thewingedwalrus

[thewingedwalrus]

vulcan horror movies would be an exercise in emotional regulation against fear, targeted directly at vulcans' deepest insecurities. movies titled "IT IS ILLOGICAL TO QUIVER AT THIS SEQUENCE OF EVENTS" which, if one of its hundred-and-six jumpscares gets you, you'll never live it down. humans find them annoyingly scary, like a friend who won't stop trying to "get" you.

you'd think that klingon horror movies are gorefests, but it's actually quite the opposite: gore is honorable, and nothing is scarier than dishonor. they often show a person whose life falls apart despite their own valiance and virtues: like an earth tragedy but with someone who clearly doesn't deserve it. at the end, there's often an operatic number where the protagonist exclaims that there's nothing they could have done to prevent their abysmal fate.

ferengi horror movies are documentaries about stock market crashes

[thewingedwalrus]

Wait what is this story about colin baker in the woods, you can't just say that and leave us hanging

 oh god, okay… this is a fairly long story that colin baker relates in the dvd commentary for mark of the rani, i will be paraphrasing it but i’m pretty certain i remember all the major details because i was laughing SO hard the first time i heard it

first of all you have to know that mark of the rani was filmed on location in this particular village and the public woods surrounding it, and also that the weather was being rather inconsistent on this one day. it kept raining and then the rain would stop again, so every time the rain shifted, the whole filming crew would immediately jump up and run between two locations – for continuity reasons, because they were alternately filming one scene where it needed to be raining and one where it was sunny

so they’re doing this scene where the doctor is tied up and hanging from a pole like so:

it’s super uncomfortable to be actually hanging from a pole by one’s wrists and ankles for multiple takes of a scene, so the crew built some kind of contraption to make it easier on him… it was basically a metal frame-like thing that was hidden under his jacket and pants, supporting his back so that he wouldn’t actually be straining his wrists, i guess? at any rate, the downside of this was that this thing took a LONG time to set up, so it wasn’t possible to UNTIE him from the pole in between takes, so they just kind of. set him down on the ground. during the moments when they weren’t filming

anyways, in the middle of this situation with the intermittent weather, at some point it starts raining and the director calls for everyone to go to the other current filming location!! everyone is rushing about trying to get the cameras and props and people over there as quickly as possible (because you never know when the rain will change again) and in all of this hullaballoo they somehow manage to

forget colin baker on the ground

(actually he said that he sort of noticed them leaving him behind but was initially hesitant to say anything, thinking “surely i’m just missing something and they’ll come get me in a moment” and then by the time he fully realized he was left behind, they were too far out of earshot for him to say anything)

so he’s just like. well. i’ll just wait. and they’ll figure it out soon enough

he lies there tied to this pole for a good ten minutes or so until he hears someone coming down the path

but it is not the film crew, because these are PUBLIC WOODS they are filming in. it’s a random middle-aged couple walking their dog. and the dog comes running up to colin baker (who is a little ways off of the main path) and sniffing him and barking

and the couple just … look at him, tied to the pole on the ground… he said he could tell that they didn’t recognize him as being dr. who, so god knows what they thought about his COAT

he looks at them

there is a deeply awkward silence in which he doesn’t know what he could possibly say about the situation of him being TIED TO A POLE IN THE WOODS and they are clearly being TOO POLITE AND PROPER AND BRITISH-Y to bring it up

eventually one of them is like “nice weather today isn’t it” and he’s like “er yes quite” and they just keep going and leave him lying there on the ground tied to the pole

he just stays there for another twenty minutes or so until FINALLY he sees one of the camera crew running back to get him while yelling “COLIN OH MY GOD WE’RE SO SORRY”

…aaand that is the colin baker tied to a pole in the woods story, more or less as related by colin baker himself, aka my all time favorite thing that ever happened behind the scenes of doctor who!! ACTOR DVD COMMENTARIES ARE SO WORTH WATCHING, KIDS

[thewingedwalrus]

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two

[thewingedwalrus]

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

[thewingedwalrus]

every time I rewatch atla book 1 I become more obsessed with zhao. why is this middle-aged adult beefing so hard with a high schooler who's not even that into it?? zuko tried to set aside their differences and zhao immediately killed himself. no one is doing it like him

[thewingedwalrus]

I support the "fiction isn't real so nothing matters" mindset but tbf at a certain point it can tip over into "the curtains are just blue" territory

[thewingedwalrus]

Wish humans evolved from mustelids. Imagine how curled up we could sleep. Imagine the tubes we could explore.

[thewingedwalrus]

MasterChef (the television show) would never work in the Doctor Who universe because UNIT or the Doctor would be on their doorstep in minutes looking for the Master. And they would find him because in the Doctor Who universe, the Delgado Master would be using this show as part of his plot for domination while wearing a rubber Gordon Ramsay mask.

[thewingedwalrus]

You should only write in present tense with extreme caution.

not because it's bad or anything but because if you do it even once you're going to be editing the bits where you shifted tenses out of your writing for the rest of your life

[thewingedwalrus]

I’ve been working through some feelings lately.

[thewingedwalrus]

[thewingedwalrus]

what annoys me about explaining evolution to people who don’t think it’s real is that everyone’s idea of how it works seems to be from this

Whereas the reality is far more like

[thewingedwalrus]

they need to stop killing the time lords bc i want the opportunity for a gag about somebody dying embarrassingly between scenes and showing up looking rattled played by a different actor

[thewingedwalrus]

Safety inspection in the Mines of Moria.

[thewingedwalrus]

girl shocked to discover that inaction can have consequences too

[thewingedwalrus]

North Carolina voted for Trump three times in a row.