thewhistlingflea

[thewhistlingflea]

made this video as a followup to lamenting about how i have a very unmonetizable type of fame and i have for the past 10 years and this was my favorite comment i got on it

[thewhistlingflea]

I get that the new world is struggling to be born but can we get an epidural or something

[thewhistlingflea]

next dynamic were sexualizing is that of a bull and a toreador

[thewhistlingflea]

so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

[thewhistlingflea]

customer service is cooking my brain, man

[thewhistlingflea]

I only left long enough to mop my bathroom floor, how-

[thewhistlingflea]

[thewhistlingflea]

one time a guy friend told me he was quitting league of legends and literally two weeks later she was on estrogen. these events are intrinsically connected in my mind.

[thewhistlingflea]

*dying while our boobies are touching* ashes to ashes... bust to bust.....

[thewhistlingflea]

never related to authors being like "childhood is such a blessed innocent time", catch me with that jane eyre shit like "such dread as children only can feel" and "I then sat with my doll on my knee til the fire got low, glancing round occasionally to make sure nothing worse than myself haunted the shadowy room"

[thewhistlingflea]

saw this cute post and now I'm not going on reddit for the rest of the day. quit while you're ahead

[thewhistlingflea]

you have to understand that i once worked at a lab with a walk-in freezer set at all times to -30 degrees (-34 C) and one summer we had a horrendous heatwave and i had to bike to work every day and i didn't want to spend the first hour of work drenched in sweat, still trying to catch my breath and cool off.

well one day the first thing i had to do in the morning was grab some samples from the -30, and i walked in and all of the sweat on my body basically flash-freezed and it felt so good. i cooled down in 20 seconds.

so from then on every single day when i got to work i just walked into the freezer and stood there for a minute.

i was usually the first in so nobody noticed for a few weeks until one day i walked in, panting from my bike ride on an unusually hot day, too breathless to talk, and one of my coworkers was there early and he started talking to me but I just wheezed an apology and put my finger up to say "one moment" and I walked into the freezer and then a minute later I came back out totally recovered and I said "sorry! : ) what were you saying?"

and he said

"how long have you been doing that?"

[thewhistlingflea]

[thewhistlingflea]

no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

[thewhistlingflea]

I'm kind of obsessed with the way sheep are handled. So efficiently. It always looks kind of unpleasant at first and then you notice the sheep are fine with it. They're always being flipped upside down and rolled down a chute or some shit. A shepherd will be tossing that thang in the air and spinning it like pizza dough & the sheep just lets it happen

[thewhistlingflea]

STOP! before you decide you are irretrievably doomed, try one of the following options:

transition

bdsm

iron supplements

[thewhistlingflea]

guy who invented western musical notation: so we're going 12 tones to an octave, named after letters of the alphabet. me: got it. A to L. inventor guy: that's not what i said