thirtyn1ne - Tumblr blog

[thirtyn1ne]

mc: fight me !!!

random rad student: bet-

belphegor: *looming behind mc ominously*

random rad student: b-b-best not! we better not, i actually have a class on the complete opposite side of the building, what am i still doing here hahaha *speedwalks away in pure fear*

mc: *pouting* why will no one fight me :/

belphie: damn idk :\

[thirtyn1ne]

‘You were Beel's safety blanket as much as he was yours.’

‘To lose him would have such a ripple effect on the entire kingdom, as well as completely devastate the brothers.

It would devastate you.’

‘To lose Satan would be to lose a future where he finally was his true self. It would be losing the person you go to for advice. The person who was so smooth and collected but managed to be an adorable dork at the same time. The one with who you would go to cat cafes and explore the deep corners of the Royal Library.’

‘Losing Levi wasn't an option, because to lose Levi would be to lose home.’

‘You couldn't lose Mammon.’

It's Got To Be Me

***So this is angstiest angst I have angsted. This is...this is heavy. PLEASE BE CAREFUL WHEN READING! Remember to practice self-care before, during, and after reading and to be aware of your limits. PLEASE READ THE TRIGGER WARNINGS. I love you all! I did end up putting some comfort at the end because I NEEDED SOME AFTER WRITING THIS. Safe reading! (@satans-beloved-riv, I did put some comfort at the end!)***

Summary: The brothers and MC wake up in a room with no exits or furniture. Only a pressure platform in a corner and a sign that reads "All of you may leave, when you choose one who will stay."

TW: Heavy angst, implied drugging, talk and discussion of self-sacrifice, anxiety/panic attacks, brothers fighting, self-deprecation,

The cavern was eerily silent as the air laid still and heavy on the shoulders of you and the Lords of the Devildom with the weight of the choice that rested ahead of you.

None of you were positive about how you got here. You had all been eating at the House of Lamentation when Beel frowned and put a hand on his stomach. You were about to ask what was wrong when a wave of fatigue crashed over you, and by the looks of things, it had just hit the others as well. In a matter of seconds. Everything went black, and you woke up in this room.

You didn't know who brought you here, or even where you were. There were few things that you did know.

There were no exits, no furniture, no signs of other life. Only a pressure triggered circle in the far right corner of the room with a sign that read, "All of you may leave, when you choose one who will stay."

Hence your current predicament.

Mammon was pacing along the left wall. Levi was a nervous wreck. Both Satan and Lucifer were sporting matching frowns as they stood deep in thought. Asmo was biting his fingernails. Beel was glaring at the sign. Belphie was staring at a wall with a blank stare.

No one was doing good, but no one had dared to step up, until-

"I'll do it," everyone whipped around to face Beel.

Belphie instantly snapped out of his daze and frowned at his twin. "No. Beel, you're not doing this-"

You felt your heart pound in your chest at Beel's words. You couldn't even begin to imagine losing him. He was a source of comfort, not only to you but to all his brothers. He was always so considerate of the others and what they needed and their interests.

"Yes, I am," he smiled softly at Belphie and placed a hand on his shoulder. "I promised that I would protect all of you, and now is the time to put those words to action. We don't know what will happen after one of us stand on that platform."

In your eyes, Beel was the sunshine in the Devildom. He was kind and open and soft. He shamelessly cared for those around him. He had such a huge heart that was filled with such unfathomable and unconditional love for his family, and for you. But in that same heart, there was a deep crack filled with the pain and suffering that he hid all too well.

But he didn't hide it from you. You had so many nights, where you held him in your arms as he woke from nightmares and reassured him that things would be alright. There were days, where you'd find him doubled over on a bench at school from the pain his immense hunger was putting him in and you be there by his side.

You were Beel's safety blanket as much as he was yours.

You wished you could say you were surprised by his wish to sacrifice himself, but you weren't. This was who Beel was, and it shattered your heart.

"Exactly," Belphie hissed as his hands began to tremble. "We don't know what could happen. It could be anything! It could-" his voice cracked as he gripped onto the front of Beel's jacket. His knuckles were white as his body began to quiver with stifled sobs. "It could kill you," he poked hard at Beel's chest as he stared up at him. "You're not leaving me, and I'm not leaving you. We're supposed to stay together."

Beel closed his eyes so that he wouldn't have to look at his twin falling apart before his own eyes. "It's better if it's me. Physically, I'm the strongest of us all. I have the best chance at living."

You frowned at his words and stepped forward. "Beel, you don't have to make yourself the sacrificial lamb, here. If this is about what happened with Lilith-"

"It's not." Beel quickly cut off, but everyone in the room knew he was lying. His tears pricked the corners of his eyes as his chest rose and fell with every laboured breath.

Lucifer sighed and crossed his arms, "It is about Lilith."

Belphie snarled and turned towards Lucifer with a manic expression of rage and heartache that you hadn't seen since that night in the attic. "Shut up! Nows not the time for your stupid arragont remarks, o-or your 'I told you so's, o-o-or anything else! So just shut up!"

Satan scoffed and rolled his eyes. "I suppose you think it has to be you then?"

Lucifer pressed his lips into a thin line and tensed. "I was going to do none of those things. I agree that Beel will not be the one who stays."

Your breath caught in your throat as you looked at Lucifer with wide eyes. Lucifer had always been there for you since the moment you arrived in the Devildom. He had an answer to every question. A solution to every problem.

The two of you had shared countless late-night run-ins in the kitchen which led to tea-fueled two a.m. conversations. You had only recently managed to break him down and get him to fully and genuinely laugh in front of you. It was a sound so beautiful, you didn't want to give it up just yet. You wanted to be selfish and hold onto it, hold onto him, just a while longer.

He was such a huge part of the Devildom and of the House of Lamentation. To lose him would have such a ripple effect on the entire kingdom, as well as completely devastate the brothers.

It would devastate you.

"Enough of the god-damn superhero complex!" Satan shouted at him as he moved in front of Lucifer. "You're not stepping onto that platform. Fuck! You're always swooping in to save the day and take care of us, even though no one asked you to. You always know the right thing to do and then you just- you do it!"

He raised an eyebrow at Satan. "Isn't it obvious? I'm the oldest. It's my responsibility to-"

Lucifer looked at Satan in concern and took a step closer to him. "That's my job."

Satan loudly growled and looked seconds away from lunging at Lucifer. Pure wrath rolled off him in waves, but it was all too clear that the anger was coming from a source of pain and love. Tears flowed heavily from Satan's eyes down his cheeks as he glared at his older brother. "We need you Lucifer! You keep us in line and make sure we don't destroy the god damn world and clean up after our messes. We would be shattered without you. If anything, it should be me!"

You swallowed the lump in your throat and walked towards him. "Satan, that's not..." you looked around at all the broken demons around you. "Just so we're clear, it shouldn't be any of us. None of you have done anything to merit being torn from the others. This is cruel and unfair. It's not right."

Everyone blinked at Satan in shock. Asmodeus was looking at Satan as though he had just told him that Majolish was closing down for good.

You needed to get through to him. Satan still had so much potential and so much he needed to do. He was only just realizing that he was so much more than Wrath, than Lucifer's offspring. He needed time to fully discover who the real Satan is and to do all the things that he read about. You wanted to be by his side and show him the wonders of the Human Realm.

To lose Satan would be to lose a future where he finally was his true self. It would be losing the person you go to for advice. The person who was so smooth and collected but managed to be an adorable dork at the same time. The one with who you would go to cat cafes and explore the deep corners of the Royal Library.

You weren't prepared to lose that fantastical, whimsy sense of adventure that Satan gave you. You weren't ready to lose him.

"Why in the Seven Rings would you think that?" Lucifer snapped at him.

Satan sniffed and wiped at his face. "But it's the way that it is, and as such, I should be the one to stay."

Satan stared at the floor, carefully avoiding eye contact with everyone. "You've all been with each other for eons. You were in the Celestial Realm together. You fought wars together. You have memories with one another that I will never even begin to imagine, no matter how many books I read," he looked at Lucifer with a determined stare. "I'm not essential to the family. You all lived together without long before I arrived. You will simply have to do so again."

SLAP

Satan stood holding his cheek as a furious Asmodeus stood over him in his demon form. "Don't you ever fucking say that again," Asmo hissed. His voice was wet with cries that refused to spill from his lips as his chest heaved in anger. "You're the smartest of us all. Sure, you weren't with us in the Celestial Realm, but fuck the Celestial Realm. You're our brother, Satan! Y-You're," the sobs finally began to come out of Asmodeus as he angrily tried wiping his tears away. "You're my best friend. Y-You're the only one that really listens to me, no matter what. You're always there when I want to complain or gossip. Y-You, support me in everything I do a-and you don't bring me down or laugh at me when I'm being dramatic or talking about my beauty," Asmodeus stared desperately at Satan; as though looking harder into his eyes would magically help him see everything Asmo was feeling. Although that wasn't quite true, Satan could feel it nonetheless.

Satan moved forward and placed a hand on Asmodeus's shoulder. "Asmo, I'm sorry-"

"Don't be sorry; just don't step onto that fucking platform or think for a single moment that I am letting you leave me," the anger behind Asmodeus's eyes refused to let up. If anything, it only got worse.

Satan merely nodded and pulled Asmodeus into a tight hug, where the Avatar of Lust nearly collapsed.

To your left, Levi was frantically looking between all the brothers as small wheezing sounds came from his mouth. You could practically hear his thoughts running a mile a minute. He had his hands pulled up to his chest, where one of his fingers was urgently tapping his red frowning pin.

Realizing that Levi was in the midst of a full-blown panic attack, you cursed under your breath and quickly went over to him. "Levi? I need you to breathe okay? Can you do that for me?"

You used the movement to you advantage and placed his hand on your chest, taking in exaggerated breaths. "You're alright Levi. Nothing's going to happen to you. Follow my breathing, and focus on me. In for four," you inhaled deeply throw your nose and made a swooping movement with your hand to emphasize the breathing.

Levi shook his head as one of his hands reached forward grip tightly onto your hand. Your concern immediately spiked, as you knew that Levi hated being the one to initiate physical contact.

Levi began to inhale, but within two seconds he choked and began wheezing again. You pulled him closer as he began to cry in frustration. "It's okay Levi. It's alright. You'll get it. You just have to try again. Focus on me. Come on, Levia-chan. You're Henry needs you. Let's go again. In for four," this time he was able to breathe in for the full four seconds.

You softly pressed a kiss to his hand before putting it back on your chest. "Great job, Levi! I knew you could do it. Let's keep going," the two of you stood there continuing to breathe for several minutes until Levi's breathing was back to normal.

You smiled and rubbed circles into his hand. "Good job. You're doing amazing. Now, hold for seven," he looked at you unsure, as though he doubted he could do it. "It's okay. I know you can do it Levi. Just follow along with me. In for four, hold for seven," the room was silent as you both held your breath. A quick glance around told you that the others were watching both of you, ready to step in as needed. You focused back on Levi, "Wonderful. You're doing so good. Now, out for eight," the two of you maintained eye contact as you slowly exhaled the air from your lungs.

You smiled gently at him, "It's no problem. This whole situation is...scary and overwhelming to say the least."

Eventually, you helped him sit down, and sat down beside him as you rubbed his back. He rested his head back against the wall and glanced at you. "Thanks, MC."

Levi sighed and put his face in his hands. "I-It's just, as everyone was arguing, I kept thinking. If it's not Satan or Asmo, and it's not Lucifer. And it's not the twins. Th-Then it'd be me, right? I-I thought maybe it was a silently agreed-on thing, s-s-since I don't really come out of my room much anyways. You pro-probably wouldn't notice if I was gone. An-And it'd be better without a la-lame gross ota-"

You cut Levi off by placing a hand on his mouth. You looked at him with tear-filled eyes as you slowly moved your hand to cup his cheek.

Levi was always one of the more sensitive of the brothers; of course, seeing all of this, he would assume he'd be the one stay behind. You had been working with him so hard on his confidence, but knew that one bad day could still crack him.

Levi understood you. He understood your fears and insecurities. He understood what it felt like to feel like you aren't enough. He offered a sense of familiarity in his human world animes and games. The two of you would back human world delicacies together before binging your favourite anime. It was one of the small things that made your stay in the Devildom a little easier and washed away any traces of homesickness.

Losing Levi wasn't an option, because to lose Levi would be to lose home.

"L-Levi, please believe me when I say that we would never send you away or give up on you like that. We love you the way you are, and being an otaku is part of the amazingness that makes you so incredible," Levi's bottom lip trembled as you spoke and leaned his head into your touch.

A sad chuckle came from the other side of the room.

Mammon was standing next to the platform with a terrifying look of acceptance on his face.

The room froze at the sight as a collective gasp was taken.

"Mammon. What are you doing?" Lucifer spoke carefully, like someone trying to talk to a spooked animal.

Everyone winced at their words being thrown back at them. Beside you, Levi whimpered and shakily rose to his feet; you quickly moved to help him.

"I mean, we all knew it was gonna be me right?" his voice was thick with tears, yet calm, as though he had already accepted his fate. "Why wouldn't it be? I ain't good for anythin' anyways. Not like the rest of ya. I'm just the scum bag, greedy, moron, who fucks everything up, right?"

"We shouldn't have said any of that, Mams. It's not true. We need you."

Mammon let out the most heart-wrenching laugh you had ever heard. It was void of any source of joy, and instead was overflowing with self-hatred and doubt. "You don't need me, Levi. None of ya do. None of ya even want me around."

You couldn't breathe.

You couldn't even think of the possibility of losing Mammon.

He was the rock of the House of Lamentation. He took care of every single inhabitant and made sure none of them were ever hurt. He had proved that time and time again.

He was your first. He was your man. He was your protector.

He was your everything.

You and Mammon were a dynamic force that no one ever saw coming. The two of you tackled anything you put your minds to, no matter how dumb or stupid. Together, you had stitched the House of Lamentation back together to be what it is today. He was the demon who would wake up at 4 am every morning to secretly feed the crows and exchange gifts with them. He was that same demon who glared down every single RAD classmate who had dared talk bad about you.

You couldn't lose Mammon.

Asmo growled and glared at Mammon. "Stop it! That's not true! Now get away from there!"

It was Mammon's turn to growl. He snarled down at Asmodeus and took an angry step towards him. "Asmo, you literally tell me to kill myself every week!"

"I DIDN'T ACTUALLY MEAN IT!" Asmo screamed, lunging forward to grab Mammon's arm pull him away from the platform. The second-born easily dodged. "I never meant it! I was just angry! I love you Mammon! Damn it, I love all of you! I don't want any of you to go!"

"Everyone calm down!" Beel grabbed Mammon and dragged him over to him and Belphie; a safe distance away from the platform. "We need to talk rationally about this."

Mammon kicked and scratched at Beel's arm. "Beel let me go, or I swear to Diavolo!"

You watched with wide eyes as the noise grew and grew in the room and the brothers began to argue.

All of them were now in their demon forms, screaming at one another on reasons why they should stay and the others should leave. All of them equally desperate to keep their family together.

This is what they would become if they were broken apart. Pathetic shells of the demons that they used to be; newly born monsters who depend solely on their sins as a way of coping with their grief.

They wouldn't be able to live without one another.

The choice was clear.

Through all the yelling at the madness, a solid "click" pierced through the noise and the hearts of the brothers.

They all froze and looked at one another, taking note that they were all there and accounted for. Dread bubbled in their stomachs as they looked at the platform for the answer that they all knew to be true.

You stood on the now activated platform, slightly sunken into the ground, with large metal cuffs that had come up to seal around your ankles.

You smiled at the boys who owned your heart and soul as your eyes glistened.

Mammon let out a choked noise and shook his head as he rushed over. "No. No, no, no, no, no. MC, are ya nuts?! What did ya do?!" He circled around you multiple times, looking for something, anything, to get you out of there.

"I wasn't going to let whoever did this break up your family," your voice wasn't any louder than a whisper. You didn't need to speak any louder. The brothers were all hanging off of your every word.

"So ya let them take you instead?! Stupid human! Stupid, idiot, reckless human! You're our family too!" He growled and pulled a couple of lock picks off his belt. "We're gettin' ya outta this. Just hold on."

"Mammon wait!" Satan quickly spoke up. "It could be trapped. The rules were simple. We don't know what will happen if we try to get MC out of there."

Belphie looked between Lucifer and Satan with a confused expression on his face. "So we just leave them here?! What the fuck kind of plan is that?"

Lucifer was staring straight at you. In his eyes, you could see every loss and every heartache he had ever witnessed coming back. You could tell that he knew the truth. You were staying here now, and there was nothing they could do about it.

You could see it kill him inside.

He walked over to you and lifted a hand to touch you before sighing and letting it fall to his side. "It wasn't the plan. The plan was for me to stay, but now it seems that won't happen," he closed his eyes to shield his grief and pain from the others. "Why did you have to do this? Why couldn't you just sit by and do nothing for once."

You gave a wet chuckle and shrugged. "I wouldn't be the human you love if I did that," you looked around at them all and nodded. "I needed to protect my boys. You all need one another."

"But MC, we need you too," Levi cried as he wrapped his arms tightly around himself. "What am I supposed to do without my Henry?"

The sobs that you had worked so hard on holding back finally began to spill forward at Levi's question as the reality of your decision began to sink. "You're just going to have to depend on your brothers from now on, Levia-chan. You'll be okay."

Beel had his eyes closed and you could see one hand was pinching his arm. He was clearly trying to wake himself up; wanting to believe that this was all another nightmare. That he'd wake up and everything would be okay.

Asmodeus was no longer on his feet. The high emotions he had been experiencing all day were catching up to him and he had collapsed onto the ground in a wailing ball of tears.

Satan growled at your words. "Stop saying we'll be okay. How can you honestly expect us to be okay if you're not with us? You're a part of us, MC."

"Well, you're just going to have to find a way, Satan. You always do," your cries were almost as loud as Asmodeus's at this point.

Satan shook his head. "No. We won't. You're coming home with us. You have to-"

A hissing noise filled the air, and you yelped as the platform you were on, began to sink into the ground.

Chaos filled the room.

The brothers screamed your name and tried desperately to pull you back to them. But there was nothing you could do.

Soon, you were so far underground, that you could no longer see them and blackness filled your vision.

***

You gasped as you shot up from your seat and your heart pounded heavily in your chest.

Several sharp gasps were heard beside you. You looked around and took in your surroundings.

You were back at the House of Lamentation, at the dinner table just as when you passed you, surrounded by the brothers.

They all seemed to quickly notice the fact that you were with them, as in a matter of moments you were tackled to the ground by all seven of them, Lucifer included.

You didn't try to push them away. You did complain about how tight they were holding you. Instead, you found the events of the day washing over you as you broke down in their arms.

No one moved for a whole two hours; too traumatized and shell-shocked from the experience you were all just forced to endure. Within that time apologies were whispered, promises to stay together were made, explanations for past actions were given. There wasn't a dry eye amongst the group.

Eventually, as you all began to calm down, Mammon sniffed and wiped at his nose. "What the hell was all of that?"

Lucifer got up and inspected the table. You had ordered take-out for supper to celebrate your recent A on a test. Lucifer snatched up one of the take-out bags and looked inside of it. Laying face down on the bottom was a note.

He flipped it over and read it, before growling and ripping it up.

Beel frowned and held you closer to him. "What did it say?"

He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose, "It was a business card for the restaurant: Infernal Concoctions. Apparently, their motto is, and I quote, 'Bringing your family closer together through family meals for centuries'. In summary, the food was enchanted," Lucifer huffed in annoyance and looked at Satan. "Would you like to help me get them closed down?"

"Gladly," Satan kissed your shoulder and nuzzled his face against you. "Though perhaps we can do so tomorrow? I don't know about you, but I think I family night in, is in order."

Not a single person refused.

After everything you had all gone through, one thing was now abundantly clear, you were all family and there was nothing you wouldn't do for another.

***Oh boy this was a roller coaster. I hope you're okay and that you enjoyed the fic. Remember to breathe, drink some water, and take care of yourself. I love you guys. Thank you for your support ❤ -B***

Taglist:

@thegrimgrinningghost @henry-and-the-seven-lords @satans-beloved-riv @cosmixbun @sufzku @pebblesgengar @victoireshaven @obey-mes-treasure @kissed-by-a-dementor @yukihaie @justtiarra @mammoneybb @obeys-world @poly-bi-mf @armycandy10 @burrixino @aldi-wolf-mikazuki

[thirtyn1ne]

“Ah, So THAT’S why Lucifer has a picture of Mammon asleep set as his cell phone background for a while there.”

“That’s a nice story. Those two really do love each other, huh?”

“…You think?”

— Solomon and Satan (Chapter 2-C)

[thirtyn1ne]

“It shouldn’t have affected him as much as it did, but you’d captured who’s heart and very soul in your soft, loving hands and when they withered and died, you’d taken his heart with you.

To some place he couldn’t reach you. But he knew he’d meet you eventually nonetheless.”

“If only he could’ve told you he loved you then.”

“How ironic was it that he fell for the very thing he wished to so desperately be?”

MY LOVE, MINE, MINE, MINE. . .

ノsynopsis. His love was you, but you were gone.

ノtags. zhongli x reader, neuvillette x reader, xiao x reader. reader is dead. vague descriptions of how tho. a long time has passed. grief. mortal x immortal trope.

ノa/n. ahh. this trope is so sad, I just had to.

ZHONGLI had not missed a single anniversary since your death. He made it a tradition to always visit your favourite places in liyue. Not like he didn’t either way.

Some would say he was a heartbroken, lovesick fool for still being kept up with the death of someone who’d perished centuries ago. Zhongli had lived too many a life. He’d seen death more than any throughout the lands.

It shouldn’t have affected him as much as it did, but you’d captured who’s heart and very soul in your soft, loving hands and when they withered and died, you’d taken his heart with you.

To some place he couldn’t reach you. But he knew he’d meet you eventually nonetheless.

So Zhongli visited the places you once did, drank your favourite tea and visited your favourite sights in liyue because for as long as he would be alive, he wouldn’t ever forget you.

NEUVILLETTE had been a sea dweller long before he was the Iudex of fontaine. He roamed the vast expanse of the oceans surrounding the land, listening in on stories from harbour men and seeing ferocious beasts deep down in the belly of the water.

None had scared him. But surprisingly, you did. A mere mortal who’d hooked his heart and yanked it away from him like the fish you hunted at the lakes.

There was something about you he couldn’t shake off. Maybe that was the reason why, after decades of meeting at the same place, you’d stopped coming that neuvillette finally understood why.

Why you, a mortal , had done such an affect on him. He was too late to tell you, he found. Centuries later, he would mull over and think of what had been you, and he couldn’t stop the guilt from eroding him piece by piece.

If only he could’ve told you he loved you then.

XIAO never once let his guard down, neither for the foes he fought or the ones he would call comrades and friends. He isolated all from his heart and made it so as if he didn’t have one.

You were a mere villager. Yet still you had traversed the harsh terrain and the broken patchwork that was his heart and you’d mended the pieces that he thought would never be fixed.

Of course though. You were a mortal and you aged quicker than he did and in only the span of a few decades had you grown old and tired, unable to do anything.

It was only when you passed that xiao realised how much he should’ve said to you and now could never. How ironic was it that he fell for the very thing he wished to so desperately be?

© VNUSOKI 24 ! do not copy or repost my work !

[thirtyn1ne]

a tiny winny bllk tweets a made for fun :3

[thirtyn1ne]

PLEASE DO BLUE LOCK ICKS IM BEGGING🙏😭🌹

😏 coming right up anon. gonna channel my inner critic and not hold back on any of these.

RIN

brother complex. not much else to say except that he needs to get a life. not everything is about metaphorically crushing your older brother's dreams and brooding in the dark hate of retribution.

competitive but only because he is a desperate whore for external validation. ignores everyone but craves the attention of a sole person named sae itoshi. was defeated by isagi once and has never let go of it since. has a one-track mind that is impossible to derail. stubborn when he wants to be.

probably a virgin and will continue to be one until his late 30s.

has not known a single day of peace ever since sae ditched him for the popular girlies. as a result, he has developed a very concerning case of social awkwardness. his idea of a conversation involves a brick wall and thirty minutes of you staring at his resting bitch face. constantly looks like that one grumpy cat meme. judges you for your poor decisions but then gets aggressively defensive when you point out his own mistakes.

reeks of so much teen angst that even metallica can't save him. the problem is that he has nothing to back up his emo persona. his insults lack creativity and, unfortunately for him, phrases like "lukewarm" and "half-baked" and "hell" do not make his words carry more weight. uses the f-word but in the most embarrassing context that it makes you facepalm and internally cringe.

SAE

zero social awareness. this boy's head is empty. the lights are not on up there. there are no picture frames or furniture. the curtains are drawn, and there is not a sliver of clouds or sunshine. cannot read body language and does not know what a filter is.

the source of all of rin's stress. he is the original trauma projector, creator of generational cycles. not even subtle about it. "turns out i was wrong. i thought japan was incapable of ever giving birth to decent forwards." sir....with the way you worded that, you knew exactly what you were doing when you gave rin false hope.

swears but it's even worse than his brother. literally called his elders a "fatso and bob cut duo" and "insect turd." i mean....there is a line between what is considered a legitimate burn and what is a first grader making up insults in his coloring book.

has a horrible haircut and no fashion taste. i already talked about this previously, but it was so bad it deserved a second mention.

a freak but tries to justify it rationally. like what do you mean you can tell a person's athletic ability from their buttock size? just admit you have a kinky fetish already.

somewhat of a coward but i'm gonna give him some leniency due to his tragic child genius backstory. tbh he's just an eighteen-year-old boy who needs a goddamn break.

KAISER

alexa please play clown music. this man sets himself for failure and then wallows in self-pity when he actually fails. like what did you expect? you knew what was going to happen the moment you challenged isagi like that. it was most definitely your fault you got violently humbled.

has a borderline god complex (currently calls himself an emperor but has not evolved into a deity yet.) unfortunately, he does not stand on business. cue the dramatic meltdowns when he realizes there is an actual gap between his ability and his reputation. if you're going to lie, at least make it believable.

insecure and mentally unstable. he probably cuts and re-dyes his hair every single time shit happens. no wonder his locks get shorter every time.

lazy when it comes to anything that is not football and expects others to do it for him. demands princess treatment wherever he goes. unfortunately, not all of us have servants with no self-respect like ness.

"it is not enough that i should succeed, others should fail" type of person.

does not wear shoes and even if he does, it's sandals. put them grippers away.

NAGI

a literal sloth who has so much potential but uses none of it. has no intrinsic motivation of his own, so if he's going to do anything, it has to be you behind the wheel, making sure he gets put to work.

does not have a close relationship with his parents, and so he has no sense of community, holidays, or traditions. no fun at all if you want him to do things like christmas shopping or birthday celebrations.

rots in bed all day and then has to nerve to ask you to carry him around. your back better be strong because his 190 cm body is not going to be light.

not loyal (need i say more.)

REO

second male lead syndrome. also known as that one popular guy who's always picked last.

acts like a victim but then when you realistically tell him to how to change his situation he refuses to do so. you cannot ask for advice and then take none of it to heart. no wonder you're still not over your ex.

"i can fix him" mentality. no, you can't. you are a seventeen-year-old child, not a licensed therapist and nagi isn't even all that.

NESS

touch-starved to the point he will stay in a toxic and abusive relationship in order to gain some scrap of affection. just because you were the black sheep of your family does not mean you can lose all sense of personal dignity.

probably stalks all the people he hates. has a burn book like regina george from mean girls. cuts out and glues little pictures of kaiser all over his bedroom. doodles hearts all over it with glittery gel pen. isagi's face and name are scratched out of every team photo.

delusional and prone to mood swings. medicated but at this point, he is beyond saving.

ISAGI

a home wrecker. has ruined more relationships than he can count on ten fingers yet still manages to smile like he's some angelic saint.

solves jigsaw puzzles for a living (not very cool if you ask me.)

has some unresolved anger management issues. probably repressed all his negative feelings when he was younger, so it all comes out when he's on the field. unfortunately, his twilight-sparkle-friendship-is-magic agenda is not going to work if he keeps cussing out his teammates like that. but then again, he is the main character, so i guess his plot armor makes up for his pitfalls.

says that he's a good guy but then holds personal vendettas against rivals he doesn't like. boy was so ready to throw hands when #kaisagi was trending on the internet. but when you actually think about, he's similar to kaiser in more ways than he'd like to admit.

BAROU

has the worst case of high and mighty "holier-than-thou" attitude. isagi put his ego in check, but it still peeks out from time to time.

he was the ugliest baby when he was born. i am not going to hold back on the child barou slander because it is true. no, he was not a cute and lovable bundle of joy. he looked like a demonic gremlin.

he needs to take more risks in life and try cross-dressing. simply imagining him in a maid uniform will not suffice. it needs to be made into a reality.

with how nit-picky he is, i doubt people can realistically stay within a 1-meter radius around him. unless you are a clean freak yourself, his constant complaints will start to get annoying after a time. even if he does have good intentions, he needs to let people have a little breathing room sometimes. a messy room is not going to kill you.

BACHIRA

this boy's brain is smooth. no folds. no gray matter. no intelligence either. his pencil and eraser have been left untouched since day one. if he wasn't crazily good at football, he would be unemployed and homeless in the future. not even a mcdonald's wants him.

one of those people who will do the literal opposite of whatever you say. you want him to stop talking? well, now he's never going to shut up. you tell him not to step on a pile of dog shit? well, now he's going to walk right into it. you want him to quit running around and act normal? well, now it's his life's mission to make you as annoyed as possible. please pray for your hair follicles because at the end of the day, you're not going to have many left with how much he makes you want to tear your hair out.

has the cerebral capacity of a toddler. if he thinks monsters are real, he's going to think anything is real. super gullible when it comes to any form of scam, ploy, or trickery. the only way he would not be fooled is if he's also played the same prank before.

SHIDOU

a brazen pervert. says the most out-of-pocket things and refuses to apologize for them. sometimes it comes out a little too sleazy for your liking.

"to me a goal is fertilization! a shot is the seed and the goal is the egg!! and the birth of that joy i call an explosion!! my genes are gonna knock you up!" let us give ourselves a moment of silence to digest this quote. only shidou ryusei would come up with a sperm and egg metaphor to describe football. (i guess protection means nothing to him.)

has no empathy. if you dislike him or cannot keep up with him, you're a literal nobody in his books. no sportsmanship. no compassion. no self-awareness.

you cannot say "balls" to him in a serious tone without him misinterpreting it as something dirty. that alone should tell you enough. stay the hell away from him.

where do men get the audacity? right here. from this little bastard. he invented the term "shameless slut." boy was getting off during the u-20 arc and on live TV too. no wonder sae said he was disgusting.

and finally, he comes from a long line of cockroaches. he's even got the antennae to prove it.

i think this might have been a little excessive, but i have no regrets about it. you're welcome anon ♡

[thirtyn1ne]

April 26, 2024 - Protesters in Sana'a, Yemen, show their solidarity with US pro-Palestine student occupations during another enormous protest in solidarity with Palestine. [link]

[thirtyn1ne]

Who here would like to join me in saying

"FUCK ISRAEL"?

UPDATE AS OF 2024-04-17: I did not expect this post of mine to get so much attention so quickly. Indeed, this post is my first post that has gotten over a thousand notes. This said, a couple of people have asked me to repost GoFundMes they have to try and get their relatives out of Gaza. Therefore, I would like to highlight to you all the two GoFundMes in question:

The first comes from @abuomar95, and the second comes from @doniatanani.

[thirtyn1ne]

# - 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐊 𝐁𝐎𝐘𝐒 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔

masterlist | bllk masterlist | upcoming anon asks

Isagi Yoichi

He’d start off slow, gentle. Isagi would cup your cheek with one hand while he slowly moves his head side to side, trying to get as close to you as possible — wanting to melt into you and become one. He’d want no space between you and would shift his body closer every few minutes while his free hand numbly caresses your thigh.

But he’s adaptable and you know this. He gradually starts to become rougher, more forceful as he lets out small grunts here and there while the hand that was cupping your cheek moves to the back of your head, pushing your faces impossibly closer.

Isagi would even let a few words slip in between kisses; “you taste so good, so good”. He’d start grabbing at whatever flesh he can - even let his hands wander beneath your shirt.

“You’re so good to me baby, God, I can’t get enough”

Itoshi Sae

Itoshi would be a romantic, he would take his time and if you try and speed the kiss up he’d hold your face in his hands to keep you in place - he’s in no rush when it comes to you so let him take his time.

He’d definitely groan into the kiss when you wrap your arms around his neck and run your fingers through his hair. Just the sight of you trying to lean up as much as you can is enough to give into your desires.

When the kiss gets more forceful he’ll start acting more desperate in a way - grabbing at anything be can, pulling you closer by your waist, anything. And he’s most definitely a neck kisser, nipping, licking and sucking on your neck just to get a rise out of you along with a few teasing words of course.

“What’s the rush baby? Lemme take my time with you, we have all night don’t we?”

Nagi Seishiro

Nagi’s a lazy kisser, like Sei he takes his time. He’d be sat down leaning against the couch with his arm wrapped around your shoulders to keep you in place while the other rests on your lap or thigh. He’d have a dreamy smile on his face, sometimes opening his eyes to see your own face before returning his attention to the kiss.

Nagi would hum and pull you closer with his arm not bothering with words since hey waste too much energy. He’d pull away at times to move his face in a different position but if you pull away Nagi will follow you - chasing your lips for more.

He’s easily drunk on your kisses, especially with the way you run your hands through his hair, combing and massaging his scalp while you give him your undivided attention.

“Mm come back, where r’you goin’, wanna kiss s’more”

Itoshi Rin

This boy is known to have self control yet all of this goes down the drain when he’s with you - he loses himself in your kisses, mind numb and heart throbbing. He’d push you up against any surface possible to trap you and devour you whether that be the kitchen counter, couch or wall.

Rin would make animalistic growls almost, as if he’s hinting down his prey. He’d roughly grab yours hips or ass, sometimes lifting you to wrap your legs around him in order to get as close as physically possible.

It would be as if he was transported to another world by the way he was losing himself as if on autopilot, not caring about anything else in that moment. It’s almost a stress reliever for him.

“You like this huh? You like me being rough? Wan’ me show you what else we could do?”

Bachira Meguru

Bachira is very. . . enthusiastic. He’s also very greedy when it comes to your kisses, always wanting more. Like Nagi, if you pull away Bachira will chase you down until you’re connected once more.

Because he’s so enthusiastic, energetic and greedy he’ll be a messy kisser; quite rough and sloppy and seems like he’s in a rush as if he’d die if he wasn’t attached to you at all times.

Bachira is is very vocal when it comes to this as well, whimpering and releasing light moans while he tells you how good you feel (which is barely audible considering how hard he’s kissing you)

“Gimme more - no don’t pull away, one more c’mon, jus’ one more kiss I promise”

— 𝘒𝘰𝘪 𝘹𝘰

[thirtyn1ne]

every year we have to say it

[thirtyn1ne]

While the turtles are staying with April in season one, she has a somewhat hard time keeping food in the fridge. Four mutant turtle teens are no joke as far as appetite is concerned, and the novelty of having 100% new and fresh foods in the fridge at all times is not lost on them. They have to be encouraged a couple times to help themselves, and when they finally do it's like an apocalypse on her fridge.

She also enjoys introducing them to new things during this time. She brings home one of those TUBS of pillsbury cookie dough to make them fresh chocolate chip cookies. Before they're in the oven, Mikey finds her and she lets him have some of the dough.

And then Donnie comes into the kitchen and freezes when he sees them. He looks at the dough. He looks at Mikey. He looks at April.

"Did you let Mikey have chocolate?"

April looks at him. Looks at Mikey. "...Yes?"

Don FREAKS out and smacks the spoon out of Mikey's hand. "We can't have chocolate, we're severely allergic!"

April PANICS. "What?? I didn't know, I'm so sorry!"

"What do you mean you didn't know?" Don asks, clutching his baby brother to his chest like he's about to perish. Mikey looks confused. "You wouldn't give chocolate to a dog, would you?"

April's freaking out escalates. Dogs aren't supposed to have chocolate! She knows that much. "What do I do? Should we—uh—go to the ER?"

"Are you insane?" Don has Mikey practically in a headlock and Mikey is—crying? Choking? "We need a VET, April!"

Splinter, whose dad-sense is tingling so hard that his fur is standing on end, enters the kitchen ominously. "Boys. I hope you're behaving and being kind to our host."

April is like, five seconds away from just dying of sheer embarrassment and worry. She looks at Splinter with huge eyes, about to admit she's POISONED his son, and then Don dissolves into giggles.

She stares at him, open mouthed in shock. He releases Mikey, who as it turns out, is also giggling. The chokehold was doing little to suppress it. Splinter puts his head in his hand.

"I'm just kidding April. We eat chocolate just fine."

She has to take another long moment to process the shock and calm her heart down. Don's laughing so hard he's tearing up.

April has never had little siblings before. She used to wonder what it would be like, and there was a time in her life where she had even wanted a little brother or sister to tease and love.

She did not know the true nature of little siblings. Which is evil, naturally.

She chases Don out of the kitchen with the biggest wooden spoon she has, and Splinter HOPES she catches him.

[thirtyn1ne]

'Bane of All Evil'

happy birthday Xiao ♡♡♡

[thirtyn1ne]

quick question how do you battle against someone who have blood manipulation abilities (in the boys show universe)? Like how do you becom invulnerable against such quirk?

[thirtyn1ne]

✩ A Silent Heartbeat ✩

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Xiao x gn!adeptus!reader

Summary: Xiao has never noticed the beauty of the world around him─ or of his "partner", either.

TW: Self depreciation, survivors guilt

Cws: Xiao talks down on himself a lot, angsty, hurt/comfort(??), sun and moon trope(if you squint)

Wc: Around 4.3k (I've gone insane)

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Xiao's pants come in heavy as he stares at his surroundings.

This ruin guard factory had been becoming more and more active, something he couldn't allow to continue.

There had been a small girl who was almost harmed under his watch by these very ruin guards. Unforgivable, he thought.

How could he, an adeptus sworn to protect the vast lands of Liyue, allow a small child to feel such fear for her life? Unforgivable.

His face is expressionless as he removes the Yaksha mask, placing it back upon his waist.

His work done, he sets out to retire back to the inn for a while to gather his bearings. Then, he shall set out again on his nightly patrol of Liyue.

He appears where he always does, on the roof of Wangshu Inn. There, he sits. He has not the right mind to admire the way the stars shine, nor the crisp night air on his tongue. Instead, he fixates on the scent of bloodshed still lingering on his person.

He notices footsteps on the balcony of Wangshu Inn coming in rapidly. Looking down, it's..

Them.

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An adeptus of fairly negligible background, they serve as a mere worker at Wangshu Inn. However, not long ago..

they were to be assigned as Xiao's personal healer.

Xiao never took care of himself well. Any wound he received he'd brush off as a "flesh wound", not paying much attention. He was an adeptus, how could he protect Liyue and uphold his promise to Morax if he would allow such 'small' wounds hinder his ability to carry out his duties?

Of course, as an adeptus, naturally, the wounds would heal. However, it was no secret that adepti could still feel pain. Even of 'flesh wounds'.

This was made apparent to Zhongli─ Morax, by them.

In turn, Morax summoned Xiao. Without question, Xiao returned to Morax's side, awaiting orders, when─

"Xiao. I'd like to introduce you to your new partner." His deep voice resounded through the walls.

Xiao looks up from his bowed position, eyes piercing and sharp.

There, stands another adeptus, their person adorned with many medicinal herbs utilized for mortal use.

"Useless," He thinks. Mortal medicine doesn't work on him. He's an adeptus, he's meant to be above these material things. He's meant to protect mortals, not waste supplies they need. It'd be undignified of him.

They introduce themselves. Their name, their occupation. "Herbalist," they said. "Doctor," they said.

Useless.

An herbalist? A doctor? A partner?

How useless.

Xiao had no need for those things. He was simply..

he simply..

No matter. He had no need.

However, Morax was persistent on the topic, and who was he, really, to deny Morax's orders? Nobody. So, Xiao 'accepts' this 'partner' of his, with no intentions to further a relation with them.

It began small. Instead of the chef of Wangshu Inn leaving the food for him, they did it. It began with them simply being the one to deliver the almond tofu, leaving it in the night's solemn embrace for him, to them sitting near the balcony's table, carefully setting down the plate for him in wait.

The weight of Morax's expectations pressed upon him like a leaden cloak, each silent command a heavy burden upon his shoulders.

With a resigned sigh, he begrudgingly accepted their presence, feeling the weight of duty pulling him down. He sat in stoic silence, his jaw clenched tight, unwilling to indulge in conversation but willing enough to endure the oppressive silence that hung between them.

..did not deserve.

At best, he'd spare a few words for them. They did this a while, until he learned..

he was specially reserving parts of his day for them. For that very moment.

And then..

He'd reserve for them parts of him. For that very moment.

For that very moment they meet under the moon's gentle glow, as friends, as colleagues, as..

Partners.

It used to be a chore to speak even a few words to them, to even sit at the same table as them. Yet, now..

He craved it.

He wanted them to listen. He wanted them to hear what he had gone through.

Maybe..

Maybe they'd accept him.

What a foolish thought. Incredibly irresponsible─ how could he disregard the fact that his karmic debt would still chip away at their very being, their soul.

So he strays away from them. He sits on the roof longer, peering down at them.

He observes how they deflate when he's late. When he doesn't show up at all.

How their eyes fall down, as they fidget with an accessory on their person, and as they huff to see their breath in the cool night air.

He can't help himself from feeling..

incomplete.

Without their presence, without their listening ear, without their calming voice, without their soft chiding and scolds, he's..

missing something.

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He looks down as they sit there, still waiting for him. As the moon reaches its peak, he realizes they won't leave.

He could just take the almond tofu and leave, right?

He couldn't have anticipated this.

His arrival is immediately met with their warm embrace. He was surprised, startled even.

Dealing with the vicious beasts of Teyvat was usual for him. Not even the most abominable creatures and monsters could make him cower anymore.

And yet..

These mortal feelings, this mortal warmth..

It shook him to his core.

Quickly, they pull away, apologizing for the sudden intrusion of his 'personal space'.

This.. was not a feeling familiar to him.

They apologize profusely, placing the almond tofu on the table and leaving quickly.

He sits down by himself, bringing the almond tofu to his mouth.

Tonight..

The stars seemed to shine brighter.

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The next night he returns with a gaping gash on his arm. He hadn't slept in days, causing his guard to falter for a moment too long.

He grits his teeth as the pain meshes into the strings of karmic debt, pulling and pushing at him constantly.

Without thinking, he jumps down to the balcony.

They seem startled, but the surprise is met with worry as they see the large gash on his arm. Immediately, they stand up, assessing the wound.

Without hesitation, they take his other arm and throw it around their shoulder, holding him up with their own arm.

They lead him to his room, setting him down carefully onto the bed.

"What did I say about sleeping? Even adepti must rest," They chide, carefully wetting a towel and dabbing the spot, causing him to hiss.

"I have to need for mortal activities. I live only to kill, and to kill alone. Sleep is unnecessary." He speaks out gruffly, looking the other way, towards the window.

"This wound speaks otherwise. How are you to protect Liyue if you can't even protect yourself? I require you to rest for at least 3 days before you return to duty." They say, running a hand along the wound.

The wound closes up partially, courtesy of their healing abilities. They open up their medicine bag, pulling out some herbs he's never seen before.

"Mortal medicine won't─"

"This isn't mortal medicine," They interrupt him before he can finish speaking, some of the leaves in their mouth as they place some others in the mortar and pestle to crush into a fine powder.

After a few moments, they add in an herbal base, mixing the two together. They lightly apply the cool paste to his wounded skin. He grits his teeth at the sudden sensation.

"This is adepti medicine. I have specially cultivated it myself. It should help with the pain." They explain, seeming unphased as they crush up another bundle of leaves.

"This.. this will induce a restful sleep. I require you take this every night before the moon reaches its peak." They clarify, holding out the paste that has been mixed into a tea-like base.

He opens his mouth to protest stubbornly, to again, state how he, an adeptus, could not leave his position for such 'useless' rest. However, he, again, is silenced by them. This time..

by their unfaltering gaze.

Eyes swelled with worry, no doubt had he never seen such emotion within an expression, just..

just for him.

He quiets, accepting the treatment.

"...and adepti must eat. Before I send you off to rest, I shall bring you your almond tofu. Don't move too much, that wound isn't completely healed yet." They say, leaving the room, leaving him with his thoughts.

The wind howled outside, a symphony of nature's fury as it swept through the trees, rattling their branches and sending leaves swirling in a chaotic dance.

He looks until he sees his reflection in the window, faintly.

He's pathetic, he thinks. Requiring help as the sworn protector of Liyue, he.. he..

He really didn't deserve this.

How could he have survived? All the other Yaksha..

Why was he the only one left?

Xiao's gaze drifted to the ground, his fists clenched at his sides. Memories of battles lost and comrades fallen flashed through his mind like shards of glass. He wasn't the strongest Yaksha, that much was clear.

Each defeat weighed heavily on his shoulders, a constant reminder of his inadequacy. The thought gnawed at him like a festering wound, twisting his insides with self-doubt. As he looked up at the star-filled sky, he couldn't help but wonder: how could anyone love a warrior who had failed so many times?

He shouldn't have survived. He shouldn't have lived to see this day. And he really shouldn't allow himself the luxury to even.. enjoy these days.

He did not deserve this more than the other Yaksha did. He did not deserve peaceful days, he did not deserve compassion, he did not deserve love and care like the other Yaksha did.

The other Yaksha would have surely treated them better.

Unlike him, who treats them with unwavering frigidity.

Unlike him, who acts indifferent to their acts of service.

Unlike him, who craves their voice, their touch, but will never speak of it.

Unlike him, who is unworthy.

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Footsteps are unheard throughout the halls. He can sense them as they make their way back to his room, a plate of almond tofu in hand.

This was not the plate on the balcony before. This was a new plate, plated differently and made differently from that of the usual; this was not made by the hands of the chef of Wangshu Inn.

"I've decided that the almond tofu on the balcony wasn't tasteful anymore. Here. I've made it myself. I apologize for any mistakes made, the chef wasn't present at this time." They speak quietly, sitting near his bedside and passing him the plate as he sits up.

With his good arm, he raises the mortal utensil to take a bite of it.

It tastes..

It tastes just like a sweet dream.

"..please take the medicine on the bedside. It will help you sleep. If you require anything of assistance, I will be in the room over. Please call my name." They stand up, gathering their things, before a hand clutches their wrist.

He wants to ask for them to stay, just for a while longer, he wants to tell them all of these complicated human emotions, but he quiets these thoughts.

"Thank.. you." He manages to mutter, before quickly releasing them.

They give him a small nod and leave.

That night, he takes the sleeping medicine.

The dreams it induces are..

sweet.

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The next morning, he awakes to the sound of the morning birds singing, the sun filtering through the shades of his room.

Sitting up, he feels his head pound. No more than a side effect of the medicine, he assures himself.

Waking up this way was.. new.

It felt so.. tranquil here.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sight of the herbalist walking into his room. They sit down near his bedside once more, holding the back of their hand to his forehead to check for temperature.

"Good morning, Xiao. How do you feel?" They ask, rummaging through their bag for something.

"..Fine." He replies curtly, unwilling to elaborate.

"Alright then. I suggest you stay in bed for today. Tomorrow, you should be set to start moving again, but still no combat or sharp movements, you hear me?"

"..This is unnecessary."

"Do you hear me, Xiao?" They reiterate again sternly.

He paused, knowing they wouldn't let up until he agreed.

"..yes." He murmurs begrudgingly.

"Perfect. I'll have Smiley Yanxiao prepare your─"

"Can you.. please.. do it.." He manages to rasp, his voice caught in his throat at the prospect. What was he doing? Why would he say that? They were already taking such good care of him.. something he truly didn't deserve. So why.. why was he asking for more? Why did he crave more?

They pause.

Were they going to deny his request? To have his request, spoken so brazenly be denied was to be expected, he thought. He said to himself, "Why would they ever do this for me again? They'd be better off with nothing to do with me."

"..Of course." They reply.

"Stay here. It'll only be a moment. And remember; no sharp movements." They remind, leaving the room, and leaving Xiao breathless in the process.

Breathless from the sheer effort it took to mutter that request.

Breathless from their reply.

And breathless from them.

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The moments pass as Xiao stares down at his lap. Xiao: bedridden, helpless, at the mercy of another adeptus.

The other Yaksha would never humor this idea of him. After all, he was always so cold and brooding, who would ever think of him sitting in bed, with only his thoughts to accompany him? And with..

A companion, to boot.

This time, he doesn't sense their presence before they walk through the door.

He let his guard down again. And he wasn't even tired.

How foolish of him. What if it had been some kind of creature? He couldn't begin letting his guard down like this. This would be detrimental to his role as protector of Liyue. How could he be so weak? How could he be so foolish?

But it wasn't. It was them.

"Xiao?" Their voice snaps him out of his thought.

"Here you are. Please take this time to rest. Liyue needs its protector, but no living being is simply a machine. Liyue needs its protector to be in his best condition, alright?" They say, folding some of the towels by his bed.

"..right." He mutters, mouth full of almond tofu.

"I'll be off today. I must tend to my fields." They stand up from their sitting position.

"Just call my name if you ever need me, and I will be there." They say, as their footsteps trail out of the room, their presence disappearing soon.

That day, he takes his time looking out at the world. The sun had begun to set, the air beginning to change into the sharp night he was all too familiar with.

He never noticed the beautiful oranges, yellows, and pinks before. When the sun sets, it paints such a beautiful picture. Much unlike the sight of bloodshed he usually observed. The blood staining his clothing, the blood staining the ground around him.

He took the medicine on his bedside, slowly drifting off to sleep as the sun followed suit.

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The next time he awoke, they were already there with a plate of almond tofu for him, made fresh. His arm certainly felt better, he noticed.

The sun seemed brighter than he'd ever noticed, the trees lush and the flowers seemed to prosper under its watchful gaze.

He sits up in bed, hands in his lap.

"May I touch your arm?" They ask.

He's surprised. Nobody has ever asked him before. They might have noticed how his demeanor changed with physical contact. They..

worried about his comfort?

..Inconceivable.

He slowly nods, holding out his arm. It surely felt better than it did the day before, but it still slightly hurt to hold out.

They trace two fingers over his wound, helping the scarring swell down. After, they apply the cooling paste once more.

"It looks like you'll be alright," They begin.

"You'll be able to get out of bed today. Just no fighting. And no sharp movements, as the wound could still open." They conclude, standing up to leave after their assessment of the situation. They must be going back to tend to their fields, something Xiao had no experience in. He doubted he could be helpful, and him, a merciless killer, tending to delicate plants and herbs? He could never. But still..

"May I.. come with you?" He chokes out. "To.. to your fields." He clarifies.

A slight expression of surprise surfaces on their face as they think for a moment. They seemed perplexed.

"I.. I understand if─"

"..You can come." They nod. "I don't mind some extra help. And it's good to get some fresh air."

"You mean.. I can.. come?" He asks, mouth running dry.

"Of course. Would you be ready to come now? I can wait a few moments."

"Y.. yes. I can come now." He quickly says, sounding more.. eager than he meant to.

"Great. Would you like a change of clothing? I'll have your current clothes washed."

"A change of clothing? I don't own any other articles of clothing."

"..ah. I see. Not to worry, I'm sure there are some basic articles of clothing in here." They say, walking over to the dressers and rummaging through them. Not a few moments later do they return with some basic clothing─ a brown shirt that clasps in the middle and pants that are tapered at the bottom.

"I assume you don't need help with dressing?" They ask, cocking an eyebrow.

"No. I have not lost my ability to dress." He speaks, looking away.

"Good, good. I'll be outside of your room should you require any assistance. Feel free to come out once you're ready." They say, leaving the room and shutting the door.

Once dressed, Xiao takes in the feeling of the common clothing.

He's never been in this clothing before. It felt.. different. The cloth felt strange on his body. This.. was mortal clothing. He should never be seen wearing mortal clothing. It was unbecoming of someone of his status.

Walking out of the room, he catches a glimpse of them in the kitchen, helping Smiley Yanxiao with the influx of orders. Their moves are quick, nimble, and he finds that they are skilled in cooking. Their hands are delicate, most likely due to the skill required to pluck plants and herbs from the ground without damaging them.

They look up and see Xiao. Smiling at Smiley Yanxiao, they wave a goodbye to him and walk over to Xiao.

The pair set off not a moment later.

Walking on the stone path, a silence covers the two. The hot sun was at its peak, leading the herbalist to pull up their sleeves.

Soon after, they arrive at the plot of land. As far as Xiao's eye can see, the fields are filled with various different types of herbs. They harvest this.. all by themselves?

"If you'd like to help, go and grab a few of the baskets. We'll begin with 3, and then we can get more if needed." They instruct, leaving him to find the baskets.

Doing mortal chores in mortal clothing, how idiotic of him to partake in such activities, he thought to himself as he moved through the fields, trying his best not to trample any of the plants.

As he makes his way back, he finds they they've already plucked many herbs from the ground. They must be used to this by now.

He leans downward, trying his best to pluck the herbal leaves. He's confused when the leaf crumbles in his grasp. Perhaps this was just a testament to his murderous nature, unable to appreciate beauty and preserve it. Perhaps he really was only meant for murder, killing, and war. Perhaps─

His thoughts are interrupted as they seem to notice his struggle, crouching down next to him. Beckoning him to look and observe, their hands gently pluck the leaves without haste. This leaves it pristine, looking as if it had been untouched.

His breath hitches. He could never do that. His work was based on haste and power. He could only ever destroy beauty, this was a fact he knew rang true. But as they took his hand, gently ran his coarse fingers across the leaves, and plucked it with such care, he wondered..

..was he capable of being.. gentle?

He discarded the thought.

As he worked alongside them in the fields, a sense of tranquility settled over him, the burden of his duties momentarily lifted by the simple act of tending to the earth.

The torturous strings of his karmic debt still tore at him, body and soul, even if he should have been at peace.

Who was he angry at?

That night, he lies in bed, staring out at the window to catch a glimpse of the moons glow. He never noticed how bright it shone, even if the sun proved brighter.

The moonlight beamed down, coating the world in a fluorescent white. The world stands still, the world stagnating into a cold blue as the night ran its course.

He closed his eyes.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The next time he opened his eyes, the dawn was still young. Looking out to the window, he took note of the warm sun that blanketed the landscape, protecting all in its light.

The reflection of himself in the glass of the window was more apparent, almost like the stained glass in an art piece.

The door creaks open, revealing them in their usual form.

As per usual, they come in and inspect his wound, checking for any changes.

"It should be almost fully healed by now. I do advise you take it easy for today, however, you're ready to get back on 'duty' tomorrow." They nod, staying in their sitting position.

They mutter something to themselves before turning to the bedside table, handing Xiao a plate of almond tofu.

Xiao silently takes the plate, bringing the spoon to his mouth for a mouthful.

Within their presence, he realizes, time.. felt endless.

The days that have passed were simple days, filled with menial, useless tasks.

So why did he feel..

So fulfilled?

The other Yaksha wanted to become as the mortals did once the archon war ended.

They all wanted to live what he was living now.

He, at that time, had no interest in the mortal lifestyle, even after the war.

..did he?

But even so, he had no business feeling fulfillment of any kind.

He who was worthless.

He who was unworthy.

Yet, that day, he stayed in bed without protest.

He sat idly instead of stubbornly requesting release.

And he spoke with them.

A long while.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

By the end of it, the wounds imbedded into his psyche were very evident.

They paused, pursing their lips a moment, before responding.

"...I apologize. My expertise.. is in the body, the flesh. I have no resources to heal the wounds of the mind."

"..Perhaps.. you are capable of much more than you believe." He replies, not quite understanding what his own words meant.

That night, as they left his room, he came to a conclusion.

The one he was angry at had always been himself.

Angry for surviving.

Angry for being so powerless.

Angry, for everything.

And yet, with the presence of his 'partner', he noticed the way the grass would bend to the breeze, as the tides would rise and fall with the moon.

He noticed the will of the mountains, unwavering and steeled.

He noticed the blooming of the flowers, resilient in their passage.

── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ────── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅

The sun rises to light the path and protect, even if he doesn't realize it.

The moon rises to set the path for rest, its cold tones readying the world for the suns warmth.

The sun burns so bright to give hope and strength, but even the sun must rest, lest the sun burn itself to the core, unable to shine once more.

The moon may not shine as bright, but even so, it will always serve as a light in the dark, a symbol of rest.

The sun doesn't realize his capacity for warmth and love.

As the sun guides all others, the moon will slowly guide the sun unto the path of peace.

Where, on that pier,

he may finally look onto his reflection,

and accept who he is.

[thirtyn1ne]

♡ Sweet dreams ♡

❥ TAGS: gn!reader, hurt/comfort, fluff. I'm a little late, but happy birtday, Xiao, my beloved.

The clear sky, unencumbered by a single cloud, a blossoming tree spreading it’s wide branches in all directions, the gentle warmth of the sun's rays tickling his skin playfully. A beautiful scenery, previously unknown to Xiao. The blood stained soil, a devastated battlefield, chains of despair curling around his limbs and restraining them — this was what he was used to, not this gentle idyll.

But more important than anything else is the fact that you're here.

He always feared that if your image suddenly appeared in his dreams, he would plunge into the very depths of his ugly mind, disfigured by thousands of years of torment. That he would have to fight himself, protecting a fragile figure that had nothing to do with the vile spawn of the adeptus’ inner demons. What if he had failed to shelter you from this hidden danger? Was his title as your guard valid in that case? How weak would he be if he couldn't even keep you safe from his own subconscious? One thing he knew for sure: If that had happened, he could have been considered to have succumbed to darkness from that moment on.

But it didn't happen.

No, it’s exactly the opposite. With your appearance, it was as if you had healed the bleeding wounds of his mind, and with a gentle touch you had quelled the insatiable karma. With every step you took, flowers bloomed on the ground instead of the scars of the past, and the frozen earth came alive again, giving birth to something beautiful.

He no longer hears voices. He hears only the quiet rustling of the grass beneath your heels, coming closer with each step. It was truly astonishing, How the peaceful silence suddenly puts an end to the calm and gives rise to a newfound anxiety, the source of which is unknown. A new sound beats in Xiao's ears, different from anything he has heard before. Yaksha listens intently to the unknown with his eyes closed, trying to determine its direction - only to realize that it's his heart coming alive because of your growing proximity to him.

There you are, right here, less than a meter away from him. So many thoughts run through the Adeptus’ head at once, almost overwhelming in their intensity, but that ends when you reach out and gently take Xiao's face in your hands. So firmly, but at the same time so tenderly, that peace falls over your lover’s mind. His shallow breath falters from second to second, and he doesn't even notice himself snuggling into the oh so cherished by him palms, squinting his eyes contentedly. So warm and serene... When was the last time he felt like this in a dream? His love-stricken consciousness sighs for you so much that Yaksha can't realize tears coming to his eyes, threatening to roll down his cheeks in thin streams that will never end if so happens.

But that's why you're here. For him. The sight of your lover is pitiful, but also admirable — how strong does he have to be to hold back such untold amounts of pain and grief for centuries? Outlining the delicate skin of Xiao's cheek with a kind stroke, you admire his cathartic state that was yearning to come out for so many years. Your thumb reaches for the corner of your lover's eye as if of its own volition, picking up a heavy tear and brushing it away at the same moment.

He stares at you with a sudden realization, not taking his eyes off you for a moment. Golden irises glisten and shimmer, moistened by such a sudden but welcomed flood of tears. The glow of the wet glare of his eyes gives him a far more emotional appearance.

In that moment, it seemed as if your hearts united. That they beat as one - in unison.

Sighing lovingly, you press your lover's face against your chest, hugging the back of his head. At the same moment, Xiao's breath stops: like a frightened cat, with his eyes wide open, he presses himself against his beloved's heart, not daring to move a millimeter. At this moment, adeptus seems amusingly adorable because of the contrast with his already established image. But really? He was really nothing more than a lost soul, flitting from place to place, hoping to find his ultimate destination. A bewildered creature who had suffered much and put on a thick protective shell. You knew that — knew it better than anyone else, and you knew how to handle it.

A slight smile had been on your face all this time. That's how your lover really is, a lost little chick who's heart is so fragile. You could play an entire symphony on the strings of his soul, and he wouldn't even be able to resist you — but you won't. You're here to save and heal Xiao.

That's why you touch his hair, stroking it and playing with the short, curly strands. A gesture of comfort, full of genuine concern. He accepts it, and accepts it willingly; he clutches tightly to your chest and sighs with relief. The moment was impossibly tender in its sweetness - not even the most exquisite almond tofu could stand next to it. It seemed like it couldn't get any better, and trying to interrupt the perfect moment of union with each other would be a sin — but you had a talent for making everything better. Cautiously, you lifted his chin with your index finger, causing your eyes to meet again. Smiling casually, you lean closer and closer, shortening the distance between your faces…

“Xiao, what's next?! You've been beating around the bush for how long now, constantly stammering!”

...No. He couldn't just recount that moment of the dream to you like that.

“Don't look at me like that!” Xiao exclaimed with his eyes wide open, pressing his hands to his cheeks in an attempt to hide the acute embarrassment he felt. “It's... Personal.”

“How can it be more personal when we're already a couple?”

After taking a deep breath, you roll your eyes, sighing defiantly. No, he certainly looks really cute right now, but you need to know what was next!

“Hmm. Since you won't tell me about that part of the dream, why don't I reconstruct the course of events in reality and see how it ends?”

A sly smile lights up your face, while Xiao is at a loss for words and stammering incoherently, trying to squeeze out some sort of answer.

Of course, you couldn't waste any time at such a perfect moment. You'd shortened the distance between you two in just a few quick steps, and you were already holding Xiao’s face in your hands, recalling in your head his warm descriptions of his dream today. His anticipatory look of excitement couldn't help but awaken in you the very same tenderness he must have been looking for in you the most every time.

“So that's how you see me....”

The Yaksha's confused eyes softened, and his troubled breathing normalized. Swallowing tensely, he only nods eagerly a couple of times, forfeiting the need to be blunt and straightforward with his answer.

Closing your eyes, just as in his dream, you cradle his head against your chest — stroking, caressing the scalp and dark green hair. A perfectly reproduced moment that makes the hearts of both of you belt out an excited tune.

Not without its nuances, though, ‘cause the real you was far more multifaceted than your dream version.

“Xiao," you whispered his name playfully, "I'll be sure to recreate every moment like in your sweet dream... But I'll have to improvise on the part you were too shy to describe.”

♡ ── ✦ ──『♡』── ✦ ── ♡

Please note that english isn't my native language and can be awkward at times.

Please don't translate or repost my works without asking for my permission first!

[thirtyn1ne]

Reading amazing fanfiction, then forgetting to bookmark it