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Tony flees from reporters as he kidnaps a local puppy to eat later in his nest.

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Tony Abbott has recently attempted to eat the royal baby. Kate and William were enjoying their trip around Australia up until they encountered the reptilian Prime Minister. At first they thought he was just eager to greet them until he got closer and they realised his intention was in fact to eat their baby whole like a bird’s egg. The royal couple barely managed to escape with their baby unscathed when Prince William reflected the Australian sun off the bald patch of his head directly into Abbott’s lizard eyes and ran.

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What I’d like to say to Scott Disick

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I felt like a walking broken heart for four months when writing the album at the start, so I wanted to portray that. I liked the idea of writing about the real side of love. Not the, ‘Baby, I miss you, come back!’ More the ‘I’m never going to put myself in that position again and henceforth, my reign as Queen Bitch From Hell begins’.

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Share with me your silence and if I fail to understand, I promise I’ll listen again.

nouransk (via wnq-writers)

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my moms favorite pastime is to come into my room, insult all of my life choices, list everything i already know i need to do making me 10x more stressed about it than i was before, then leave my door open

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Mose could make a great paper salesman. He’s got a natural fear of paper, which would motivate him to get as much of it out of this office as possible. I’ve got big expectations, Mose-wise.

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i will stay

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¡Sassy!

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Seinfeld Merchandise: http://bit.ly/1pfT8K1

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Mistakes you only make once...

1. Flushing a port that had been used for norepinephrine  (or some other pressor) - HELLO there SBP of 200 and HR of 140, now please come down, please come down, please come down.

2. Calling the wrong MD service for your patient …. SORRY dickface, no need to get so sassy.

3. Telling someone they can eat/drink, then learning they’re NPO… JK, my bad. I’ll bring you anything you want to eat…tomorrow.

4. Taking a telephone order without knowing which MD you are speaking with….Ummm sorry for the return call, and what was your name again?

5. Misreading your schedule and getting a call from work at shift change. Oh, I’m supposed to be there right now, that’s funny, because I’m 4 hours away.

6.Over-sedating your patient before the docs round…DON’T SEND ME TO STAT CT. I just drugged him up, he’s not lethargic- he’s high as a kite.

7. Eating foods that are hard on your stomach before work…please excuse me while I go to the secret bathroom on the other floor for 10 minutes, nothing to see here folks.

8. Forgetting to turn on the bed alarm for your confused patient. Dear patient, get your ass back in that bed, lay the eff down, and do not try that shit again. If you fall, I look bad.

9. Working anything over 4 shifts in a row. What day is it? What does the sun look like? What am I even doing? I’m so tired, I can’t even remember a time when I wasn’t tired.

10. Leaving your stethoscope sitting out unattended….This is not finders keepers, assholes.