thinkingallowed - Tumblr blog

[thinkingallowed]

The Power Of Playfulness

I was on the toilet and remembered about my writing, had a little mental block about starting to write as I have done a lot and the thought that moved me to write was: “writing is something that I enjoy, simple and fun, putting the seriousness and pressure on the outcome or quality of writing often stops me from even starting”. Ive wrote about this before, about failing forward and the importance of starting. I think I need to find a balance, but the more I lean towards being light hearted about things and optimistic side of the scale the happier I am and that means the most to me. 

Although recently, possibly always, I may not be very productive or invest a lot of time into things that better my future on the papers of (Im trying to think of a word to group the people who think making money and good education are essential for a good life is but yeah I guess, those people…), despite that, day to day I am bouncing between playful/happy/cheeky-ness and peaceful/relaxed/contentment all the time, they seem to be my base moods. The thing main that brings anxiety and doubt is the thoughts that I think I have just taken from “society”. I am very good at justifying my actions, good or bad, and convincing myself that happy days flow and so in my world they do, but the question is, and the balance I’m trying to find is between this, and investing time into things that are not so joyful to do at the moment, or I procrastinate, but do result in longer term or a greater happiness. 

Well I’m am happy that I went against my initial repulse to write, I actually had the thought and then let it go, woke myself up out of bed to write this with a little giggle that game me the energy to go. There is power in this for sure, taking the stress out of a need for success and just playing. Such a loving, creative, open mode to experience life through. 

So, buenas noches, sweet dreams here I come, happy days ….

[thinkingallowed]

Sleepy Satisfaction Scenarios

Over the past 2 weeks I’ve had back to back overly fulfilling days with world class company in unbelievable special places, to say the least. The feeling in my chest and heart is so full and warm I’m borderline tearing up several times a day, so I’m really learning relaxing into my body and allowing the show to unfold. 

Grateful, spoilt and content, here I lay on my dodgy hostel bed, listening to 8ft barrels roll into Puerto Escondido, Oaxaca (a beach that freakishly reminds me of Bondi). Living the best lifestyle I’ve tried on to date, for less than 200 Mexican pesos a day feeling richer than ever. Exhausted from being force fed the waves of my life since sunrise and full from Pepe’s special frijoles, postponing the sweetest siesta just to take note of these moments for my future self to never forget how fucking lucky I am. 

And then I fell asleep, what a siesta it was hahaha…  Now, almost a month later I am so glad I jotted this little snippet so I can never forget the sweetness of that afternoon. I haven’t opened my computer to write since that day and None the less, here I sit in a similar situation funnily enough, same same but different.  Im in the softest god size bed feeling satisfied, sleepy and a little inspired from an afternoon playing basketball, tennis and swimming in the backyard of an old friend of my mothers ridiculously fabulous house. 

Now to repeat the cycle… 

[thinkingallowed]

% Its all apart of the show %

Todo es parte del show, there is no right way to live or die we’re just make It up as we go along so why take it so seriously….

Honestly to good to be is how It really felt,

seemed to me only a dream how do I even tell,

have i touch you one more time know you are real,  

hope I fell under cupids spell or I'm heading for a padded cell, 

down a well I'm throwing penny's now, anything to help, 

Now have to wish you well when I want you all to myself.

fortune can not tell us the way it Will unveil,

have to find out for ourselves…

play the cards we are dealt…

Yep, just spoke to my mum again… my anchor in reality and my other half, we came out of nowhere but were here to stay, happy days. She inspires me to live full stop… but more so to my fullest and today that inspiration manifested as poetry. It seems my feelings never clearly reach the surface of my mind unless I use tools such a writing or dive into conversations with people who can navigate the depths of emotions through the kaleidoscope of imagination. 

It makes sense to me that if you don’t eat super sweet or fatty food, your taste buds will become more sensitive, allowing you to enjoy and experience more subtle flavours, which seem to be found in more natural, healthy food but this is besides the point im trying to make. This attitude alone brings more awareness your relationship with food and without anything extravagant needed, the enjoyment can multiply tenfold. I think this system applies to many other things but requires discipline to implement. If you let go of the craving for more, for instance money, you don’t overstimulate the part of yourself that gets high from getting more money and your senses tune to a subtler frequency, allowing room for gratitude and bringing awareness to what money you do have.

 Entonses, if instead of aiming to obtain more, or better, its a powerful practice to instead focus on how you are behaving in your relationships with the things you invest so much time to obtain. Ive realised the more energy I put into a path, or practice, the more it gives me back, like a song that I listen to when im doing difficult exercises of yoga, when I sweat and suffer giving energy to a song, I can always turn that song on if my energy is low in life outside of yoga and Its like I have energy stored there that is on tap when I need it. 

I could give many examples but I guess my point is… hahaha I was hoping when I started to pretend like I knew the point I was trying to get to is it would just come to me. 

I just realised what this little hiccup was, so I do want to make a summary of this idea and wrap it up into something more digestible but this too is interesting. I started thinking of this because of my relationship with drugs but avoided using it as an example, in turn it lead to a more developed idea but yeah… I think a life without drugs, although difficult for me opens up such a wider and sustainable experience of life. 

Quoting a message my lifelong friend sent me, a Thai/Hungarian guru, “energy in, energy out”. At the time he was referring to the vicious cycle of working and partying in London so I guess its relevant. Put energy into paths of your life and you get that energy back. 

Im not sure if all this shit im saying is as profound as it feels to me but that too is besides the point :) 

[thinkingallowed]

Happy Days

Well… where was I, where am I? Its my day off and im on the couch drinking Mate, my new favourite thing, a potent tea from argentina thats a cultural sharing ritual. Listening to Mac Miller waiting for my hermanos to arrive so we can go cook up a storm and go to one of the local cenotes, places that draw people from all across the world just for a taste that are now part of my daily routine… hard to talk about my situation without sounding like im boasting but this isn’t even the start of it, I just want to remind myself when I look back on this how amazing every breath of this life has been. 

The trust that I had in my friend the Argentinian chef who I met in Napoli was based only on a feeling I had on the day we spent together, then I booked a flight to come and see him here in Mexico and that was the last we talked until days before I arrived. He welcomed me with open arms and opened is doors to me, one of the first things he said to me was “tranquilo hermano, estas en el Caribbean”, chill, your in the Caribbean. It took me the next day to slow down to Mexican time and with the help the sun and water a weight of anxiety/ stress was easily lifted and I had arrived. The chef gave me a mission, it was to find job, house and a bike within 2 weeks while at the same time not letting go of this tranquility, happy days right? That day I was walking to the beach and he sent me a message saying his restaurant, one top dining joints in Tulum needed a hand asap so I asked for the address and he sent the location. I was confused because the address was on top of me, then I realised I was literally outside his work. I came in and worked the shift, loved the place and the people and had someone give me a bike and the next day moved into a house with a new co-worker, now brother :) 

This christmas was the first I spent away from my family, a combination of that and several other events over past few days made me feel deeply, I received more “bad news” in the last week than in the past 2 years. Weather its blue skies or rain, I’m moving through these moments with my arms out wide and my heart open and my gratitude for all of these experiences is growing exponentially.

I have too much to say and too little time at this moment, but as always it feels great to download my stories. Possible the biggest shift in myself at the moment is a simple but powerful idea. Happy Days. A frase I think I stole of my mum, her surname is Day and her grandparents have a number plate that says “happy days”. I have used this for a while but in Spanish its really taking off as its uncommon to say, everybody knows me as the happy days guy. Someone told me the other day “its amazing you can live life simply spreading happy days wherever you go”. This really changed the game for me put so simply. 

Even if i walk alone I know I’ve left a trail of happy days along the way… 

[thinkingallowed]

Drink music!

Navigation, intuition, inspiration, the constant flux of feeling, living and dying, loving and lying, trying to make sense of it all. I've been having good influences on people lives and it's the most rewarding thing I've ever do. All the confidence and energy I'm receiving from positive feedback I'm getting off people I think so highly off is being channeled right back into pushing forward those very people and everyone else i invest in. Not sure if I'm being selfish or selfless, humble or cocky but I'm feeling content with where I'm at and what I have but moving forward with ambition and courage. Not being so scared to fail and staying as open as possible to the lessons of each moment is such a fucking free feeling. The map of my intuition is so epically unfolding, as the dots continuosly connect and I feel I have nothing to do with the process but to observe and surrender. 

 Shout out to New Zealand, such a beautiful place to come from even though I'm English white trash, and we have a terrible past I'm so grateful to be apart of it I can call myself a kiwi! Proud that even as a little geezer I stayed patriotic amidst all the Aussies my whole life and stay strong to this day in England. Tomorrow I'm going to see Fat Freddies Drop, BIIIG UUUUPS to my favorite band of all time, I'm going with my favorite man of all time, both are kiwi of corse, we out here! 

 So... Since writing this I went to fat Freddies, best concert and close to the best night of my life, words can't express. Such talented dudes, they didn't even drop their big songs just jammed for 2 hours over the scheduled time as it was the last Euro gig for the tour. The kiwi legend and I danced harder than ever for hours and non stop with everybody looking at us like we were on drugs before joining us. I feel like everybody knows, but not often enough utilises the true magic that music provides. It has the ability to pull you out of whatever mood or place you are in in seconds and literally loose yourself for who knows how long. Though physically exhausted I feel mentally and spiritually reguvinated and no doubt some healing tool place. 

 FAT FREDDIES DROP! 

 10 days to Mexico, the 2 people I was planning to meet have grown distant over time with the distance, even so I still trust that the connection we made and am confident it will re-ignite when we are together in person. If not then atleast the would have lead me to what I'm sure will be a perfect paridise for my next chapter, how ever long it lasts. Living with an open heart is painful and at times petrifying, though to me it seems like a no brainer. I'm doing my best to Learn the language of love as fast as possible, the most valuable work is with myself, though the biggest tests seem to be with others. It feels so great to write again its been a couple weeks too long. I have such an active mind, I think with better managment I will be able to create and do amazing thingsz whatever form the take I'm pushing find out.. 

 9 days to Mexico...

[thinkingallowed]

building blocks of solo travelling pt. 1

right now Ive got a lot to talk about and am struggling to get the time construct my ideas as solid as id like, so for the moment ill be writing more free flow and less editing so I can get some momentum going with my posts….

Human connection and a sense of belonging is believed to shortly follow food, water and shelter on the list of basic human needs for survival. This belief makes a lot of sense looking at my life. Unless it was out of my control, I literally didn’t spend an hour, let alone day without being with my friends or family. Growing up, I was inseparably from my parents, to the extent that I preferred sleeping in their bed until wayyy after it was cool, even then, i only left to sleep at mates or girlfriends house. This need to always be with people reached the point where often I would prefer bad company than none at all… This has never been so apparent as it is now travelling “alone”, though to be honest even now don’t often leave a park, bar, hostel, bus, plane or even a line for food without cracking a conversation every chance I get.  

In my eyes, everyone is innocent until proven guilty, this attitude quickly lead to me becoming a great judge of character an allows me to deeply connect with and understand all sorts of people but So far on my journey, this has proven to be my most valuable asset yet greatest hindrance. Though I want to develop these traits into a profession where I can help people.  

The more I align to my purpose, the reality is the more I need to be selective of when and who I spend my time with doing what. At the same time, I want the confidence to jump head first into whatever rabbit holes present themselves in the forms of people or experiences, knowing I can trust the bungee cord around my legs to pull me out if I get lost or of track. This metaphorical bungee I mentioned in my previous post is A daily practice that Im developing, its a way to reconnect with myself, starting off as i mean to continue before getting lost doing everything else in a days work. 

My routine at the moment starts with making my bead and brushing my teeth, washing my face and drinking a litre of water. Followed by an hour or so of Movement, stretching and meditation, Kundalini Yoga and chi gong at the moment. The most essential part of my morning practice is to spend as much time getting into my body and reconnecting before I look at my phone and allow all the worries of the world a chance to enter my energy field. I find once I’ve don’t this practice my actions that follow are less mindless and more efficient, even if I need to look at my phone I wont get caught scrolling social media. After this I do half an hour or so of Spanish study and reading while making breakfast. 

Spending more time alone without any influence from others is proving so valuable and for the first time I can’t get enough of it. In turn when I am with people I feel I’m bringing so much more to the table with more independence and appreciate sharing energy and ideas with others whenever I do. 

I have have always been very open about my thoughts and feelings with people I meet. This made my opinion of myself very much a combination of how I think people perceived me, either from what I understood of what they told me or purely of impression of how the felt and treated me. Its crazy that now when I’m alone, I still have thoughts in my head of other people opinions and so much of waht I do is to impress others, thinking what they would think and blah blah blah. Im developing a light hearted way of letting go of old habits and of who I think I am to allow room for growth. Its a painful process that im starting to find the humorous. Catching myself doing things I used to find Normal so silly and strange. Its hard to be honest with myself that this is who I am but it seems rediculous to be any other way. 

A close friend and mentor recently called me out on moving towards a hedonistic way of life and reminded me that ultimatly I want to give back the love ive recived so much of in my life. This is true and I am being selfish at the moment and finding the best way for me to life efficiently and happy, but its important not to loose sight of the bigger picture of giving back. Since writing this last paragraph Ive had a ludicrous series of events leading me to be in contact with a company that raises money for homeless in London and hope to start volunteering with them asap. 

[thinkingallowed]

Look forward to looking back

Im in London Town at the moment, couch surfing on the waves of people I connected to when I was last here, in 13 days I fly to Munich for October fest to stay with an old friend and then head to Berlin to stay with some more. 

Im living day by day, with a loose schedule consisting of my daily spiritual, physical and educational practices, the rest is left to intuition. I haven’t worked since I was last in London over a month ago where I was at this crazy fun flair/ Fluro/ face painting/ fire breathing/ adult ball pit cocktail bar called Ballie Ballerson, and honestly I could hardly call it work. Though today I came to terms with the fact ill have to find a new job to survive and am thinking I want my work to be as aligned to my current purpose as possible, ideally a Spanish/ South American themed salsa bar in Shoreditch (Universe I know your probably the only one reading this so lets get it!).

I happened to catch a chronic case of Spanish fever that changed the direction of my journey by the mercy of several serendipitous events, the standout being a surreal connection I made with a special Spanish someone. We met in London and shared an unforgettable week together before I flew to Barcelona to meet my mum for her birthday, setting off and continuing a crazy trail of trials, and inspirations and ticking off a bucket-listers we set many years ago. 

To be honest, it was far from easy saying goodbye to the Spaniard, even after such little time, though it did help that I was kept busy having the time of my life. Ive realised this just is how it goes, everyone has their own direction, paths cross and connect for periods of time and wont always align as you would like them to. This understanding has made me so grateful for all the moments I can share with the amazing people I meet, and has given me the courage to lovingly let people go on following their own journey, trusting that if we are meant to reconnect we will. Fair well’s are not getting much easier for me, its hard to let go of people I love but by celebrating the time we shared and the memories we’ll have forever, I feel confident moving forward and not like Im loosing anything at all. 

Next I worked my way around the coasts of Spain, Portugal and France accompanied by the highest pedigree of person to enter my life since Jesus, a kiwi legend I stumbled across in  London. The fucking EPICNESS of that trip are never to be attempted to sum up in words, All I can say is that I fell in love with the energy of the Mediterranean and all sorts of people, places, music and food that surround it. We parted ways in Monaco knowing we would see each other soon enough and I left knowing little about what was around the corner. 

Realising I was “close” to my friend in Napoli, Italy, I decided to visit, little did I know we would be living the embellished local lifestyle, cramming a years worth of celebrations and excursions into one doozy of a week. 

There I was, surrendered to whatever life had in store for me next when I met an Argentinian chef on holiday from living in Mexico. Besides a mutual gut feeling of trust from the get go, there was a massive language barrier, we were both very limited but luckily learning each others mother tongue, which set the tone for an interesting dynamic in our relationship. All it took was what I understood to be an elevator pitch about life in Tulum, Nek minnut, I have a ticket to Cancun on the 20th of November. The plan is to be working illegally, most likely bartending on beautiful beaches for as long it stays relevant to my purpose or until the 6 months that my NZ passport allows me, If i’m not already recruited by the cartel by then. I’ve realised bartending is the perfect way for me to get my feet on the ground in new countries, make connections with local loops, and get exposed to as many people as possible.

In Italy I found out my Dad was flying to London in a weeks time so headed back, via Leeds to catch up with my mate Leeds. Thanks to the space and support provided by the legend, I spent 10 days in hibernation with many Vipassana flashbacks, reading, cooking, rejuvenation, reconnecting and clearing up old blocks  while setting new intentions. This put me in the perfect headspace to have a long awaited, honest conversation with my dad, navigating through our past and breaking down barriers to turn a new page on our relationship. In the next few days I will say goodbye to the legendary comedian, athlete, leader and loving warrior that is my dad and look forward being more apart of each others life’s.

As always, in hindsight, Its easy to see the constant divine intervention and connection of Dots in my life drawing me closer to my purpose. With the belief that one day, ill look back on this next chapter with the same smile I have now, looking at the past, I will continue building this  momentum, power and wisdom I will need to follow my heart, stepping out into faith and meeting version of me that awaits. 

[thinkingallowed]

Direction And Purpose

For now, My life is an adventure and I am an explorer. I live on the move, connect with all sorts of people and am exposed to unique experiences everyday, so at this point of my life it is more important than ever to be grounded, focused and aligned with my purpose and develop intuition. There are many paths ahead of me that all have been walked, one step at a time I am paving my own. Moment by moment I feel the pull to retreat, the desire to distract and the fear of failure. I need to clarify my intention so that before every decision I am rooted in wisdom, this will give me the courage to accept anything that follows, success or not, all will lead to the growth of my ability to experience life. I completlly surrender to the external journey I am on but take control and responsibility of my internal navigation.

Will this decision benefit my ability to:

Consciously communicate with and understand people.

Approach my fears with love.

Build emotional independence. 

[thinkingallowed]

Go ahead

It will never be good enough.

So it's time to fail, fall short and miss by a long shot. Mistakes will be made with nothing but good Intentions to show me the way and no one will know, im making it up as I go...

[thinkingallowed]

Never 2 Cool 4 School

Struggling to juggle a full time commitment to climbing the social hierarchy and managing an intimate relationship with my beloved video games, I found little time and saw no value in learning anything high school had to offer. Although I don’t agree with the educational system or curriculum I experienced, I do realise how blessed I am (unlike so many around the world), to have been born with a glass so full opportunities and resources, leaving me no room for excuses.

Personally it was a relief to learn there’s more than one form of intelligence (see picture below), because I’m very limited in certain areas that have been holding me back. Even though I’m a self-proclaimed philosopher, to be honest, Google is my best friend and spell-check wrote half of this post. Besides, what’s the harm in understanding more about the workings and history of the universe I live in, the language I speak or the only body and mind I’ll ever have? Apart from maybe a few rude awakenings that I hope will only lead to a more fulfilled experience of life, nothing… so it’s about time I start making up for lost time and hopefully improve the pedigree of my posts along the way. 

A short video from The school of life’s youtube channel about the educational.