Statistics
We looked inside some of the posts by thisisawindow and here's what we found interesting.
Average Info
Notes Per Post
0
Likes Per Post
0
Reblog Per Post
0
Reply Per Post
0
Time Between Posts
1 month
Number of Posts By Type
Text
17
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
Mobile US users spent an average of 115.8 minutes on Tumblr app monthly.
Text
August 26th, 2019
I've found a reason to live.
Love happened.
0 notes
Text
297 Days
I thought things were getting better but they just continue to spiral. I’m standing in a crowded room but I am the loneliest person you will ever meet. I have no one. It’s almost time.
0 notes
Text
379 Days
I realize I don't have a single loyal friend. I was never anyone's person. Won't be too hard.
0 notes
Text
383 Days
Less than 400 days left of living. I'll start making final arrangements in 83 days.
0 notes
Text
December 31st, 2019
I went back and read the last thing I posted some time in September of last year. 9 months later and I could literally copy and paste it as nothing in my life has gotten remotely better since then.
I’ve given myself a hard deadline to find peace and some sense of happiness in life.
I refuse to enter a new decade like this.
My death is tentatively scheduled. The countdown begins.
0 notes
Text
This is going to be my last post for awhile. This week was incredibly horrible and I couldn't manage to find a single person to support me.
I really do wish I was dead and perhaps I should get around to getting it over with. I don't want to turn 26 whatsoever.
If you're reading this, I'm sorry I'm not good enough. I never was and never will be and I've accepted that now.
Goodbye.
0 notes
Text
My aunt has pretty much gotten the hint not to ask me what's wrong anymore. I've told her how unhappy I am with my life and that eventually I'm going to need her to kick me out of her house because there's no way I can voluntarily afford to leave. I could tell today that she wanted to ask if something is wrong because she kept looking at me hoping I'd say something before she asked but I didn't. There's nothing to say anymore and all she'll do is tell me that others have it worse. I hope the day I kill myself someone tells her that. 'oh your niece is dead? Well others have had their entire family murdered so it could be worse.'
0 notes
Text
So the other day I got a bit inebriated. I never do unless I'm really depressed or really happy but I've never been really happy so you know. I was watching a Twitch stream, a guy I'm subbed to, and he was having a drinking stream so I thought hey I'll drink too. I drank some random vodka that was in the pantry. It was pretty natsy by itself so I mixed it with some tea and it was more bearable. It took a lot for me to get tipsy so much so that I'd ended up drinking half a bottle before realizing I'm just getting bloated and had to pee a lot. I don't know what gets me drunk honestly. I posted a status on Facebook but for some reason I directed it at only one person. I think it was because that day an old high school friend started talking to me. She was asking me how I was and then she brought up some stuff from high school I didn't think anyone who wasn't involved cared about. Ultimately she told me she was moving to San Antonio and wanted to know about the city. I made conversation and that was that. It sent me down a rabbit hole I didn't want to go down and I felt so miserable. I made every effort possible to keep me distracted so I played video games most of the night. I don't drink too often but I realized I'd probably be classified as a binge drinker. The last time I binge drank I sent some questionable Snapchat messages to someone but they blocked me so they never saw them. I applied for a few jobs yesterday and all it did was bring me down because they were really good jobs that I probably won't even get considered for.
0 notes
Text
Hosting my family last weekend who'd evacuated my home town due to a hurricane really tire into my bank account. It looks like my trip to Dallas is a no go.
A girl I work with, who I'd consider a really good friend, is going through a devastating break up. She's such a great person and deserves the best in life. She's been through so much pain that I hate seeing her with these idiots guys. She showed me a long message she was planning on sending her boyfriend to formally break up with him. It was extremely harsh but I was proud of her because she finally saw for herself that she deserves the world and more. I know I don't deserve much of anything but I do recognize when someone who's kind, loving, and all around good should be treated so. I'm haunted by my bad decisions so I don't bother hoping for something good. I also don't dread anything bad. It is what it is.
After making sacrifices last weekend to keep my family safe and together, I was getting the familiar feeling of gratefulness. On Monday I woke up early in physical pain from having slept in every terrible position on a sofa. I left for work and when I got there I checked my phone and saw an email. It turns out I'd been rejected from a job I'm overqualified for. Any small feeling of happiness was instantly crushed by the overwhelming reality of rejection. My destiny is to be rejected by everything and everyone. I'm still learning to be okay with that. I'm sure being dead on the inside is making it okay but again, it is what is it.
0 notes
Text
I’ve had a dream about the same person every day for the last 2 weeks. They’ve been the most heartbreaking I’ve ever experienced and I don’t know why I keep having them. I haven’t been able to sleep at all and average about 4 a night. I wake up so tired because they make me so emotional.
My brain is my worst enemy.
0 notes
Text
A friend and I are planning on going to Dallas to visit a friend of ours for Labor Day weekend. We say Dallas but I'm pretty sure my friend lives in Arlington. I don't know why people refer to Dallas as a general area when they can mean anything from Fort Worth to Plano and everything in between. That's not a good reference. I don't know what we're going to do but the plan is just to visit her I guess. We'll see. I don't remember the last time I went to North Texas. I think it was to celebrate the New Year? These last 2 days at work have really killed me and they've just made me hate my job so much. I wish I could find another one.
0 notes