s still stuck inside him and…

There's entirely too many people looking at her, so she goes out the door in a hurry.

She finds Bob standing there calmly, hands in his pockets, looking out across the street. His eyes glance down at her when she asks

"Where are the!!!!"

But she's interrupted as Bob gestures slightly with his head in the direction he'd been looking before, and Caprica can see the two men shambling off, one supporting the other with their arm across his shoulders to keep them steady.

Caprica lets out a huge wheezy breath, bracing against Bob with one hand as she doubles over and says,

"Oh thank fuck."

And Bob looks at her with a sly cheeky grin. 

She takes a few more deep breaths to try and steady herself, Bob saying a teasing

"Y'all right there sweetiepie?"

"I'm just…. Wheeze, shit Bob…. Just…"

"Spooked ya good didn't I?"

She glares at him.

"Don't you go acting like some bastion of self control now you fucking asshole. I know you were barely an inch from ruining everything."

"Yeah, but it's still fun to watch you get mad about it."

Caprica presses her face into her hands and lets out a long annoyed tone to try and get the stress out,

"HHHHHRRRRRrrrrgggggg…. Come on…. We still gotta go back in there and sort this out. You're stable enough right?"

Bob chuckles in response.

And Caprica stands up straight with a clap of her hands and says

"WHELP! Alright it's settled! Let's just leave and never come back, and never speak of this again!"

Bob leans in, wrapping an arm around Caprica's shoulders tenderly and nuzzling against the top of her head while saying apologetically.

"Awww darlin, come on, you'll be okay, they ain't gonna…"

Bob's interrupted as the door beside them opens, it's the bouncer, who was looking thoroughly apologetic, along with someone who normally is working the bar, but from the more authoritative tone, they were probably a more managerial type on top of pouring drinks.

"Are you two alright? From the sound of it, one of them tried to grab Caprica and the other ended up punching you when you tried to stop them."

It not being lost on Bob that the events were already getting spun to make him and Caprica look more innocent and non-confrontational than they had been. Clearly, the community was gonna be much more invested in looking after their own than being sympathetic to a couple of assholes. And Bob was happy to lean into that impulse of theirs. After all, he quite liked it here too, even if it meant agreeing to expand his ‘dont eat the neighbors, that’s too suspicious’ compromise with Caprica to include ‘don’t eat anyone who’s clearly a lesbian. It is not a large community and word travels fast and it’ll be too suspicious’. Taking on a warm tone and shifting back into his feminine Barbra affect, he stands back to his full height, though keeping an arm around Caprica, and responds,

"Yeah, we're alright. Don't-chu worry."

"How about the two men?"

"I gave 'em an earful and let 'em limp off with their tail between their legs. Hopefully we won't be dealin with those two again any time soon."

The manager seems relieved, taking up a bit more confident, even somewhat protective tone as she responds,

"Alright, if they show up again and start getting butthurt about things and trying to twist everything around, we've got a bar full of witnesses to let the authorities know how big of a creep those guys were. And of course, it should go without saying that those guys are banned for life."

The bouncer holds open the door for them, the manager trying to usher them both inside.

"Come on, I'll give you both a free drink, or maybe something to eat to help ya calm down, or heck, both if you want. And let's get you an ice pack for that bruise Barbra."

Though with Caprica being obviously the more nervous of the two, the bulk of the fretting quickly turned to her, giving Bob a moment to fidget with what he had in his pocket.

The source of why Bob was able to do an emotional 180 so quickly, and turn so calm and confident after the insults and the jealous, possessive rage.

Taking them out covertly for a moment to examine.

Two leather wallets. And flipping open the top one, a drivers license can be clearly seen in the transparent pouch, belonging to the man he had threatened to strangle to death.

A drivers license and thus, a name, and an address.

Bob's grin widened with sinister glee, before he stowed the mens wallets away, and followed the group inside.

Then, the following night...

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

She regrets giving this man a smartphone XD

Her creaturing now having the opportunity to be documented has hilariously exacerbated Bob's succumbing to the cat person derangement syndrome, because his girlfriend was just that small and mean and scrunkly. Like sure, the smartphone game apps and his habit of taking funny cat pictures of her doing her creature things around the house and showing off/bragging about said pictures of her to basically anyone who will listen has proved to be a pretty sizable distraction from his usual habit of cannibal murdering. But good god at what cost to her already frail dignity XD

I've been working on a whole silly narrative about Bob and caprica becoming regulars at a lesbian bar. Like at first, Bob was a bit wary of taking Caprica to a lesbian bar, since he gets jealous easily and what if someone tries to flirt with his girlfriend?

But upon seeing her utter lack of rizz in action, he quickly changed his mind. Like, Caprica couldn't flirt her way out of a wet paper bag.

So Bob, generally working under the assumption that ladies take a bit of effort to woo, basically went

"Well damn, shes terrible with the ladies. If this were a guy going after a lady, I'd literally have to wingman for them of they had any hope at all of getting any action."

He's not entirely correct in his assessment, as he's considerably underestimating how diverse of standards women can have. But the idea of him being confident that the average lesbian has too high of standards to chase after his terrible girlfriend just seemed too funny an opportunity to pass up. Like I can imagine it leading to Caprica getting absolutely roasted at some point XD

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

And a follow up XD

Bob makes a pizza